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Is anyone explaining to her that her idea of basically separating her two children all of the time isn’t sustainable? Why wouldn’t you teach them both to work with/play around each other? Physically separating the two? I don’t understand. That’s not gentle, that’s bonkers. They’re sisters, not enemies!
Why is she filming herself watching Raven do stuff? It's not a Gogglebox Nicola 
Totally agree about the play area. She's making it so much harder that it needs to be. We have introduced a shelf for each kid so they have some of their own toys that are theirs only, everything else (and the floor) is shared. At this rate she's going to have to put 'baby' in the nursery just so she can homeschool R
Totally agree about the play area. She's making it so much harder that it needs to be. We have introduced a shelf for each kid so they have some of their own toys that are theirs only, everything else (and the floor) is shared. At this rate she's going to have to put 'baby' in the nursery just so she can homeschool R
How many days a week is R going to “flexischool”? Is it one?
I’m wondering how long that will last. As soon as R has to deal with non-gentle school life, P will have her homeschooling full time quicker than you can say “precious first born”.
I’m wondering how long that will last. As soon as R has to deal with non-gentle school life, P will have her homeschooling full time quicker than you can say “precious first born”.
And then the school will breathe a massive sigh of relief at getting rid of their devil student
Is it a long term agreement she has with the school or is R just going part time until she is compulsory school age? If she is only just turning 4 this year then she doesn’t have to be in full time education yet. It is often tricky to get schools to agree to flexischooling a child of CSA, it is at the head teachers discretion.
It’s a private school IIRC. I doubt she’d find it so easy getting a state school to agree to one day per week.
Absolutely this and its a shame she doesn't understand that no emotions should be seen as negative, all emotions are human, normal and can be healthy as long as we know and understand how to acknowledge and manage them- she is not giving raven the tools to do this.
I work as an ELSA in key stage 3 and its actually the kids who cannot accept and deal with 'negative' emotions that have the lowest self-worth, that have little to no growth mindset, and struggle socially.
I feel so sad for Nicola. She really can't see that she's completely lost herself, can she? I'm usually reluctant to comment on these forums - I just lurk instead! - but sometimes I think maybe she reads here? She needs ongoing therapy: her grief after Winter has been so public, and while I'm sure that has been helpful and hopefully gave her a sense of community and purpose after his death, I worry that the private, personal work that is needed hasn't been done. Obviously I'm just speculating and aware that social media isn't everything!
But it's really like she's determined to do everything 'right' by Raven - surely partly ongoing trauma after losing a child, and possibly partly a desire to keep her social media popularity and currency by being the Most Gentle Parent? Raven is a pretty little girl and Nicola can write a pleasant caption, so I imagine the engagement on pictures of Raven from the community Nicola built after Winter has always been a boost.
She just screams of postnatal depression - she has a baby who looks like Winter, and more importantly: isn't Raven. She wants Raven to herself and can't bear to allow Raven to feel any negative emotions, but where does that leave Ember? Does she resent Ember? Does she feel guilty for NOT particularly bonding with Ember the way she did Raven, and instead forces more love towards Raven? Why is Raven allowed to only feel positive when Ember is barely considered??
I know this isn't anything new AT ALL, and I know it's very boring of me to make my first post just something you've all been saying forever, but just...if Nicola (or anyone who knows her) reads this page...get therapy. Schools often offer employee assistance programs which allow 6 sessions for free, that would be a start. She needs to unpack her wounds and parent better. If you need to ask strangers if your solutions to parenting are gentle enough, when a) you know your children most and b) your solution is literally barring the children from each other to keep one of them happy, you need to assess things...quickly. I don't even mean this hatefully or judgementally, just as an unbiased reader who just feels deeply sad for this whole family!
Sorry for the indulgent, boring post!
But it's really like she's determined to do everything 'right' by Raven - surely partly ongoing trauma after losing a child, and possibly partly a desire to keep her social media popularity and currency by being the Most Gentle Parent? Raven is a pretty little girl and Nicola can write a pleasant caption, so I imagine the engagement on pictures of Raven from the community Nicola built after Winter has always been a boost.
She just screams of postnatal depression - she has a baby who looks like Winter, and more importantly: isn't Raven. She wants Raven to herself and can't bear to allow Raven to feel any negative emotions, but where does that leave Ember? Does she resent Ember? Does she feel guilty for NOT particularly bonding with Ember the way she did Raven, and instead forces more love towards Raven? Why is Raven allowed to only feel positive when Ember is barely considered??
I know this isn't anything new AT ALL, and I know it's very boring of me to make my first post just something you've all been saying forever, but just...if Nicola (or anyone who knows her) reads this page...get therapy. Schools often offer employee assistance programs which allow 6 sessions for free, that would be a start. She needs to unpack her wounds and parent better. If you need to ask strangers if your solutions to parenting are gentle enough, when a) you know your children most and b) your solution is literally barring the children from each other to keep one of them happy, you need to assess things...quickly. I don't even mean this hatefully or judgementally, just as an unbiased reader who just feels deeply sad for this whole family!
Sorry for the indulgent, boring post!
I get the impression she wanted to homeschool Raven full time, but Dean wanted her to go to full-time school. She's mentioned on several occasions that she was trying to persuade him about home schooling. I think this one day a week business is the compromise. I also think she wants it to go badly so she can prove to Dean than they should fully home school.
what a weird little outsider Raven will be to her classmates if she only goes one day a week!
They have to pay for Raven to attend that school, which is probably the biggest factor in her only going once a week. They can’t afford to send her full time, but Pea will pretend it’s because she’s soooo edgy and alternative and Raven is too advanced for state schools! When actually, if they could afford it, I’m sure she’d send her more.
Its 2 days a week and if I remember right a lot of the kids at the school R will be attending will be flexi schooling so atleast there is the bonus that R won't feel like an outcast and won't have to work extra hard to make a connection with a classroom full of full time children.
She 100% wanted to fully homeschool R and I'm sure once she's started, she will create lots of ungentle problems in her mind to convince herself and Dean that R should be fully home schooled.
I know she's said on so many occasions she wanted a large family and lots of kids but seeing how she's dealt with 2 I hope she doesn't, it won't be fair on any future children, she's already got one growing up in the shadow of genius R.
That post she's shared isn't making the point she thinks it is. If you read those lists she definitely falls into the one on the right, and not the middle one like she imagines she does.
most inaccessible info graphic ive
possibly ever seen (not your fault
) but yeah she ticks every one of those on the permissive list?!most inaccessible info graphic ive
possibly ever seen (not your fault
I know, it doesn't read well at all, and I think more of the quality was lost when I uploaded it. I had to go to the original page to read it properly.RE the infographic: why is it a bad thing as a parent, to occasionally put your needs first?
It actually makes me feel like tit.
I'm really poorly right now and if I didnt put my own needs first, the once or twice a week I do, I would be no mother to my child.
And she's 100% permissive, as said.
It actually makes me feel like tit.
I'm really poorly right now and if I didnt put my own needs first, the once or twice a week I do, I would be no mother to my child.
And she's 100% permissive, as said.
Please don’t ever feel like tit because of what she has posted. I firmly believe everyone’s needs are important - but sometimes, one person’s needs are more important. Sometimes that person is the grown up. In a family, there’s give and take. It’s just how it goes!
Yes absolutely this. Sometimes you have to come first! Martyrdom helps no one. Sometimes you have to put down the baby and they’ll cry so you can go for a wee/get a drink/go cry somewhere. I do tend to put my kids first BUT I matter too.