The advice thread for random problems #3

[stardust1]

You've got the wrong user BlondeAngel2515 is the one who sent the pics lol. Stardust has been telling her the same as everyone else has that it's wrong!

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Asking this on behalf of my lovely daughter, who doesn't have an account - and I'm not really sure what to advise her here (my career was very different from hers).

'I work as the only communications manager for a small charity, and we hosted a two-day event recently explaining some new legislation that is relevant to us. For months beforehand I had been working on the materials, badges, roll-ups, banners, powerpoint designs, etc as I am the only communications/press person in the office and that's my job. As we are a small office of about 10 people, a lot of my job involves writing articles for magazines on our very niche technical topic. I have a real interest in it and was looking forward to hearing from some experts at the event on this legislation that I have written extensively about for over a year.

About two weeks before the event, my boss called me to say my attendance isn't necessary as we 'aren't doing any social media' and 'I would find it boring anyway'. I was really taken aback but accepted his decision. Several colleagues were really shocked at this and tried to speak to him to say that I should be there for various reasons. My boss was having none of it and said there would be enough people there and I just wasn't needed. I wasn't even invited to the after-working-hours dinner.

In the end, the entire office attended apart from me and our office manager (who stayed in the office as we were having repairs done). I didn't realise quite how hurt I would be seeing pictures of them enjoying drinks and dinner and sharing inside jokes after the event on our office WhatsApp group. I felt disrespected by my boss for brushing me off for an event I'd worked hard on, on a topic I was interested in.

Am I overreacting?'

Not overreacting, there’s an issue there. She needs to call a meeting with the boss (and maybe HR) and have a direct conversation about his decision. It will either bring the issue into the open or make him realise how pig ignorant his decision was. Marketing and comms roles are often overlooked as easy work but they are not at all. Either way, she should look for another role, and it sounds like she’s being taken for granted.

 

[AllTheBest2022]

Right I am proper getting to the end of my tether and need some stranger advice- me and my partner have been together well over 2 years, and when we got together there was an ex (who may I add broke up with him) who kept trying to get involved with him again as she was jealous (we assumed). This said ex is about 3/4 years older than me, and a couple years older than my other half, and was making tiktoks about me "taking her man" as well as cutting her hair to the same style as me, and copying things I posted on instagram.
Fast forward 2 years, a random fake tinder profile of my boyfriend has been made (we knew it was local as one of my friends who lives close saw it, and the distance was close!) and a fake account of one of my business profiles had been made which seemed very coincidental. I have now found out she has made a new business doing what I do as a side hustle (I have all the correct experience and qualifications may I add whereas she doesnt) and I am a little bit pissed as I feel this is all very aimed.

Do I have the right to be pissed off / angry that someone who has been out of my boyfriends life for 3 years, and who is a lot older than me is still trying to get involved/ annoy us? Or am I overreacting?

Thank you

Is she blonde by any chance?

iykyk

 

[Snippysnips]

Has anyone ever reported a care home an had results?

My dad works in a care home, when he's on holiday I switch the phone off because if I don't they are on the phone consistently looking for him to go in, he doesn't have a mobile an am not giving them ours, so now they have started sending people to our house looking for him, I find this breaking privacy as no one should be getting told our home address, especially random employers at his work

Obviously I want to report it, management is doing nothing an clearly our address has been passed from management but am not sure who to go too an if they will get this looked into, my biggest concern is clearly they had no problems passing our address onto employees so who else has had their address giving out

 

[epictoaster]

Not to brag but just saying the way the police woman spoke on that call the reaction to it all lives rent free in my head

but to be fair I thought it was a bit unprofessional with her saying I’ve got a lucky escape I didn’t think they were allowed to say things like on like give an opinion on stuff

You ARE harassing them. They SHOULD call the police on you and id be making sure charges were pressed, damn! Harassment is any form of unwanted behavior. Which YOU had continually done.

 

[stardust1]

Thanks for this. Are you sure though? I’ve heard different things re the profile pic. I think I need a second phone/number so I can block myself and try all these methods out!

100% certain, my sister is fond of blocking me

 

[Carapop]

Hoarding is a mental health issue, and a devastating one at that. I'm so sorry you're struggling and that people are being so awful about it.

Do you have a list of resources that are available to you? You said something about having some forms to access resources - can you request a copy?

A quick google brought me this list of phone numbers and emails:

Useful contacts - hoarding

If you need further support or information about hoarding, find contact details of Mind's services and other useful organisations here.

www.mind.org.uk

Maybe one of those could help you?

Do you have any idea what type of support would be what you need for now? Would cleaning up some of your items help? Would having a clean garden help you? Or maybe have someone go through a small part of your hoard and support you through sorting out items that are hazardous? Maybe that could be a start - think about what exactly you need for now so you can find some energy and request only that type of help and go from there.

I have no advice for becca (I wish I had!) but I just want to say what an incredibly kind and thoughtful, truly compassionate message this is. You’re a darling. And becca, if nothing else, I hope you feel seen, recognised as human and worthy of help.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I need help and advice.

Me and my boyfriend broke up last night after 3 years. It’s been ongoing for a few weeks to be honest, that started with an argument at the start of June and him taking his stuff back to his home. I messaged him and asked him over to talk last week and told him the reason in the message was I wanted him over because I missed him and I truly felt we could work on things. He immediately messaged back and said yes, let’s talk, and asked when he could see me. He came over, I cooked dinner, we didn’t get into the subject of ‘us’ as we were just having a lovely time and talking/laughing like we usually do. Around 11pm he said he needed to go but he bought up that we hadn’t spoken about ‘us’ and said maybe I should make some notes on my phone for prompts and he’ll come over again. He came over last night, I had prompts, I told him I missed him, I regretted us ending, I see my faults and I want to work on us etc. He basically said he’d hit a wall with things, didn’t have the energy for the relationship and didn’t want to try. We talked for hours, hugged, I cried. I’m so confused as to why he agreed to talk?! And prompted that we didn’t talk and insisted he come over again… when actually he was still on the same page he was as before?! What was he expecting from us talking? What did he think I was going to say? I’d already told him in my initial message the reasons why.

That was last night. Yes, it’s raw. I start a new job Monday. It’s a huge career jump and I’m petrified. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t focus. How can I focus next week? Please give me any help.

This sucks and I’ve been there. Honestly the best thing I did was allow myself to be miserable and then I gave myself the weekend to do lovely things and make myself feel extra fabulous for starting work- my friend and I got our nails done, I gave my hair a bouncy blow dry, picked out all my clothes for the week, and got lots of yummy food for lunches and teas so I didn’t have to think on it the following week whilst screeching power ballads. Feel the feelings but don’t let them take over, you’re writing a new chapter, it’s his loss he’s not in it

 

[Elle Woods]

Is it OK to check someone out on socials when you meet them for the first time lol
In the grand scheme it sounds ridiculous but curiosity and all that...
Have you ever checked someone out on social media after meeting them?

I check people out on socials who I haven't even met and have no business checking out, so I think you'll be fine

 

[littlepup]

Not to brag but just saying the way the police woman spoke on that call the reaction to it all lives rent free in my head

but to be fair I thought it was a bit unprofessional with her saying I’ve got a lucky escape I didn’t think they were allowed to say things like on like give an opinion on stuff

HE lives rent free in youre head and the fact he moved in with another girl.
You said just earlier this evening you’d contact the family again. Anyway, I hope some of this is finally getting through.

@Snippysnips I’d put a message on Tripadvisor if you’re a member, to find a good place to stop off. It’s good for stuff like that.

 

[Username_unknown]

I don't know if this is even something anyone could even help me with... Earlier this year I was at a house party with a group of friends, my best friend was there and she got so so drunk and started lashing out at everyone, physically attacking, me, my partner and our friend. I tried to calm her down because I knew she had been going through a tough time with her mental health but she just screamed at me for being a terrible friend. After that I told her to go home to her children to which she responded well at least I have children to go home to and then told me to take her children as she didn't want them. For reference, as my best friend she was aware of my struggles with infertility and had been a regular shoulder to cry on about it for years. How do I move past this? It has been months and I still feel heartbroken but according to another friend in our group I should be making an effort to sort things out. Can anyone advise me..Please and thanks

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So a great big thank you to everybody for the coffee machine recommendations and telling me about all the pro’s and cons.
I’ve pulled the trigger on a Siemens, as there was a good deal on it. Not even a brand I was looking at

Anyway super excited to get it and will let you all know how it goes .
My only concern is temperature as I like a hot coffee.

 

[LaBlonde]

Not a problem but has anyone here seen the Oppenheimer film and if so can you please confirm if there's a 15-minute sex scene or not? I can't find a straight answer among all the noise online about it, it seems unbelievable though. I'm not a prude but hate the thought of sitting in a cinema full of people watching a graphic bonkfest for 15 minutes

i asked a colleague about it this morning and she said it’s not all sex as cillian murphy “reads scripture during it” and then i was scared to ask more

 

[littlepup]

How do you start your life over? For some context I’m in a long term relationship, we have bought a house together and have a toddler. I hate the job I have now. I’ve fallen out of love (not sure if I ever truly loved him anyway) with the man I’ve bought a home/had a baby with. I just feel like I’ve made this massive mistake and there’s nothing I can do other than live with the decisions I’ve made. I just don’t fancy him anymore, at all. We argue constantly and I just don’t like him as a person. I’m 30 next year and I really don’t want to get to 39 and realise I’ve done nothing about it. I just want to be happy. I’ve recently overcome the worst of post natal depression. I just want to start over, but I’m so scared of all the stuff I’ll have to think about. Also to add: I don’t regret my baby one bit, he’s the only good thing that’s come of this. I just want a bit of the old me/life back and live happily with my son x

I didn't have a child but I started over, lost my job and car, my relationship so most friends, moved back home in my 20s. It was hard but I found a great group of friends and changed my life completely. You just have to do it, you can't move forward without taking that first step.
Having said that, be sure that this isn't a hangover from the PND, perhaps some therapy might help. Just a few sessions to organise your thoughts would be worth the cost if you can do it.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Sorry but this is also something you’ve been posting about for a long time too. (I have something approaching eidetic memory).
Everyone said block him and move on. The guy is a moron to keep messaging you but you’ve now actually got a police report against you because if this too-ing and fro-ing now. Stop wasting your life and endangering yourself with this idiot. Sending his girlfriend screenshots months ago is one thing, sendiing them to her family is unessecary - just block him!

I agree, what are getting out of sending screenshots to his girlfriends family? She’s blocked you, she doesn’t want to know. You’ve dragged her family into it and that’s not fair. It doesn’t matter that he was messaging you, stop engaging with this man, block and move on before you end up with this against your name.

 

[MissTeddy]

??? Eh it wasn’t me i’ve been telling her for ages to drop it

No, it IS you - oh my goodness you sent pictures to her family - its very much YOU.

 

[stardust1]

How do you be a good friend to someone who is going through a breakup with a married man? (For context in the story she didn’t mention he was married until he dumped her). Anyway I knew my friend had been seeing someone for about 6-9 months, she met him through a sport she’s involved with that I’m not, so although I thought it was weird she never introduced us during that time I passed it off as us not moving in the same crowd. She was quite secretive about the whole thing but seemed happy so I was happy for her. Fast forward to now and he’s dumped her, saying he’s going to stay with his wife and kids (it turns out the 6-9 months coincided with his wife being pregnant and the breakup coincided with the birth of that child). My friend is inconsolable, thought he was the one etc. etc. and I’m trying to be supportive to her through the breakup but it’s really difficult. She has put this guy on a pedestal and is convinced he is the perfect man for her, speaks unkindly about his wife, and although I don’t bash him when we chat (that takes some restraint) if I even suggest that he’s made his choice and she needs to learn to love with it even though it hurts she starts lashing out at me. It’s tiring.

I understand she is heartbroken and believes everything this guy told her but it is so hard to listen to. I don’t want to abandon her in the middle of this but honestly it’s tough to support her. Not because he’s a married guy but because she is so in denial about the realities of their relationship and says horrible things about his wife….and then lashes out at me about how I don’t understand their connection and a love like theirs. She’s right, I don’t understand being the side piece while some fella’s wife is pregnant, and having him decide he’s not feeling us anymore when his wife has the baby. Any advice on what to do?

first of all i think you sound like a lovely friend I understand from your post you don’t want to abandon her but I think a bit of tough love may be needed before you end up taking the back lash from something that isn’t your fault. I think you should explain that you are there for her as a friend to support her in feeling better however she cannot lash out at you and take a step back from her as you are correct you do not understand and that is ok

 

[xbxbx]

Apologies for the length.

I live in a flat and have new neighbours who live directly below me. They’re young, I’d guess mid-late twenties at best, and also from another country. I can’t quite place the accent but that’s irrelevant, what’s relevant is that there is likely a language barrier.

Since they moved in less than a week ago they’ve been blaring music throughout the day. So loud that it vibrates my floors and can be heard from every inch of my flat. It’s not constant but it’s a lot. I’m usually home from work around 5pm and it can be on and off until 10/11pm. There has been one or two days where there hasn’t been any music at all.

I want to approach them about it as my last neighbour was the same and it made my life hell until she finally moved out a few months ago. I live alone and look younger than I am so feel quite vulnerable. I also don’t live in a great area, there’s a lot of break in’s both in homes and shops, junkies, drug dealers etc which makes me feel even more vulnerable and a bit of an easy target. I will be selling my flat for obvious reasons but probably not for another year or two due to costs.

I don’t want to be a dick about it but I also don’t want to let them take the piss. I’ve been miserable in my own home since I bought it due to my last neighbour and would like to have some sort of peace for the next couple of years. I don’t expect silence but I do expect a bit of common decency and respect from others in the building.

They don’t seem like very friendly, approachable people and I have a strong feeling they may be drug dealers (spotting them is a talent I have obtained since living here). The constant smell of weed, people coming and going all day and night, flashy car and head to toe designer clothes were the first signs. There was also an instance at the weekend, so a couple of days after they moved in, where someone targeted the flat and attempted to smash the windows in.

Would it be ridiculous if I put a note through their door asking them to keep the music down? I don’t want a face to face interaction due to feeling vulnerable and don’t want them to know it’s me and be the face of the complaint. I’m also a bit worried that it might come across more rude than I intend to be due to the language barrier so thinking it might be better written down.

I’m aware I’m overthinking it but my last 4 years here have been hell on earth due to a multitude of reasons. The council and police have never been interested in helping me and I’m fed up of feeling defeated and depressed in the place I’m supposed to call home.

 

[Thank(space)you]

What do you do when there's nothing actually wrong in your life, but you just feel miserable and stale all the time? I'm a single mum so not like I can do things outside the home much when I've got her (obviously we do child focused activities and days out) all the things I see on insta are like "go for a walk, see friends, go to the pub" etc but I can't all my friends are too busy with their partners and I can't leave my child at home on their own

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

I need help and advice.

Me and my boyfriend broke up last night after 3 years. It’s been ongoing for a few weeks to be honest, that started with an argument at the start of June and him taking his stuff back to his home. I messaged him and asked him over to talk last week and told him the reason in the message was I wanted him over because I missed him and I truly felt we could work on things. He immediately messaged back and said yes, let’s talk, and asked when he could see me. He came over, I cooked dinner, we didn’t get into the subject of ‘us’ as we were just having a lovely time and talking/laughing like we usually do. Around 11pm he said he needed to go but he bought up that we hadn’t spoken about ‘us’ and said maybe I should make some notes on my phone for prompts and he’ll come over again. He came over last night, I had prompts, I told him I missed him, I regretted us ending, I see my faults and I want to work on us etc. He basically said he’d hit a wall with things, didn’t have the energy for the relationship and didn’t want to try. We talked for hours, hugged, I cried. I’m so confused as to why he agreed to talk?! And prompted that we didn’t talk and insisted he come over again… when actually he was still on the same page he was as before?! What was he expecting from us talking? What did he think I was going to say? I’d already told him in my initial message the reasons why.

That was last night. Yes, it’s raw. I start a new job Monday. It’s a huge career jump and I’m petrified. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t focus. How can I focus next week? Please give me any help.