A toothbrush in his breast pocket ? An undissolved laundry tablet ? My intelligence has been grossly insulted.
Liz Jones #2 Nobody puts the Myla Thong in a corner!
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The FRS Totes Exists in this podcast
You know it's going to be excruciating when Liz has referenced "front bottoms" within the first minute of the podcast. Liz and Nic have been watching Love Island. Liz claims, bizarrely, that everyone's wearing second-hand knickers (WTF) and talks about how they had a deaf contestant in order to be "woke." She feels that Sasha, who has a cochlear implant but can't catch everything, is mocked by the presenter when she makes mistakes. Liz talks about how kids bullied her at school for being unable to hear and then says something like "Sasha has the quiet shyness all deaf people." I somehow doubt all deaf people would describe themselves as quiet or shy.
This leads to her name-dropping how she went to an expensive plastic surgeon, tried to demand the nurse take off her mask, and then when the nurse said no Liz complained of being discriminated against because of her hearing loss. It's not about you, Liz. Just because YOU don't give a duck about COVID doesn't mean no one else should. Liz sneers that the nurse was eating chocolate (horror of horrors!) and Nic witches about how she was probably wearing too much makeup. Piss off, you bitter old clowns.
Liz talks about Big Brother and how everyone in the household was so dirty and disgusting except her and one of the guys, not naming names had this toothbrush that was "LIIIIIIIIIIITERALLY ..." and "I should have thrown it away." It is not normal to be hung up on someone else's toothbrush. Liz was penalised for something and had to clean a bathroom and the women had left tampons on the floor! Gasp! Nic is lusting after this year's Love Island contestants and Liz says "all white men look the same to me." Oh really? They do a "top three" of favourite men, Nic repeats that she can be attracted to Tom Cruise and Orlando Bloom only if they are dressed up as fictional characters. Liz is determined to namedrop Morten Harket every week until he contacts her. Don't do it, Morten! Have some self-respect!
Liz has been watching Everything I Know About Love, based on the book by Dolly Alderton who "is a rival columnist! She's a rival!" How a woman half your age can be a rival is beyond me. Nic does not "relate" to it as her twenties were very different. Liz never meets attractive men on trains, just "25-stone football fans eating crisps", and she "cannot date a man who wears a hat." Nic suggests just taking the hat off. There's some bog-standard Liz ranting about how young people "plead poverty", don't work hard, are "too confident", have "no self-awareness" etc. etc. She associates confident young women with "the girls who bullied me at school." Get therapy, I am begging you. SATC is "beautifully written and honed" and has "pathos", whereas Everything I Know About Love is "like a children's programme with cocaine."
Nic repeats a FUNNY ANTIDOTE about a pizza delivery man trying to pet Teddy whose head was buried in Nic's crotch. Nic wittily cracks "at least it wasn't a cat!" It's not really funny because she's essentially trying to describe slapstick that is intended to be viewed. Liz's column as above: she brought her incontinent dogs to the Talbot Inn, noting with pleasure that the FRS "didn't tread on Missy." Conveniently no one else was around. He had a toothbrush in his pocket and she took the excuse to pet his chest to see if he had packed floss. Liz was so embarrassed to have a dissolved Fairy Liquid tab stuck to the sleeve to her designer jumper (which, of course, she namedropped.) She and Nic both mispronounce Miele and Liz admits if she has food stains she asks the dogs to lick the stain. And she calls other people unhygienic?
Liz "quizzed (the FRS) on his latest girlfriend" who is young enough to be his granddaughter. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say this is supposed to be the much younger woman he already broke up with - not that he's dating another one and cheating on her with Liz. He said it was difficult dating someone that much younger, Liz agrees and commiserates that Nirpal used to tease her about the menopause or breaking a hip. Yet she claims the FRS frequently makes cruel jibes about menopausal women? Meghan Markle is namedropped yet again. There is "artisan sourdough". We end with him ordering "pea risotto" because Liz said no sex if he ordered meat. Nic would "stab" anyone who asked if she minded whether he ordered it.
They talk about last Sunday's Jubilee concert leading into an archive column about her travelling to Tuscany to interview Andrea Bocelli. We know Liz doesn't fancy him because she didn't go through his bins! Nic does OTT girly sighing when Liz mentions that Andrea has met Tom Cruise. Liz describes Andrea's wife as having thin legs and "a deep tan like a sideboard." There's a lot of talk about the Bocellis' horses, naturally. She finds Andrea trustworthy because he treats his staff well, Nic pipes up that she has worked for Liz for over 20 years so Liz must be just as lovely! I don't think it's quite the same, Nic. Liz goes into extensive detail about how Andrea lost his sight, that is nothing to be ashamed of and it is public knowledge however does he want to be known for that?
Liz asks if Andrea thinks his wife / daughter are beautiful and he says yes, he just knows they are. Nic says that blind people are less shallow because they're not hung up on looks - well, that's optimistic, Nic. You could still be blind and very shallow person who is only interested in someone for their money, or fame, etc. etc. etc. Liz mispronounces the word gallant. There's a lot of other waffle but that's enough, isn't it? Nic thinks it is sooooooooo romantic that Andrea found love (with an 18-year-old girl when he was 43) because in her world there are no happy couples. I think that says more about you than it does Andrea, Nic.
Fan mail: "Letters pray" jokes Liz. Nic reads a comment on last week's column from someone commiserating about incontinent dogs; hers wear "dear little pants" and she suggests Liz could buy some for the collies. Liz drops in that she has just bought herself a new Vivienne Westwood T-shirt, small, "I'm not size fat!" She berates the seller for having the NERVE to have COVID and not send it to her yet - "you could still crawl to the postbox!" Another writer, Diane, says she wishes she could be like Liz and have regular beauty treatments, we get in yet another "COLUMN not DIARY!" Liz sneers at Diane and says "at least you have a husband!" Run, Diane. Liz doesn't deserve your clicks.
This leads to her name-dropping how she went to an expensive plastic surgeon, tried to demand the nurse take off her mask, and then when the nurse said no Liz complained of being discriminated against because of her hearing loss. It's not about you, Liz. Just because YOU don't give a duck about COVID doesn't mean no one else should. Liz sneers that the nurse was eating chocolate (horror of horrors!) and Nic witches about how she was probably wearing too much makeup. Piss off, you bitter old clowns.
Liz talks about Big Brother and how everyone in the household was so dirty and disgusting except her and one of the guys, not naming names had this toothbrush that was "LIIIIIIIIIIITERALLY ..." and "I should have thrown it away." It is not normal to be hung up on someone else's toothbrush. Liz was penalised for something and had to clean a bathroom and the women had left tampons on the floor! Gasp! Nic is lusting after this year's Love Island contestants and Liz says "all white men look the same to me." Oh really? They do a "top three" of favourite men, Nic repeats that she can be attracted to Tom Cruise and Orlando Bloom only if they are dressed up as fictional characters. Liz is determined to namedrop Morten Harket every week until he contacts her. Don't do it, Morten! Have some self-respect!
Liz has been watching Everything I Know About Love, based on the book by Dolly Alderton who "is a rival columnist! She's a rival!" How a woman half your age can be a rival is beyond me. Nic does not "relate" to it as her twenties were very different. Liz never meets attractive men on trains, just "25-stone football fans eating crisps", and she "cannot date a man who wears a hat." Nic suggests just taking the hat off. There's some bog-standard Liz ranting about how young people "plead poverty", don't work hard, are "too confident", have "no self-awareness" etc. etc. She associates confident young women with "the girls who bullied me at school." Get therapy, I am begging you. SATC is "beautifully written and honed" and has "pathos", whereas Everything I Know About Love is "like a children's programme with cocaine."
Nic repeats a FUNNY ANTIDOTE about a pizza delivery man trying to pet Teddy whose head was buried in Nic's crotch. Nic wittily cracks "at least it wasn't a cat!" It's not really funny because she's essentially trying to describe slapstick that is intended to be viewed. Liz's column as above: she brought her incontinent dogs to the Talbot Inn, noting with pleasure that the FRS "didn't tread on Missy." Conveniently no one else was around. He had a toothbrush in his pocket and she took the excuse to pet his chest to see if he had packed floss. Liz was so embarrassed to have a dissolved Fairy Liquid tab stuck to the sleeve to her designer jumper (which, of course, she namedropped.) She and Nic both mispronounce Miele and Liz admits if she has food stains she asks the dogs to lick the stain. And she calls other people unhygienic?
Liz "quizzed (the FRS) on his latest girlfriend" who is young enough to be his granddaughter. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say this is supposed to be the much younger woman he already broke up with - not that he's dating another one and cheating on her with Liz. He said it was difficult dating someone that much younger, Liz agrees and commiserates that Nirpal used to tease her about the menopause or breaking a hip. Yet she claims the FRS frequently makes cruel jibes about menopausal women? Meghan Markle is namedropped yet again. There is "artisan sourdough". We end with him ordering "pea risotto" because Liz said no sex if he ordered meat. Nic would "stab" anyone who asked if she minded whether he ordered it.
They talk about last Sunday's Jubilee concert leading into an archive column about her travelling to Tuscany to interview Andrea Bocelli. We know Liz doesn't fancy him because she didn't go through his bins! Nic does OTT girly sighing when Liz mentions that Andrea has met Tom Cruise. Liz describes Andrea's wife as having thin legs and "a deep tan like a sideboard." There's a lot of talk about the Bocellis' horses, naturally. She finds Andrea trustworthy because he treats his staff well, Nic pipes up that she has worked for Liz for over 20 years so Liz must be just as lovely! I don't think it's quite the same, Nic. Liz goes into extensive detail about how Andrea lost his sight, that is nothing to be ashamed of and it is public knowledge however does he want to be known for that?
Liz asks if Andrea thinks his wife / daughter are beautiful and he says yes, he just knows they are. Nic says that blind people are less shallow because they're not hung up on looks - well, that's optimistic, Nic. You could still be blind and very shallow person who is only interested in someone for their money, or fame, etc. etc. etc. Liz mispronounces the word gallant. There's a lot of other waffle but that's enough, isn't it? Nic thinks it is sooooooooo romantic that Andrea found love (with an 18-year-old girl when he was 43) because in her world there are no happy couples. I think that says more about you than it does Andrea, Nic.
Fan mail: "Letters pray" jokes Liz. Nic reads a comment on last week's column from someone commiserating about incontinent dogs; hers wear "dear little pants" and she suggests Liz could buy some for the collies. Liz drops in that she has just bought herself a new Vivienne Westwood T-shirt, small, "I'm not size fat!" She berates the seller for having the NERVE to have COVID and not send it to her yet - "you could still crawl to the postbox!" Another writer, Diane, says she wishes she could be like Liz and have regular beauty treatments, we get in yet another "COLUMN not DIARY!" Liz sneers at Diane and says "at least you have a husband!" Run, Diane. Liz doesn't deserve your clicks.
Another reason given for her sacking from Marie Claire was that the circulation was heading south at increasing speed.
Her description of the Talbot Hotel is lifted ‘Ad Verbatim’ from the Telegraph review. She scans hotel reviews and then fantasises she going there with FRS.She probably considers this legitimate research…
Review below;
www.telegraph.co.uk
Review below;
The Talbot Malton
Read the The Talbot Malton, Yorkshire, England hotel review on Telegraph Travel. See great photos, full ratings, facilities, expert advice and book the best hotel deals.
Have to disagree with you here. Her legendary generosity is only written about by her. She gives people expensive gifts that they never asked for then goes in a huff and proceeds to slate them in print if she feels the gift was not reciprocated in a (financially) equal way. One example is the cashmere baby blanket she bought for someone's newborn, she still moans on about that, but why the heck would you buy a baby a (probably dry clean only) expensive cashmere blanket, probably more hassle for the new parent than just a standard blanket set from mothercare or whatever, This week she is whining on again about the £1k iPhone she got for David, even though their relationship was well and truly over, and he refused the gift (good for him) so she would have got a refund for that.
As for her sisters and family taking advantage of her, I think in fact it was the opposite. Her sister contributed half of the money for the barn conversion, then Nic decided she wanted to live in it, meaning that Liz had to get her sister another place, which is only fair, then of course her sister is the one who lost her home as well because Jones didn't pay her tax and frittered so much money on pretentious crap. So I have no sympathy for her in terms of her financial problems, she brought all of that on herself. Furthermore just a few weeks ago she got a £6k eyebrow transplant, paid for as she claims by the DM, but in this time of financial uncertainty for so many people, who are at risk of losing their homes, through no fault of their own and Jones is whining that her £200k mortgage offer wont cover the rented house she's currently living in. No she needs to pull her head out of her ass and see how everyone else has to get by and as for having to put up with more articles from her because of her money problems,,,well we don't actually have to put up with them, we can choose not to read them. I have read @witchofwestbyfleet plodcast recap (thanks again for that) and that was enough for me, from what I've seen in the comments here so far, not going to read the dreary, as it sounds like badly written fantasy, as usual and I can't be bothered with that in ly life.
I think the galling bit for me is that any generosity is transactional? She gave gifts and money to hold onto relationships and control people. She has actually never had a relationship where she hasn’t PAID someone to be with her? Then she complains about being used and talks about the value of gifts given when they finally scarper.
When I looked back in archive about the fake rock star( I missed it first time round?) I was completely shocked about how much she had been spending on herself. It was literally tens of thousands of pounds a month or even a week on designer goods and services. Her hotel stays and cars alone would have burned up a couple of hundred grand. She was profligate. She did it to herself entirely.
I feel that there doesn't ever seem to be an Editor on hand to reign her in. Or are they saying produce more of this content? Her complaining about money goes back to at least 2008 as I can remember.
But I think she always tries to get around this by making it about societal larger issues and she tries to say this is a public interest issue. For example she got involved in a charity called women in debt. It was quite awful really, as these women who had got into debt had through spending it on food, gas,electric, children's clothes, council tax essentials. Whereas her debt she admits was in designer goods and nicole Farhi furniture. She tries to turn her hand at whatever the latest zeitgeist is.
Also there is this underlying sneering for people on benefits/social housing. From what I read on Tattle she is always so snide towards David living in social housing in London.
It's like she doesn't think he has any right to live in the heart of London in social housing. I find this upsetting for David and he never deserved that. I find certain celebs, liz jones, katie price and kerry Katona whenever they want to kick someone they are like well at least I never claimed benefits. Like that makes them morally superior. David seems happy to be back to his old life and family so there is always a positive.
But I think she always tries to get around this by making it about societal larger issues and she tries to say this is a public interest issue. For example she got involved in a charity called women in debt. It was quite awful really, as these women who had got into debt had through spending it on food, gas,electric, children's clothes, council tax essentials. Whereas her debt she admits was in designer goods and nicole Farhi furniture. She tries to turn her hand at whatever the latest zeitgeist is.
Also there is this underlying sneering for people on benefits/social housing. From what I read on Tattle she is always so snide towards David living in social housing in London.
It's like she doesn't think he has any right to live in the heart of London in social housing. I find this upsetting for David and he never deserved that. I find certain celebs, liz jones, katie price and kerry Katona whenever they want to kick someone they are like well at least I never claimed benefits. Like that makes them morally superior. David seems happy to be back to his old life and family so there is always a positive.
Yeah I mostly agree with you there.. where is the editor reining in this repetitive and untruthful dross. I am no fan of ol’ Scracie though, he’s also quite expedient? She gave him cash when his business failed and he was in a hostel.. then their relationship started. He liked the weekends away and the treats!
I hope he has the integrity to stay away but he could be in on all this ‘invention’.. like Nic he plays along for the bucks.
Scrace is in a HA flat in Cormoran Road. Part of Jonesey's bitterness towards him is that, had she managed to bully him down the aisle, she would have been able to get her name on the 'contract' and, even if he snuffed it, would still have London address! The other part is that his folks are/were quite comfortable, so she could have frittered away his inheritance!
I thought he lived in Chantrey Road?
I think he still had WAG Free as a going concern when they met, but it went tits up within the year (oddly, she never mentioned this)... and yes, I've always thought he was in on it all, probably for a cut. Why else would he allow her to belittle him on a weekly basis ? Were that me I'd have a cease & desist order delivered ASAP.
Possibly... he may have moved... why do you think he's in Chantrey Road?
She wrote about something like her godson wanted an Xbox game for his birthday and she bought him a garden shed costing over £500. She chose to buy something ten times the price of what he'd actually asked for. She didn't need to spend that much on a phone for David, especially since she says it was intended for emergency use such as if he had a stroke ... ridiculous anyway as strokes affect the arms and hands (remember the F. A. S. T. test?) so if he did have one, he wouldn't be able to call for help
Even if her sister is a bully like Liz says, the way Liz writes about her in print, dragging her through the mud and blaming her for everything is bullying too. If I were the sister I'd be suing her for defamation (at least some of what Liz has written is demonstrably not true, she blamed her sister for her bankruptcy after admitting it was because of her horrible debt / spending problems. Then changed her tune again and said it was actually because she had to sell the house due to her neighbour being a stalker.) Then there's the way she wrote about her two other sisters, her sister-in-law, her mother of course ...
Do you have a link to the Details please?
here it is
www.rightmove.co.uk
Check out this 2 bedroom character property for sale on Rightmove
2 bedroom character property for sale in 3 Easby Court, Easby, Richmond, DL10 for £350,000. Marketed by Robin Jessop, Leyburn
I find it hard to believe that someone who is always so rude about fuller figured ladies (e.g. the 'size fat' dress) would have ever considered using larger models in her precious publication. By larger size she probably means size 10, not a 16.
Convenient isn't it that there was no-one there to see either her or the RS? And that the only waitress was 20 years too young to know who he was? If he really was that famous even a young person would know who he was surely? I suspect that like with the 'movie star' ex who was basically an extra in a couple of movies the so called 'rock star' is probably just someone who played the local pub a couple of times!
That house looks perfectly nice to me... apart from the stained rug obvs
The thing that gets on my wick is the bloody useless bookcase on the stairs! How do you reach the books with a ‘Helping Hand’ or something?
Again the triumph of pretension over sense.
Oh I know! Too funny. At lunchtime in the food capital of Yorkshire no less! On a weekend, the bar is empty in a hotel that appears to have dozens of rooms.. what tripe. A man who has ‘filled stadiums’ remains incognito and is only there to cozy up to Liz and the collies.
Gawd.. we’ve got the prurient descriptions of their fantasy coupling next week!
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Indeed it does! But that's only because Jonesey splashed 45 grand, or something equally ludicrous, turning it from a grotty hovel to the elegant abode you see today (except the fridge, which is an abomination, and the bath situated so it's impossible to open the bathroom door...).
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