Toddler advice thread #4

[I’mThankyou_]

I’ve said it twice to her. It’s not a common occurance no harm done. She’s not going to grow up to be an anxious mess cos two times at 3 years old I’ve told her not to run off or go near the road cos it’s not safe and I’ve been drastic about the wording when I’ve told her in less dramatic ways and it doesn’t get my point across.
---


My Dad always used to tell me if we were naughty we’d get sent to a naughty boys and girls school. I’m talking being 8, 9, 10 years old. My dad used to shout when we were naughty and it doesn’t do anything. Granted there’s days I shout at mini A but it makes the situation worse

You could say that about using the words "you will die" though, it doesn't do much but make it worse, because they're expecting an outcome that never arrives, much like the children's home.
I wouldn't expect a 3/4/5 year old to understand the meaning of death, or the consequences that followed running into the road.
Developmentally they just aren't there yet. It's just perseverance. Like with everything it's a phase, the understanding for road safety does come with age & once the logical side of their brain can understand action and consequence.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Had a really hard day again. Apparently she was fine at preschool. Was fine in the morning but did push back on going there a bit. As soon as I picked her up she was on one. The emotional reactivity is so high and I can’t do anything right. She tells me to stop talking, if I do anything other than sit and breathe next to her it’s wrong. I’ve cried a lot once she was in bed. I just read about the limbic leap, is this a real thing?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thanks, WhatABore. I think we’re probably about average, maybe on the lower end. About 120 - 150 words, mostly two word sentences. Daddy work (only daddy works, apparently!) mummy’s here, noisy daddy, bye bye nanny, hello duck, biscuit please, naughty cat. Couple of three word sentences - can say what is it, although sounds more like What Shit and what you doing. And all day long when singing wheels on the bus.

Friends kids are practically reciting Shakespeare, potty trained, counting to twenty, able to identify colours and so on … I’m annoyed with myself as I always vowed I wouldn’t get dragged into any nonsense but then I find myself stressing out!

Just want to give you reassurance. This time last year my son barely uttered a word. Now he’s nearly 4 he’s come on so much with his speech. Especially since September we’ve noticed a difference.
He is only saying maximum of three words together but considering he didn’t say anything it’s a big achievement for him and he chatters none stop now in his own way.
What I’m trying to say is don’t feel pressured or like you’ve let him down.
kids do things at their own pace and by the sounds of it yours will pick up more words he’s still only young! There is a lot of pressure for them to be at certain stages by a certain age but try not to worry about what your friends kids are doing.Yours will be able to do things there’s can’t you may not have noticed!

 

[Definitelyme]

i don’t know, maybe! When we went to Haven in April she was in pull ups and she was dry at night so if I compared the two I just seem to think it’s the excess fluids she’s having that are causing bed wetting. My friend just said to limit drinks from 4pm and make sure she goes for lots of wees between tea and bedtime she’s just woke up and her pull up is full to the brim of wee and the beds wet. I’m actually shocked at how much wee one child can produce

Please don’t limit drinks. As adults we often wake for a drink during the night, and expecting a child to not have much fluid for 15hrs is an absolutely ridiculous expectation. It is also getting warmer, she should actually be increasing her fluid intake.

 

[LilyRose1234]

Today my toddler fed her crisps to the dogs, then cried because the dogs had eaten her crisps. I don’t understand

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Anyone relate?
It is hard being a parent sometimes. They test us and frustrate us. Mine was up at 550 and he’s being a right whiner I’ve already told him he’s not having the iPad he was whinging at the every option. I can see us being on the park before 9am

 

[smellsofbiscuits]

Thanks everyone for the advice re the duvet. Second fleece PJs from Primark. Both of my kids run hot so we tend to use those when we're having a PJ day at home or swap them at bedtime.

Cot bed duvet ordered and hopefully arriving by the end of this week. Thankfully the kids' bedroom tends to stay about 18-20C as we're in a new build. And Mini Biscuit is wearing warmer PJs

Hello, reporting back after the duvet arrived yesterday. Also bought a Lion King duvet cover which seems to have helped seal the deal. Small Biscuit was so excited when he saw he had a duvet in his cot with Simba on it! Got some lovely snaps of him tucked up with a big smile on his face. He didn't nap today so I think that has helped with him going to sleep so quickly. It's the most settled bedtime we've had in a couple of weeks.

Of course I will be checked on him every 10 minutes tonight just in case he's pulled the duvet over his face

 

[Definitelyme]

Like I love you you are my life and soul but also go fuck yourself

howling this is me pretty much every day. Yes, I would die for you. But please stop being such an asshole in case I kill you first.

 

[lgirl0105]

Hi guys! New to tattle, new to the thread - have a 1 year old in a month and could use the online friends

 

[and nothing happens]

Had a little parents meeting with nursery yesterday, expected to be in and out in 15 minutes, that it just would be a general update as all parents are getting them. Ended up being an hour and the headteacher saying that though they love having my little boy, he’s very bright and has lovely manners, they have concerns about his ability to concentrate and follow instructions and to regulate and manage his emotions. They’re putting a support plan in place to hopefully help him and she mentioned getting my HV involved to do a learning assessment??

To be honest I was completely blindsided, they always say at collection each day that’s he’s had a great day, any minor issues are spoken about. I’m in panic mode now and terrified something is wrong. But the boy they describe - can’t concentrate, can’t listen to instructions, struggles to manage his emotions - isn’t the boy I recognise from home. He is well behaved with me, listens to instructions out in public, will stay with me and hold my hand etc. We play together at home, jigsaws, read books, play cars and dinosaurs etc. Ok his attention span is a bit short but he’s only 3 and a half. And he is high energy and likes to be active but not hyperactive. He sometimes can be a bit dramatic with his feelings, but again what toddler isn’t?

I’m just imagining the worst and feel so upset about it all. I know it’s good the nursery is giving him extra support and maybe it won’t come to anything but I’m just heartbroken atm

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Whilst phrases mean one thing to us as adults, who can process and interpritate sentence structures, they mean something completely different to a child who's imagination drives 95% of their personality.

Words like this, or to this effect is why we now have adults riddled with anxiety, because topics such as these were broached exactly like this in the 80s/90s.

Exactly this!!! My dad was a police man ( retired now ) and growing up he was abit over board. He’d always tell me not to get changed in my room with the curtains open , any man on their own looking dodgy he’d say something about them . He still now tells me not to be in my house alone with the door unlocked. Tells me not to leave my purse in my car etc. it’s kind of all drilled into me but I am an anxious mess. Especially when In the house on my own at night. Even now as a 28 year old I absolutely hate it cos all I can think about is someone breaking in.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Yesterday picked my little boy up from nursery got him in the car and noticed he had done a poo ( still in nappies ) and I changed him in the car cos he would have got upset if I tried taking him back in.
And the teacher later on sent me an email saying apologies I forgot to change him this afternoon.
like hello that is not acceptable in my opinion. I picked him up at 3 and he hadn’t been changed since before dinner I could tell the poo had Been in there a while and tbh I’m really upset today. I emailed her back saying he had done A poo and she hasn’treplied. It isn’t the first time he’s come out with a poo in his nappy. I’m pretty furious to be honest

 

[I’mThankyou_]

We quoted the twins going to nursery recently, we were looking at £600+ a week for them both.
I wouldn't mind paying thay tbh if they paid their staff a reasonable living wage and not just above minimum.

 

[givemethegossx]

my 18 month old fell asleep for the first time last night in her cot on her OWN. still in shock i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is the start of her settling herself to sleep

 

[Definitelyme]

Anyone asking about potty training I recommend giving Oh Crap Potty Training a read. I always reread it before starting again with one of the kids, and actually was just rereading it last night as ToddlerMe is two later this month so we will be starting in the next while.

Biggest tips from me are NEVER ask if they want the toilet - tell them it’s times to try. And remember it takes time, it’s not done and dusted in a few days.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you. I was half expecting them to suggest it based on their feedback on how hard it is to get her to follow the rules there. I think I’m just feeling a bit worried about the next steps and don’t want to feel like I’m forcing a label on her. She’s always been strong willed and an “orchid” type of child. She needs a lot of nurturing which has been my privilege to provide. I guess it’s just scary now she’s going out into the world and not getting that understanding. Having a diagnosis will help with that, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed now it’s finally on the table.

I can’t imagine how scary it feels for you. But I know from everything I read, the advice you provide others, that you are a GREAT mum, and you will be there for her every step of the way.
Try not to think of any of these things as a label for her, but rather an better insight in to what makes her tick, how her little brain works, and therefore how you (and other adults in her life) can support her even more as she grows and moves on to the next steps in her life. A diagnosis of anything doesn’t mean anything bad - it just helps everyone understand her even more.

 

[al255]

I am so fed up of my Daughters Dad. I just need a rant!!!!!

He doesn’t drive and expects everyone to be available to take him & our daughter places when it’s nobody else’s responsibility apart from ours.

She’s got a party this Saturday with one of her good nursery friends and all nursery kids are going.

We got the invite weeks ago and he knew he was taking her cos I’m out in another town and have stuff planned / pre booked (and this was booked before she got the invite).

The party is in another town but it’s easily accessible by a bus from his house to town to the train, and she’s free on bus & train. The place is 2 min walk from train station and she will enjoy it. She loves going on any form of transport.

Anyway. I told him I’ve spoke to his mum and she can’t take them due to needing to be somewhere else with his nan due to organising funeral arrangements. So I told her dad get the bus and the train and I’ll bring her pram so she can be strapped in and you’ve no worries about her running off etc he said “I’m skint I’ve only got £15 to my name” WTF man. He then said it’s a faff.

???? I took her to the local zoo which was an hour + round trip on bus & train when she was younger and I didn’t drive! It’s literally a 15-20 min journey into town and then 8 mins on the train and a 2-3 min walk.

He lives with his nan and literally had his rent, phone and CSA to pay for and I said it’s beyond a joke. I said to him I’ll buy his £3.40 train ticket and he can surely pay for the bus himself.

I’m so pissed off and more pissed off that he is skint yet went out for Cheltenham last weekend and didn’t think to save any money to be able to do something with her this weekend, the only day he has her it’s gunna be pissing it down and she knows this party is happening cos she’s been going on about it. If she doesn’t go to this party she won’t be doing anything at all Saturday or Sunday and it’s just really annoyed me. I just feel sorry for her to miss out cos of him. His mum is gunna pay for his bus fare and I’m gunna buy his train ticket so he can’t spend my £3.40 on anything else. It winds me up so so much that he doesn’t seem to care to save money and his outgoings are fuck all.

Just need to rant. I know the party isn’t the end of the world if she doesn’t go but he knew he had to take her to it and she’s been looking forward to it. My dads busy so he can’t take them (even so why should he?!! ) just urgh I don’t know anyone of the other mums well enough to randomly message to ask if she can have a lift there and back but it’s just a piss take even so.

 

[Kit123]

Phew, feel like kids are the same reading this thread.
Mine has been a nightmare this weekend, she goes to her dad's tomorrow which I need!
She literally just won't leave me alone for five minutes, trying to do housework and cook Sunday dinner and she just follows me EVERYWHERE.
I don't mind but she just causes more work for me when she does, brings her toys in the tiny kitchen then I'm tripping over everything. I was trying to steam my bathroom floor and she started pulling the wire from me. I put Crufts on the Tele but she just won't sit still for five minutes right now, and naps are long gone.
She's also just being a pain in general right now, won't get dressed like it takes an actual age to manage. Won't get in the car seat.
I get a bit fed up because I take her out and do all this stuff with her and she just plays up with me.
Like this weekend we took a long walk in the snow, went to the cinema, went to the park and the shops.
She literally ran rings around me in the shops even though I was buying her Easter crafts to do.
Said Easter crafts were also a nightmare because she just ran away with all the stuff
I just need to rant right now

.

 

[al255]

My 3 year old is having my life at the minute, they are being do challenging . Running off is a big thing at the minute. Apparently he only runs off when I'm there . I feel like my husband should be telling him that running off for me isn't acceptable. Being out in public is a nightmare, I dread it sometimes.

My 3 year old is having my life at the minute, they are being do challenging . Running off is a big thing at the minute. Apparently he only runs off when I'm there . I feel like my husband should be telling him that running off for me isn't acceptable. Being out in public is a nightmare, I dread it sometimes.

We live on a busy street that’s for a school at the top. One morning a few weeks ago, I opened the front door and mimi A went running near the road (thankfully a car wasn’t coming flying down) this is the only time in her life she’s ever ran near the road. Usually she stops and says “check for cars mummy” ….. the time she went near the road I absolutely went mad. To the point where she cried. I used harsh language like “do you want to die?”.. I made it clear she could get hit by a car and potentially die. Scaring her to a point where she knew she shouldn’t have done it worked.

also - if we are in Asda or anywhere else and it’s busy and she goes to run off, again I say things like “do not run off somebody could take you and then I’d never see you again” (abit dramatic I know although it doesn’t happen but she stops doing it..!!!!)

I think you need to sit him down and explain what may happen if he runs off and it’s not safe etc, or can you say to him if he runs off he’s going on reins?

 

[PillowsofFluff]

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL TALK

I just feel broken and totally useless.
I’ve really thought many times over the last few weeks I should just not be here anymore as i cause so much hassle & problems for people around me.
I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s really got to a bad stage now.

I wish Tattle had a private message feature. Just wanted to offer hugs and support, albeit only virtually.
I have spent the last 6 months feeling like this due to lack of sleep and other stuff. Haven't spoken to anyone in real life other than my partner.
It's tough but take each day as it comes