Jack Monroe #568 Things Jack doesn't understand - Gaslighting, Gas heating, Gastronomy

[CocoCottesmore]

It's at times like this, at the end of a thread particularly, that I miss @Livia Fantasy

 

[FrumpyCat]

That “cute as a tiny shiny button” shite always makes me want to hurl my phone through the fucking wall.

Shut up Jack, you utter simpering moron.

That when she was larping as a scampering urchin for Old Harold, probably same reason for that Toni and Guy hate-cut.

 

[chizontiz]

If it is her, she’s only posting that bollox there for speculation here. Shes missing the attention.
She was very much giving off her Wealthy Sugarmama-chasing vibe last year, what with her BUTCH AS HELL check shirts (was that last year?! She’s so bloody dull I forget) and her interesting curry’s/greenbelt hairdos. Plus she’d have called him her OH or husband or affianced or whatever. Nothing so prosaic as a boyfriend.

And if she has moved into the one bedroom flat (I sleep on the sofa), we all know it’s a two bedroom flat and you don’t, you fucking charlatan. And I hope all the paint blisters off your Tiffany blue front door and all your hydrangeas move to the neighbors’ house.

ETA I don’t like her.

BiB vali i <3 u

 

[HotesTilaire]

Her comment about the "closed Southend arts scene" winds me up.

Most industries are closed to some extent because patronage exists everywhere and people tend to like working with people who look and think like them.

However, education is one way to create access -- you have a much better chance of breaking into whatever scene if you have a relevant qualification. And, in the creative industries, gaining a qualification also means you'll have had critical feedback on your work from people skilled and experienced in the field. There's no downside to this and there is a wealth of educational opportunities at all levels, from local colleges to adult ed to universities.

If guest wanted to be a photographer, why didn't she go to college and learn about it?

Of course, education is only a piece of paper if it's not matched by dedicated, focused work.

Guest is very arrogant and entitled if she believes neither education nor hard work applies to her. She can fuck right off.

Yeah, photography, completed it Pal. Mate,
---
Weirdly enough, I think she passed her Maths and English GCSE’s, which might be tricky if she needed 5 for A Levels, because it’s not easy to resit Food Tech in a term (like with Maths and Eng) so she might actually have been in an unusual pickle (although easily sorted by a year in college).

 

[Carefree]

View attachment 2876158According to the internet this thing is a fishing gig. Who fucking knows what Jack is talking about.

Poseidon's trident merged with an eel spear. Still unlikely to be what Jack was waffling about or trying to get at.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Didn’t we have a thread title a bit like this a while ago

Yes, I just updated it for current guest lol

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Because she’s a narc and it’s everyone else’s fault. Redoing them would mean taking some responsibility and of course if she failed them again it would show she’s not actually as clever as she thinks she is (not at all).

I know someone who blames his mother because he failed his a levels. All because she kept him in his private nursery and he didn’t go to school nursery for his half days (in the 1970s when we didn’t do much more than play). It’s narc behaviour.

I agree with you re Jack, but surely her parents weren’t happy with her leaving school with few qualifications or prospects. From everything we know about them they’re the type who want/expect their children to ‘do them proud’. I can’t believe they didn’t try to get her to stay in education, even if it was vocational rather than A levels.

 

[YerDa]

Nah someone saw her walking about recently didn’t they. You’d notice someone of that height pregnant at 5-6 months esp a second pregnancy

Well, they pretended to have seen her then went very quiet when it sounded a bit suspish and they were challenged …

 

[L3moning]

Yellow-matter custard?
Semolina pilchard?

And of course the next line is dripping from a dead dog's eye, which given Jack's history with animals...

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Is she up and about now then? Where can I see this debacle?

 

[Be our guest]

how very dare you, that potato is DISABLED. monkeys!

I thought it might be fun to revisit the dire potatoes so I took myself off to thread 404. but I got distracted by yorkshires. We all know the "cracking" hockey puck yorkshires

View attachment 2865348

and the hockey puck with embedded dog turd ones

View attachment 2865349

but I hadn't heard the hilaaaarious story of the ones that fail when she makes them for someone else's husband that she shouldn't be flirting with

View attachment 2865351

if the top one is a cracking one in her opinion then what the fuck must the failures look like? post it notes? communion wafers? do they exist in only two dimensions?

also how can you fail at a Yorkshire? I mean literally it's possible as the above 2 pics prove, but I mean how can you be so fucking stupid? you're a cook. they're incredibly simple and easy to make. you should understand how they work and if you don't there's 10 million free resources to tell you. I'd find it harder to make those weird pale pastry cases than a proper Yorkshire.

as for the idiotic comment about the kids dad: think maybe his are only as bad as hers ( how could they be worse) but she has cognitive dissonance and can't see it. she looks at hers and sees lovely puffy browned successes. she's beyond help

also this utter cringe was on theat thread

View attachment 2865376

chatting pony
bet yo ass I'm gonna

I am scarlet with secondhand embarrassment from two years ago. Oh my god

What is happening here they look a bit like undercooked cookies

 

[StewPots]

"I am you, I am you, and I am you"

Ok, cool.

But thankfully, Jackie, I will never be you.

Ya fanny

I AM THE WALRUS! Coo-coo-chi-choo!

Sorry Canal, couldn’t resist.

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

do we have any evidence she’s working at Big Dave’s community caf?

the radical socialist landlord Caf?

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Toes like monster munch.

Or Nik Naks

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

I'm not reading too much into the Laurie Lou. We have a Mossy Moo....his middle name is not Moo. His first name's not Mossy either tbf, but I think most people have silly sing-song name's for their pets. If she'd have said Laurie Loo we'd have gone down the squatty potty, shitting slop route

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

That's what she'd be called if she went on MAFS.....

Only way she’s getting someone down the aisle…

I’d LOVES for her to be on MAFS.

 

[MediumLoad]

I thought Penis Beaker was unmasked as being the work of a troll?
I don’t care if Mexican House Thief is fake, it’s a great tale.
centre Parks as a code for bum sex is Simon Harris level. Can’t be arsed to investigate the poster who started that thread, but their sentence structure was a bit Cack.

I don't know if the Mexican House Thief tale is true, but I do know of a Turkish Apartment Thief tale that is true.

A FOF went a bit mad during the Celtic Tiger years and went on a property-buying spree. Bought apartments all over the Mediterranean. Turkish one was a new build in a resort. FOF would visit but their apartment was always plagued with issues and never seemed to be finished. Only theirs, all the others were fine. Turned out that a relative of the main builder was living there all along and the "Unfinished" appearance was all for show. I must find out how it ended. I think they just walked away from it but my contact isn't really a details person so who knows.

 

[Carefree]

My favourite Liverpool fan is one whose family used to get the boat back to Ireland through there and thus she became a red. Still more valid than Sarfend's Nicky nacky noo
---

As for Jack...it isn't Tuesday bu some quirk of time and she's gone on one? Or is Thursday/Match Nights the new Tuesday?

Europa League, innit. My mid-weeks are free this season 🫠

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

I've just got changed to go out and do a bit of gardening... I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in my woolly hat with my hair tucked inside and my reading glasses on and thought...omg I'm Burglar Bill Jack!

Thoughts and prayers . . .

 

[RandomFishOils]

I am still slightly curious how she will address the VBI issue if asked. It's been nearly ready a couple of times. Obviously nobody really cares but a lot of money was bunged in her direction because of it.

It’s nearly ready, look! There’s a two year old TWEET on there and everything. https://www.vimesbootsindex.co.uk/

I love how there’s a link to her Books What I Wrote on Bookshop too - act now to save 35p and you too could buy a small Stetson.