Although I am
Although I am
As I was scrolling I thought this said "if we had a Jack vending machine" and now I'm not sure I dare sleep for fear of nightmares about such slop dispensing inventions.If we had a Jack wedding she’d bang on about how it cost her 37p because she fished the vicar out of a skip.
If someone ever makes a horror movie about eggs then they have all the reference pics needed.Dear god almighty and all his cherubim and seraphim. What in the babyshit is this monstrosity? And how MASSIVE is it?!
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She’s a charlatan who cannot cook for shit, but genuinely, she reserves a special sort of venom for eggs. Why does she hate eggs so much?
Did she get LEFT by an egg?
Er Vali-Voo there was no date on that insta. It’s not….recent, is it?Dear god almighty and all his cherubim and seraphim. What in the babyshit is this monstrosity? And how MASSIVE is it?!
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She’s a charlatan who cannot cook for shit, but genuinely, she reserves a special sort of venom for eggs. Why does she hate eggs so much?
Did she get LEFT by an egg?
If someone ever makes a horror movie about eggs then they have all the reference pics needed.
No, it’s from years ago. It’s on Pinterest as one of her “110 Best Jack Monroe ideas” and the blurb says it’s when SB was 8. It was for the poor little bugger’s birthday.Er Vali-Voo there was no date on that insta. It’s not….recent, is it?
Oh lord she’s exactly the kind of person who’d sing a warbly song while walking down the aisle. Perhaps we’d get a nasal honking of Counting Crows while Chocodaddy led her down the aisle. You just know she’d have to be the one to wear the big dress and do the grand entrance, LJC would be talked into wearing a plain suit.And SINGING! I expect she would have sung and danced the first dance all at the same time. While also giving a speech about how brilliant she is and how she’s transformed their new spouse’s life.
We joke about her many fiancées and yet never making it up the aisle, because imagining a Jack wedding is
- the buildup
- Jack actually would turn up, likely on time too. No last minute lie-ins, PTSD door knocker hiding, no Jaccident. She’d be there staking a legal claim on whichever poor sap has agreed to marry her.
- telling the photographer how to do their job
- hiring SB’s dad as photographer
- actually turning up in a boring-ass classic white wedding dress but wearing DM’s (edgy!)
- banning alcohol (did you know she’s in recovery?)
- Big Chocco’s speech being neither short nor hilarious
The witchetty grub on the prawn cocktailThe pastry kills me. Absolutely kills me.
and the Fentimans bottles filled up with fuck knows what. So funny.
Yes!! Korean Billy is awesome. I think my favourite episode is "learn to speak roadman"I think you’d like Korean Billy
Interspersed with that awful cackling laugh of hers.And SINGING! I expect she would have sung and danced the first dance all at the same time. While also giving a speech about how brilliant she is and how she’s transformed their new spouse’s life.
I’d pay to see that. I mean, most of the guests would be LJC’s friends, since Jack seems to have alienated everyone besides immediate family and SB’s dad. A mic in her hand and a room full of media types? Jack would be dying to give us the classic tale of unplugged fridges and more bread and jam mummy. But then Chocolate and Ev would be in the room, so how would she balance that? It would be two worlds colliding and she’d have to tie herself in knots managing the lies.I bet she would do a speech - to be fair, I wouldn't judge her for that, I insisted on doing a speech at my own wedding too
I think she’ll major on pets and the soft, gentle journey to ‘recovery’. Playing the sympathy card and saying that her dog’s love helped her through the trauma.Yes!! Korean Billy is awesome. I think my favourite episode is "learn to speak roadman"
Back on topic, what do we think guest's next reappearance will be? I'm thinking a Prince Harry bullshit story 🫣
“It all started at my sister’s wedding. No, not my actual sister, one of the feral foster kids. Where I got drunk and shagged my best friend. After poppy seeds in a curry made me forget I was gay …”I’d pay to see that. I mean, most of the guests would be LJC’s friends, since Jack seems to have alienated everyone besides immediate family and SB’s dad. A mic in her hand and a room full of media types? Jack would be dying to give us the classic tale of unplugged fridges and more bread and jam mummy. But then Chocolate and Ev would be in the room, so how would she balance that? It would be two worlds colliding and she’d have to tie herself in knots managing the lies.
Id forgotten about the slasher-movie wellingtonmultiple costume changes
a shit wonky self-baked cake
Jack martyring herself and deciding to do all the catering, meaning the menu would all be cold slop.with four delicious tiersView attachment 2873406View attachment 2873405View attachment 2873403View attachment 2873402
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