Mumsnet #6 Did you mean so be so rude?

[Asshats]

Spoiler: Trigger-assault during birth

the midwife asked to check my dilation, I said no, she asked again, I said no and she did it anyway. I was wriggling up the bed to try and get away, but she carried on.

I once posted on there seeking advice, I suppose, about something that happened during the birth of my son. It ended up being my fault, somehow, because I called it a sexual assault. Wrong term, apparently, for someone being elbow deep in your fanny. I was torn to bits on the thread, to the point I was shaking. Cunts.

 

[Technobiff]

It's another shit troll, for some reason though it cracked me up



Taken down now. Apparently a long term poster who has now deregged according to mnhq

 

[sistersofpercy]

View attachment 1627897

My personal fave from the 'what are you wearing today Autumn 22' thread.

Aww, I loved the Bay City Rollers.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Its very important they know the date of funeral so they can arrange their very important lives around it.

Probably a teacher wanting to know if they get the day off work or not. MN is overpopulated with teachers who all work 27 hours a day and all through their holidays but are always available to jump on MN any time of the day when the smallest hint of a criticism of teachers klaxon goes off (not all teachers are like that, obvs. Just the ones who have a MN account).

 

[Technobiff]

I've come to the conclusion that they're mainlining toilet duck.
There's no other explanation for how their minds work.

 

[Hellomynameis]

I was 7 & remember my grandma coming round to our house, she asked me how I felt about the news and I said it was boring and wanted to watch cartoons. I don’t think she ever forgave me

I was also a simialr age and unfortunately my own mother died the same year but earlier in the year. My school was totally tactless and I had to attend an assembly on Diana with people crying, I didnt get it then and I don't now !

 

[Practically Perfect]

Fuck my life, I just bought a trench coat from M&S. in my defence I know nothing about style and I am 51, fat, northern, very working class. Thought I would look all swishy and professional when I have go down to that there london for my not six figure job. if I throw in some by ecks, eee by gums and some how do‘s, do you think I will still get away with it? 🥹

I have never been on mumsnet until a few months ago. I’m obsessed, I hate you all for bringing to my life

The ring thread proves they are all lying liars that lie….

 

[BlairWaldorf86]

Mumsnet has made me realise that there is no point trying to argue or discuss anything with anyone on the internet, because no one changes their mind on the internet.

Tattle is so much friendlier and any disagreements are always cordial that I’ve seen!

 

[Serene Serena]

Mumsnet moderators are either very naive, or they just don't care, about the number of perverts posting on their site, looking for wank fodder. Sadly, a lot of the posters are a bit too innocent for my liking too, because so many chip in with their own anecdotes about peeing/pooing/periods/masturbation etc etc without realising that there is some neckbeard out there, rubbing one out as he reads their stories.

 

[CatCafe234]

‘Niche industry’ has to be the new ‘hobby that’s outing’. I like to imagine the niche industry is covering those pound shop wine glasses in glitter like you see on FB, just for the lolz.

‘Niche industry’ totally means MLM of some description.

Someone earlier was talking about some food they need to buy and hadn’t and her partner was cross with her because said food would make her better/less ill. She was asked what food and wouldn’t say as it would be outing - it turned out to be cockles. Like, oh yes! Now I know who you are, how’s the kids Mary? I’ll be round for a cuppa on Wednesday after school drop off.

On what planet and for what possible condition would a cockle make you feel better?

 

[nicalibres]

Don’t forget mumsnetters and their families survive on one whole chicken between 5 of them all week along with a couple of MASSIVE SALADS. Aye, right - I’d bet my house that those who fat shame or partake in the competitive under eating do so whilst eating a family sized dairy milk and downing a bottle of wine.

 

[Crabbypatty00]

I love that people like that think the world is waiting with baited breath for the ground breakings news my BIL did similar with the new babies name, waited a few days, presumably to build the suspense. The only person who really cared was my MIL who got really REALLY upset and my partner had to speak to his brother to tell him to stop being a dickhead. Total backfire all round.

And I thought the name was pretty naff anyway.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Excellent summary.

Also in their high powered jobs, they still have to turn to Mumsnet for advice on how to deal with team members who ask for days off, or once left work half a minute before their actual finishing time.

I'm not able for MN anymore.

I love those threads!

‘I’m in a high powered job in a niche industry and I manage a team of highly skilled people but we’ve somehow mistakenly hired a complete slacker who comes into work for ten minutes on a Monday, then goes to the dentists for the rest of the week, flicking the vees at the rest of the office. Even though the company earns billions of pounds per second, we apparently have no HR department and it’s down to me to speak to him, but I don’t have the balls. What do I do?’

Cur lots of responses from posters telling her to ‘put her big girl pants on’ including sound legal advice and the thread ends with the OP posting that instead of firing him, she’s promoted him to CEO.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Talk to him you mean? Horror! I have no idea how some people get through the day to be honest, they’re like ‘I’ve been married to my husband for 25 years, together 28, we have three kids and he was in the room watching every birth, I cared for him after his vasectomy, I was there for him when his parents were horrifically killed and he nursed me through breast cancer so we are very close and open usually. He ate the last of the bourbons I was saving to eat while I watch Corrie tonight and I don’t know how to mention it and ask him to pop to Tesco for another packet’.

The answers to that would range from:

‘LTB’
to
‘Tesco bourbons? Don’t you know that Tesco’s employ 8 month old babies to make the little holes in those biscuits? You’re a murderer by association’
to
‘His parents died! God, can’t he even eat a biscuit without you getting on the poor blokes back!’

Along with 96 pages of ‘just ask him to nip the shops’ and ‘haven’t RTFT, but have you thought about asking him to the nip to the shop?’. Two days later, after featuring on several online news sites, it would have run into three separate threads after which MN would take it down for ‘a look behind the scenes’ because it was a troll.

 

[Slothgang]

You couldn’t make this shit up. How the hell can a baby, that can’t yet talk, give consent to anything?!

My toddler can talk and always says she doesn't want her bum wiping - should I just let her live with a shitty arse all her life then

 

[CatCafe234]

Someone on there just made a really good point. She said the new king should ask the ‘mourners’ to stop with the flowers and donate to a food bank. Oh if only!!
There are people on the bones of their arse, kids going to bed hungry, and these fools are spending thousands of pounds on flowers!!

Charles (or any royal) suggesting that people donate to a food bank would be seen as a political statement and so would never happen, but I do agree with the sentiment. I really hate to see these acres of flowers rotting away whenever someone prominent dies - thousands and thousands of pounds all turning to mush. I understand the need for people to participate in something and take part in a ritual but I do think that people should be encouraged to donate the money they’d spend on flowers to charity or even just give a bunch of flowers to someone who is still alive. There are thousands of elderly people sat alone today who probably won’t even get to talk so someone, let alone be given flowers. We should spend money on the living, not the dead.

 

[iieee]

I don't want to live in a reality where we need mumsnet's permission to masturbate

 

[ChastityDingle]

This is going to sound really petty but I hate when OP asks a question like "How did you know you were done having babies?" And then feels the need to reply to every single comment.

There was one some years ago, I have forgotten what the thread was about but the OP got snarky with other posters.
She said 'I just came back to tend to my thread' and one of the replies was 'why, it's not a row of lettuces' ...

No idea why that stuck in my mind or why I thought it was funny

 

[Chunkeylaydee]

AF is a big fat hairy trucker called Bernard in my mind.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

There’s a thread on style and beauty ‘are black tights still ok?’. Seriously? Do you want to wear them? Are they in your size? Can you afford to buy them? If you already own them, are they clean? Then they’re ok! how do they get through the day.