How do I politely refuse to do work above my pay grade? I put in for a promotion 2 months ago, heard nothing back despite chasing, but I keep being told to do x y z which is time consuming & not my job, on top of my actual job role. I don't mind doing the work if I'm gonna get the pay banding for it.
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It really depends. Like if your contract says "and other duties/tasks" in the position description, and you do have time to do these things, it's a tough place to be in.
If you have a good relationship with your manager you could talk to them and tell them that the tasks you're carrying out are outside the scope of your current position and point blank ask about the promotion. Say that your current compensation plan does not accurately reflect the work you're doing - and have specific examples.
If you do not have the time to do these things on top of your regular duties then definitely say something about how these extra tasks are beginning to impinge on your official ones and you have no more bandwidth and ask about the promotion and having someone else fill your current position once you move forward.
I would tell them you don’t have the time and you’re not getting paid to do it. Say you don’t mind helping out once in awhile but it’s not in your job description. Also make it clear you’d love a promotion so you could do more of it
Long shot… does anyone use AI voiceover? I’m looking for a good programme but zero idea where to start.
I obsessively name my son’s stuff in odd places because the older kids would swap the coats just to create chaos, then other children would decide they liked the “new” coat better
is it clearly named etc so they can check lost property? Agree with above it should be dealt with. Someone took two pairs of wellies from my son and I spoke to the teacher , explaining it just wasn’t good enough. Those had his name in, in marker so they’d been taken home. They had an assembly about taking things
Had similar at my niece/nephew's primary school with stuff being taken from cloakrooms. Often it was food from people's lunchboxes but sometimes coats and shoes as well. They did talk about it in class and assembly but otherwise the teachers said it was difficult to stop anything 
Thanks for the reply good to know it's not just a problem at our school tbh,I obsessively name my son’s stuff in odd places because the older kids would swap the coats just to create chaos, then other children would decide they liked the “new” coat better
Someone took two pairs of wellies from my son and I spoke to the teacher , explaining it just wasn’t good enough. Those had his name in, in marker so they’d been taken home. They had an assembly about taking things
We were recommended not to use name labels but to actually write it in with marker and yeah I'm a bit of a stickler for it on everything he takes to school, hes still saying the big boys steal off pegs apparently his little class mates barbie brolly has also been 'pinched' so I think it's older silly beggars messing about in the corridor .... gives me hope it might turn up though.
How do you carefully and discreetly separate yourself from a clingy but lonely neighbour?
Met my neighbour 3 doors down when her cat ended up coming into my house all the time. Elderly lady, in her 70s I think. Husband sadly passed years ago and no kids. Since I met her she's been inviting me round for tea, coffee, movies, all sorts. We added each other on Facebook so I could let her know if her cat was at mine and not leaving. She sends me multiple Facebook posts every day of the most random things - memes, pictures of elaborately decorated cakes, vintage cars, you name it. I barely use Facebook and told her this and she still bombards me with messages.
I've tried popping round for a quick cuppa to give her a bit of company but she talks and talks and I just can't find a way out (I even get my daughter to call me now after an hour to feign some emergency so I can escape). If I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks she'll ask me to take in a parcel or cat sit or some other mundane task that gets her round to mine or me round to hers.
I think she's simply lonely. I feel for her. But I also work full time and I'm lucky to have an active social life. Without sounding rude I just don't have the time for this and I feel so smothered by it. I don't want to hurt her but I really would just like a bit of space...
Met my neighbour 3 doors down when her cat ended up coming into my house all the time. Elderly lady, in her 70s I think. Husband sadly passed years ago and no kids. Since I met her she's been inviting me round for tea, coffee, movies, all sorts. We added each other on Facebook so I could let her know if her cat was at mine and not leaving. She sends me multiple Facebook posts every day of the most random things - memes, pictures of elaborately decorated cakes, vintage cars, you name it. I barely use Facebook and told her this and she still bombards me with messages.
I've tried popping round for a quick cuppa to give her a bit of company but she talks and talks and I just can't find a way out (I even get my daughter to call me now after an hour to feign some emergency so I can escape). If I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks she'll ask me to take in a parcel or cat sit or some other mundane task that gets her round to mine or me round to hers.
I think she's simply lonely. I feel for her. But I also work full time and I'm lucky to have an active social life. Without sounding rude I just don't have the time for this and I feel so smothered by it. I don't want to hurt her but I really would just like a bit of space...
That sounds really tough, both for you and for her. Loneliness in the elderly is super common, even amongst those who have kids.
Do you know if there are other elderly neighbors in the vicinity that you could introduce her to?
If there are any free community activities for elders somewhere (I once lived in a city that offered crafts, movie afternoons, and stuff like that for people 65+ every Wednesday at a community center) maybe you could look into it because she might not know how to. This could provide her with a community of peers and ease the loneliness.
And whenever you're pressed for time / need to escape you can just be really kind but also very firm and say "I'm so sorry, X, I really have to go now, but it's been lovely to see you." It's not rude to establish boundaries, although some people will take it as such but that's their issue not yours.
If you're willing to, you could also try out having a regular catch up every, say, third Thursday of the month or something where she knows this is happening and you're committed to it. Maybe that could also ease the apprehension that she won't have anyone if you don't come round to hers.
You sound like a really kind person.
you sound like a lovely person
i can’t add much more to what @QueenBW has said, but i think especially from her post giving a dedicated day to pop round might help. you will both then clearly know to expect it and (for you) have the time ready for it. it’s a tough situation, but you can’t give up so much of your time and space.
Thank you both so much @LaBlonde and @QueenBW - I really appreciate the kind words!
I did gently introduce the topic of a community activity or day centre - I totally agree that it might be a really good thing for her. Surprisingly she didn't appear particularly interested. She's also quite good on her computer (from the countless Facebook posts I see she's part of many local Facebook groups) so I think it's unwillingness on that side.
And indeed I'm awful at establishing boundaries sometimes - I've got that Britishness in me!! I'm nervous about giving her a dedicated day I'll visit just because I travel quite a bit for work, and honestly, I'm scared of her automatically presuming this visit will be weekly or more and complaining when it isn't. That definitely comes down to boundaries on my side and like you said, saying no. I will give it a try - thank you!!
I did gently introduce the topic of a community activity or day centre - I totally agree that it might be a really good thing for her. Surprisingly she didn't appear particularly interested. She's also quite good on her computer (from the countless Facebook posts I see she's part of many local Facebook groups) so I think it's unwillingness on that side.
And indeed I'm awful at establishing boundaries sometimes - I've got that Britishness in me!! I'm nervous about giving her a dedicated day I'll visit just because I travel quite a bit for work, and honestly, I'm scared of her automatically presuming this visit will be weekly or more and complaining when it isn't. That definitely comes down to boundaries on my side and like you said, saying no. I will give it a try - thank you!!
Hope it helps, @didisaythatoutloudoops !
The reticence to go to a community center might partly be anxiety/her having been alone for so long that she's both yearning for community but afraid of putting herself out there. My grandma was like that, she refused to go to the Wednesday shenanigans, claimed she'd hate it, that she wouldn't know anyone and it'd be awkward. My mom literally took her one day, told her if she gave the whole day a try and still hated it she wouldn't mention it ever again. Of course grandma loved it and ended up going for the remainder of her life and even traveled abroad with some of the gals she met there.
Of course your neighbor isn't your relative and it's not your responsibility to force her to try things but yeah. Perhaps spending some time doing a bit of research to propose a specific one that you know more about could end up freeing your time in the long run!
As someone who travels a lot, I totally hear you. But maybe just try it for a bit, pick the day when you're least likely to travel, be super explicit that it will be a monthly thing, etc.
Also, if she's good with the internet maybe introduce her to Tattle
(jk, imagine she finds this post!)
Still didn’t get a response from my email... I sent seven days ago and a follow up on Thursday.... this was a professional email requesting information I need... spoiler: sent to the guy I mention below so wondering if I’ve done something wrong for clarification!
My depression has reared its weird head this week again. I can go weeks feeling fine, being OK and then dip. I’m in the down phase, if you saw me on Monday I was manic. I don’t feel like other people. I don’t feel normal. I can’t explain it but I feel like an outsider not fitting in and looking above myself spectating. It’s very odd. I’m my own worst critic and never feel good enough.
I’m not really living life. It’s all such a waste. I wake up and instantly want to go back to bed. I feel my best years are over and there is nothing left for me, nothing to look forward to.
I have a narc mother in my life who controls the narrative, my life, puts me down. Life isn’t fun with her on my shoulder.
I have a crush on a much older man which isn’t appropriate as he’s in a professional position. Hard to explain without giving too much away but I can’t stop thinking about our conversations and interactions and my goodness he’s easy on the eye. (He is single I checked his SM which I’m ashamed of in fact he has quite a open social media presence).
Anyways We had a connection when we first met I felt it, I never really feel anything when talking to a man but this guy was different. He’s a very interesting person. After our first meeting I felt a connection - I’m not sure what it is or was but I felt something. It was so odd. I brushed it aside until we met again last week...
Not that I’d act on it because why would someone be interested in me? I’m not attractive, I’ve not done much with life. It’s made me question a lot of deep thoughts, like what is wrong with me? Why a much older man? Because I want to feel safe? To be looked after? Why am I feeling this way. Because I’m lonely and sad about life? I loved that the conversation bounced really well. I can’t explain it.
In all honesty I just want someone on the same page as me who wants to go to a art gallery, go out for breakfast and coffee, expand our mind have interesting conversation and this guy seems like a perfect fit. I have never had a ‘crush’ before but yeah even at forty i was shocked and blew over by him. What is it? Why does it happen? Without sounding like a bell end to me he is perfect
(I bet he pees on the loo seat and doesn’t flush has smelly feet and leaves wet towels on the floor but it all honesty I would care if he did!!!
So yeah I feel stupid for feeling this way. Now I’m back in the spiral of depression... feeling not worthy of love, life and all those things I yearn. Questioning this ‘crush’ I feel like a teenager. Thoughts?
My depression has reared its weird head this week again. I can go weeks feeling fine, being OK and then dip. I’m in the down phase, if you saw me on Monday I was manic. I don’t feel like other people. I don’t feel normal. I can’t explain it but I feel like an outsider not fitting in and looking above myself spectating. It’s very odd. I’m my own worst critic and never feel good enough.
I’m not really living life. It’s all such a waste. I wake up and instantly want to go back to bed. I feel my best years are over and there is nothing left for me, nothing to look forward to.
I have a narc mother in my life who controls the narrative, my life, puts me down. Life isn’t fun with her on my shoulder.
I have a crush on a much older man which isn’t appropriate as he’s in a professional position. Hard to explain without giving too much away but I can’t stop thinking about our conversations and interactions and my goodness he’s easy on the eye. (He is single I checked his SM which I’m ashamed of in fact he has quite a open social media presence).
Anyways We had a connection when we first met I felt it, I never really feel anything when talking to a man but this guy was different. He’s a very interesting person. After our first meeting I felt a connection - I’m not sure what it is or was but I felt something. It was so odd. I brushed it aside until we met again last week...
Not that I’d act on it because why would someone be interested in me? I’m not attractive, I’ve not done much with life. It’s made me question a lot of deep thoughts, like what is wrong with me? Why a much older man? Because I want to feel safe? To be looked after? Why am I feeling this way. Because I’m lonely and sad about life? I loved that the conversation bounced really well. I can’t explain it.
In all honesty I just want someone on the same page as me who wants to go to a art gallery, go out for breakfast and coffee, expand our mind have interesting conversation and this guy seems like a perfect fit. I have never had a ‘crush’ before but yeah even at forty i was shocked and blew over by him. What is it? Why does it happen? Without sounding like a bell end to me he is perfect
(I bet he pees on the loo seat and doesn’t flush has smelly feet and leaves wet towels on the floor but it all honesty I would care if he did!!!So yeah I feel stupid for feeling this way. Now I’m back in the spiral of depression... feeling not worthy of love, life and all those things I yearn. Questioning this ‘crush’ I feel like a teenager. Thoughts?
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Hadn't seen this thread in a few days @Good Egg , sending you virtual hugs. Our brains are so good at lying to us sometimes, telling us we're not worthy of love (the one requisite for being worthy of love as a human? Being human. That's it), telling us we're not attractive (if Pete whatever his last name is is proof of anything it's that different people find different things attractive, everyone is attractive in some way), telling us we're weird and alone and no one else feels like we do. It's part of what makes depression so dangerous. It isolates us as it lies to us.Still didn’t get a response from my email... I sent seven days ago and a follow up on Thursday.... this was a professional email requesting information I need... spoiler: sent to the guy I mention below so wondering if I’ve done something wrong for clarification!
My depression has reared its weird head this week again. I can go weeks feeling fine, being OK and then dip. I’m in the down phase, if you saw me on Monday I was manic. I don’t feel like other people. I don’t feel normal. I can’t explain it but I feel like an outsider not fitting in and looking above myself spectating. It’s very odd. I’m my own worst critic and never feel good enough.
I’m not really living life. It’s all such a waste. I wake up and instantly want to go back to bed. I feel my best years are over and there is nothing left for me, nothing to look forward to.
I have a narc mother in my life who controls the narrative, my life, puts me down. Life isn’t fun with her on my shoulder.
I have a crush on a much older man which isn’t appropriate as he’s in a professional position. Hard to explain without giving too much away but I can’t stop thinking about our conversations and interactions and my goodness he’s easy on the eye. (He is single I checked his SM which I’m ashamed of in fact he has quite a open social media presence).
Anyways We had a connection when we first met I felt it, I never really feel anything when talking to a man but this guy was different. He’s a very interesting person. After our first meeting I felt a connection - I’m not sure what it is or was but I felt something. It was so odd. I brushed it aside until we met again last week...
Not that I’d act on it because why would someone be interested in me? I’m not attractive, I’ve not done much with life. It’s made me question a lot of deep thoughts, like what is wrong with me? Why a much older man? Because I want to feel safe? To be looked after? Why am I feeling this way. Because I’m lonely and sad about life? I loved that the conversation bounced really well. I can’t explain it.
In all honesty I just want someone on the same page as me who wants to go to a art gallery, go out for breakfast and coffee, expand our mind have interesting conversation and this guy seems like a perfect fit. I have never had a ‘crush’ before but yeah even at forty i was shocked and blew over by him. What is it? Why does it happen? Without sounding like a bell end to me he is perfect
So yeah I feel stupid for feeling this way. Now I’m back in the spiral of depression... feeling not worthy of love, life and all those things I yearn. Questioning this ‘crush’ I feel like a teenager. Thoughts?
I assure you, it's all lies. I'm sure that as it's coming from some stranger on the internet your brain will be like "pfft what does SHE know?" But I promise you. You are worthy of love. You're interesting. And most important of all: you're not alone.
So, if it's in your financial possibilities, go to a licensed therapist to help you get out of this episode. It's super hard to do anything at all, to give anyone or anything a chance when in the midst of a mental health crisis. So first things is getting you out of that state
Has anyone ever reported a care home an had results?
My dad works in a care home, when he's on holiday I switch the phone off because if I don't they are on the phone consistently looking for him to go in, he doesn't have a mobile an am not giving them ours, so now they have started sending people to our house looking for him, I find this breaking privacy as no one should be getting told our home address, especially random employers at his work
Obviously I want to report it, management is doing nothing an clearly our address has been passed from management but am not sure who to go too an if they will get this looked into, my biggest concern is clearly they had no problems passing our address onto employees so who else has had their address giving out
My dad works in a care home, when he's on holiday I switch the phone off because if I don't they are on the phone consistently looking for him to go in, he doesn't have a mobile an am not giving them ours, so now they have started sending people to our house looking for him, I find this breaking privacy as no one should be getting told our home address, especially random employers at his work
Obviously I want to report it, management is doing nothing an clearly our address has been passed from management but am not sure who to go too an if they will get this looked into, my biggest concern is clearly they had no problems passing our address onto employees so who else has had their address giving out
100% report it. That’s awful harassing him to go work and turning up to his house or contacting family is harassing. They also breached gdpr policy giving out your dads address no one should have their privacy invaded like that
I will definitely be looking into reporting this, my concern is, if I report it to the home they will probably do nothing about it as like I say it's clearly been management that's handed out the address as only management has the file, it was apparently the janitor that showed up to our house as I went completely mental about it, but according to my dad he isn't the only one they have done this too, a now ex-worker also had staff show up at his home
I am honestly sick of it, the whole reason I switch the phone off is so he can have his days off that he's entitled too, unfortunately my dad is easily talked into things so if they phone then he feels guilty an goes in, so now I keep the phone off, but I am furious they are now sending people to our door especially because a lot of the time I am home alone an I don't want random people showing up when my dad's out or on holiday
That is SOOOO out of order. Wow. Report and tell them absolutely not to do it again
I did have a few words with the guy at the door but really it wasn't his fault, he probably had no choice as they are quite the bullies, so unfortunately he got the brunt of my anger, I am hoping he went back to them about what I said but now am left with the knowledge that random staff know where the house is
Does he have a HR he could report to or higher management not within his workplace? Or tbh he’d be within his rights to call the police with random people turning up at his home address which he’s not given permission to or consented to his address being given out
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