- Notice
I was going to comment about this the other day and then wasn't sure if I should!Plus the downside of absolutely raking it in is her quarterly VAT & a plethora of other taxes will be due soonLikely what’s causing the sudden frugality, think she hit this problem last year looking at her accounts.
So she filed a set of micro accounts for the year to 31 March 2019 v late (she was in danger of being struck off). At that point there was £15,995 of cash in the business bank account. She had a tax bill (amounts owed are shown in brackets) of £28,014. This is likely to be the corporation tax owed for that year as it's always paid in arrears.
What that means is that she had insufficient funds in her company bank account for that tax year to pay her tax bill, and will be relying on income from the 2019/20 year to pay it.
I am also a freelancer and I was always taught: 1. Do not take out more from your business bank account than the tax owed because 2. If you have no income (or reduced income the following year) you may not have enough money to pay the tax bill as you still have to pay corporation tax on income from that year as well. This is how people end up going bankrupt when their income drops dramatically in subsequent years and they have spent the money that should be put aside to pay HMRC.
So essentially she's going to be in a cycle of robbing Peter to pay Paul - hence I think the realisation that she needs to cut down.
It's technically fine to run your business account this way as long as times are always good. But clearly she's had no income of any significance since Hellmans. This is why I don't do this because I couldn't sleep at night.
The other thing of interest is the amount of the tax bill. Corporation tax is 19% and is owed on your profits after expenses. At a v rough estimate that means there was a turnover in the business year to 31 March 2019 of approx £147k. We'll ignore VAT as it's paid quarterly and pretty much goes in and out (so is overall usually neutral in a micro company).
We can also see that at the point the accounts were made up, only £16k is held as cash at the bank, therefore approx £131k has been taken out of the business account that year. We know there is an assistant on the books as there are 2 employees shown on the accounts. Let's say including tax and NI the assistant has cost £25k to the business. That leaves a v generous approximation of £106k that will have gone to Jack in that business year.
Tax will also be owed on that via a personal tax return for the dividends or PAYE (however it's been taken out - there's v little difference these days in the overall tax due). If, as she states, she is only paying herself a living wage, then the rest has been put somewhere in her personal bank accounts, as it's not showing on the company bank account.
Obviously I can only comment on what's on the tax return for that year - there is another set of accounts due for the year to March 2020 and it will be interesting to see those when they appear.
I hope this is helpful - I don't remember anyone commenting in this much detail about the accounts at the time they became available. I'm not an accountant but I also run my own business (triangulate me if you dare) and I also file micro accounts, so they're easy for me to read.
I'll now fuck off as I'm BUSY today.
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Congratulations to the esteemed and badass @Breakdance Badass for your exquisite thread title! A mighty 85 reactions 
Succinct and to the point, brava. Maybe you’ll be (mis)quoted in Elle again? 
Recap of thread #77
Succinct and to the point, brava. Maybe you’ll be (mis)quoted in Elle again? Recap of thread #77
- Jack Monroe let security levels slide and the picture of the tuna courgette gratin was shown without the cartoon filter. She probably suspected that no-one actually wanted to triangulate that ... meal.
- Good Christ, she’s a furry. And she’s provided an affiliate link so that you can be one too.
- She’s researching her poverty memoir Now. Surely all the preliminary research should have been completed by this stage ... thank goodness for Wikipedia and her steadfast appetite for joie de vivre, that’s all I can say.
- Something fishy this way comes. She’s not only having to deal with parody Twitter accounts, but also parody tinned fish. Smart Price sardines had the appalling cheek to cosplay as Tesco Finest, and found their way onto her lunch plate.
- She has a huge, HUGE photoshoot next week and she’s going to have to wear a bra for the first time in, like, a decade. (The last sentence may or may not be true.)
- She made some stirfried stuff. More porky goodness. Complete with photos of the Asda SP products used to make the stirfry - just to put our minds at rest that there was no more of that sneaky Tesco Finest shit muscling its way in.
- For a fun delve into the brief history of Jack, take a look at some of her historical rebuttals underneath her Guardian recipes here courtesy of @lilamay. Nothing ever new under the soft wool sun in Jack’s strive for personal justice.
- She’s got a picture of David Cameron taped up in her work area. What a ludicrous prune.
- Jack Monroe, the seasonal harbinger has announced winter. She owns a Burberry scarf. Calm your collective tits: probably a gift
[*]
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
[*]
ChickenPorridge
VIP Member
Let me know if any of you ninnies need a lift to court, just found this car sticking out of the mud! Yeooo!
Emmapism
VIP Member
I'm gonna pause my catch-up and get sentimental for a second.
If a second lockdown does end up happening, it will be shitty. I'm sure a lot of us will battle with our mental health as much as we did during the first one, if not more because WINTER.
But this little group is amazing and you all make me squawk laugh every single day.
When you're not really seeing friends and family it's an absolute godsend and one of the reasons why I get so crotchety when people say all Tattle is, is a 'bullying hate site'.
This year I've been here more than ever and that's entirely down to all of you.
Now fuck off x
If a second lockdown does end up happening, it will be shitty. I'm sure a lot of us will battle with our mental health as much as we did during the first one, if not more because WINTER.
But this little group is amazing and you all make me squawk laugh every single day.
When you're not really seeing friends and family it's an absolute godsend and one of the reasons why I get so crotchety when people say all Tattle is, is a 'bullying hate site'.
This year I've been here more than ever and that's entirely down to all of you.
Now fuck off x
heretoreaditall2019
VIP Member
Off for a walk this morning, thank god it’s been raining so plenty of muddy puddles to find goodies in! Praying for some Gucci loafers and a bit of gold bullion x
BeautifulTrauma
VIP Member
This. This is exactly what pisses me off, that she doesn’t have a fucking clue about foodbanks for the past eight years, and yet people hang on her every word.
No, anyone (as we did at the food bank I helped at) would throw the food away. Do you know why? Because they shouldn’t ever be made to feel like they are worth food that is past it’s used by date, whether it’s there in a separate tray or not, people feel a burden and may feel obliged to take it because in their head they don’t deserve any help. Same with donating Smartprice stuff, I remember saying way back during DKL not to donate it as buying a better brand helps people to feel more human.
At a food bank your role is to help and equip people with enough food to last a few days, not as a drop off point to get rid of your 10p Asda salad bags. She is utterly clueless about how people feel who are put into this position, I actually hate her because she does way more harm to people who genuinely need the help than good. I wish she’d fuck off and go do some politics where she can cause less damage than to disadvantaged people.
Apologies for the rant, the people I saw during lockdown during those few months helping will stay with me forever. Children waiting for us to arrive with their food when dropping off, raking through the bag for treats. To think that goes on every day and the utter shite she spouts rather than trying to help. With Jack all she does is self promotion. That £20 shopping is to fuel her own ego, nothing more.
Breakdance Badass
VIP Member
ONE OF THE BIGGEST STORIES OF OUR TIME..... FINDING BURBERRY
Alansbigplate
VIP Member
Ninch55
Chatty Member
I would struggle to feed myself on £20 per week, and even shopping at Aldi, when you need to factor in other essentials, such as toilet roll, washing powder etc, it’s not feasible to manage a varied diet and to run a home on that amount.
The point I take issue with, Jack, if you see this, is that if you claim it can be done, there are vulnerable people out there who may be shamed because they can’t understand why they’re not managing to do this. So, in all seriousness, that is why you need to stop claiming that it’s possible.
Second, I’m up for a challenge. I work full time, at the moment I’m having to work from home, but I’m prepared to do a £20 food only shop at Aldi, to see what I can come up with. I’m a good cook so I can rustle up something, but I’m used to feeding one. The catch is, Jackadoodle, is that all I have is a 2 ring hob, I’m on a meter(poor mental health, previous debt) and I earn just under a living wage so the challenge is harder.To all fellow Frauen und Herren, I’ll genuinely try this ASAP. Give me a week or so and I’ll see what I can do. I have an amazing store cupboard but I won’t use it so that salt and pepper will be the only condiments used. Maybe tomato ketchup. Let me get some recipes together and I’ll see what can be done. Anyone wants to join in, welcome. Let’s show her how to do this. NO FLACCID BANGERS PERMITTED.
Veronicaaa
VIP Member
Can you imagine Jack's recipe for sausage, mash, peas and gravy?
INGREDIENTS
6 x sausages (3p each)
Asda essential cola (17p) - to marinade the sausages
1 tin of sweetcorn INC. ephemera
Instant potato mash
POBP
1 tin spaghetti hoops (rinsed) mixed with 1 tin of marrowfat peas
red lentils
Gravy granules
1 kilo lard
Handful of kale
1 tin Tesco finest sardines
1 5 day old bag of lettuce
1 cup cold tea
3 tablespoons tomato puree mixed with 500ml stock & some tiny bits of carrot
EQUIPMENT
Bullet blender
Slow cooker
Mandolin
Sieve
Chainsaw
Le Creuset casserole dish
Sunglasses
Potato ricer
Air Fryer (aff link)
kachoochoo
VIP Member
once upon a time, a girl called jack opened the door of her massive house slightly too small RENTED bungalow.
"oh my," she breathed, nasally. "what the absolute fuck are all these treasures amongst my straggly herbs?"
for she gazed upon a trove of magical treasures. "why, Cooper, you 50 per cent catto, have you seen this?" she gasped, hysterically.
cooper did not see. cooper was playing his regular war games with the friendly local mice.
"why, nameless bunny, have you seen this?"
nameless bunny did not see. nameless bunny was fenced in by large amounts of salad-with-a-twist.
jack exhaled satisfactorily.
"oh, look upon the glorious treasure which has so unexpectedly landed on the ground, right here! it must be meant for me! this Burberry scarf, it is for me! these two phones are for me! these airpods, they are for me to drop in food! this tracey emin, for me! these four cotswold co sideboards and shoe rack! for me! and a sentient mirror as well! I'm so deserving as the champion of the poor, so these luxury goods that I have suddenly found on the ground are my rewards, the universe is giving back, cos I am SO POOR (please give generously). there is no one more deserving than me, all the squiggles say so. now fuck off and leave me with my luxury goods."
"oh my," she breathed, nasally. "what the absolute fuck are all these treasures amongst my straggly herbs?"
for she gazed upon a trove of magical treasures. "why, Cooper, you 50 per cent catto, have you seen this?" she gasped, hysterically.
cooper did not see. cooper was playing his regular war games with the friendly local mice.
"why, nameless bunny, have you seen this?"
nameless bunny did not see. nameless bunny was fenced in by large amounts of salad-with-a-twist.
jack exhaled satisfactorily.
"oh, look upon the glorious treasure which has so unexpectedly landed on the ground, right here! it must be meant for me! this Burberry scarf, it is for me! these two phones are for me! these airpods, they are for me to drop in food! this tracey emin, for me! these four cotswold co sideboards and shoe rack! for me! and a sentient mirror as well! I'm so deserving as the champion of the poor, so these luxury goods that I have suddenly found on the ground are my rewards, the universe is giving back, cos I am SO POOR (please give generously). there is no one more deserving than me, all the squiggles say so. now fuck off and leave me with my luxury goods."
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
A coconut and salmon/haddock ...soup? With cheese and massacred leeks on toast? I am baffled by this combination. Just because you can buy a jar of salmon paste for 30p doesn't mean you should, she could quite easily have saved the 30p and just made it a vegetable soup, no hiding required. Furthermore why is she acting like there's a fucking tundra directly outside her door? She's apparently already bundled up like some sort of venomous Eskimo ffs, just go outside you ludicrous prune.
In the last thread @Blurp made mention of a bingo card so I made one for you all. The prize is not having to eat any mysterious slop.
In the last thread @Blurp made mention of a bingo card so I made one for you all. The prize is not having to eat any mysterious slop.
Mel Donte
Chatty Member
Jack, dating Allegra doesn't count as doing a 'menu development job' for Leon.
ChickenPorridge
VIP Member
...and then everyone clapped
Um, Jack? Isn't this the exact script from Pretty Woman? Oh, sorry. My mistake
colouredlines
VIP Member
Oh no, now I'll have to give up my favourite order of an XL Peach & Chickpea McCurry with a side of McCheesy Leeks and a McChocolate Chai to drink. 
ETA: when chains collaborate with celebrity chefs, it's usually announced and reported on, and often advertised heavily (good publicity for both). This means:
a) chains don't want to be publically associated with her
b) she once said to Allegra, "you should do a bean burger"
c) Novak Nail
ETA: when chains collaborate with celebrity chefs, it's usually announced and reported on, and often advertised heavily (good publicity for both). This means:
a) chains don't want to be publically associated with her
b) she once said to Allegra, "you should do a bean burger"
c) Novak Nail
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Toffee finger
VIP Member
Didn’t you know Jack is in a RENTED bungalow and isn’t allowed the same access to weather as the rest of us as she is BUSY in her tiny RENTED bungalow.What's she on about? It was 25-30 degrees in Southend last week
Also, time traveller. Last week is this week which is also next week, then and NOW.
SHE LEFT. Now fuck off thankyou
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Thymian40
Member
I actually just want to second this. You don’t know how much you lot have kept me going in recent weeks, even though I don’t chip in much - I found here after getting suss about both Sali Hughes and Jack You Very Much Matt Jack Matt Jack. You guys keep me sane (and laughing) when most of the time I’d rather not exist.
So thankyou and POBP from me.
Xx