The Chateau Diaries #150 Stephanie Jarvis Wipes Back to Front - The Lalande Way

[CountessPompidoo]

Congrats @Le Baiseur for thread title and thanks @ComtesseRose for the new thread once again.

The new CD is sooooo boring. I love gardens, I love Sissinghurst, I dont love SJ talking about them. It’sgetting boring.
Funniest thing in the vlog was seeing Snorts hiding from the rain under an archway and letting Sir Galahad, Steff's 'Knight in Shining Armour’, Davy, go to her rescue with an umbrella. Actions Snorts, speak louder than words !!!!
Sums him up brilliantly really.
A Gentleman he aint
Oh and take your hands out of your pockets why don’t yer

 

[Clara Burnett]

OK, finally, thanks @ClaraBurnett, get your drift.
Therein lies the truth behind what has evaded many of us during the past 6 months.

Well, I said disgusting, didn’t I?

 

[KiKiGee]

Correct me if I'm wrong @KiKiGee did Stephanie or Phyllis not say they needed to return to the HMN for their weekend guests....? The bullshit soup thickens...

Thursday's, 6/2/22, CD's live chat...
bee french @philip janssen hello did you & cat also go on this garden visit with steph & davie?
Philip Janssen @bee french I was there, but Cat wasn’t
Helen Stella @Philip Janssen are you both still in the U.K.?
bee french @philip janssen did you see any plays this time in London? Are you still there for the platinum celebrations?
Philip Janssen @bee french We went to see Pretty Woman with Davy and Cat! As we have to be back for guest dinners, we unfortunately had to miss the jubilee

 

[billybudd]

View attachment 1313804
Reposting Susan Mace comment... we now have a reply.
Susan Mace
3 hours ago
You said in a previous reply that your big projects this year were the Grand Salon and the garden but what about your heating? The last we saw were water leaks all over the Chateau and you and Amaury working out the sizes of new radiators. You said then that this was the year of the heating.

REPLY

The Chateau Diaries
45 minutes ago
We’re still collecting heating quotes, so we’re aiming for completion in time for winter 2023/24 But we Lalanders are a hardy bunch - and we have the added joy of knowing that this winter should be our last cold one! Also, as the new rooms are completed (Marquis’s salon and grand salon), the final heating pipes and radiators are being installed.

Her poverty addiction behavior is at its worst in depriving her employees of heat and food. I really don't get it, unless it is the justification for £6500 gazeboes which you only "need" because the fountain you insist upon installing in the walled garden is too small.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

Congrats to both of you!

I really can’t think of anything better, than to watch a week long of CMU (Chateau Movie Universe) videos during your honeymoon.


No, I really can’t.

Here’s a honeymoon view 10,000 times better than PhiPhi’s crotch or Lalande’s jardin d’Anglais!

16 years in 16 minutes! Wow!
That’s something none of us have seen before.

SJ has scraped way below the bottom of the barrel—-she’s now digging through the crap beneath the barrel!

 

[Iolair]

The Chateau Diaries is mockumentary.

It's a splendid satire on vanity, ambition and conceit that Stephanie and Philip play to the hilt. In this mockumentary, Stephanie pushes the bounds to see how far she can stretch her own reality, without loosing the critical mixture of verisimilitude she's created. Her vlogs are a masterclass demonstration of comic would be actors, a cast of disparate characters, each one desperate for some small slither of fame. In all his pretentiousness, what is Philip afterall, but comic relief? It is a spoof that guests and volunteers have a hand in writing. They willingly participate in this improv' of working in or visiting a French chateau. Fans who slavishly tune in to premiers contribute to the make-believe. It's cleverness lies in convincing the gullible that it is real. Ms Jarvis does this by staying so wickedly close to it's subject, that of chateau restoration and preservation, that it is very nearly indistinguishable from the real thing. But, it remains a spoof of chateau life in all it's fabrications. A ridiculous and perverse parody with elements of cinema vérité. With Stephanie as director and taking the starring role, she's quite good in her pretense of being upper class. But, it's all an act in which she cultivates, imitates, slavishly admires, and convinces her followers to admire her social superiors, especially designers. Casually dropping names such as Du Gourney, Spode, Limoges and Lalique, she is seeking to be regarded as socially superior herself. Her failure is that she's not an intellectual, she's just a snob who is completely and utterly dependent on others to maintain her lifestyle. And this is why it's a mockumentary, and will remain so until it all comes crashing down and she realises how pitiful and alone she really truly is.

 

[Le Baiseur]

Well there you go then, Gobbo Gooder needs to in the future for her own sake.

It makes me want to go back and reply to every one of her posts with the correct info... spread the word!

 

[TiggyWink]

Several episodes of the new Chateau DIY Season 7 have aired this week on UK television Channel 4. No mention of Stepha-Me-ME or La Lande in the opening sequence showing several of this season’s chateau owners at work. I would think she would not be happy with that (ME-ME-ME)

In the 1st episode Tim and Rebecca are approaching the end of their 2-year renovation of their 2-storey gîte with huge structural work now haaving been completed. They demonstrate hard work and commitment plus the end result shows they have a good eye for interior decor. They alsohave been particularly ingenious with using found items in the chateau to be repurposed. These people are hard workers!

Another couple Tim and Krys who are now on their 2nd chateau renovation and in their 2nd year of work are shown doing further work on their formal garden and restoration of a tennis court. Again, not afraid to get their hands dirty and break a little sweat!

One more chateau owner his with wife away visiting family works with worked with a young French couple on the Workaway programme who joined the programme to learn building skills. He was teaching them some plumbing skills and they were helping him with his French. It was really interesting to see real Workaways doing and receiving what is intended for this project.

All of these chateau owners have been rolling up their sleeves and getting on with the work themselves; the hard grind of it all . I wonder if Stepha-Me-ME ever watches this programme to see what work is really like? Probably not since she thinks she is the star of the show!

 

[ComtesseRose]

I must say I have never heard of Only Fans nor do I know or want to know what it is about.

To be fair. Brenda's OnlyFans is lit.

 

[billybudd]

As always lovely lurkers, newbies, oldies, returnees and flying monkeys, consult the wiki, as it is better to do your research, than to be Stephanie Jarvis who, with an English degree from Oxford University, mistook Vita Sackville-West's husband for Harold Bloom and not Harold Nicolson - and to think it'll be on Blue Ivy's internet forever.

She first called Sackville-West, one of the 20th century's most notorious women, Vera instead of Vita, and then, her husband, one of the 20th century's most famous husbands, Bloom, not Nicolson.
If she is indeed auditioning for a channel 4 travel show presenter's job, I would say she has failed, big time. No producer would let her near a camera when such elementary forms of fact-checking are lacking. You need to get the names of the principles right, Stephanie. It's important. Otherwise people won't believe a single other word coming out of your mouth.
If they ever did to start with.

Maybe I respectfully record my objection to filthy p***y headlines? Thank you.

The Chateau Diaries #149 Jason Dubey said: "Complete Isolation And Desolation Of This Place"

Gardens, very a la Anglaise. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/sissinghurst-castle/features/the-garden-at-sissinghurst-castle Vita and Harold had a long and deep partnership/open marriage. It's one of the 20th century's most interesting marriages. Their son Nigel wrote a goggling portrait back...

tattle.life

Their life was so not Lalande.
Harold had a full time job as a diplomat and courtier, and Vita worked her tail off as a best-selling author.
Plus Vita was a bona fide aristocrat. Who had to buy her own castle because she didn't inherit Knole. As Jarvis is not.
Vita also hung out with real artists, as Jarvis does not. Virginia Woolf based her enchanting novel Orlando on Vita's autobiography, as if she'd lived 600 years and changed sexes during that time. Sublimely clever, and dedicated to Vita by name, stunningly bold in 1928 when homosexuals went to prison. Tilda Swinton starred in the movie, which was also enchanting.

 

[Le Baiseur]

She spent the heating money buying 3 antique chandeliers.

23K chandeliers + 6.5K "antique" garden structure = almost 30K that could have gone toward chateau heating.
It's infuriating.

 

[Le Comte de Monte Cristo]

Since there’s not much going on at Lalande… As an American, I personally think MM is a nasty pos. She took the opportunity of a lifetime, did her business on it & flushed it down the toilet. What do UK & European Tattlers think of her?

well...Harry wanted a wife..all his former girlfriends didnt want the life..it looks nice but it isnt..so i couldnt blame them...and there was Meghan..who pretended she didnt knew him yeah right...she intended to get in the royal sphere..but there is a classystem..its a bit weird..but she had to curtsy for Catherine..she didnt like that..and a lott of other things also..she also wanted a grander house in stead of Frogmore cottage..but as a minor royal you have to fit in...Meghan didnt want to fit in...thats the problem in a nutshell...when you are not born into the system it isnt easy at first..Catherine fitted it..because she isnt so demanding...Meghan is...so ..it was letting Meghan get her way...or a divorce..in a very early stage in the marriage..So Harry had no choice than to follow her needs..a pity for him really...Meghan is a snake..she uses people like paper napkins..

 

[Luna20]

WTF?! The legendary poll of the “façade or the heating” earlier this year was yet more smoke and mirrors. No heating for another year! Where is the money going?!

Over the pandemic I inherited money to invest in property. I’ve firsthand knowledge of refitting old Victorian houses with heating and electricity all completed in under one week of intensive hard work (obviously there is a size disparity between a 4 bedroom terraced house in London to a chateau in the middle of nowhere). She could get the chateau done in a 5 weeks right after the BnB season is completed - I’m not buying the quotes bullshit. It doesn’t take long to provide quotes because all companies need the business to pay their bills. She’s stalling because the money is going elsewhere (an antique Indian stone gazebo?).

Why won’t people donating wake up to the tricks being played by this money launderer?!

Why does she needs to 'collect' quotes?
You ask 3 companies, they visit your place and base their quote on your wants and needs. Haven't seen anyone. It takes them 48 hours to get back to you with a quote after their visit.

Also she has been away for 2 weeks now. Who is asking for quotes? Annmarie or Natti?

 

[Trengilly]

That Tartlett was me. I know a thing or two about this kind of bullshit. In my former life I dealt with many different types of construction projects and large service contracts. Millions of dollars. I did project management and contract administration. I also did procurement. We had to verify companies were robust enough to execute their contracts. That involves performance, paying subcontractors and suppliers, quality of deliverables. I found myself in many situations having to do forensic accounting to catch people trying to screw the people I represented. It usually starts as unmet obligations, then the lies start piling up, then you check on some things and you find money or cash flow problems, then you try to figure out how to get what was promised or extract a fair recompense.

I smell dirty money tricks all over her. She overspent for sure and is spending now to keep the wolves at bay, hoping she can BS her way through until she gets everything back in hand.

I’m not usually wrong. Also, as with most things in life, if something doesn’t add up, it’s because it doesn’t.

Thank you for your expertise. It suddenly became glaringly clear what was happening when she returned to the HMN in March. She's been playing games all along but we're onto her thankfully. I still believe she needs to be brought before the law and held to account for her behaviour, whether it was done mistakenly or not, (I'm leaning towards the latter though).

 

[Clara Burnett]

I asked the same question about the red van when Jason D showed it in his desolation video. I always thought it belonged to Ian the builder, as he was often seen with it in older vlogs. Kirsty has been seen arriving in the dark red 4x4 car in your screenshot.

Ian the builder drives a blue van, an old EDF blue van.

Oh yes. She mentioned she is purchasing a van. But I think he had a white van. Didn’t Carla say that Ian the plasterer was working there but refuses to be filmed.

He's not working at the moment. He wants to work according to the contracts, but because Stephanie Jarvis "thinks" he has made an error causing the leak in that corridor, she doesn't speak to him anymore. They haven't actually seen each other since Christmas 2021.

 

[Tea with lemon]

Coupled with a cost of living crisis across Europe, projected to continue well into next year increasing everyone's energy bills and relying on electrical heaters paid out of the YouTube ad revenue; money which could further the renovation of her own HMN. Her priorities do not support her claims that she is truly invested in renovating her home. She's a con woman and must be held to account. This latest revelation about the heating system delayed to 2023/24 should ignite us all once more to hold her to account. We know what she will do - ride out the autumnal months in the cold, bugger off for her three month winter holidays and return for spring. Meanwhile, poor Kim, Dan and the brainwashed volunteers will be shivering and teeth chattering (think of Dan's new crowns) whilst, Lady Deceit is on a sun lounger with Phyllis licking her feet. Her greed knows no bounds.

Stephanie needs, perhaps, another year of Patreon and YouTube to be able to think about buying a villa in Venice. As long as she can drag the "sheep" on Patreon, she will drag them.
It's just not clear to me that they can't add 2 + 2 or they don't want to.
Maybe each of them thinks ok $ 5 is not a big amount, but what they don't understand is that there are 3500 of them and that SJ collects big money every month.
Please have someone explain this situation to me because I don’t want to believe that people are so stupid.

 

[Fennelbug]

I think that came with all the equipment she bought...

I AM THE EQUIPMENT SHE BOUGHT

 

[missartemis]

It was so satisfying to watch Anna of Le Fleur actually complete a design project. She set a goal, worked hard, and accomplished a result. Meanwhile, back at the farm, still no tiles in the kitchen...and for that, I thank the tile gods...and Steve...he most likely abandoned the job when he realized what would happen to his reputation (such that it is) if he completed it. Thank you, Steve...and thank you, tile gods. "Daddy's" tile design was as uninspired as his paintings - and as narcissistic (but so Lalande). But it has to be said, how many time has SJ bored us to death with her flights of fancy, recruiting others to make them happen, and the whole thing gest sucked into the vortex of disinterest or disenfranchisement. Not everyone wants an invite to your childish parties in exchange for being underpaid and overworked. Time to grow up princess.

 

[ComtesseRose]

Congratulations @Le Baiseur for naming the thread, I took the first one and added - The Lalande Way, because isn't it just Oh so Lalande to do eveything back to front?! LOL.
Congratulations @lalablahblah for reaching VIP status, I hope you are ready to name thread #151
Welcome back @MojoDublin hope to see you again when you've settled.

Most liked posts from the previous thread:



Sasha Groves
Active member
Tuesday at 10:47 AM

• #521

“The great thing with a garden is; you can always start over”
A comment lifted from the Chelsea Flower Show flog, some very good points tbh.
The answer to the initial question is that the English lady got a Belgium designer to plan a French garden.

Last edited: Tuesday at 10:55 AM

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Jules100
Chatty Member
Monday at 12:32 AM

• #82

Imperious Me said:
They do lock it up because Mattress Ticking guy couldn't get in for eggs

I don’t believe that Jason Dubey stayed outside the chateau if he truly believed he was the only person there at the time. He just didn’t share the video of his interior exploration. I would have gone inside, it’s probably easy enough. I would just carry around a bottle of wine or booze with me & if I got busted, just hold it up & ask, “Who wants a refill!” or “It’s 5:00 somewhere!” or “It’s 10:45AM somewhere!” or “This ridiculously expensive bottle won’t drink itself!” or “Let’s play Pictionary!” or “Holy shit, I just saw Henri!”. I’ve actually got too many excuses, no one would doubt me and I don’t think people really care that much about what’s going on.

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Jules100
Chatty Member
Monday at 12:58 AM

• #86

Imperious Me said:
AND... Those skinny steaks Grant cooked looked anemic and overdone. Steak should be seared and don't crowd the pan. Though they were sliced so thin it would be hard to sear them and still have them pink...

Stephanie sliced the steaks in half so there would be enough food for everyone at dinner. Except for Grant’s, he got to eat the big one. Steph suggested brussel sprout pasta or asparagus & egg if it there wasn’t quite enough to go around, but everyone said no.

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Jules100
Chatty Member
Tuesday at 3:00 PM

• #544

Madame de Pompanddoodoo said:
Ok own up you guys. How much are you being paid to comment on the shitshow. I’ve received nothing so far, I give my time freely in the name of charity!

I get paid $1,000 for each comment on Tattle & $1,000-$5,000 per comment on YouTube depending on the commotion it causes. I also occasionally receive $1.50 off Miller Lite coupons. So sweet of you to comment for free @Madame de Pompanddoodoo, I didn’t know that was still a thing.

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LOL @Jules100 you were on fire last thread





Patriciarella
Well-known member
Monday at 6:54 PM

• #332

Dan! Annmarie! It was funny when you locked Jason out but it’s me. Oh Baghead I didn’t see you there, wait is that my grandfather’s shirt you’re wearing?

Grant I can see you cooking. Let me in! Grant don’t use my fork to pick up that big steak. No! It is too heavy, my fork will bend. Dan stop using my mayonnaise.

Ruby how did you get in? Oh the other window that Hanni jumps in. I can’t, my jeans are too tight. Of coarse I tried the door the peacock comes in but Potty changed the locks when he saw me with OUR keys.

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As always lovely lurkers, newbies, oldies, returnees and flying monkeys, consult the wiki, as it is better to do your research, than to be Stephanie Jarvis who, with an English degree from Oxford University, mistook Vita Sackville-West's husband for Harold Bloom and not Harold Nicolson - and to think it'll be on Blue Ivy's internet forever.

 

[Lady Avonlea]

I'm a bit behind and apologies if repeating other comments but finally watched this week's CD.

• How appropriate that Fanny visits Sissinghurst with two sissy men.
• Of course Fanny likes the phony spade to pretend someone’s working in the garden.
• When Fanny says clematis why do I think she’s saying chlamydia? No doubt Fanny has more experience with STD’s than flowers.
• The grass space within the round hedge does not need a fountain. Why does Fanny feel compelled to fill up every space? She just doesn’t see the beauty and restfulness that comes with simplicity.
• Lots of mention of Bearded Iris. Wondering if Fanny is alluding any other Beards in her life?
• 2035 before Fanny can remove the plywood structure from the front the shiteau…..
• The Box of the Dead – that’s so Lie Lande.
• Of course Fanny wants to plant discarded latrines on the terrace before fixing the terrace & steps.
• Blissful first half of the vlog with no Snorty, then bam spoiled at the 12 minute mark!
• Such a beautiful garden and not one hedgehog statue!
• Snorty really is an indoor pet. Stayed undercover while Davy brought the umbrella to Fanny. Does Snorty melt if he gets wet?