One Day Of Winter #5 Bathroom locked, lentil slop, favouritism has to stop.

[HattieJakes]

This woman is one of the most infuriating, preachy, smug and superior people on the whole internet. Everything she writes has a tone of absolute moral superiority whilst requiring constant validation. She seems to have a deeply narcissistic personality. The miscarriage comment was hideous, she is clearly incapable of understanding the experiences of others. As for her "gentle" parenting: Girl, with zero boundaries you are bringing your children up to have major issues both now and in later life. You've had your struggles and suffered loss; so have millions of women with you and before you without your many privileges. Shame on you for being such a lazy ass weak parent and passing yourself off as mother superior under the guise of your grief and motherhood experience being so special and different. Shame on you for using your platform built within the baby loss community to passive aggressively undermine and judge others, including parents of children you have taught and worked with and yet big up yourself at every opportunity. Now I realise why your name is Pea; you have a pea sized brain, heart and moral compass.

 

[Makingitclear123]

I feel so sad for Nicola. She really can't see that she's completely lost herself, can she? I'm usually reluctant to comment on these forums - I just lurk instead! - but sometimes I think maybe she reads here? She needs ongoing therapy: her grief after Winter has been so public, and while I'm sure that has been helpful and hopefully gave her a sense of community and purpose after his death, I worry that the private, personal work that is needed hasn't been done. Obviously I'm just speculating and aware that social media isn't everything!
But it's really like she's determined to do everything 'right' by Raven - surely partly ongoing trauma after losing a child, and possibly partly a desire to keep her social media popularity and currency by being the Most Gentle Parent? Raven is a pretty little girl and Nicola can write a pleasant caption, so I imagine the engagement on pictures of Raven from the community Nicola built after Winter has always been a boost.
She just screams of postnatal depression - she has a baby who looks like Winter, and more importantly: isn't Raven. She wants Raven to herself and can't bear to allow Raven to feel any negative emotions, but where does that leave Ember? Does she resent Ember? Does she feel guilty for NOT particularly bonding with Ember the way she did Raven, and instead forces more love towards Raven? Why is Raven allowed to only feel positive when Ember is barely considered??

I know this isn't anything new AT ALL, and I know it's very boring of me to make my first post just something you've all been saying forever, but just...if Nicola (or anyone who knows her) reads this page...get therapy. Schools often offer employee assistance programs which allow 6 sessions for free, that would be a start. She needs to unpack her wounds and parent better. If you need to ask strangers if your solutions to parenting are gentle enough, when a) you know your children most and b) your solution is literally barring the children from each other to keep one of them happy, you need to assess things...quickly. I don't even mean this hatefully or judgementally, just as an unbiased reader who just feels deeply sad for this whole family!

Sorry for the indulgent, boring post!

 

[unknownname]

I just saw this and it immediately made me think of P

 

[Whatajoker]

I just saw this and it immediately made me think of P

Well you called it.

 

[RLdeletedme]

I actually feel sorry for Venom today.

It's up to an individual as to whether they breastfeed and how long they do it for. However, if my mother had posted photographs of me, at 4 years old, grabbing her tits and sucking on them, I'd be absolutely mortified.

Her friends will see this. Her future classmates and colleagues.

It's fucking disgusting how a private moment is made public without that child's consent.

 

[sunchaser19]

It’s the way she says “is that gentle?” Who’s approval are you seeking? Is there a gentle God or master that must approve all of their “gentle” actions??
What is she going to do with Ember whilst she “homeschools” Raven? Put a stair gate between them and sit in the middle? She’s insane. Makes life SO much harder than it ever needs to be.
She really wants to make life”gentle” for Raven, at the detriment of poor Ember!

 

[sassmaster3000]

I can't believe she lets her trog about in clothes she's already slept in, then lets her get into the shared "sleep space" and sleep in it again. Especially at the moment, and especially when they've been out and about around the public!

I remember she said a couple of years ago that one of her parenting “hacks” was to dress Raven in the next days clothes before she goes to bed, because Raven hates getting dressed in the morning.
What the fuck.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Dropping in the "I've buried one child" argument is disgusting. Losing a child is just beyond horrific, but it's not a card to play to win arguments! It just comes across as "I've suffered more than you so your opinion means nothing."

Also, that point about Raven not being able to cope if she couldn't see forwards is crap. Kids don't know seeing forwards is an option if they've never been in that position, or seen siblings etc forward facing. She went on about Raven hating the car seat, and the pram, from a very early age, when she would still have been in an infant carrier. She's said herself she assumed Ember would be the same, and she was surprised when that wasn't the case. I'm sure there was a post or story one day about sitting in the car for ages before actually setting off, waiting for Raven to make the choice to sit in her car seat, because she didn't want to force her to do something she didn't want to.

She's just trying to justify her own parenting choices again.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

And she’ll hate it. Does she have any idea who you are @sunchaser19 ?

I bet it's Dean. Poor bloke needs to vent somewhere

 

[maytoseptember]

Yet again painting mainstream schooling as damaging for children, and that R is simply too wild, too bright and precocious to be stifled by “the system”. It’s just pen on her face Pea, it’s not that deep.

 

[Smiffy1990]

Do they get financial help a lot from parents or something? I'm just so confused how they are affording to go on holiday at the moment including the costs of tests and paperwork etc pay private school fees, pay a mortgage, run a car etc all on maternity pay and retail manager wages? No amount of frugality can honestly make that work out in my head.

 

[sunchaser19]

If Raven is “so easy” to get to sleep then what’s the issue?? Lying again! Raven doesn’t want to share her mum, so she throws a tantrum that Ember is there when she’s going to sleep. Just tell her to pack it in Pea, really not difficult.

 

[BethanyGilbert]

This isn't remotely special. Does any 3 year old care about how much things cost?

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

To me all this "highly emotional child" stuff and talking about restraint collapse etc comes across as a way of saying "it's not my fault my kid is a nightmare, it's hers."

Take some responsibility Nicola. You don't discipline your child, so she's hard work. There's an easy way around that.

 

[RLdeletedme]

I see Raven is a Highly Emotional Child now. As someone very qualified in this field, I think she's just a Badly Behaved Brat.

 

[maytoseptember]

My eldest child is nearly 10 and I’ve come to realise that ALL parenting groups are inherently unhealthy places to be, but the crunchy/fringe groups are the worst. Yes, you desperately need support in the early days, but the trade off is toxicity - always being held to unattainably high standards by women (and it’s only ever women - men simply don’t need to seek validation in the same way) who just want to feel better about themselves and their own choices.

 

[sunchaser19]

It’s been commented to her before that it is highly likely that perverts follow her and save her photos and videos. She responded with the whole breastfeeding is normal and it’s on them if they’re making it sexual blah blah blah. True, but why give them the opportunity to have thousands of photos of your boobs with your kids hanging off them? Breast feed where the hell you want, sit on my drive and do it if you need to, but do you need to film it? Do you need to actually post videos of your whole nipple? It’s wrong.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

She's setting both those kids up for a difficult life. How does she expect them to fit into society, and interact with other humans when she won't even let them interact with each other properly?

These situations are exactly how kids learn life skills. Raven sets up a game, Ember attempts to grab at something, Raven doesn't like it. At this point Nicola would intervene. Tell Ember no and direct her attention to another toy, explain to Raven that Ember is only a baby and she doesn't understand. Then as they get older, teach them how to share and play together.

And as for "is this gentle?" Who cares? Like someone else said, do what works for you, not what's acceptable to others. Surely it's more important that your kids learn life skills and feel equally loved, than whether your parenting is meeting someone else's expectations?

 

[sunchaser19]

Neighbourhood and blocks …. Has Pea moved to America?? .
I really wish you lot could see where she lives, it’s a housing estate of about 10 houses chucked together off the side of a dual carriageway and opposite a retail park! Not sure how far she’s walked to find this lovely neighbourhood, but she can’t be describing the one she lives on!

 

[FraggleRock]

Because then she wouldn't get her 'special milky cuddles' and time to 'reconnect' with Raven

Is it just me, or does the term ‘milky cuddles’ just make you shudder