Jack Monroe #579 She's essentially Scrappy-Doo in a bell jar now

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Silent Labour is when you are in labour but don’t know it, so not exactly the elevenerife Jack was hoping for. Maybe she got it confused with silent or quiet birth, which is the Scientology/Fundie one where you have to keep it zipped in case you upset the baby.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Sick
Reactions: 39
Guys, Mr Nothanksbabes just made me the best tea ever (actual N. Irish, what that man can't do with a potato isn't worth knowing)
and then went for a shower and came back in a tshirt (complete with toothpaste stain) I've never seen before...

He doesn't know about the canal... Wonder if he's a secret member?
1000116856.jpg
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 69
The anesthetist asked if I wanted her to film my C-section on my husband's phone. I politely declined. Although she did take a photo which I still haven't looked at.

It's also worth noting that an emergency C-section isn't necessarily panic stations. It just means unplanned. My first was technically an emergency, but it was all very calm and I had time for a nap beforehand, it's just my labour wasn't progressing (despite them throwing the hormonal kitchen sink at him, he didn't want to come out!)

Editing to add that with my second the surgeon tried to encourage me to not have the screen up. I'm guessing I could've glimpsed some bits. But when. He uttered things like "shall we pop the uterus back in" and "oh it's a bit of a blood bath" I was thankful the screen was there. I don't think a C-section is the best time to test how squeamish you are...
BIB. I was lying on the table all prepped for my emergency c section when an alarm when off and everyone bar one nurse ran out of the room. Turned out they had run off to perform a crash c section, that really is panic stations. TBH I was way to out of it at that point to get what was going on, but Mr Dogs relayed it all to me later. Emergency c section really just means unplanned c section.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 25
You didn't loose your job, Jack. You quit.
---
Also, Jack who needs tramadol for an ouchy shoulder did a 30 labour on paracetamol? Haha she'd be ripping their arms off for the good stuff. (So would I.)
I’ve never heard of anyone being offered paracetamol in active labour. Would have thought pethidine or gas and air is first step. Also why is she always talking about radiators and why was it ripped off the wall?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 17
If she ripped a radiator off the wall surely everyone there would have become very unwell/ exploded

Because they would have been inhaling gas

Because radiators in jack world have gas piped into them
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 49
Silent Labour is when you are in labour but don’t know it, so not exactly the elevenerife Jack was hoping for. Maybe she got it confused with silent or quiet birth, which is the Scientology/Fundie one where you have to keep it zipped in case you upset the baby.
If she'd been eating her own slop she was probably so used to bloating and agonising stomach pains that it never even occurred to her that she was pregnant in labour until the baby arrived.
---
Guys, Mr Nothanksbabes just made me the best tea ever (actual N. Irish, what that man can't do with a potato isn't worth knowing)
and then went for a shower and came back in a tshirt (complete with toothpaste stain) I've never seen before...

He doesn't know about the canal... Wonder if he's a secret member? View attachment 2996451
Bonfire of The Inanities? 🤔



(I'm a bit <shudder> about an actual goose being suttee-d though. 😬🤢 (But I'd still wear it.))
 
Last edited:
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 20
IV paracetamol is an effective pain reliever, but oral paracetamol wouldn't do much for pain relief.

Childbirth is not a competitive sport; be quiet, be loud, have no drugs, have all the drugs, give birth vaginally or by a section - whatever you need. The only prize is the baby, and anyone trying either to elevenerife their experience or trying to put someone else down for their experience is a bleep. Thankspaceyou for attending my TED talk.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 88
I’m sure Jack was fuming she didn’t get to do the whole “I just breathed calmly for 67 hours with no meds” thing about her birth. Coz Well Hard and that. 🙄

I got my husband to film over the screen for my section. Worth it to see the look of utter disgust and anger on my baby’s face that he’d been removed from his comfy womb. He’d still be there now three years on if left.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 45
I broke a door once when I was off school sick. We had cheap doors because povvo.
A wonderful colleague of mine broke a similar door at work by doing an accurate impression of our appalling CEO slamming the door in our faces: the difficulty in coming up with a plausible reason that the door now had a hole in it was both the most complicated and hilarious thing I’ve worked on. The writing up of the scenario in the Incident Book resulted in tears of laughter staining the page which was compounded by a naive and credulous colleague of ours urging my colleague to go to the GP due to her supposed door-related injury.

On topic: what I’d give to see guest live again now that she cannot deflect questions on Sue Lee and might be asked about Patreon. Come on Agent Adrian: get her on a stage.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 40
30 hours of silent labour? Is she a Scientologist?
She is a Lieantologist.

Yeah, they tell you to take it before you go to the hospital. I had a fear of being sent back home and so I only just made it to the delivery room. A genuine paracetamol delivery. 😂
I had my second baby on gas and air, no time for pain relief. It was a very quick labour and the pain just got stronger so the midwife left the room for morphine and when she came back, baby was crowning, so no morphine for me. He just whooshed out, she was just in time. Poor husband lost the use of his hands too.
 
  • Haha
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 28
I’m sure Jack was fuming she didn’t get to do the whole “I just breathed calmly for 67 hours with no meds” thing about her birth. Coz Well Hard and that. 🙄

I got my husband to film over the screen for my section. Worth it to see the look of utter disgust and anger on my baby’s face that he’d been removed from his comfy womb. He’d still be there now three years on if left.
30 hour silent labour and radiator-ripping, eyeballed the birth of her son, all on minimal pain relief. Yet, ten years later is on 40 trammies a day just to sit in the bungamansion and tweet. Then and now, eh?
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 51
Even without the screen you can’t see anything. You have a epidural in your spine which anaesthesises your body from the boobs down. So you can’t sit up even if you wanted to. And the action takes place on the other side of your massively distended belly, under the point where your pubes begin to grow. By the time you’ve cooked a baby to term, you haven’t seen your pubic region for months, believe me 😂
All of the above (and I've been there too dear Triple V) but also there's a weird code that delivery staff adhere to.
They absolutely do not under any circumstance say or do anything negative. Everything is scarily positive. Even when you are pushing baby out and you poo yourself they do not even mention it because it may cause the mum to panic/think negative thoughts.
A C section is major surgery and quite scary to look at. There is no way a delivery team would let a mum watch because as lovely as the birth of your child is, watching your tummy being opened and your internal organs on display is terrifying. There's just no way you would be able to watch it. As others have said it would be impossible because of the spine blocker anesthetic but also the ethics of the medical team not wanting to frighten the mum.
In short, she's chatting tit again.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 43
Jack? Talking shite?? Never! 😱😱😱

Most honest and non-dramatic person this side of the English Channel. How very dare you!

(I remember assuming that kids were just a thing one did as they were old enough and I wanted a bakers dozen. Now I'm like, the dog and I are fine 🫠)
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 23