New baby and post birth advice #56

[CallMeHollywood]

Hi, sorry just popping over from the pregnancy thread again can any csection mums tell me whether I’ll benefit from a peri bottle?? I keep seeing how they’re essential on TikTok’s of hospital bags but I don’t know if this is just for vaginal births or whether I’ll benefit after a csection too.

While I’m here, any post csection essentials I should be stocking up on? I only know 1 person who’s had one well enough to speak to about it and she’s the least prepared and organised person I’ve ever known so can’t really ask her!!

Didn’t bother with a peri bottle. Big pants and paracetamol will sort you out.
Regarding aftercare, I’d get some antiseptic wipes that you can use on your skin, just in case you get some sore spots. Watch out for feeding baby on your lap as it may aggravate your wound. Everything at counter height for a few weeks. Get a box to put all your feeding bits in - muslin, bottle, infacol, etc. so if you need to move to another room, it’s easier. Also means you’re not putting wet muslins on your furniture.

 

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

Any recommendations to quench the breast feeding thirst

I found Lucozade Sport (the still one, not fizzy) really helped for the first few weeks. Now I just drink filtered water with some squash and keep sipping it throughout the day. I've found that having it in a bottle rather than a glass helps me remember to drink more but not sure what the science is behind that!

Also eating water-heavy fruit like melon is good, if you like fruit.

 

[Ro98]

Hi, sorry just popping over from the pregnancy thread again can any csection mums tell me whether I’ll benefit from a peri bottle?? I keep seeing how they’re essential on TikTok’s of hospital bags but I don’t know if this is just for vaginal births or whether I’ll benefit after a csection too.

While I’m here, any post csection essentials I should be stocking up on? I only know 1 person who’s had one well enough to speak to about it and she’s the least prepared and organised person I’ve ever known so can’t really ask her!!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0BLRQCTGT?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

These knickers were the absolute best buy for me, the softest knickers I’ve ever worn but also incredibly supportive which is essential when your belly just feels jiggly & ‘loose’ also a super large water bottle. Drink drink drink immediately after the section to help your bowels! And when they say “let’s try getting you up” go for it, be sensible but also don’t be afraid to get moving. Walking a bit every hour for the first few weeks helped my recovery. And also if you can stay shirtless & air your scar out numerous times a day- it’ll help it heal. Good luck, I loved my section and hope to do it again one day x

 

[raspberryjuice]

Thank you ladies! Some great advice and my Amazon basket is now overflowing. I’ve taken out the peri bottle that tiktok was telling me I MUST have though. I was a bit confused about why!

 

[squacksquack]

Thank you ladies! Some great advice and my Amazon basket is now overflowing. I’ve taken out the peri bottle that tiktok was telling me I MUST have though. I was a bit confused about why!

Also! Don’t stress reading horror stories about c-sections. Planned and emergency ones are very different beasts. I had three planned and they were all beautiful birthing experiences. Recovery also honestly wasn’t bad at all!

 

[fudgebox]

Thank you ladies! Some great advice and my Amazon basket is now overflowing. I’ve taken out the peri bottle that tiktok was telling me I MUST have though. I was a bit confused about why!

I didn’t even get one for a vaginal birth and didn’t feel like I needed one I was fine without it!

 

[WotsitG1]

Sleep question. If your baby. (10 months) wakes up after around 8 hours total sleep…. But it’s 6am (he’s a late to bed fella) so you encourage them back to sleep. Was talking about this and a friend said I should just accept he’s up for the day. But I like him to ideally do 10 hours other wise he’s a grumpy mess.

dunno if this is the right place. But those who have been through a separation…. When did you just know it was over. Finding it increasingly hard to stay with my husband. The way he speaks to me at times, the lack of respect towards me, the lack of help. If Iv had a rough night with baby wotsit, he just wants to have a go if I’m tired and abit not a fully happy person. Heard him calling me the C word to a friend because I hadn’t asked him how his interview went straight away…. Prob because I’m the only one dealing with baby wotsit 24/7. He says he gives me a break in the evening but it’s literally 15 mins to take a shower. I don’t have any family close and the thought of being by myself scares me. I so wanna make it work, heard people say it’s tough in the first year or two…. But how much is enough!

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Sleep question. If your baby. (10 months) wakes up after around 8 hours total sleep…. But it’s 6am (he’s a late to bed fella) so you encourage them back to sleep. Was talking about this and a friend said I should just accept he’s up for the day. But I like him to ideally do 10 hours other wise he’s a grumpy mess.

dunno if this is the right place. But those who have been through a separation…. When did you just know it was over. Finding it increasingly hard to stay with my husband. The way he speaks to me at times, the lack of respect towards me, the lack of help. If Iv had a rough night with baby wotsit, he just wants to have a go if I’m tired and abit not a fully happy person. Heard him calling me the C word to a friend because I hadn’t asked him how his interview went straight away…. Prob because I’m the only one dealing with baby wotsit 24/7. He says he gives me a break in the evening but it’s literally 15 mins to take a shower. I don’t have any family close and the thought of being by myself scares me. I so wanna make it work, heard people say it’s tough in the first year or two…. But how much is enough!

My parents stayed together for far too long, and they’re so much happier not being together. You’re stronger than you realise, and if you don’t have family close by, you’ll make your own new family through friends and community. I hope you’re alright. Don’t let him grind you down - no one deserves that.

 

[Tifastrife]

Oh my god he only woke up once last night. I feel like a new woman. Not getting my hopes up for the same again tonight but there is light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Burrito88]

Sleep question. If your baby. (10 months) wakes up after around 8 hours total sleep…. But it’s 6am (he’s a late to bed fella) so you encourage them back to sleep. Was talking about this and a friend said I should just accept he’s up for the day. But I like him to ideally do 10 hours other wise he’s a grumpy mess.

dunno if this is the right place. But those who have been through a separation…. When did you just know it was over. Finding it increasingly hard to stay with my husband. The way he speaks to me at times, the lack of respect towards me, the lack of help. If Iv had a rough night with baby wotsit, he just wants to have a go if I’m tired and abit not a fully happy person. Heard him calling me the C word to a friend because I hadn’t asked him how his interview went straight away…. Prob because I’m the only one dealing with baby wotsit 24/7. He says he gives me a break in the evening but it’s literally 15 mins to take a shower. I don’t have any family close and the thought of being by myself scares me. I so wanna make it work, heard people say it’s tough in the first year or two…. But how much is enough!

Is there anything in particular waking him up at 6am? Noise/light or is it hunger/had enough sleep?
RE: your husband, try and have a calm chat with him, let him know how you’re feeling and how his behaviour impacts on you. Raising a baby on mat leave is (more than) a full time job, I think they lose sight of this sometimes. If he’s still being a knob and doesn’t appreciate you then it’s time to have a think about whether you’re really happy.
If you do decide it’s over then I would have a think how this could affect you financially (do you share any assets), you can sometimes get a free session with a solicitor who can advise on this. I’m not saying to let this stop you, but to keep stress as low as possible it’s better to know what your situation will be.
secondly, is he likely to become abusive if he finds out you’re leaving? Confide in a supportive friend or family member and remember there’s always somewhere you can go, even if it’s a women’s refuge.
Sorry you’re dealing with all of this, looking after a baby is hard enough without your partner letting you down xxx

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Sleep question. If your baby. (10 months) wakes up after around 8 hours total sleep…. But it’s 6am (he’s a late to bed fella) so you encourage them back to sleep. Was talking about this and a friend said I should just accept he’s up for the day. But I like him to ideally do 10 hours other wise he’s a grumpy mess.

dunno if this is the right place. But those who have been through a separation…. When did you just know it was over. Finding it increasingly hard to stay with my husband. The way he speaks to me at times, the lack of respect towards me, the lack of help. If Iv had a rough night with baby wotsit, he just wants to have a go if I’m tired and abit not a fully happy person. Heard him calling me the C word to a friend because I hadn’t asked him how his interview went straight away…. Prob because I’m the only one dealing with baby wotsit 24/7. He says he gives me a break in the evening but it’s literally 15 mins to take a shower. I don’t have any family close and the thought of being by myself scares me. I so wanna make it work, heard people say it’s tough in the first year or two…. But how much is enough!

With the sleep, I do what you're doing and re-settle baby bandit if he wakes early - we start bedtime around 8-8.30pm and he's usually asleep by 9-9.30pm, and then I aim to get him to sleep until about 8am if possible. If baby wakes early and you can rock him back to sleep (or give him a feed and get him back to sleep) then go for it!

I'm so sorry that you're going through such an awful time with your husband - the first year or two is definitely rough on relationships and a lot of us here have been hurt and frustrated by our partners, but the way your husband is treating you is cruel and unkind, and you don't have to put up with it. Would he consider couples counselling to see if there's a way to come back from this? Has he got any qualities you like about him at the moment or do you mainly want to stay together because of who he used to be and because you don't want to be a single parent? It's not ok that he barely helps out with baby and treats you so badly, that's more than just the usual new parent stresses. Going it alone would be daunting and hard but ultimately better for you in the long run if it means you can remove yourself from the lack of respect and the cruelty that will impact your self-esteem and confidence over time, especially if you're doing all the parenting anyway

 

[WotsitG1]

@Pontiac_Bandit similar bedtimes here. I usually can rock him back to sleep or feed and he will go back down for 2-3 hours so still tired… I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Thankyou.

im finding it hard to find the qualities I like atm. Just feel let down and just keep thinking how selfish he is. When I’m on my own I feel more relaxed. As soon as I’m around him atm I feel stressed and on edge.

@Burrito88 I’m not sure if it’s noise maybe, he starts to be unsettled for a while then finally wakes. He’s round the back of house so quietest part. Got back out curtains and blinds up…. Hopefully just abit of a phase, it seems a fairly new thing.

Thankyou, I think maybe speaking to someone would be a good idea just to know exactly where I stand with everything. I feel like I don’t wanna mess people around with I’m leaving him then I’m not. Obviously I’d like this to work out. The only thing is I know he won’t leave the house, so I’d have to leave and yeah nearest and only family is 3 hrs away…. And kinda scares me the big change.
we just see to have really lost our way, things have been awful for him at work… I get he’s stressed but he then takes that out on me.

@CallMeHollywood Thankyou, my parents were similar and my mum was miserable for a lot of years. I don’t wanna end up like that. I think they stayed together for us and convenience.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

@Pontiac_Bandit similar bedtimes here. I usually can rock him back to sleep or feed and he will go back down for 2-3 hours so still tired… I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Thankyou.

im finding it hard to find the qualities I like atm. Just feel let down and just keep thinking how selfish he is. When I’m on my own I feel more relaxed. As soon as I’m around him atm I feel stressed and on edge.

@Burrito88 I’m not sure if it’s noise maybe, he starts to be unsettled for a while then finally wakes. He’s round the back of house so quietest part. Got back out curtains and blinds up…. Hopefully just abit of a phase, it seems a fairly new thing.

Thankyou, I think maybe speaking to someone would be a good idea just to know exactly where I stand with everything. I feel like I don’t wanna mess people around with I’m leaving him then I’m not. Obviously I’d like this to work out. The only thing is I know he won’t leave the house, so I’d have to leave and yeah nearest and only family is 3 hrs away…. And kinda scares me the big change.
we just see to have really lost our way, things have been awful for him at work… I get he’s stressed but he then takes that out on me.

@CallMeHollywood Thankyou, my parents were similar and my mum was miserable for a lot of years. I don’t wanna end up like that. I think they stayed together for us and convenience.

I felt on edge for a while too because my husband went through a phase of taking his stress out on me and getting annoyed by everything I was doing and the way I was looking after baby bandit, and it turned me into a bit of an emotional wreck because I was second-guessing everything and trying to adapt my parenting to keep him happy. After a lot of talks he finally realised how badly the way he was acting was affecting me and he's now much better and much more considerate. Asking for advice from a solicitor/counselling wouldn't be messing people around, it'd be you trying to sound out your options before you make a decision and is absolutely the right thing to do, so don't let the fear of being an imposition (which you wouldn't be!) get in the way of you looking into things

 

[squacksquack]

Thank you ladies! Some great advice and my Amazon basket is now overflowing. I’ve taken out the peri bottle that tiktok was telling me I MUST have though. I was a bit confused about why!

Also, not sure what things are like in the UK but you can request things like immediate skin to skin (it’s standard here in Aus now so I would assume UK is on par) and have them weigh and measure baby when they’re moving you onto the bed to wheel you to recovery. They can do obs, APGAR etc while baby is on your chest.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Also, not sure what things are like in the UK but you can request things like immediate skin to skin (it’s standard here in Aus now) and have them weigh and measure baby when they’re getting ready for you to go to recovery. They can do obs, APGAR etc while baby is on your chest.

I am so pissed, when 5 was born I was so out of it (and angry at my emcs) that I said I didn’t want skin to skin (I am so good at cutting my nose off to spite my face), then with TF (VBAC) I wanted skin to skin but couldn’t because I bled so much they thought I was haemorrhageing and had to wheel me off the theatre sharpish like ffs! So yes, definitely ask for skin to skin! And it costs something like $6k in the US to have skin to skin which is just boggling.

 

[squacksquack]

I am so pissed, when 5 was born I was so out of it (and angry at my emcs) that I said I didn’t want skin to skin (I am so good at cutting my nose off to spite my face), then with TF (VBAC) I wanted skin to skin but couldn’t because I bled so much they thought I was haemorrhageing and had to wheel me off the theatre sharpish like ffs! So yes, definitely ask for skin to skin! And it costs something like $6k in the US to have skin to skin which is just boggling.

Ugh I’m sorry. That’s so frustrating especially after the VBAC!

Don’t get me started on the US medical system - so bonkers and broken.

 

[kayefeluu20]

Skin to skin is something I wanted so badly but I had such a terrible reaction to the induction/labour/epidural I was uncontrollably shaking from the ribs up and she wouldn't have been safe, I didn't have the strength to hold her (I hadn't eaten, drank or really slept for 24 hours). My husband got to do it instead. 🥲 I did it when we got to recovery and the epidural wore off a bit. It makes me feel tit when I think about it, but it is what it is 🫠

 

[squacksquack]

Skin to skin is something I wanted so badly but I had such a terrible reaction to the induction/labour/epidural I was uncontrollably shaking from the ribs up and she wouldn't have been safe, I didn't have the strength to hold her (I hadn't eaten, drank or really slept for 24 hours). My husband got to do it instead. 🥲 I did it when we got to recovery and the epidural wore off a bit. It makes me feel tit when I think about it, but it is what it is 🫠

Wow that sounds so full on. It sucks that you didn’t get to have it with her immediately but she would have had all the benefits from your husband and you having it with her a bit later.

I didn’t get it immediately with our second because she screamed so much she shocked herself, stopped breathing and had to have oxygen. She’s still my baby koala so I don’t think it impacted our bond at all. Still that dramatic as well.

 

[kayefeluu20]

Wow that sounds so full on. It sucks that you didn’t get to have it with her immediately but she would have had all the benefits from your husband and you having it with her a bit later.

I didn’t get it immediately with our second because she screamed so much she shocked herself, stopped breathing and had to have oxygen. She’s still my baby koala so I don’t think it impacted our bond at all. Still that dramatic as well.

I have a stage 5 clinger so I'm not sure it affected her too negatively either! We still do skin to skin and she's 10 weeks on Friday That must have been terrifying though!

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Skin to skin is something I wanted so badly but I had such a terrible reaction to the induction/labour/epidural I was uncontrollably shaking from the ribs up and she wouldn't have been safe, I didn't have the strength to hold her (I hadn't eaten, drank or really slept for 24 hours). My husband got to do it instead. 🥲 I did it when we got to recovery and the epidural wore off a bit. It makes me feel tit when I think about it, but it is what it is 🫠

I got about 30 seconds of skin to skin a few minutes after baby bandit was born - he was so poorly that they worked on him in the room and then quickly let me have a cuddle before taking him to the neonatal unit. Sometimes bigger things get in the way and it's a shame but as long as us and baby are ok that's all that matters