New baby and post birth advice #56

[squacksquack]

I have a stage 5 clinger so I'm not sure it affected her too negatively either! We still do skin to skin and she's 10 weeks on Friday That must have been terrifying though!

That’s so lovely! Sounds like she loves her mummy.

I think it scared my husband more than me because I heard her screaming and was thinking “phew, she’s fine” and then assumed they were just delaying cord clamping for a bit then bringing her to me. It was luckily only a minute or so and then she was right as rain and with me. It was only after she was with me that my husband mentioned it which I’m very grateful for because I probably would have freaked out!

 

[Tifastrife]

Skin to skin is something I wanted so badly but I had such a terrible reaction to the induction/labour/epidural I was uncontrollably shaking from the ribs up and she wouldn't have been safe, I didn't have the strength to hold her (I hadn't eaten, drank or really slept for 24 hours). My husband got to do it instead. 🥲 I did it when we got to recovery and the epidural wore off a bit. It makes me feel tit when I think about it, but it is what it is 🫠

My skin to skin only lasted a couple minutes because my blood pressure dropped suddenly and I felt sick and shaky. It’s tit when it doesn’t go to plan but we can’t beat ourselves up

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Hi, sorry just popping over from the pregnancy thread again can any csection mums tell me whether I’ll benefit from a peri bottle?? I keep seeing how they’re essential on TikTok’s of hospital bags but I don’t know if this is just for vaginal births or whether I’ll benefit after a csection too.

While I’m here, any post csection essentials I should be stocking up on? I only know 1 person who’s had one well enough to speak to about it and she’s the least prepared and organised person I’ve ever known so can’t really ask her!!

Absolutely no need for a peri bottle if you're doing a C section imo, it's useful if you have stitches or just feeling a bit banged up down there but your vagina should hopefully come out unscathed! Though I suppose it could be personal preference, if you like to wash with water when you have a heavy period then it's not a bad idea.

My approach to packing was very much I'll take it and if I don't need it then it's ok to stay in the bag, but I'd rather have it than not.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Regarding c sections then… I had no idea what to expect and at the time nothing they did bothered me but I suppose hindsight/thinking about next time.. if both mum and baby’s health allows it, can you have immediate skin to skin? I’m talking like in vaginal when baby comes out and straight on mums chest- can you have that with c section? My baby was held up for me to see then passed to the midwife who I think did his APGAR etc then came and put him on my chest within 5 mins. We had about 30 mins I reckon, then they took him back to weigh him etc and passed him to dad whilst I was moved into the bed. Once in recovery he was back on my chest.
I don’t know if logistically they can pull baby out and literally pass them straight over to you? Has anyone had this?
Also as it was emergency my husband wasn’t able to cut the chord, and I think it was cut sooner than I’d have liked given when he was passed to me at the 5 min mark it had already been cut. Does anyone have experience of partners being allowed to cut it in theatre? And is it generally cut sooner as you’re in there? Or does 5 minutes sound sufficient?
sorry for the ramble, just my thoughts of today

 

[anonymous_flower]

I got about 30 seconds of skin to skin a few minutes after baby bandit was born - he was so poorly that they worked on him in the room and then quickly let me have a cuddle before taking him to the neonatal unit. Sometimes bigger things get in the way and it's a shame but as long as us and baby are ok that's all that matters

I didn't get any skin to skin as she was wheeled off to NICU. Obvs would rather her be seen to and okay but it is horrible to think I'll never get that moment back. I am glad she's thriving now though

 

[WotsitG1]

I felt on edge for a while too because my husband went through a phase of taking his stress out on me and getting annoyed by everything I was doing and the way I was looking after baby bandit, and it turned me into a bit of an emotional wreck because I was second-guessing everything and trying to adapt my parenting to keep him happy. After a lot of talks he finally realised how badly the way he was acting was affecting me and he's now much better and much more considerate. Asking for advice from a solicitor/counselling wouldn't be messing people around, it'd be you trying to sound out your options before you make a decision and is absolutely the right thing to do, so don't let the fear of being an imposition (which you wouldn't be!) get in the way of you looking into things

this is how I’m becoming. I can feel my heart pounding with stress when he’s in or messages. Like I have to think through everything I do or say… im not allowed to be tired or annoyed…
He never takes any pressure or jobs off me…. And I never get a proper break as I have no mum and no family around. Feel so lonely with it all. Feels like just me 24/7.

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

Regarding c sections then… I had no idea what to expect and at the time nothing they did bothered me but I suppose hindsight/thinking about next time.. if both mum and baby’s health allows it, can you have immediate skin to skin? I’m talking like in vaginal when baby comes out and straight on mums chest- can you have that with c section? My baby was held up for me to see then passed to the midwife who I think did his APGAR etc then came and put him on my chest within 5 mins. We had about 30 mins I reckon, then they took him back to weigh him etc and passed him to dad whilst I was moved into the bed. Once in recovery he was back on my chest.
I don’t know if logistically they can pull baby out and literally pass them straight over to you? Has anyone had this?
Also as it was emergency my husband wasn’t able to cut the chord, and I think it was cut sooner than I’d have liked given when he was passed to me at the 5 min mark it had already been cut. Does anyone have experience of partners being allowed to cut it in theatre? And is it generally cut sooner as you’re in there? Or does 5 minutes sound sufficient?
sorry for the ramble, just my thoughts of today

Not immediately, no. Or at least not in my experience. I had a planned C-section in June, they did delayed cord clamping and held the baby up for however many seconds that is. Then cord is cut (I think they did ask my husband if he wanted to cut it but he said no) and baby is taken over to be weighed and assessed, they have a heated cot ready and waiting for them as it's cold in the operating theatre to be sterile but obviously babies need to be kept warm and it can be a bit of a shock to the system for them. But then baby was brought over to me for skin to skin, it all felt very quick though.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

this is how I’m becoming. I can feel my heart pounding with stress when he’s in or messages. Like I have to think through everything I do or say… im not allowed to be tired or annoyed…
He never takes any pressure or jobs off me…. And I never get a proper break as I have no mum and no family around. Feel so lonely with it all. Feels like just me 24/7.

I'm so so sorry it sounds like you're doing everything anyway, so the only difference if you split up would be that you'd no longer be on edge and stressed, which sounds like a great positive right now can you afford a childminder occasionally to give you a break, or do you think any mums you might have met at a group would take baby for a couple of hours to give you a rest? You must be so exhausted and so stressed, you can't go on like this and it's not fair of him to be so selfish and so critical - and his lack of interest in being a parent isn't fair on your baby. Looking into going it alone and removing the emotional abuse and lack of support from your husband could be the daunting step you need to be happy again

 

[opintionatedperson]

Doing something I never do and putting my foot down,. My mil was suppose to call Saturday but never showed no explanation. Today she lands on during feeding which I'm not comfortable bf in front of people and expects us to host. I shut the living room door and refusing to go out and she brought her grandchild abs we already said no kids visit. . My hubby making her tea now and being a host andim just pissed. They never bothered with visiting before baby so why all of a sudden.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Not immediately, no. Or at least not in my experience. I had a planned C-section in June, they did delayed cord clamping and held the baby up for however many seconds that is. Then cord is cut (I think they did ask my husband if he wanted to cut it but he said no) and baby is taken over to be weighed and assessed, they have a heated cot ready and waiting for them as it's cold in the operating theatre to be sterile but obviously babies need to be kept warm and it can be a bit of a shock to the system for them. But then baby was brought over to me for skin to skin, it all felt very quick though.

Thank you for replying!!! I have checked the pictures they took for some timings and yes all felt very quick so I wasn’t upset by any delays or anything. Just a shame I think that you can’t have that immediate skin to skin. I wonder why it’s possible for vaginal births but not c sections? given that we’re laying there with nothing better to do than take baby if we wanted to
Hopefully it was just my situation that meant he wasn’t asked to cut the cord and he’ll be able to next time!

 

[squacksquack]

Regarding c sections then… I had no idea what to expect and at the time nothing they did bothered me but I suppose hindsight/thinking about next time.. if both mum and baby’s health allows it, can you have immediate skin to skin? I’m talking like in vaginal when baby comes out and straight on mums chest- can you have that with c section? My baby was held up for me to see then passed to the midwife who I think did his APGAR etc then came and put him on my chest within 5 mins. We had about 30 mins I reckon, then they took him back to weigh him etc and passed him to dad whilst I was moved into the bed. Once in recovery he was back on my chest.
I don’t know if logistically they can pull baby out and literally pass them straight over to you? Has anyone had this?
Also as it was emergency my husband wasn’t able to cut the chord, and I think it was cut sooner than I’d have liked given when he was passed to me at the 5 min mark it had already been cut. Does anyone have experience of partners being allowed to cut it in theatre? And is it generally cut sooner as you’re in there? Or does 5 minutes sound sufficient?
sorry for the ramble, just my thoughts of today

Yes, they can pull them out and put them on your chest right away - this is what I had for our third. She was there from the moment she was out to when they needed to lift me from the surgery table to the bed on wheels (that’s when they quickly did measurements). The obstetrician pulled her out, passed her immediately to the midwife and the midwife put her straight on me and then kept a close eye on her and me to make sure I was comfortable holding her). She checked her vitals, did APGAR scores etc while she was on my chest. My husband also cut the cord while she was on my chest.

I should add the disclaimer that I’m in Australia and went through our private system here with an ob who I chose and had throughout my pregnancies so we were all very clear on how I wanted things to go if we were both healthy.

For all three of mine, my husband has cut the cord in theatre, hasn’t been an issue.
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Thank you for replying!!! I have checked the pictures they took for some timings and yes all felt very quick so I wasn’t upset by any delays or anything. Just a shame I think that you can’t have that immediate skin to skin. I wonder why it’s possible for vaginal births but not c sections? given that we’re laying there with nothing better to do than take baby if we wanted to
Hopefully it was just my situation that meant he wasn’t asked to cut the cord and he’ll be able to next time!

You can, it might just depend on NHS policies etc. Here, maternal assisted c-sections (mum reaches down and ob guides her to pull baby out) are becoming more popular.

I didn’t have a MAC because it gave me the heebie jeebies and I would have had to do all the pre-surgery prep with gloves and hand washing which seemed like a big faff.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Yes, they can pull them out and put them on your chest right away - this is what I had for our third. She was there from the moment she was out to when they needed to lift me from the surgery table to the bed on wheels (that’s when they quickly did measurements). The obstetrician pulled her out, passed her immediately to the midwife and the midwife put her straight on me and then kept a close eye on her and me to make sure I was comfortable holding her). She checked her vitals, did APGAR scores etc while she was on my chest. My husband also cut the cord while she was on my chest.

I should add the disclaimer that I’m in Australia and went through our private system here with an ob who I chose and had throughout my pregnancies so we were all very clear on how I wanted things to go if we were both healthy.

For all three of mine, my husband has cut the cord in theatre, hasn’t been an issue.
---

You can, it might just depend on NHS policies etc. Here, maternal assisted c-sections (mum reaches down and ob guides her to pull baby out) are becoming more popular.

I didn’t have a MAC because it gave me the heebie jeebies and I would have had to do all the pre-surgery prep with gloves and hand washing which seemed like a big faff.

That sounds an absolute dream might need to move to Australia before I have another baby

 

[squacksquack]

That sounds an absolute dream might need to move to Australia before I have another baby

It was pretty special! Definitely my favourite birth experience (my other two we also did s2s but after they’d had vitals etc done quickly).

I’m definitely in a privileged position here - ability to afford private health insurance and to go through the private system. It’s not as expensive as somewhere like the Portland I don’t think but each baby we were probably nearly $10k out of pocket even with our insurance.

I do think they’re becoming more aware/comfortable with facilitating things like this for c-section births in our public system too. I’ve had all three private, but from talking to others in my baby groups from 2017 to now, it’s definitely changing for the better!

 

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

Totally bamboozled by little one's poops recently. Also never thought I'd be this invested in poo but hey ho!

Anyone got any insight? He's 10 weeks, exclusively breastfed and has just recently started producing quite liquidy poops after pretty much every feed, and today's had green mucus in it?! Was not prepared for that! We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow but just curious if anyone else has experienced this because Google is inconclusive.

 

[Onepotatotwopotato]

Totally bamboozled by little one's poops recently. Also never thought I'd be this invested in poo but hey ho!

Anyone got any insight? He's 10 weeks, exclusively breastfed and has just recently started producing quite liquidy poops after pretty much every feed, and today's had green mucus in it?! Was not prepared for that! We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow but just curious if anyone else has experienced this because Google is inconclusive.

It's not that he's getting too much foremilk is it? Only thing I can think of

 

[kayefeluu20]

It's not that he's getting too much foremilk is it? Only thing I can think of

This would be my suggestion too. Or is he drooling more than usual?

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Totally bamboozled by little one's poops recently. Also never thought I'd be this invested in poo but hey ho!

Anyone got any insight? He's 10 weeks, exclusively breastfed and has just recently started producing quite liquidy poops after pretty much every feed, and today's had green mucus in it?! Was not prepared for that! We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow but just curious if anyone else has experienced this because Google is inconclusive.

We went through a stage of this. I remember for a few days it looked like bits of broccoli in her nappy. There was no other issues or symptoms with it, so I just kept an eye on it and it stopped.

I think the main thing I found when consulting Dr Google was too much fore milk.

 

[themuffinwoman]

Sleep question. If your baby. (10 months) wakes up after around 8 hours total sleep…. But it’s 6am (he’s a late to bed fella) so you encourage them back to sleep. Was talking about this and a friend said I should just accept he’s up for the day. But I like him to ideally do 10 hours other wise he’s a grumpy mess.

dunno if this is the right place. But those who have been through a separation…. When did you just know it was over. Finding it increasingly hard to stay with my husband. The way he speaks to me at times, the lack of respect towards me, the lack of help. If Iv had a rough night with baby wotsit, he just wants to have a go if I’m tired and abit not a fully happy person. Heard him calling me the C word to a friend because I hadn’t asked him how his interview went straight away…. Prob because I’m the only one dealing with baby wotsit 24/7. He says he gives me a break in the evening but it’s literally 15 mins to take a shower. I don’t have any family close and the thought of being by myself scares me. I so wanna make it work, heard people say it’s tough in the first year or two…. But how much is enough!

@Pontiac_Bandit similar bedtimes here. I usually can rock him back to sleep or feed and he will go back down for 2-3 hours so still tired… I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Thankyou.

im finding it hard to find the qualities I like atm. Just feel let down and just keep thinking how selfish he is. When I’m on my own I feel more relaxed. As soon as I’m around him atm I feel stressed and on edge.

@Burrito88 I’m not sure if it’s noise maybe, he starts to be unsettled for a while then finally wakes. He’s round the back of house so quietest part. Got back out curtains and blinds up…. Hopefully just abit of a phase, it seems a fairly new thing.

Thankyou, I think maybe speaking to someone would be a good idea just to know exactly where I stand with everything. I feel like I don’t wanna mess people around with I’m leaving him then I’m not. Obviously I’d like this to work out. The only thing is I know he won’t leave the house, so I’d have to leave and yeah nearest and only family is 3 hrs away…. And kinda scares me the big change.
we just see to have really lost our way, things have been awful for him at work… I get he’s stressed but he then takes that out on me.

@CallMeHollywood Thankyou, my parents were similar and my mum was miserable for a lot of years. I don’t wanna end up like that. I think they stayed together for us and convenience.

Didn’t want to read and run, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and being treated like that. Definitely speak to a solicitor or someone in family law if you can- he won’t just get the house automatically if I’m the past you’ve contributed to it either financially or otherwise (cleaning etc.). Also depends on what you both brought to the marriage, so it’s not black and white. Do I remember you saying you have a brother you stayed with? Is this an option again to have some time to think things through and confide in him if you feel comfortable? Sending love and we’re always here for you to chat to x
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Regarding c sections then… I had no idea what to expect and at the time nothing they did bothered me but I suppose hindsight/thinking about next time.. if both mum and baby’s health allows it, can you have immediate skin to skin? I’m talking like in vaginal when baby comes out and straight on mums chest- can you have that with c section? My baby was held up for me to see then passed to the midwife who I think did his APGAR etc then came and put him on my chest within 5 mins. We had about 30 mins I reckon, then they took him back to weigh him etc and passed him to dad whilst I was moved into the bed. Once in recovery he was back on my chest.
I don’t know if logistically they can pull baby out and literally pass them straight over to you? Has anyone had this?
Also as it was emergency my husband wasn’t able to cut the chord, and I think it was cut sooner than I’d have liked given when he was passed to me at the 5 min mark it had already been cut. Does anyone have experience of partners being allowed to cut it in theatre? And is it generally cut sooner as you’re in there? Or does 5 minutes sound sufficient?
sorry for the ramble, just my thoughts of today

I had an EMCS and they asked if I wanted to cut the cord or my mum (birth partner). For me I did not want to see anything out of me other than the baby but they must have asked about 4 times she was taken away for a few mins for her whatevers and cleaned up a little, tbh I can’t remember if they asked if I wanted direct skin to skin, they were very flexible but I sort of vaguely just remember them saying they would do her obs and be about 5 mins before I could have her after the “lion king” moment.
my friend had an EMCS and the epidural numbed her up to her arms but they still pooped baba on her, just her husband had to be right there obvs to keep the baby steady.

ETA goodness me popped not pooped

 

[shhh1712]

I had an emergency c section and my husband wasn’t able to cut the cord, they weighed little one then put him on my chest however I started to feel funny so he was given to my husband. We managed to have skin to skin afterwards in recovery though, actually they’d already put him on my boob by the time we got wheeled through I don’t even remember who done that or when it happened!

 

[Chewycinema]

Also, not sure what things are like in the UK but you can request things like immediate skin to skin (it’s standard here in Aus now so I would assume UK is on par) and have them weigh and measure baby when they’re moving you onto the bed to wheel you to recovery. They can do obs, APGAR etc while baby is on your chest.

Regarding c sections then… I had no idea what to expect and at the time nothing they did bothered me but I suppose hindsight/thinking about next time.. if both mum and baby’s health allows it, can you have immediate skin to skin? I’m talking like in vaginal when baby comes out and straight on mums chest- can you have that with c section? My baby was held up for me to see then passed to the midwife who I think did his APGAR etc then came and put him on my chest within 5 mins. We had about 30 mins I reckon, then they took him back to weigh him etc and passed him to dad whilst I was moved into the bed. Once in recovery he was back on my chest.
I don’t know if logistically they can pull baby out and literally pass them straight over to you? Has anyone had this?
Also as it was emergency my husband wasn’t able to cut the chord, and I think it was cut sooner than I’d have liked given when he was passed to me at the 5 min mark it had already been cut. Does anyone have experience of partners being allowed to cut it in theatre? And is it generally cut sooner as you’re in there? Or does 5 minutes sound sufficient?
sorry for the ramble, just my thoughts of today

My partner cut both our babies cords in theatre and my first was emcs!
I never got skin to skin with my daughter (1st) when she was born now that i think about it. I didnt even hold her or see what she looked like til i was i recovery
With my son he was shown to me when he came out then taken away for checks, weight and cord cutting then put on me for skin to skin and never taken away again, probably was about 5 mins for it all and he screamed the entire time till he was on my chest