Jack Monroe #579 She's essentially Scrappy-Doo in a bell jar now

[Naboo The Enigma]

I’m sure Jack was fuming she didn’t get to do the whole “I just breathed calmly for 67 hours with no meds” thing about her birth. Coz Well Hard and that.

I got my husband to film over the screen for my section. Worth it to see the look of utter disgust and anger on my baby’s face that he’d been removed from his comfy womb. He’d still be there now three years on if left.

When I was pushing out my first baby, my then husband was down at the business end, absolutely enthralled and giving me a running commentary. The midwife gave him a mirror to show me what was going on but I took one look and noped out. Couldn't even look at the placenta either, let alone keep it for prosperity.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Jack counted her "30 hour labour" from the minute her first twinges started. Both of my labours were slow to get going with days of on and off contractions, and paracetamol is pretty much the only safe pain relief that you can take at that point.

 

[HotesTilaire]

When I was pushing out my first baby, my then husband was down at the business end, absolutely enthralled and giving me a running commentary. The midwife gave him a mirror to show me what was going on but I took one look and noped out. Couldn't even look at the placenta either, let alone keep it for prosperity.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if Jack counted her "30 hour labour" from the minute her first twinges started. Both of my labours were slow to get going with days of on and off contractions, and paracetamol is pretty much the only safe pain relief that you can take at that point.

We all know Jack was insufferable, she probably developed nausea and sore tits the day after the shag, and started stockpiling clearviews.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Facts - another word guest doesn't know the meaning of.

She lies about everything from the banal to the preposterous.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

I’m such a nob. I didn’t realise until reading other comments that she meant the SURGICAL screen they have up so you can’t see your own entrails. I thought it was a TV screen of some sort #notamother

Ohhh, I was about to comment to say surely the whole point of a TV screen being there was so the surgeons could see what they were doing so why on earth would they move it. I thought the comment about the mirror was saying they would reflect the TV down to her

I've also just realised I've heard about the screen thing before but always thought the mother could see and it was placed so the other parent wouldn't freak out

#alsonotamother reproduction sounds horrific I don't understand how you all do it

 

[drusy]

Do you know what would improve that godawful kumquat hairstyle?(said no one, ever).
A badly drawn, hose-stealing fox (with no hose), inspired by the @DinosaurSenior capybara masterpiece.

 

[camotea]

capybaraaa

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Do you know what would improve that godawful kumquat hairstyle?(said no one, ever).
A badly drawn, hose-stealing fox (with no hose), inspired by the @DinosaurSenior capybara masterpiece.
View attachment 2997045

Hey!

Foxes have feelings, too!

 

[ChiaraRimini]

All of the above (and I've been there too dear Triple V) but also there's a weird code that delivery staff adhere to.
They absolutely do not under any circumstance say or do anything negative. Everything is scarily positive. Even when you are pushing baby out and you poo yourself they do not even mention it because it may cause the mum to panic/think negative thoughts.
A C section is major surgery and quite scary to look at. There is no way a delivery team would let a mum watch because as lovely as the birth of your child is, watching your tummy being opened and your internal organs on display is terrifying. There's just no way you would be able to watch it. As others have said it would be impossible because of the spine blocker anesthetic but also the ethics of the medical team not wanting to frighten the mum.
In short, she's chatting tit again.

That’s really interesting intel!

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

capybaraaa

Capyborbora

 

[YerDa]

I guarantee she intended the "time period" to mean the few hours her begging tweet was up before being deleted, not the full year further donations would have been coming in in response to her insisting in multiple print interviews and personal appearances that the case was going ahead.

Definitely. She coined it in with Sue Lee and no one will convince me otherwise.

 

[houseofhoop]

Silent Labour is when you are in labour but don’t know it, so not exactly the elevenerife Jack was hoping for. Maybe she got it confused with silent or quiet birth, which is the Scientology/Fundie one where you have to keep it zipped in case you upset the baby.

I’ve been following the canal / Jack monroe threads since about June 2022, member since November 2019, please someone have mercy on a smol helpless pixie and explain elevenerife??
Is it the same as black catting someone? (I’ve realised I got this from my husband who is ex Royal Marine so I’ve put an explanation link below)
I’ve checked the wiki and I’m none the wiser…
explainer link:
https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/news-and-latest-activity/public-relations/display-teams/black-cats#:~:text=The%20name%20'Black%20Cats'%20is,something%20better%20than%20someone%20else.
ETA: The link is odd but it means like one up man ship

 

[Onestorytoomany]

i had both of my children with absolutely nothing because they were literally on their way out as the nurse examined me. I got crappy paracetamol afterwards. I jokingly got told, if i were to have anymore. I would need to camp at the hospital. My labours got from nothing to baby in no time at all. I loveca birth story and no one should be made to feel bad, for how their babies come into the world.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I’ve been following the canal / Jack monroe threads since about June 2022, member since November 2019, please someone have mercy on a smol helpless pixie and explain elevenerife??
Is it the same as black catting someone? (I’ve realised I got this from my husband who is ex Royal Marine so I’ve put an explanation link below)
I’ve checked the wiki and I’m none the wiser…
explainer link:
https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/news-and-latest-activity/public-relations/display-teams/black-cats#:~:text=The%20name%20'Black%20Cats'%20is,something%20better%20than%20someone%20else.
ETA: The link is odd but it means like one up man ship

Elevenerife always reminds me of the film Shirley Valentine. Here's a quote that sums it up: "I'm not sayin' she's a bragger, but if you've been to Paradise, she's got a season ticket. She's that type, Gillian, you know. If you've got a headache, she's got a brain tumor."

 

[MavisBeacon]

I’ve been following the canal / Jack monroe threads since about June 2022, member since November 2019, please someone have mercy on a smol helpless pixie and explain elevenerife??
Is it the same as black catting someone? (I’ve realised I got this from my husband who is ex Royal Marine so I’ve put an explanation link below)
I’ve checked the wiki and I’m none the wiser…
explainer link:
https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/news-and-latest-activity/public-relations/display-teams/black-cats#:~:text=The%20name%20'Black%20Cats'%20is,something%20better%20than%20someone%20else.
ETA: The link is odd but it means like one up man ship

If someone said they'd been to Tenerife on holiday, someone like guest would say they'd been to Elevenerife

 

[camotea]

I’ve been following the canal / Jack monroe threads since about June 2022, member since November 2019, please someone have mercy on a smol helpless pixie and explain elevenerife??
Is it the same as black catting someone? (I’ve realised I got this from my husband who is ex Royal Marine so I’ve put an explanation link below)
I’ve checked the wiki and I’m none the wiser…
explainer link:
https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/news-and-latest-activity/public-relations/display-teams/black-cats#:~:text=The%20name%20'Black%20Cats'%20is,something%20better%20than%20someone%20else.
ETA: The link is odd but it means like one up man ship

It's really basic and youll kick yourself x If you said you'd been to Tenerife, someone boastful will say they went one better - to Elevenerife.

 

[houseofhoop]

If someone said they'd been to Tenerife on holiday, someone like guest would say they'd been to Elevenerife

thank you!! Very funny, unlike guest

 

[secretsrsafe]

It's really basic and youll kick yourself x If you said you'd been to Tenerife, someone boastful will say they went one better - to Elevenerife.

I was also wondering this for ages. So funny! I thought it was something to do with Spinal Tap and the volume joke in that. I knew it meant wildly exaggerate.

 

[Cookiecookie]

I almost drowned having daughter (water birth) Two puffs of gas and air and I was absolutely away with the fairies, and had no bloody clue I was going under. Husband had to keep hoiking me up by my ponytail He was also meant to be wearing eye patches, due to a welding incident, so he could barely see. Utterly ridiculous story for sure, but still not as ridiculous as Jack's!

Anyway, I wonder when she'll attempt another pop up? It's not going well anywhere, and the constant tweet/delete thing is a bit of a weird one.

 

[I'm not actually here]

I almost drowned having daughter (water birth) Two puffs of gas and air and I was absolutely away with the fairies, and had no bloody clue I was going under. Husband had to keep hoiking me up by my ponytail He was also meant to be wearing eye patches, due to a welding incident, so he could barely see. Utterly ridiculous story for sure, but still not as ridiculous as Jack's!

Anyway, I wonder when she'll attempt another pop up? It's not going well anywhere, and the constant tweet/delete thing is a bit of a weird one.

Do we think she is softly, gently, painstakingly creating another social media account somewhat beyond Twix? Like, some really obscure network where nobody has heard of her?!!!

 

[Cookiecookie]

Do we think she is softly, gently, painstakingly creating another social media account somewhat beyond Twix? Like, some really obscure network where nobody has heard of her?!!!

I could well see her trying it. There's a lot out there now, especially since Twitter/X is dying a death. Don't think they'll ever have the reach Twitter had though, but she might still be able to con a few quid here and there.