Coffee Moaning for Friday and the jackwagons have given their loyal followers are heads up. Did you see the latest pics of Ricky Martin? He looks like he is on the juice.
I have to get my sad arse to the lab to get poked like a pin cushion. Okay title is"Are YOU Looking forward to XMAS? Butcher Shortages, Favourite Toys & SMALL TALK!"
They are 3 minutes late. Some bitching in the chat box about MAFS being a repeat. Mark is wearing the same top as last night. They are here now, talking about pinch, punch, first of the month. Apparently Dina was very good at it. The picture quality is shite. Roll call. Going over to 4G. Welcome Insta newbies. Talk about the Sarah Everard case and people feeling raw.
When Mark says raw, does he been the flailing that Nadia has had in backlash to her stupid remarks on Loose? Nadia sips from her Gobshite mug, how appropos.
News about fuel and haulage and Mark worried that Christmas is not going to come.
What is he talking about? Christmas is always there where you spend a bomb or not. Nadia says she isn't worried and we deal without having pigs in blanket, whilst Mark is humming "Do They Know It's Christmas." Elliot says Christmas is what you make of it.
(Honestly, taking a Christmas off is something I did a few years ago. I just got fed-up one year and said, I'm out. Decided I will do what I want, sleep in, snack around the clock, went to the cinema, it was great!
) Going back to wifi.
Oh shit, Nadia is doing her firth thigns of Chrithmasth and we haven't even hit Halloween. Nick Ferarri was saying the front page of the Daily Star had a boy sitting on Santa's lap asking for an HGV licence, some fuel and a turkey and Santa says Nah, no hope of it mate.
Nadia doesn't want to talk about all the things not working, she just wants fun this morning. Anita is looking forward to Vlogmas and Nadia flips her hair and says she is getting excited about that, what with last year's lockdown. Mark is clicking his pen and said that Nadia pissed on his parade saying she didn't want to talk about the heavy stuff. "I don't want to talk about fuel and the gov't." Mark says that he does for a minute, which will turn into a 10 minute lecture.
Mark talks about being a man's man, as being someone who has fuel, as there is a hierarchy about who has fuel and who doesn't. Mark feels ashamed not having fuel.
This morning, let's see if I can condense this story, Mark did the school run, seeing there is a small queue at the station, goes to get the car from Betty, Betty's car is a hybrid and she has to show Mark how to use it, her car only uses fuel to start up the electrics, goes to the station with the jerry can, Nadia interjects to say people were shouting at him because of his jerry can and Mark says she ruined his story. "Oh sorry." Yeah so he gets yelled at for the jerry can he yells back his car doesn't have fuel, he is using his mother-in-law's car, leave me alone. He goes to pay and the car in front of him has left and cars beeping their horns for him to get a shift on, He gets into Betty's car, presses the button, IT WON'T START! Everyone is screaming at him.
"You must have been shitting yourself." Finally, it started, got back home and had to use Nadia's funnel from the kitchen "Where is that? I need it back." Emma has a joke. Which Spice Girl can get petrol? Geri can.
"Oh I love a cheesy joke" says Nadia.
Someone wants to know why Northern Ireland is fine for petrol, but the rest of the UK aren't. Happy birthday Sharona. Thank you to Claire for the card. Ellen says buy Nads a new funnel to Mark. Mark says the demand for fuel is up for the weekend.
Well duh, they always raise the price of fuel here for the weekend, especially a long one. Happy birthday to Kirstie. "Bond dies no time to die" reads out Nadia. Mark has blocked the "asshole." Nadia thought it was a cheesy joke. Butcher shortage and Mark didn't know that. Ministers planning to ease visa restrictions. Nadia is thinking about pigs in blankets.
She needs to see someone about her food obsession. "Do you like pigs in blankets? Do you find them a bit salty?" Mark says he feels like he putting a penis in his mouth.
"
MAAARKKK! GOOD GOD!" He says he HAD to say it.
Nadia doesn't think the bacon next to it works. "I might go completely left field this Christmas."
What is that supposed to mean? Something comes out of left field, it's a baseball analogy, meaning odd or weird. Mark goes on to say how they reluctantly accept Brexit, but would love someone who voted for Brexit to say it is a bit ironic. Nadia is still going on about the bacon in the pigs in the blanket and me, well I have never had pigs in a blanket with bacon, it was always been in one of those Pilsbury crescent rolls as a kid.
Sophie says Daniel Craig is in the Guardian today described as 53, Craig is cheerful, clever and friendly. Nadia "
HE'S A SNOB!! HE'S A BLOODY SNOB!!" Calm down woman, it ain't interested in your opinion. Wendy mentions bacon wrapped prunes and Ms. Masterchef says "yeah that's called devils on horseback." Mark claims he is allergic to prunes, says he never knew fruits didn't come out of tin until he was 13, dig at Di's parenting. Apparently he ates some as a kid, got sick, ergo he is "allergic."
Nads says he ate too many and the reason she doesn't like prunes is the elders saying they were bunged up and needed prunes and she associates it with constipation. Faith suggests pigs in duvets, the duvets being white bread.
Oooh, fancy. 
Nadia is trying to figure that one out.
Toffee is barking her head off, so it must be Tim! Off goes Mark to get his affirmation.
Christmas traditions, Bucks Fizz, sausage rolls. Mark is back to the meat industry and lack of workers and pinch points as the gov't is calling them. Someone asks Mark how his course is going. He says well as yesterday he did some role playing therapist mode, "it was draining and illuminating." Mark asking about vol-au-vents, when he means appetizers. Nads likes coronation chicken. Gabrielle says stuffing balls. Nads: "Same to you Gabrielle." Sam says fried brie and cranberry sauce. Nads tells us about making puff pastry with brie, nuts and cranberry sauce and how she gains half a stone at Christmas from all the cheese eating. She says she will keep to her 16/8 though. Loads of hair fluffing and scrunching. Mark is worried about mince pies. Did you that Mark did a documentary series with Nigel Slater? Slater told him that what would cause a revolution in Britian would be the banning of dunking biscuits. Mark reckons it would be no mince pies at Christmas. Someone asks about taste tests. Nads says she is doing another 16/8 video today, aiming to do one every Friday, so we shall see how long this lasts.
Pen clicking. Claire asks about the winner and they say they have been contacted. Talk about the Google tombola.
Small talk, do you like it. HIT THE LIKE BUTTON. Nads says she loves it. "I'm a TV presenter, it's my job!" She says she can talk about anything. David says the pandemic is the new weather. (I was talking to a neighbour the other day about the weather. It is at that point where it doesn't know if it wants to be warm or cold, so it is at a stalemate.
) Karen says she can, but doesn't like it.
I have to be in the right mood, otherwise I stay quiet. Nadia hates small talk with other slebs, everyone is too keen and too nice. Mark says at industry things slebs have special small talk. Fear of small talk is what makes Mark want to avoid any party situation. Study on big talks with strangers being more fufiling. Mark wants to find a strategic way of doing that. Me? --->
Mark says answer honestly when people ask how are you. Nadia: "I like it when people tell me how they are." Nads had a nice chat with her friend Tom about his trip to Rome. "People make talk small when it doesn't have to be."
I'm zoning out now. "Interest in human beings is the key to conversation."
Other people call that being a nosey parker.
The next James Bond. "Ta-ra luv, ta-ra won't miss you, close the door on your way out" says Nads. Talk about Tom Hardy, but Nadia doesn't think so because of family commitments. Henry Cavill? "Naw." Taron Eggerton is too boyish. Idris Elba. "He is gorgeous" says Nadia as she picks her nails. Mark says it would be a bold and important move aka box ticking! Nadia mentions Colin Salmon and says he would have been a good Bond, but back then "we were too prejudice."
Talk about diversity in film.
Let's make Bond a black, lesbian, bionic-armed dyslexic already! Mark asks if he needs to be posh. The most important thing for Nadia is Bond needs huge charisma and wit. Mark says like Daniel Craig and Nadia goes off on him. "
Because he is so far up his own arse, you can't hardly see his head, he cawn't be witty. WHAT IS THAT BEAUTIFUL WOMAN DOING WITH HIM?!? THAT BRILLIANT ACTRESS, because she is so witty and smart and a great actress and he is just horrible." Umm, his talents are not readily available to the general populace, if you catch my drift? GUYS HIT THE LIKE BUTTON! Rege-Jean Page. Nads figures he could do it. Someone says he is too young and Nads says "we've had old craggy chops for ages, it might be nice to have a younger Bond."
Remember when I said she needs to see someone about her obsession with eating, she should see them about her Daniel Craig obsession. Mark says Richard Madden would be good. James Norton, Nadia looovvves him. Mark says they have a BBC face.
Let's see, Bodyguard, Happy Valley, Grantchester are all ITV shows, so no Mark. Minky Moo wants rough posh. Henry Golding. Tom Hiddleston, to which Nadia says "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! HE'S GOT NO SEX APPEAL!"
Umm, you're married to Mark so your barometer on sex appeal is busted and therefore invalid! "Tom Ellis? Who's Tom Ellis" asks Mark.
Lucifer Mark. Tamsin Outhwaites' ex. Nadia just figured out who he is and says "No, don't like him." Some fool suggests Danny Dyer, could you imagine?
COME ON GUYS, WE'VE GOT TO HAVE AT LEAST 2OO THUMBS UP. Happy birthday Sarah. Welcome to Louise. "Top toys we have to talk about that!" says Nads. Talk about toy shortage. Nads wants to know about favourite toy you got for Christmas. For me, it was my Betty Crocker Oven.
Hazel says Spirograph and Etch a Sketch. Mark's was the Evil Knievel. Jean says Raleigh Chopper. Createaholic says Buckeroo. Apparently that game made Kiki scream. Nads says her grandfather made furniture for their dolls. Sarah says a wristwatch. Mark had a Snoopy one. Nads is freaking out now over the Snoopy watch. She pulls his jumper and asks him why he is all wet, he is going to get a chest infection. Toffee barking again and off goes Nads. Allie says Tiny Tears. Maisey has a My Little Pony grooming parlour. Jean says Spacehopper.
I had one of those. Rhian says her portable CD player. Tamagochi. Polly Pocket. Operation. Toy soldiers. Nadia loved her Tressy doll, but decided one day to give it a haircut. Moira still has her Tressy. Tracey says paint by numbers. Mark asks if anyone remembers the books you paint with a wet brush.
Yes. Gloria had the talking Bugs Bunny.
So did I! I loved that thing, had it for ages. Naaa, what's up Doc? FUZZY FELT!
ARE YOU READY KIDS? NADS IS DOING AN EGG, BACON, CHEESE, MUSHROOM, WRAP.
How many is that now? 
LATER IS NADS 16/8. YES OR NO TO MUSHROOMS. Welcome Kimberly. MOST SAY YES TO MUSHROOMS. LOTS OF LOVE, HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND A MEMBER'S LIVE, WE WILL GIVE YOU GOOD NOTICE, BYEEEE. Later!
and I’ll keep you posted as I have my goals and I will get there. 
we haven’t had any mask videos for a good while so now you’ve mentioned it, we will have Di or N screaming ‘Mark, stop it’ very soon. I guarantee he will read what you’ve said and be filming it before the month is out. 
And beautifully succinct … so well-summarised! With witty repartee & observations thrown in … they are an educational ‘hoot’! Many thanks for all your efforts. You are consistent & very resilient! 
Agree 
