The advice thread for random problems #3

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I need some advice about how to approach a work situation.

So I’m part of a little project of 5 of us. In the past year I’ve done everything for this project and even though it’s not that much work it’s getting on my nerves that they do absolutely nothing! We would never have a meeting if it wasn’t for me, let alone get anything sorted. I could run this thing single handedly.

Ive decided that in our next meeting this week I’m gonna say that I need the work to be equal going forward. I’m not the leader of the group (there isn’t one) so I feel really awkward doing that. I totally acknowledge that I’m one of those proactive people that just gets things done so maybe they think I like doing it all. But at the same time, if you’re in a team, how can you let one person do ALL the work? I would never do that to a colleague.

I do like these people individually and we get on. I just don’t know how to tell them to stop being so lazy? Help?

Maybe just assign yourself leader and tell them what to do ie Paul you do x and Mary you do y and at our next meeting we can discuss progress

 

[petitspois]

Thanks all.
I mentioned the mortgage as more of an example to him as to why I wanted him to do a recalculation, and that was all I was asking him to do, which he refused. I guess I felt that I had no choice but to contact the CMS as I felt like I wasn’t being listened to and being spoken to in an aggressive way. I of course fully accept that they might come back with the same or even a less amount.
I don’t drive so I feel he is using this fact to be a petty bastard which most of you realise (phew).

I think I'd send a well thought out text backtracking to be honest. This could really backfire. It's a myth that fathers are liable for a certain percentage of living costs. It's all dependent upon how many nights your child is with his Dad, his income and how many other children he has. There's a really easy calculator online that will tell you how much you would get going via CMS in about 60 seconds.
The most you'd probably be adding is about £30 and is that worth it for his attitude?

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Thank you @CallMeHollywood and @petitspois. I know she reports directly to the CEO (who made that decision) who works fully remotely, and speaks to her for maybe five minutes a week when he has time. He usually just rushes through a list of things he wants done or changing and the only appreciation/praise she gets in her job is from colleagues, who she gets on really well and has a fantastic relationship with. She would be genuinely upset to leave them, I think.

I have a feeling she is being taken advantage of, they have cut their budget by £1000s for the year as she's got the skills to do a lot of design in house. She has taken on responsibilities way outside of her job description (the office manager for example barely knows how to turn a computer on, so my daughter is now managing the IT database of the charity too). All thankless, of course. I worry she's heading for burnout.

 

[Snippysnips]

Honestly I would just leave it, it sounds like she's spiralling out of control an would probably end up being quite heavy on your mental health, if she's asking for money on her sites then there could be a chance this is why she's contacting you, if you had been friends then she's maybe thinking you will be easy enough to ask for a loan of money, not saying this is the case though

I think your mum is right an it's best just to ignore it, you have been through enough an if you are at peace with yourself now then why drag up something that could potentially cause problems

 

[stargirl23]

I stopped getting for my niece at 18, will get something for 21st but after that nothing. I too don’t see her often and with having a family as big as mine it’s impossible to buy for everyone

 

[MissTeddy]

Got a new job as a receptionist/admin, is there anywhere online that does nice clothes at a good price? I've gotten some things from shein but won't know till they come if they are any good, I did try the shops today but there was hardly a thing, doesn't help all I've got is a new look an Matalan

Am a bit lost on what I should be wearing, don't really want to be in black trousers an a plain top everyday but obviously am not going to show up in jeans which right now is all my wardrobe mostly consists of, so any sites that sort of group things up will help

I think dresses are great for work - you don’t have to coordinate an outfit- just pop it on. Add a jacket, blazer or cardi as required.

 

[shadowcat5]

You are all superstars thank you!

and thank you for the lack of judgement lmao. I am shamed

 

[petitspois]

I’m starting to wonder! If anything I’ve gotten lazier with my appearance lately as I’m permanently exhausted, perhaps my brand of sarcasm overrides the physical and they just find my snark irresistible?

Your jeans haven't gone threadbare or something have they and you're basically flashing everyone? I walked round Tesco once years ago wondering why men were staring and almost all the buttons on my top were undone.

 

[FlyingGirl4]

How do you start your life over? For some context I’m in a long term relationship, we have bought a house together and have a toddler. I hate the job I have now. I’ve fallen out of love (not sure if I ever truly loved him anyway) with the man I’ve bought a home/had a baby with. I just feel like I’ve made this massive mistake and there’s nothing I can do other than live with the decisions I’ve made. I just don’t fancy him anymore, at all. We argue constantly and I just don’t like him as a person. I’m 30 next year and I really don’t want to get to 39 and realise I’ve done nothing about it. I just want to be happy. I’ve recently overcome the worst of post natal depression. I just want to start over, but I’m so scared of all the stuff I’ll have to think about. Also to add: I don’t regret my baby one bit, he’s the only good thing that’s come of this. I just want a bit of the old me/life back and live happily with my son x

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Your jeans haven't gone threadbare or something have they and you're basically flashing everyone? I walked round Tesco once years ago wondering why men were staring and almost all the buttons on my top were undone.

I once BF my baby in Sainsbury’s and forgot to do my shirt back up. I will forever be grateful for the spotty, dorky looking teenager who told me without blushing or giggling. He’s now a manager but men do seem to be bolder? It seems to be a thing right now, maybe it’s post Covid excitement

 

[Rxt156]

I wouldn’t be happy if someone asked to bring a child to my child free wedding (even more so if they knew it was child free) but agree it seems a bit harsh the way she spoke about your child

 

[tomato_paste]

Anyone an expert in tax stuff?
My other half got a demand from HMRC in the post yesterday, saying he's underpaid income tax for the FY 22/23 to the tune of 1k.
We absolutely cannot afford to pay it back in one lump sum like they're asking.
He switched jobs part-way through the financial year (September), and by the looks of it from the breakdown they sent, his new job started his tax free allowance from scratch and didn't tax him until he earnt past the allowance, but obviously he'd already earnt 11k earlier in the year so this shouldn't have happened.
He doesn't have payslips as he got them electronically and never saved them, and as he left that job in May this year, he no longer has access to the system to download them again to check what actually came out.

If they did put him on the wrong tax code, do we still have to pay? I know he should have been more observant but you kind of expect payroll to get this sort of thing right.
I'm just really worrying and don't know what to do

I don't think having someone else make a mistake on his payroll will save him from having to pay it, unfortunately.

I'd talk to citizens advice and see what they recommend - maybe they can help you at least arrange something monthly, maybe taking a little bit out of his current paychecks. He can also ask the company to reissue his wageslips, even if he's left.

Also tell him to check and save his bloody payslips, I know I'm probably riling on him for something he already (hopefully) feels bad about, but they're not just a fuckin throwaway item. They're his proof of wages and if there is ever an issue, he needs them!

 

[stargirl23]

Has anyone ever reported a care home an had results?

My dad works in a care home, when he's on holiday I switch the phone off because if I don't they are on the phone consistently looking for him to go in, he doesn't have a mobile an am not giving them ours, so now they have started sending people to our house looking for him, I find this breaking privacy as no one should be getting told our home address, especially random employers at his work

Obviously I want to report it, management is doing nothing an clearly our address has been passed from management but am not sure who to go too an if they will get this looked into, my biggest concern is clearly they had no problems passing our address onto employees so who else has had their address giving out

100% report it. That’s awful harassing him to go work and turning up to his house or contacting family is harassing. They also breached gdpr policy giving out your dads address no one should have their privacy invaded like that

 

[Deeznutslol]

Hi everyone

My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!

There’s only one way to deal with people like this in my experience and unfortunately it involves giving them the cold shoulder. When they turn up and start gassing just give them one word answers and say shit like ‘really? That’s nice’, ‘oh no way, that’s crazy’ then turn around and focus on cheering on your kid.
I wouldn’t worry about hurting their feelings, people like that tend to be thick skinned and completely socially inept. They can’t sense when the person they’re talking to is sick of their incessant, banal chatter so you have to make it super obvious that you‘re not really interested in talking to them.

 

[stardust1]

Yeah they still do. I thought that even if you get blocked, you can still see their pic though? You just wouldn’t be able to see any changes? X

no if you block someone then your profile pic vanishes and turns to a grey silhouette

 

[LifeOfMog]

Right I am proper getting to the end of my tether and need some stranger advice- me and my partner have been together well over 2 years, and when we got together there was an ex (who may I add broke up with him) who kept trying to get involved with him again as she was jealous (we assumed). This said ex is about 3/4 years older than me, and a couple years older than my other half, and was making tiktoks about me "taking her man" as well as cutting her hair to the same style as me, and copying things I posted on instagram.
Fast forward 2 years, a random fake tinder profile of my boyfriend has been made (we knew it was local as one of my friends who lives close saw it, and the distance was close!) and a fake account of one of my business profiles had been made which seemed very coincidental. I have now found out she has made a new business doing what I do as a side hustle (I have all the correct experience and qualifications may I add whereas she doesnt) and I am a little bit pissed as I feel this is all very aimed.

Do I have the right to be pissed off / angry that someone who has been out of my boyfriends life for 3 years, and who is a lot older than me is still trying to get involved/ annoy us? Or am I overreacting?

Thank you

 

[MissTeddy]

This is across so many different threads - the OP is clearly hoping that if she keeps posting she'll find validation for her actions.
How awful it must be for his current girlfriend
If you continue to do this Stardust the police will eventually throw the book at you, you'll end up with a criminal record which will ruin your life- but its no one's fault but your own.

 

[lauren96111]

Thanks i really appreciate. Glad it’s over but I’m sure they’re gonna feel absolutely stupid when the police officer phones them she was fab and understanding I think it’s something they must get often as she seem to have had a light bulb moment in the middle of the conversation say when explained the situation
---

Nah I’ll message her again if he ends up messaging me again she may not want to know but I rather give her the information then she can decide what she wants to do with it. Leaving it alone will make him think he can keep doing it and it’s no wonder cheating is normalised that’s days.
He hasn’t even hurt me I’m being the bigger person by letting her know what he’s doing while she’s out shopping and I’m letting him know he can’t get one over on me least she knows he’s mugging her off and she needs to keep tabs on him

Cheating hasn't been normalised so unsure were you have got that from. You've told her and now it's up to her what she wants to do. Why would you then message her again. You are coming across now as obsessed sorry. Why is it up to you to tell her. She's an adult I presume so let her live her life if she wants to stay with him that's her decision

 

[kbjhguih]

I don’t know what to do — we very recently rescued a dog who had been living alone, crated a lot, but was very much loved by his parent. We have a dog a year older than him, and the rescue was besotted but didn’t listen to any of our older dogs corrections he is just 100% all the time like a puppy.

He started to settle a little and he walks well, eats well, is generally pretty good. He loves people, he’s confident, and I want to love him.

Except, he’s bitten hard twice, and just now he went crazy out of nowhere, growling lunging snapping. Luckily we’ve got him on a leash in the house so I didn’t get bit again. I’ve managed to pop him in a crate leash still on and he’s crying, and then growling if I approach to take it off.

I know sudden aggression can mean pain but he was absolutely fine literally seconds earlier, and nothing triggered it. I don’t think we’re the home for him and, I don’t think he’s fit for living with another dog.

I don’t care about getting money back from the adoption I’m happy to support them, but I’m sat here crying because I just want to give him back. I’m never going to feel safe around him, I’ve always been with dogs, and my boys six and though grumpy he’d never bite.

Do I get in touch with the rescue and tell her to look for a better home for him? It’s embarassing, my family and colleagues have heard all about him. But I want him to be happy, I don’t want to be stuck with a dog that could have had a better life elsewhere. And I know getting a trainer in is an option, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him.

i just need to get this out somewhere, and perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic about it. But we’ve wanted to rescue for years and it’s just a nightmare.

 

[Carapop]

I think I remember your Mum being poorly Carapop? I hope you’re doing ok x

Ah thank you. Bless your memory! She died last October after two weeks in ICU. It was all very sudden and I think we are all still in shock. I had issues before of course, but it just compounded it all. Grief is never easy to handle but when already fragile it can feel impossible. Thank you so much for thinking of me. The kindness of tattlers never ceases to amaze me.