Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

[ThePowderMonkey]

Thread title: Jack Monroe #79 much chav very tattoo so margarine pot wow

 

[traumatised sideboard]

This seems like a bit of a non-sequitur now as the conversation's moved on (she's been very busy today) but scaly forehead? Shiny eyes? Intolerant to cold? I have triangulated Jack's true form:


.

 

[Captainmouse]

Public life? Jack, mate, there is one way to get a stable income - get a bloody job like a normal person. God, she's infuriating!

Problem is she nigh on unemployable, bit of an attitude!

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Spork, puh-lease.

View attachment 256351

Ooo that spork needs a good buff with Duraglit.....

 

[Captainmouse]

Six months.....about as long as the threads about her have been running here then.

Should have thought about it before launching her attack on THAT MAN whcih is what brought many of us here.

Along with hiding all his books in a bookstore with her equally silly girlfriend of the time.

You exposed yourself for exactly what you are Jack ...a fake cook and a bitter one at that. You got lucky and got some books published But it doesn't make you an expert and doesn't mean you can cook (you can't).

Ooooooo ooooooo the perfect show for mackie, can’t cook, can’t cook

 

[holliebollie]

You need a spoon to eat her food?! I think you mean ‘straw’.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Problem is she nigh on unemployable, bit of an attitude!

I think the actual problem is that she doesn't want to start at the bottom and work her way up like everyone else.
She wouldn't pot wash and peel spuds in a restaurant (and learn some knife skills) because she wants to be head chef.
She's not happy with a 'bit part' on a cooking show, to learn how to not look a prick to everyone, she wants a whole show to herself.

 

[Oofadoofa]

Ooooooo ooooooo the perfect show for mackie, can’t cook, can’t cook

.... and the accompanying tome: Got a Book, Still Can’t Cook.

 

[kachoochoo]

one of the squiggles told her the slop looked better than the "tit" posted by gino d'Campo earlier

well, I know what I'd prefer. mind you, fresh lemon. fancy. this is Gino's, not Jack's. obv. it's solids

 

[ChickenPorridge]

She wants to be the boss but also the fragile, victimised, underpaid, urchin dogsbody. No other reason why she couldn't stick all those jobs out for more than 5 minutes

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Re: the high street restaurant consultancy stuff, something in the back of my mind was telling me that I once read (in one of her books I bought before I realised what a bullshit merchant she is) a comment that alluded to her doing recipe development for Nandos (it was something peri-peri related at least).

So I had a quick flick through her two most recent culinary bibles to see if I could find the excerpt...and I couldn't, but I DID unwittingly come across a description of her essentially having an orgasm when sucking anchovy butter off her fingers for the first time.

No need to thank me for that mental image.

Was that in the one she was wanting to get into school libraries?

 

[I steal names]

Ooooooo ooooooo the perfect show for mackie, can’t cook, can’t cook

Can't cook, SHAN'T cook

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Can't cook, SHAN'T cook

HAHAHA! I spat drink!

 

[bazzam]

Spork, puh-lease.

View attachment 256351

To be fair this looks ok. I imagine it would be very damp. I would eat it, but I am a cake fiend. But i would never waste good cake ingredients on tinned fruit. I seems like a risky recipe that could very well end up in the bin.

one of the squiggles told her the slop looked better than the "tit" posted by gino d'Campo earlier

well, I know what I'd prefer. mind you, fresh lemon. fancy. this is Gino's, not Jack's. obv. it's solids

View attachment 256376

one of the squiggles told her the slop looked better than the "tit" posted by gino d'Campo earlier

well, I know what I'd prefer. mind you, fresh lemon. fancy. this is Gino's, not Jack's. obv. it's solids

View attachment 256376

I am not that sure that may people would choose scrotum sausage over this. I know it is not for people who just like fish fingers, but bloody hell get a grip.

 

[Captainmouse]

Moonshine mash sounds so romantic when in reality it's instant potato gloop mashed up with sweetcorn. Her dear old Norn Irish grannies must be rolling and muttering in their graves.

Also, seeing as how she made this dinner hours ago, did she eat it then or 1. let it go cold and then eat it; 2. bung it in the microwave; 3. chuck it in the bin and eat an M&S ready meal?

3

 

[Pixie06]

So she's been on here +6 months and learned nothing. We have been very giving. Is she not aware of the term "constructive criticism".

A recommended set of instructions that aims to collaboratively improve the overall quality of a product or service. Often containing helpful and specific suggestions for positive change, constructive criticism is highly focused on a particular issue or set of issues, as opposed to providing general feedback on the item or organization as a whole.

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/constructive-criticism.html

 

[Scarletfever]

"Moonshine mash" is so twee

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Can't cook, SHAN'T cook

Thread title right there!!

"Moonshine mash" is so twee

I prefer “ trying to be hipster but the only thing that could make her more basic witch is driving a Fiat 500”. But, (alleged) autism.

 

[Scarletfever]

Thread title right there!!



I prefer “ trying to be hipster but the only thing that could make her more basic witch is driving a Fiat 500”. But, (alleged) autism.

How DARE you! She can't AFFORD to run a car! That's why she has to WALK everywhere, the poor, sickly, cold urchin.

She probably pictures herself as the Little Matchstick Girl, looking in through the window of Fortnums.

 

[bazzam]

This book she is writing at the moment about poverty and politics is going to be ridiculed. people with PHD's have been researching and writing for years on this subject and many other people who have a knack about writing personal accounts. Her research doesn't seem that further than wikipedia and very shallow.