The Chateau Diaries #150 Stephanie Jarvis Wipes Back to Front - The Lalande Way

[ComtesseRose]

Dan & Dana?!!!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

 

[sues900]

interesting to see who isn’t there

 

[Jules100]

Here are some fun Dan/Dana musings for Throwback Monday!

 

[missartemis]

SJ is not even subtle about her delusions of grandeur in the most recent bottle episode - In her best Queen's Englaash. "we don't have that many gaah-de-nahs YET"... .. "Why don't we have yellow lupins - we have pah-pul one's"... "That is so clevaah - Let's do that back at Lalande..." ..."I hope our pah-go-lah is so lovely in the fyoo-chah"...my god woman...you're filming your own anachronistic fakery for the record and have no clue how ridiculous you sound...Could you just be real? You are no Vita, and Lalande is no Sissinghurst. Get over yourself, go home, and do something about the heating system.

 

[Pyke]

View attachment 1313804
Reposting Susan Mace comment... we now have a reply.

REPLY

The Chateau Diaries
45 minutes ago
We’re still collecting heating quotes, so we’re aiming for completion in time for winter 2023/24 But we Lalanders are a hardy bunch - and we have the added joy of knowing that this winter should be our last cold one! Also, as the new rooms are completed (Marquis’s salon and grand salon), the final heating pipes and radiators are being installed.

What the hell are they on at that place ? How can they put pipes and radiators if they don't know what / which heating they are having or what is being quoted for. I dispare, but don't care.

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

Thanks, everyone for the congratulations.
Wifey (ooh, love using that word) and I haven’t found time to watch any chateauverse videos.
But we’re glad to read updates from here.

 

[CountessPompidoo]

Totally off topic but I have to post it. Watching the Jubilee concert. Fabulous but the star turn was Her Maj at the very beginning. What a star

 

[billybudd]

Coupled with a cost of living crisis across Europe, projected to continue well into next year increasing everyone's energy bills and relying on electrical heaters paid out of the YouTube ad revenue; money which could further the renovation of her own HMN. Her priorities do not support her claims that she is truly invested in renovating her home. She's a con woman and must be held to account. This latest revelation about the heating system delayed to 2023/24 should ignite us all once more to hold her to account. We know what she will do - ride out the autumnal months in the cold, bugger off for her three month winter holidays and return for spring. Meanwhile, poor Kim, Dan and the brainwashed volunteers will be shivering and teeth chattering (think of Dan's new crowns) whilst, Lady Deceit is on a sun lounger with Phyllis licking her feet. Her greed knows no bounds.

Won't such cold temps damage the new panelling in the marquis' apartment and the €30K panelling for the grand salon? As well as other antiques? Doesn't it contribute to the rising damp damaging the facade?

 

[notanangel]

husbands, Bloom, not Nicolson.
If she is indeed auditioning for a channel 4 travel show presenter's job, I would say she has failed, big time.

Stephanie needs, perhaps, another year of Patreon and YouTube to be able to think about buying a villa in Venice. As long as she can drag the "sheep" on Patreon, she will drag them.
It's just not clear to me that they can't add 2 + 2 or they don't want to.
Maybe each of them thinks ok $ 5 is not a big amount, but what they don't understand is that there are 3500 of them and that SJ collects big money every month.
Please have someone explain this situation to me because I don’t want to believe that people are so stupid.

The purchase of that hand carved and steel or iron “pagoda” is ludicrous. That money should have gone towards the heating. I cannot believe how she thinks it is just fine to leave people staying there without any heat (except for a few space heaters?) while she spends the winter in warm climates. Sheer selfishness and greed. And clearly the money has gone to her head and everywhere else. The Quarantine Diaries were nothing like what she puts out now. She pulled in so many followers with those videos. And losing with what is happening now.

She is putting money aside to go towards something else (Venice?) as has been said before or to her own Swiss bank account. It seems more obvious than ever at this point if the heating may be pushed out again. Her patrons should really take a stand as this one person stated in the live chat/comments and stop funding her lifestyle. The green monster (or rather….yellow) is out of control.

 

[MarquisOfNadaillac]

Just been doing a little math....

I am working on two brownstone gut renovations in NYC right now, and we are averaging about $300 per square foot on each project. Lalande would realistically be more than that just because it's a mess). But because SJ is cheap and known to get favors for free or discounted price, lets call it $275 a square foot renovation cost.

Lalande is supposedly 11,000 square feet? Let's remove Narnia, the servant's quartets, Nic and Michael's apartments and outbuildings like FRK's studio, and call it 8,000 square feet.

This would mean SJ needs $2.2 million to bring the house up to clean, healthy and beautifully built standards (this is not including money spent on wallpaper, lighting etc. - just real construction, HVAC, electrical, plumbing, windows. etc. (I'm not including roof because I have no idea what that materials and labor cost would be in France).

Say she brings in $45,000 a month from Patreon and YT. At this rate, in 4 years she would have the funds to fix the entire place. (She's already had two years of income hidden in an offshore Barbados account!), and TBH I don't see it slowing down much in at least the next 12 months).

Total Renovation Cost: $2,200,000 (8,000 SF x $275)
Monthly Income: $45,000 (Patreon + YT - Tax Write-Offs from Cadeaux - I think this is conservative, considering live chats, etc)
Already Received Income: $1,080,000 ($45,000 x 24 months since this mess started)
Needed Income: $1,112,000

Of course these numbers are up for debate, but seeing them in front of me made me realize how LITTLE she is doing. WHERE ARE THE ACCOUNTS?

 

[Clara Burnett]

I could not finish this boring "interview", especially when they got to the point of how important decency is and how they raised their children to become moral and decent people. What a load of crap! It is very clear indeed that Chantal's love for her family, like she says herself, goes beyond anything else: she helped her sister and her husband steal from then helpless elderly people they were supposed to nurse, they spoiled the little princess into the grifting queen she has become and yet they preach about decency? Shame on them!

Venice is practically begging SJ to buy there! They heard about how she drained her pond…the Lady of the Lost Lake is the answer to their prayers! She’ll figure out how to drain those canals!

I expect her to go to Venice within a couple of weeks. Tess Hoffman's 40th birthday is coming up and the word on the street is that she'll be partying it off in Venice.

 

[Iolair]

@Pekey, the only thing from the Shitoo I did covet was the bread oven. But then Fanny failed in the upkeep of the chimney for it, so they cannot even use it. Sadness. The salon panels were the most idiotic thing she purchased, especially when not only does the heat need to be sorted, along with the facade (which would have made the heating more efficient), the money could have much better been spent in the kitchen to make it a better layout (which could had easily been done when the Shitoo was empty, but no, Fanny went on several holidays instead.) Everything Fanny touches eventually turns to shite. That paneling isn't even going to survive a winter before it warps and cracks in the damp, unheated Shitoo. I do look forward to her Winter videos where she uses a hot glue gun to reattach all the expensive wallpaper when it peels from the damp walls.

Remember too that the paneling she purchased doesn't actually fit the grand salon, so Amaury has to recut it to fit. Many of the decorative plaster moldings on the panels are broken and need repair. I remember the vlog when it was delivered and Fanny saying how beautiful the carvings were, and I had a moment thinking what carvings is she talking about? Of course she meant the plaster moldings but it made me realise once again that she didn't know what she was buying, or how these panels were made. She just purchased it because, in her head, the grand salon needed panelling and it looked pretty. It wouldn't have occurred to her either that the paint quite probably contains lead, which is a whole other problem to deal with. On top of that, there is no point in installing the paneling until the damp and saltpetre in the walls has been address and fixed properly - which of course leads back to the heating and outside rendering issue.

 

[Patriciarella]

SJ stop talking about the pink mortar of your chateau. We have eyes! It is black damp that we see. In 16 years it is growing taller than your kaboom boyfriend. Both are things you should get rid of because they are unsightly and unsanitary.

 

[Princess and the Pea]

When oh when will Danny boy start a vlog without subtly trashing his ex? Now it's 'woman flu'...
what a skinny ass prick.

And being arrogant & dismissive that his audience (or is it Tattlers) saying 'Dan you've changed - go back to the old vlogs'. No Dan it wasn't just endless cement mixers & pointing. That's not what people are saying has changed. It's YOU that's changed. You've got up your own arse. This was what you're selling on your Patreon :
"Welcome to our page, following our lives as a young family in rural France, we are renovating a 200 year old farm house, barns and garden, doing all the work ourselves.
We are a small family, living alone in France, Dan, annalise, Jack and Thomas. We have been in France 3-4 years & since then have managed to start to bring our old house & buildings back to life, and create a great place for the kids to grow and have fun. It's been hard trying to do the renovation and garden while working full time and having two young children, but we're still pressing on with plenty to do!
Our aim over the next few years is to get the house finished, establish the garden, and become more self sufficient in terms of growing our own food and rearing our own animals."

That's what people liked. Not you fannying around with Fanny, going off to London with your coat collar turned up buying expensive RayBans, not going to Venice playing with the party people, not going & getting your gnashers done in Turkey. Oh and BTW that guttering is hanging off - so before you do the 'prettying up' jobs - fix the guttering. Guess you really are doing things the La Lande way now.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Shamefull 16 year vídeo. Smokes and mirrors, and again milking her father.

I doubt that any the works off SJ did this 16 years has had a project of stability, not to mention excavating the courtyard without archaeological monitoring. Even if it is not mandatory, there is a moral and common sense planning duty, since we are talking about a historic building, as SJ never tire of repeating. Butt she is only renovating, not restoring, so no harm done.

One can wonder if the moat would not encircled the entire building and then were filled upp and therefore the problems of humidity, and the movement of the foundations (which would be the cause of cracks in the facades and in the chapel)? Why was a fort built there? It doesn't appear to be a high defensive location. Was there something earlier? But that doesn't matter, let's use the bulldozer!

Her kitchen garden is not the Potager du roi of Versailles, which, for her shame, is much better organized. It does not need a pergola with a shameful ecology footprint or a pretty fountain, but to be used as it should be, as a functional space that provides food for the kitchen. She can fantasize in gardens vlogs, but that requires a long-term plan and a team of experienced, full-time gardeners and love. A garden is work! SJ should have bought a more urban château, whit less land to focus, the property is to big for her means (volunter slaves). And the building is also a miss match mess. All that's been done is put new patches on old cloth. To have the grandeur that she wants, the buildings built after the fire would have to be demolished and start from there, but this is economically unfeasible and historically criminal. it is preferable to assume its rustic character and charm. Lalande deserved another owner, a farmer with calloused hands, who would farm the entire property, not frolic for chocolates in a jungle forest or waste space whit vanity lawns. There is no love for Laland in that narcissistic heart.

Shamefull is exactly the right word for anything Stephanie Jarvis puts out in her flogs these days, especially if you compare it to her colleagu shittoo vloggers who actually manage to do a lot of hard restoration work.
Shamefull too is her lie about the “original“ box hedges she planted having grown to what they are now. These are not the original ones, who we all know and have seen to have fallen ill because of blight. She had them replaced, payed for by her patrons who never ask questions (and if they do they get blocked so why even try) but that doesn’t fit her fairytale narrative so she just pretends they have magically been cured and are thriving…

 

[KyBourbon]

Did anyone mention that @MichaelPetherickBaby's IG story showed @FlorianGerard in a red UK phone booth... about an hour ago? In the meantime, the story is no longer available.
They're maybe going to chase Johnny's sporran...

Speaking of Michael Petherick and Florian….

Florian: But Michael, I’m straight!

Michael:

 

[Le Baiseur]

I AM THE EQUIPMENT SHE BOUGHT

He's a tool alright.

 

[Sasha Groves]

Below is the message I have received back from Sissinghurst a couple of minutes ago. RESULT!!!

Many thanks for your email. We have received several complaints this morning about this project and we are working with the site to address this. The project does not have our permission and therefore will be contacted to take down the content as will Youtube.

Again, thank you for your time in alerting us about this.

Nutti’s in box will be an interesting one this morning

 

[notanangel]

What happened with the B&B prospect for FRK? I just saw on Instagram that she’s going to spend (part of?) the summer in Norway. Strange but seems the best option for her. So many changes in such a short time.

 

[KiKiGee]

I AM ALONG FOR THE RIDE

ben Stranger
1 day ago
Who is the scruffy dog with long hair following two meters behind ?