Mumsnet #22 Are you strange generally?

[orangehead]

I would be the envy of MN as I lost my first set of wedding and engagement rings after losing so much weight they fell off my finger in a strong wind. This is entirely true.

You're like the final boss of mumsnet

 

[FeloniousMonk]

Thread in S&B "Glamorous London Party help"
OP is going to a fairly swish do with people who are usually well dressed, the host is wearing an evening gown.

MarciaSaysANumber suggests this forced labour camp from Maoist China outfit

 

[Sheeeet]

And I see CountryCousin aka MetaDaughter aka MarciaSomething has turned up to recommend a £450 100% polyester dress and assure the OP that this dress will 'probably be a collector's item in years to come'. Someone needs to tell her that recommending shit clothes just because they're from relatively obscure websites and are probably out of budget for 90% of posters doesn't make her look refined or knowledgeable or cutting edge, it just makes her a bit of a joke.
View attachment 2377036

 

[orangehead]

Just to continue on from the last thread. The post about the husband who hasn't paid the rent. My guess is he HAS paid the rent, they've been together 20 years, he's never done this before, he has no extra money etc. What has actually happened is he is having an affair with someone at the letting agents, he's told her he will leave his wife, they're more like friends or roommates anyway, but he hasn't left her obviously. Letting agent mistress is sick of waiting, emailed OP pretending he hasn't paid the rent (op has said letting agent has never contacted her begore and only go through her husband). The reason the letting agent has done that is she wanted OP to check the husbands bank account to see if he has made the payment ornifbhe has loads of extra money hoping that OP would see all the charges for hotels and sex shops and fancy dinners and realise he's been having an affair. OP would then divorce husband and letting agent could have him.

 

[PrincessCharming]

S&B:

Is this outfit okay for a hanging?

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Someone has asked for advice about whether to wean her baby a bit early, and said that he often reaches for their food and shows an interest in it. Then a poster comes along with this reply

he may go to grab your food, but if he went to grab your car keys would you let him drive?

Because of course those are two very similar scenarios aren't they

 

[PrincessCharming]

Someone tell the idiot that blokes think ALL blow jobs are top notch she’s not as speshul as she thinks she is.

 

[girlinbrum]

If I was a man married to a mumsnetter I'd probably decide to become gay too.

 

[CatCafe234]

As if on cue, I've just had an email from Duolingo congratulating me on my two year anniversary. I still cant speak French. Or Swedish. I can barely do English some days

Duolingo is wild. Im trying to brush up on German and the sentences it makes you learn are making me feel like a Cold-War era spy - ‘The owl never plays chess’ ‘No, but the bear sometimes paints’. Get me a red carnation to wear and some secret documents and I’m ready to join MI6.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Someone on a thread in chat is devastated about having to sell her home but says it's just bricks and water. Am I being thick or is it not bricks and mortar? Is water another version of it? I can't understand how a house would be water unless she means the plumbing. Or she has a big pond?

 

[fiedwrdsx]

Is that Peter Andre?

Sorry don’t you mean Peter Andrè ?

 

[bread-pitt]

What finally did it?

Well, it was likely not my final post as that was just a throwaway comment on one those nonsensical threads such as “what was the last thing you bought” and I just threw in a random item (I think a bath towel?) to try out my name change. But last week I did have a nice time exposing one of my least favorite types of poster: the tragic story with no money troll. This one was supposed to have several disabled children, be homeless, can’t afford to eat, victim of DV, etc. I cannot stand that with a passion. I posted links to posts she’d made earlier that told a different story. And I do t just mean changing a few details to hide your identity.
My belief is…if you want to mess around and make up stories on MN about your 6-figure salary, post pictures of hotel rooms and claim it’s your bedroom, tell me your DH is 7 ft 2, and you mill your own wheat, I’ll laugh along with the rest of them at you. But the minute anyone uses a tragic event to troll, I’m exposing you. That’s sick and disgusting. And I wear the ban with pride.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Someone on a thread in chat is devastated about having to sell her home but says it's just bricks and water. Am I being thick or is it not bricks and mortar? Is water another version of it? I can't understand how a house would be water unless she means the plumbing. Or she has a big pond?

It’s a moat darling
She lives in a castle

 

[Miss Begotten]

There's a mumsnetter on holidaynin France…

I’ll have “things that never fucking happened” for 10 points please Bob. Jeeeez.

 

[Codiaeum]

That sexual partners thread is getting interesting now. Some really weird shit being posted

He was very vanilla when we met and so I blew his mind and if anything he's kind of grateful as he reaps the benefits. I know for a fact I give a top notch blow job and I'm return he's given me a whole new level of pleasure as I never realised that true intimate sex could be so mind blowing. - not sure why mumsnet needed to know that but there we go

The difference in the perception between men and women with multiple sexual partners is perhaps best summed up by this analogy:
"A key that opens many locks is a master key. A lock that's opened by many keys is a shitty lock"

Personally I think it’s grim and don’t think I could be with someone that had more than 3/4 partners…

Anyone than someone you actually love/care is one too many. Hookup culture is just destructive.

I know for a fact I give a top notch blow job

sounds like a thread title. I'm just not sure I could stand looking at it every day until we need a new thread.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I’m on holiday this week so it’s been lashings of alcohol, cheese on crackers, pub lunches and more alcohol. I had one of my 5 a day yesterday by putting grapefruit in my g&t.

You really ought to be logging those calories. I know someone who went on holiday to Cornwall for a week and came back four stone heavier. We didn’t recognise her and accidentally ignored her at the school fete. That was 8 years ago and she’s still got a couple of stone to shift. I had to gently remove a mince pie from her hands at a Christmas gathering just last year. Holidays really are a very dangerous undertaking if you are fond of food and drink. Personally I prefer to pack my own food and hide myself in the bedroom eating Japanese Rice crackers so I’m not tempted by fish and chips.

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I cannot work out if this is serious or not?! Neither option would surprise me.
This thread is gold

I don’t know but my sister in law wouldn’t even have a cup of tea while pregnant then two years of breastfeeding in case the baby got a taste for caffeine. I offered her one once and told her it wasn’t decaf (and I was pregnant at the time too) and she looked at me like I’d asked her to share a crack pipe with me in a public toilet. She didn’t even use words, just visibly looked appalled and went to sit on the sofa to drink water from her chilly bottle. She is definitely a Mumsnetter.

 

[CocoVenus]

Fucking hell. So many threads about the new edit button, it's like they've just discovered their clitoris for the first time

 

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

Fuck all Sandra. Find something to do.

 

[Boring Monday]

Mumsnet 1869: It's not right, giving the murdering bitch a nice, cosy, clean hanging in the privacy of Newgate Prison when we want to see every moment of it.

Mumsnet 1839: It's not right, those Chartists were sentenced to be publicly hung, drawn and quartered, but they've been let off with merely imprisonment, likely disease, disability and death in the colonies - that woolly idiot Home Secretary Walpole is going on about making executions private and away from the public. They need to bring back at least the public hanging and beheading after death from twenty years ago.

Mumsnet 1790: They're only hanging women for treason now. Why can't we see them burned at the stake? It's the only way to be sure justice is seen to be done.

Mumsnet 1679: Can you believe it? They're not going to stick traitor's heads on pikes on London Bridge anymore. Our entire Easter Holiday is ruined, I can't stop shaking and crying. Whatever will Titus and Edmund do for their Art project now? - they'll never get into Cambridge without it and their entire lives are RUINED.

Mumsnet 1787: Oh, the French. They know how to do a Revolution and execution. So much better than boring old England. We were there in the summer and FitzHerbert and Henrietta had such fun. They were allowed to go right to the edge of platform. Fitzherbert says the legs twitched for a full minute. He hasn’t slept since for the excitement … and we came home with some lovely hand knitted scarves.