Jack Monroe #568 Things Jack doesn't understand - Gaslighting, Gas heating, Gastronomy

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Watching series 2 of the excellent Norn Oirish cop show Blue Lights. One copper just said of another: "If he was chocolate he'd fekkin' eat himself."

Had to rush over here and share that important info.
 
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The problem with our pumbling pixie is that because she tries to elevenrife everything, she forgets that usually there is always someone who knows more.... ( normally its tattle tbf) she seems to live under this impression that she is the most clever, well read, lived person that ever lived and feels like by sharing her 'vast' knowlege that she is somehow improving the country/ world. Someone needs to sit her down and tell her that clever people normally admit they are always learning.
My friend's Jack-like wife is like this, but she at least has some level of self awareness that her adult life post education has amounted to very little (which is why she is always over compensating/trying way too hard). However, if you challenge her bragging/bullshit, she crumbles PDQ.

Jack clearly doesn't have people in her life who will do this, or they do and then she turns to t'interwebz for head pats.
 
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As well as horse spunk lasagne we had lasagne with a prison shiv sticking out of it, and pork lasagne made with pints of water, am I forgetting any?
 
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I went to see the new Amy Winehouse film 📐🧀🍕🍰 and in one of the scenes in Amy's living room there is a gilded pineapple 🍍 I had to stop myself from saying "wonder if she keeps the tampons in that"
 
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Hahahahaha
Ok this Xanthe Clay sounds like a right twit. Didn’t know she championed Jack so Thankspaceyou for your continued education on all things Jack related dear Canal 🙏🏻

But I honestly can’t tell if this poster is being completely serious or taking the bleeping piss. I suspect it’s the former - if so, what an absolute bellend. Stfu and get back over to MN you dick.

But if they’re taking the piss then brava 🤣

ETA - The dick being pastatwat, not our dear @Beourguest of course 🧡
 
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Hold up. Where’d the extra 2½ GCSEs come from? 🧐

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Ah that’s when she fibbed to Ol’ Xanthe in 2013 to show off. Sokay tho. She “cleared it up once and for all” seven and a half years later in Potatoes. When “her Wikipedia” said she had 7. That’s cos you told Xanthe Clay you had 7, you bleeping fantasist liar.
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And it wasn’t even her fault she didn’t get 7!!! It was a SCHOOL SCANDAL and EVERYBODY said so!!! Even THE NEWSPAPER!

Then she almost signed up to be shipped off to the front line at Ypres, but “for several reasons” (mostly it being the best part of a century too late, and the Army not using 16 year old spoiled provincial brat attention seeking immature little girls as “cannon fodder”) she didn’t. She went to work in her grandad’s chip shop instead
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31 July 2020 Potatoes, above: pulled out of GCSEs where she was predicted to get “anything below a B”
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Seems unfair then, that (barely 7 months later in the telling) they also “struck her off” all the ones in which it was predicted she’d get an actual B as well. 😔
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Poor Jack. Deprived of her own academic achievements by the evil school who thwarted her 😭

Oh, wait….! Hearken, for tis a reluctant 4 1/2 GCSEs and the “silly” spoiled (lying) brat who realizes she should have made more of an effort.
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Luckily, when she wrote this back in 2012 she’d just signed up for two fictional imaginary degrees to mitigate this immature adolescent lapse in judgement.
 
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Imagine putting how many GCSEs you have on your Wikipedia page.

I stopped putting mine on my CV when I was 21...

Has she put her swimming certificates and Tufty Club membership on it too?
 
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I had to find this article in its entirety (no Torygraph paywall for me) and it's here:

I understand the points ninnies are making with regard to Jack. Xanthe Clay is an accomplished food writer with many years' experience and she has a better attitude to research and recipe testing than Jack, for sure.

However, my hackles were raised immediately by the blurb for this piece saying you could eat healthily and maybe lose weight for £26/ week.

A very clickbaity approach that, when you read on, is just more of the same claptrap about budget cooking that so many other middle class food writers spout.

For one thing, she claims this is a full 7-day mealplan but the economics don't quite add up.

For breakfast, she suggests baking your own bread but then she doesn't cost any other ingredients like the eggs she recommends you eat it with.

Likewise, she suggests making your own yoghurt -- okay, that's fine at a push -- but then doesn't cost the fruit and toppings she suggests to make it more interesting.

Also, the £26 is supposed to be for one person but all the recipes are for 4 people. So, if you're one or two people in a household, these costings don't work. Unless you bake one loaf and only eat a quarter of it over a week's breakfasts and lunches. Really?

A lot of what she's proposing involves making things from scratch -- bread, yoghurt, stocks etc -- which isn't great for people who are time poor or who have limited cooking facilities (like I do, in crappy temporary accommodation). And, while she loves organic homemade yoghurt, she wants us to all give up meat except for turkey legs because organic, free range is too costly. You have to run your oven a lot to bake bread, roast turkey and beetroot too.

There's nothing much here for harassed family cooks catering for fussy eaters. No suggestions about how to swop out ingredients that are increasingly unaffordable (like butter or olive oil). No sweets or snacks at all. Just a lot of overnight oats, lentils and abstemiousness. No convenience foods like baked beans that really help to stretch budgets and fill tummies.

Her point about weight loss? This isn't supported at all by what she's recommending here -- just clickbait to lure you into the article.

She's not giving Monroesque absurd economics of costing half an onion and a teaspoon of spice but there's no real substance here and little understanding of what it takes to eat well on very little money.

This is just one more middle class foodie telling the povs to eat turkey legs and lentils every day. I'd lose weight too if I had to face that.

Sorry, Xanthe, I'm out.
The costings rarely work, IME. Either they do a Jack and cost 1/10th of an onion or they do a Xanthe and stealth bulk buying because they present a per person cost you can only get when cooking for a family of four with leftovers.

I vastly prefer the way some do it where they said “Right we assume you’ve got salt/pepper/ketchup/some form of basic dried herb that would be in an “Italian mix” already, here we go with recipes that are quick and actually simple” even though twats like Jack and Xanthe get their kecks in a twist about it.
 
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tit a brick! Just went looking for the original ss from @Mel Donte about guest’reluctant GCSEs” and found this from @Mel Donte instead! guest’s ORIGINAL Our Southend blog!

using up my Abel and Cole!!!
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I (an oppressed independent artist) ALONE SHALL SPEAK FOR YOU!
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Twenty bleeping three years old. Already an insufferable bleep.

I AM SOUTHEND at this page
More FANCY recipes with real ingredients. This a-way.
Soooo poooooooor! (None of these survived the transition from Our Southend to her new “A girl called Jack” iteration mere days later, after she got noticed by THE NEWSPAPER)
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"I am you, I am you, and I am you"

Ok, cool.

But thankfully, Jackie, I will never be you.

Ya fanny
 
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I've always assumed she got 4.5 C or higher GCSEs and 2.5 D-G which the school and her parents and thus probably herself considered failures.
 
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As well as horse spunk lasagne we had lasagne with a prison shiv sticking out of it, and pork lasagne made with pints of water, am I forgetting any?
I can't believe you forgot the unholy creation that was her cheesy fish finger lasagne, tenderstem.

Just went in search of a visual reminder but her YouTube's been locked down and this was the only screenshot I could find.

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Bonus cursed content from the same era:

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