Jack Monroe #568 Things Jack doesn't understand - Gaslighting, Gas heating, Gastronomy

[HotesTilaire]

Dear god almighty and all his cherubim and seraphim. What in the babyshit is this monstrosity? And how MASSIVE is it?!
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She’s a charlatan who cannot cook for shit, but genuinely, she reserves a special sort of venom for eggs. Why does she hate eggs so much?

Did she get LEFT by an egg?

Spoiler: Foul Eggy Slops

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Spoiler: Truly repulsive worst ever

Paging Dr Pimplepopper: Cyst alert! View attachment 2873571View attachment 2873552

Er Vali-Voo there was no date on that insta. It’s not….recent, is it?

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Maybe she's hoping for a gig () on Match of the Day? Desperate times

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Loving this for her

Jack, if you‘re reading here (and we know you are), go look up ‘shade’.

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I just had to point out that those hands look just as chewed and filthy as Jack's.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Can I just ask wtf she means by a 'fishing gig'? Is she being paid to fish for an audience? Speaking at an ichthyologist conference? About to perform some slam poetry using fishing as another tired metaphor for addressing poverty? Is she back on her Christian Jack and off to be a 'fisher of men'?

Or does she just mean 'fishing trip' and once again this is an example of Jack using words that do not mean what she thinks they mean?

Is she back on her Christian Jack and off to be a 'fisher of men'?

"Bait" is a bit rancid by now, I imagine.

 

[StewPots]

Man, that horrifying picture where she’s managed to filter out her ACTUAL EYE never, ever fails to make me lolllll….what an absolute melt she is.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

My husband is struggling with his new found status as Sound and not Wooly. This hS come as quite a shock for him as being from a spot on the periphery of Liverpool, he assumed he was Wooly.
Obvious this is a lot to process and we would like The Liverpool Echo to respect our privacy at this moment as he learns to love his new identity.

As for Jack...it isn't Tuesday bu some quirk of time and she's gone on one? Or is Thursday/Match Nights the new Tuesday?

there are areas on that map that are up for debate. Prescot is woolshire for sure in my book.

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Jack's kind of swimming.

Grift Tales, ah-woo-ooh, every day she’s out there making Grift Tales, ah-woo-ooh

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Next time Liverpool win, guest's timeline:

 

[TheCat'sMother]

Don’t worry it’ll thicken up in the oven

That's what worries me.

 

[Captainmouse]

More Jackatha Christie fan fiction:

The Pale Horsemeat Lasagne

13 at Dinner (only 9 alive by dessert)

The Witless for the Proscuitto

The Murder at the Vicarage Bungamansion

4:50 from Shoeburyness

A Pocket Full of Rye Poppyseeds

Mysterious Affair at Groucho

Five Little Pigs; Five Deadly Chipolatas

Death on the Tiles (of Jackatha's loo)

D(evil)led Eggs Under the Sun

Bib #thread title

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

If she ended up working for That Man, I would never stop laughing.
I'm sure he'll find a candidate actually suited to the role, though.

It sounds like a great job and the benefits are fantastic. Unfortunately I already have a job

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Today i kept getting random google alerts to my phone about the Liverpool match( after the second one i clicked not interested) does that mean i am a super fan?

 

[MurielSnark]

I've got a friend whose late dad ran a restaurant in their home country where cock soup was the star dish, and she worked as a waitress there in her teens. This brief experience of selling cock is closer to the sex industry than guest's ever been

was it cock-a-leekie?

 

[StatusWoe]

multiple costume changes

Spoiler

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a shit wonky self-baked cake

Spoiler

with four delicious tiersView attachment 2873406View attachment 2873405View attachment 2873403View attachment 2873402

Jack martyring herself and deciding to do all the catering, meaning the menu would all be cold slop.

Spoiler: Nuptial Slop

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These images literally gave me a migraine. 30 minutes of zigzag patterns was still easier to look at than that gross beetroot (?) green oozing...thing.

 

[chizontiz]

Shop-bought & fingered?

paging dr geets! @Geetbo

 

[hoopdedoo]

From Patreon. Correct me if I’m wrong, but today not one thing here is true:
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You can tell that guest hasn't bothered to revise this in a while because "intersection" is so 2010s. Now it would be "space".

 

[Ollies01]

I'm not a dick in a frog bonnet, and I own no cats. I am a curator of obscure animals, currently training a pack of wolverines for hunting purposes.

Sorry I'm late to the jokes, I lost my beautiful big boy Pooh Bear last Friday and am still coming to terms with not having my best friend holding my arm or foot while I scroll Tattle.

I'm so sorry, sending you love

 

[HotesTilaire]

plazzy for me would be the same but calling people “la” and wearing a jarg Lacoste shell suit. Ironically, people from Saint Helens.

The worst kind of wool is the one with YNWA in their twitter handle and then making scouse jokes.

But hey, all scouse terms of abuse are interchangeable.

Jack is 100% one of those LFC, I’m so scouse, grew up with nothing but is actually from West Kirby

 

[StewPots]

Maybe Agent Adrian has managed to scrape her a cameo on Deadliest Catch

I know many a fisherman and I can tell you now that her woe is me bullshit would NOT be tolerated onboard a vessel. Not that she could hack the backbreaking work of a week aboard a deep sea fishing trawler. And if she volunteered to be the cook, well….Davy Jones’ locker would certainly await any of her foul slop and quite possibly, her.
So I guess that would be a positive….go in Jack! Sign up for a trip but make sure you can swim from halfway to France back to the UK coast first!

Have a nice trip! Byyeeeeeee

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Looks like old Slopper has been on the Celerytown sleeper and poisoned the water supply with offal awful slops. Kudos for CeleryLive giving us a clue in the form of Daniela Westbrook. They can't really tell us it was guest in case she pretends to sue them and they don't want to support another grift because they are saving up for an orangery in which to breed stetsons.