Mumsnet #22 Are you strange generally?

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

S&B:

Is this outfit okay for a hanging?

It’s not clear from your post whether it’s you being hanged or you’re a guest at the event? If the latter, I wouldn’t wear that no. It’s quite unforgiving unless you are a size zero or smaller, like the model (do you have tuberculosis?) and I’d quite be put out if someone else was wearing white at my hanging. If it is you being hanged and you’ve got terribly thin whilst in the clink then I suppose you could get away with it if you accessorised with a belt. Not a rope one though, it’ll be too matchy matchy with the noose *tinkly laugh’

 

[orangehead]

Jesus that is fucking sad.
If I get knocked over by a bus, whatever time it is at least the last thing I ate will have been tasty.
What is the bloody point? She might as well have sprayed the egg carton with bloody fry lite and eaten that instead.

Just eat so much that a bus couldn't knock you over. That's my life motto

 

[bread-pitt]

we give dog food to the food bank. Of course, MN would say you shouldn’t have a dog if you can’t afford to feed it but what should these people do with the dog they’ve had for years if they one day find themselves out of work, short of money? Kill the dog? Re-home the dog? My husband (he of green hair) works in a local dog shelter and people sometimes bring dogs there to have them re-homed because they can’t afford to feed them. He will give them a week’s dog food and say “please don’t take your dog away from the only home and family he knows. Here’s a week’s food. Come back next week for more food if you’re still struggling”. We would rather buy food for a stranger’s dog than see another one being put into the shelter.

 

[veronica71]

I always do that when I get chips! "Don't drop the baby!"

Of course MNers would say I 'sound unhinged'.

I got sucked into that thread & the OP never came back!

It’s still trending and I still keep thinking OP has come back and checking

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Well this is certainly a new one. On a thread about getting pubic waxing done -

I have a free 'hollywood' courtesy of alopecia. Mine is perfect, painless, permanent, supersoft. And vile. I would give the amount you all are spending for the discomfort and humiliation of a wax to get my lovely bush back again.

Now you're not even allowed to talk about getting rid of body hair in case somebody gets offended because they don't have any

 

[CrimsonCountess]

On the 'how often do you have treats' thread

My ‘treat’ yesterday was a chopped red pepper. Much nicer than crisps imo.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Wedding ring thread on AIBU;

Seems fair enough if you have jewellery that you'd be upset to lose.

A. Only when I'm in an area that contains lots of poor people a different colour to me.

 

[cowtastrophe]

Kudos to PsychoKitty for the title!

head tilt

To recap, we’ve learned that no matter how expensive your holiday, there may not be parasols, your children will be awful and your husband will be lazy. Also, some MNers need written instructions on making tea, why their anus is black and not to post photos of their shit.

The sons are still 18 feet tall with hollow legs and the daughters are beautiful of cheekbone, especially in France.

Continuez vous!

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

There’s a thread about being woken up at 6am by tradesmen gassing to each other underneath the OP’s window every morning. FIRST RESPONSE:

‘6am is a perfectly reasonable time to be awake’

NO IT FUCKING ISN’T, and I say that as someone who is up at 6 to go to work. There is fuck all reasonable about it. And that’s with my own alarm waking me up not Bob the fucking window cleaner.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Fess up. Who’s this?

 

[bread-pitt]

Tell me more, tell me more....

So we live in a gated retirement community but I’m in my 40s. It’s for over-50s and my husband is 56. But he doesn’t act it. He has a bright green Mohawk, tattoos, wears platform DMs, chains, sometimes a kilt, studs, piercings, etc. As far as he’s concerned, punk is still alive and kicking, and he’s still in his 20s. The USPS person took this route as she was under the impression that delivering mail to a gated retirement community would be all about waving to grandads in their rocking chairs, chatting to grandmas about their little dogs, etc. One day she had a package that had to be signed for that was for us and she rang the bell. My husband answered in a bathrobe but with his hair up. His head is shaved apart from the Mohawk and he has eyes tattooed on the back of his head. She was terrified of him for some reason and we were then informed that she would no longer deliver anything that needs to be brought to the door. We called the postmaster and he said that she told him she was “scared of the guy with the green Mohawk with eyes in the back of his head”.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Another 'how old do I look' thread from someone asking if she should get botox as she doesn't like the wrinkles on her forehead. Someone has actually responded with this

Whats worse, seeing an odd wrinkle or not being able to see at all ? Would that make you happier? My best friend died aged 10 years old, wrinkle free.

 

[sillysausagesizzle]

Asked ChatGPT do write an AIBU post about French children with hollow legs, now I’m considering posting it on AIBU to see how much attention I garner?

 

[Miss Begotten]

So I decided to push the boat out and do us all a roast. And before anyone says anything, yes I know that number of potatoes AND Yorkshire puddings is excessive, but we’re not going to eat anything else until Tuesday.
This should be enough for me, DMr Begotten, two large sons and DDaughter with leftovers for the week, right?

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I am irritated by all the people wanging on about changing the law so people have to hear their sentences, and I include both Sunak and Starmer in that. Because what they really mean is that they want someone convicted of a crime to be confronted with the impact of what they’ve done and, huge though my sympathies are with victims’ families, no one can make a criminal sorry for what they’ve done simply by forcing them into a room and reading things to them. Maybe we should just cut to the chase and stick them in the stocks?

Meanwhile there are clearly massive systematic issues in the NHS around reporting and managing problems, so can politicians talk about that instead?
---
And the competitive crying and holding tight of children on MN is just eyerolling.

Mumsnet 1869: It's not right, giving the murdering bitch a nice, cosy, clean hanging in the privacy of Newgate Prison when we want to see every moment of it.

Mumsnet 1839: It's not right, those Chartists were sentenced to be publicly hung, drawn and quartered, but they've been let off with merely imprisonment, likely disease, disability and death in the colonies - that woolly idiot Home Secretary Walpole is going on about making executions private and away from the public. They need to bring back at least the public hanging and beheading after death from twenty years ago.

Mumsnet 1790: They're only hanging women for treason now. Why can't we see them burned at the stake? It's the only way to be sure justice is seen to be done.

Mumsnet 1679: Can you believe it? They're not going to stick traitor's heads on pikes on London Bridge anymore. Our entire Easter Holiday is ruined, I can't stop shaking and crying. Whatever will Titus and Edmund do for their Art project now? - they'll never get into Cambridge without it and their entire lives are RUINED.

 

[fiedwrdsx]

What’s the worst thing that could happen to your child? According to MN, it’s picking up an American accent.

Its actually quite disgusting they even let her watch TV. I don’t have TV’s in my house and we all just put on puppet shows instead

 

[Pumble]

This thread has me crying laughing. I’ve never been on mumsnet but now I feel compelled to have a look. I don’t get what any of the abbreviations are. DP - double penetration perhaps??
These people sound utterly insane. I can’t wait to get reading. Wish me luck lads

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

These Frenchophiles really do exist in the wild though. I worked for a family once that had zero connection to being French. They wanted a half French nanny but you know, lockdown and beggars can’t be choosers I don’t speak French. I am English and I can speak German but they glossed right over that at interview


I said one morning that I was going to get some bread from the nice looking bakery on the corner for the children’s breakfast. The mum looked suddenly horrified and actually omitted a small, strangled sound of discomfort. I said ‘oh, is it not very nice?’
She said

‘No, no it’s heavenly. It’s just, well, we tend to say, ‘Le pain’ and ‘boulangerie’. The children know no other phrase for these things. Anything else puts you in mind of (drops voice to a faintly horrified whisper) GREGGS. Don’t you think?’

No, I don’t Jemima, I think you’re fucking absurd and a steak bake would probably do you the world of good. And those sausage rolls your four year old went crazy for that time didn’t come from somewhere Artisan in Wandsworth that made them with wild hog.

No Jemima.

They came from Greggs.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I'd much, much rather go out to eat with you lot than that shower on MN lol

Mumsnetters going out to eat:

But how would we split the bill? What about if one of us wants a starter as well? I can’t imagine why as the portions for main courses are enough to feed an entire family and their dog these days, it’s like going out to eat in Alabama. You’ll never look French if you have anything more than a simple green salad. Many people are now borderline alcoholics and are bound to drink wine and a lot of it but what about those who might only have water? Personally I might like a glass of wine but the glasses in restaurants are now RIDICULOUS in size they are like GOLDFISH BOWLS, so I’ll be sticking to San Pelegríno. Should we subsidise the drinkers? Have you thought about the tip? Was the service exCePTionAl? Even if it wasn’t you know these people work for a pittance, even a £1 could make all the difference, they might be trying to complete a degree and be very bright and just working in the service industry for extra cash. Or they might just be awfully lazy young people who didn’t go to private school. The music might be too loud so one of us will have to be nominated to ask them to turn it down. We obviously can’t be sat anywhere near anyone that might have CHILDREN because we all hate them and they might not be mute and they might LOOK AT US or SAY THINGS. However it’s fine if they want to watch Peppa Pig on a tablet because they are probably SEN and you are only SEEING A SNAPSHOT.

 

[Miss Begotten]

Jesus.
The “ My twat of a husband didn’t pay the rent” thread is up to 23 pages. The OP hasn’t updated. So all the posts are “Are you OK OP”, “Please tell us everything is alright “. Absolute fucking weirdos. They don’t care if she’s actually OK. They just want to know if she’s beaten her husband to death with a cafetière and buried him in the back garden.