New thread as we're well over!
Previous thread: https://tattle.life/threads/the-advice-thread-for-random-problems-2.34146/
Previous thread: https://tattle.life/threads/the-advice-thread-for-random-problems-2.34146/
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I’m trying to decide whether to complain about my neighbours.
We share a driveway, 50/50 side by side. I have asked repeatedly for their children to keep off my side as they like to kick a football as hard as they can against my wall, bearing in mind my car is parked . They also have absolutely no care for safety on bikes and I have pulled on to find children on my driveway on bikes, pulling out in front etc.
They aren’t toddlers they are 10-12 years old. They take no notice regularly laugh and smirk when I ask them to move. I’m not sure if I now find their general behaviour and attitude is clouding my feelings and making me more and more irritated by them.
they are HA tenants and I am a homeowner. I’m minded to complain and ask the HA to put a physical divide in to deter them but they will probably do nothing I imagine (or warn them which they will ignore) and sour our relationship further. But if I keep speaking to them or ignore it it will continue all summer. I just want to relax In my home and garden
We share a driveway, 50/50 side by side. I have asked repeatedly for their children to keep off my side as they like to kick a football as hard as they can against my wall, bearing in mind my car is parked . They also have absolutely no care for safety on bikes and I have pulled on to find children on my driveway on bikes, pulling out in front etc.
They aren’t toddlers they are 10-12 years old. They take no notice regularly laugh and smirk when I ask them to move. I’m not sure if I now find their general behaviour and attitude is clouding my feelings and making me more and more irritated by them.
they are HA tenants and I am a homeowner. I’m minded to complain and ask the HA to put a physical divide in to deter them but they will probably do nothing I imagine (or warn them which they will ignore) and sour our relationship further. But if I keep speaking to them or ignore it it will continue all summer. I just want to relax In my home and garden
that is annoying. I would personally (if you can afford) get some sort of divide built. You could complain but i’m not sure if they would realistically do much and it may cause them to retaliate more.
I’d put up a divide. Kids won’t give a damn unfortunately.
Hi everyone
My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!
My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!
There’s only one way to deal with people like this in my experience and unfortunately it involves giving them the cold shoulder. When they turn up and start gassing just give them one word answers and say tit like ‘really? That’s nice’, ‘oh no way, that’s crazy’ then turn around and focus on cheering on your kid.
I wouldn’t worry about hurting their feelings, people like that tend to be thick skinned and completely socially inept. They can’t sense when the person they’re talking to is sick of their incessant, banal chatter so you have to make it super obvious that you‘re not really interested in talking to them.
Honestly someone like that would drive me up the wall lol, is there a way you can set an alarm on your phone that sounds like it could be your phone ringing? you could pretend to be on the phone so that maybe they will leave you alone?
Usually I'd say maybe find somewhere you could stand that they won't see you but if they are seeking you out then unfortunately it's either tell them you aren't interested or try an push them away with being on your phone an that way you can maybe get to watch in peace
Could you say ‘sorry can’t chat, child has asked me to really focus on the match- it’s upsetting them as they feel I’m not fully paying attention. I’ve promised to video some of it too. Anyway, see you soon, I’m going to stand over hereso I’m not tempted to chatter with you - byeeee”
Defo say you’re going to film bits. Seem really focused on the game so they will get the hint to shut up. Good luck, I can’t stand people like this who are so self unaware
Oh Lord this might be me too
I don’t get out much and I’m autistic Just explain nicely you want to focus on the game and you’d like to chat but you keep getting distracted.
i have been invited to a party in a few weeks on a Saturday lunch time. my son has a nap 12.30 for upto 2 hours which is when the party is. not sure quite what to do about making sure he gets his sleep (or he will be an arse for the rest of the day) but also don’t want to miss the party?
Can someone else watch him or is this something he's also invited too?
How old is he? Times like this we just let my neice miss her nap or put her down earlier, I know you say he can be an arse but it's really only one day, maybe a earlier bedtime if he's not going to get his nap that day
He is invited too. It’s a child’s party so I can’t really go alone
. He can’t go without a nap he’s only just gone to 1 nap a day. Might try keep him awake rather than have an earlier nap and give him a snooze on the way homeCan he sleep there in his buggy - walk round the block a few times and park him in the garden.
My brother is an alcoholic. His illness is escalating. Last night at 2am I was woken by a loud knock at the door. My other brother opened it and it was two women who said our alcoholic brother had collapsed and was lying out in the road. He was In bed all day, then walked to the pub at six this evening, back on it yet again. I’m so bleeping sick of it. I hope every pub shuts in this awful bleeping country. I don't think there’s any advice for me, I just needed to vent 
Just to put your mind at rest I doubt it is you as this person goes out a lot - I hear all about it!Oh Lord this might be me too
Just explain nicely you want to focus on the game and you’d like to chat but you keep getting distracted.
Thanks for your suggestions everyone
Sorry this is a long and weird one…
I had a message from someone last night. We were best friends as teenagers until she upped sticks and moved counties with a random guy she met. It was very weird. We got back in touch in our mid twenties and stayed good friends for about ten years. In 2020 or 2021 she started an instagram profile - I think she wanted a lot of followers and validation. Initially it was landscape photography - nice enough, some photos were quite good but she would upload about 10 photos a day so it was intense. I don’t know if she used a bot site or something but her other followers kept trying to send me follow requests which I didn’t like, given I was getting a shed load a day, so I messaged and said I’m sorry but I need to unfollow this profile you have, she said she understood and that other friends had done the same. A few months later I found that she had unfollowed me - which hurt and felt spiteful/petty because mine is a private profile for friends and family, not a follower-generating machine - I was still popping on her profile and liking some photos. I also only found out when I did a dedicated post to her, so it was very awkward. Anyway, she became really distant on WhatsApp too (I think she was talking a lot to men that she’d met via the profile) and i didn’t feel like we were friends anymore, so I just made my peace with it and left the relationship where it was. I kept an eye on her profile and what was landscape photography spiralled into her posting provocative photos and asking followers for money via various means (cash app, only fans, just giving). She is married and has 5 children. All her children followed her on this profile. She’d also post family photos (not of her husband though). I know it’s judgemental but the whole thing seemed really icky to me and I wasn’t sure how her husband feltabout the situation either.
so last night she messaged me and said she knows it’s been a long time but she’d like to get together soon. In the time we’ve been apart I’ve had close to a mental breakdown, moved house and had a surprise baby… she only found out about the baby through her brother as we are still friends on Instagram - which is why she contacted me for the first time in over a year.
between the unfollowing and not talking to me on WhatsApp and the asking people for money my feelings towards her have really altered and I don’t think I am interested in trying to resurrect a friendship with her. I think for her there were benefits to having me as her friend as I provided a lot of stability for her and was always her reference for jobs/rentals, provided advice etc. not that I think she used me but in some friendships often one person is more useful than the other and I was that person to her.
I don’t know whether to respond or not, I don’t know what I would respond if I did respond… I asked my mum and she said just ignore the messages… I do think that’s the best way to leave it as I don’t want to cause unnecessary hurt feelings and I guess silence will also give her her answer?
I had a message from someone last night. We were best friends as teenagers until she upped sticks and moved counties with a random guy she met. It was very weird. We got back in touch in our mid twenties and stayed good friends for about ten years. In 2020 or 2021 she started an instagram profile - I think she wanted a lot of followers and validation. Initially it was landscape photography - nice enough, some photos were quite good but she would upload about 10 photos a day so it was intense. I don’t know if she used a bot site or something but her other followers kept trying to send me follow requests which I didn’t like, given I was getting a shed load a day, so I messaged and said I’m sorry but I need to unfollow this profile you have, she said she understood and that other friends had done the same. A few months later I found that she had unfollowed me - which hurt and felt spiteful/petty because mine is a private profile for friends and family, not a follower-generating machine - I was still popping on her profile and liking some photos. I also only found out when I did a dedicated post to her, so it was very awkward. Anyway, she became really distant on WhatsApp too (I think she was talking a lot to men that she’d met via the profile) and i didn’t feel like we were friends anymore, so I just made my peace with it and left the relationship where it was. I kept an eye on her profile and what was landscape photography spiralled into her posting provocative photos and asking followers for money via various means (cash app, only fans, just giving). She is married and has 5 children. All her children followed her on this profile. She’d also post family photos (not of her husband though). I know it’s judgemental but the whole thing seemed really icky to me and I wasn’t sure how her husband feltabout the situation either.
so last night she messaged me and said she knows it’s been a long time but she’d like to get together soon. In the time we’ve been apart I’ve had close to a mental breakdown, moved house and had a surprise baby… she only found out about the baby through her brother as we are still friends on Instagram - which is why she contacted me for the first time in over a year.
between the unfollowing and not talking to me on WhatsApp and the asking people for money my feelings towards her have really altered and I don’t think I am interested in trying to resurrect a friendship with her. I think for her there were benefits to having me as her friend as I provided a lot of stability for her and was always her reference for jobs/rentals, provided advice etc. not that I think she used me but in some friendships often one person is more useful than the other and I was that person to her.
I don’t know whether to respond or not, I don’t know what I would respond if I did respond… I asked my mum and she said just ignore the messages… I do think that’s the best way to leave it as I don’t want to cause unnecessary hurt feelings and I guess silence will also give her her answer?
Honestly I would just leave it, it sounds like she's spiralling out of control an would probably end up being quite heavy on your mental health, if she's asking for money on her sites then there could be a chance this is why she's contacting you, if you had been friends then she's maybe thinking you will be easy enough to ask for a loan of money, not saying this is the case though
I think your mum is right an it's best just to ignore it, you have been through enough an if you are at peace with yourself now then why drag up something that could potentially cause problems
I think your mum is right an it's best just to ignore it, you have been through enough an if you are at peace with yourself now then why drag up something that could potentially cause problems
Thanks, I never know if ghosting is the right thing to do but in this case I can’t see an alternative
Unfortunately sometimes it's for the best, you have to put yourself first an if things have gotten bad then you have to think if it's going to be worth it an if it's going to affect your mental health then it's best to just leave it be, am sure she will move on as well
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