Jack Monroe #558 I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! Look at my duvet!

[moldwarp]

On the other hand her son's dad was married to a makeup artist at the time and guest wanted to one-up her hence the Mrs Gloss era

OH MY GOD I did not know this!! It's crazy to me how everything she does on SM is a narc get-back to someone in her real life. She takes so much time over it too. How much spite and malice and resentment can actually be contained by one person? How does she have the time for it?

Speaking of time, to @Valiofthedolls post above, anyone who has time to MAKE themself (THEMSELF, not even someone else!!) a gin and lipstick advent calendar has way too much free time and no proper work to speak of. Yes I know, 20 hours a day yada yada yada

The date juxtaposition of the coming out as skint with the pic of the huge pile of lipsticks (both April 2017) will never not make me cringe on her behalf. I bet she went on a make up buying binge which cleared out her current account, panicked, and went on the beg.
---

Furiously reading to catch up so no idea where this will land but she is no celebrity, not even in her hometown. I was visiting what is also my home town of Southend on Sea over Christmas and spotted Jack, on her own, walking down the high street. She walked from top to bottom and not a single person acknowledged her.

I guess you missed all the men in uniform sidling up to her and whispering that she's a legend.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

@Claret I need more info. Was she wearing buttery soft leather jeggings and an expression that said... "That's right, it IS me!"?

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

560 days since her last (lying fantastist) bylines is everywhere anywhere

I've been (genuinely) sober for longer than that. Fair warms the cockles, that does.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I REFUSE to believe this! (Even tho I think you’re right )
The mithers through Mrs Gloss are always quite something, even when you think you’ve seen all that’s left to see. The one that @VeniVidiVicki incited back in thread 548 was mwwwwah!

Jack Monroe #548 Recipes that come with a side of electrocution and burnt down house for pudding

bon vivant kills me every single time. For me it's "soul singer." Alright Aretha, I'm sure those record company execs will be banging on your door any day now. But you'll probably miss them because you'll mistake them for bailiffs.

tattle.life

ETA from @Hold my beans
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Jack, since you undoubtedly still read here, here's the shape you should apply your eyeshadow in, if you want to appear human. It's really not difficult. However, it needs to be BLENDED. With a fluffy eyeshadow brush you've bought yourself and not grifted off some Facebook group while wittering incessantly about yourself.

Feel free to send me a fiver for the hard labour I've just done, which is more than you've ever given your Patreon subscribers.

 

[Soup or Noodle]

Bonne Maman marmalade. So very, very thrifty.

Marmalade's fruit, innit. Worth paying extra for a brand. You can use the money saved by buying bollock sausages.

Ironically, it probably costs less for a pack of top quality, >90% meat content sausages than it does for a jar of Bonne Maman marmalade, which actually has a really crap fruit to sugar ratio.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Agree but in my experience a lot of narcs and emotional manipulators are like this. The one main narc in my life never failed to be astonished and outraged that I had information about them which they hadn't carefully packaged and filtered for me - they couldn't believe that I would dare to, ya know, have conversations with other members of my family without their permission.

Narcs get very upset when the flies in their web dare to talk to each other and exchange info, they want to be the ones controlling the flow of info at all times. It's the only way they can keep their lies and manipulations going. We can see this trait clearly in Jack from the amount of time she used to spend on Twitter in the replies, blocking, deleting, socking, pile on-ing and generally desperately seeking to control the flow of info to how she wanted it.

This is precisely what they do, and it's insane and despite dealing with one of these people for years, I'm still baffled when I think about it.

They truly believe they are omniscemt and cleverer than anyone around them. They are somewhere a few rungs above God in their own imagined hierarchy. So not only do they want to control the narrative and they don't want people to speak to each other, they will actively encourage the people around them to form relationships they think will be beneficial to them, with no consideration of the fact those people are, well, people, and might, shock horror, like each other more than they like them. Then when they can't control these people, a tantrum ensues about "betrayal" when you don't act like you're the puppet and they're the puppet master.

They all need sending to a remote island with one another and no contact with the rest of us. Utterly irredeemable, poisonous people.

Also imagine thinking you could one up an actual makeup artist looking like you've applied your cheap (Revolution is cheap and increasingly poor quality, the owners of the company are grifters themselves and regularly plagiarise independent makeup brands' products, so it fits with Jack's brand) makeup with your toes in the dark. She really is a horror beyond all comprehension.

 

[YerDa]

Jack, on her own, walking down the high street. She walked from top to bottom and not a single person acknowledged her.

If say, Jamie Oliver did the same I imagine a few people might at least do a double take as they walked past, but for Monroe there wasn't the slightest recognition.

Fascinating. I’m quite an introverted person and not in the least bit famous but literally can’t go into my own mid-sized city for a hour or two without being acknowledged/stopped for a chat at least once, usually multiple times. To be that invisible is unusual, surely?

 

[StewPots]

More handy hints, half of them boil down to “use a receptacle as a receptacle”.
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I’m sorry, but this is less Blue Peter and more Breaking Bad because she must’ve been on the old blue meth from Walter to have written this bleeping absolute drivel.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Furiously reading to catch up so no idea where this will land but she is no celebrity, not even in her hometown. I was visiting what is also my home town of Southend on Sea over Christmas and spotted Jack, on her own, walking down the high street. She walked from top to bottom and not a single person acknowledged her.

If say, Jamie Oliver did the same I imagine a few people might at least do a double take as they walked past, but for Monroe there wasn't the slightest recognition. She was just another person in the crowd, a mere guest you could say

She's finished isn't she, the capacity for her to grift is over, and she knows it. The best she has to look forward to is anonymity, the worst is notoriety and the HMRC leaving their calling card. She has no family to fall back on either, she will be shunned by them, anything that sullies the name of the big chocolate has no place in the family so that bridge is burned.

Happy belated Christmas everyone, 2024 will be a good year, the fiction that is Jack Monroe will finally be over, the empress will e seen to have no clothes

Living for this local tea.

She doesn't need friends or recognition anyway, she was on the radio the other day. So there.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Living for this local tea.

She doesn't need friends or recognition anyway, she was on the radio the other day. So there.

Times "Radio" too! And don't forget her last television appearance on TVS.

 

[Madonna_Claws]

Just signing it "Monroe" makes me think she assumes she's more famous than any other Monroe.... Wot a plum

To be fair (I know, sorry, but tis the season of goodwill to all men, women and guests) there is a 'J' at the beginning that merges into the 'M'.

Still not buying a picture of her grubby mitts, though I guess there's probably a niche market for such...

 

[griftalo]

Marmalade's fruit, innit. Worth paying extra for a brand. You can use the money saved by buying bollock sausages.

Ironically, it probably costs less for a pack of top quality, >90% meat content sausages than it does for a jar of Bonne Maman marmalade, which actually has a really crap fruit to sugar ratio.

In defence of the BM jams, they have a good social backstory and don’t have glucose fructose syrup. I rarely buy jam but this is the one. I do only buy it on offer though

Fascinating. I’m quite an introverted person and not in the least bit famous but literally can’t go into my own mid-sized city for a hour or two without being acknowledged/stopped for a chat at least once, usually multiple times. To be that invisible is unusual, surely?

Same, and Young Harold must have the kind of face that makes people he doesn’t know let on to him.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Furiously reading to catch up so no idea where this will land but she is no celebrity, not even in her hometown. I was visiting what is also my home town of Southend on Sea over Christmas and spotted Jack, on her own, walking down the high street. She walked from top to bottom and not a single person acknowledged her.

If say, Jamie Oliver did the same I imagine a few people might at least do a double take as they walked past, but for Monroe there wasn't the slightest recognition. She was just another person in the crowd, a mere guest you could say

She's finished isn't she, the capacity for her to grift is over, and she knows it. The best she has to look forward to is anonymity, the worst is notoriety and the HMRC leaving their calling card. She has no family to fall back on either, she will be shunned by them, anything that sullies the name of the big chocolate has no place in the family so that bridge is burned.

Happy belated Christmas everyone, 2024 will be a good year, the fiction that is Jack Monroe will finally be over, the empress will e seen to have no clothes

You mean she wasn't accosted every two steps by people sidling up to her to thank her for all the good she does, pestering her for selfies because they recognised her hat, asking if she was THE Jack Monroe, that famous writer, or screaming "SHUT YOUR LEGS, YOU FILTHY INKED bleep?" Plus, you didn't say she was being flanked by burly protective hunks, and we know she won't leave the house now without calling on her Rolodex of muscle. Surely it was a case of mistaken identity.

(Did she have a new tragic haircut by any chance?)

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Just signing it "Monroe" makes me think she assumes she's more famous than any other Monroe.... Wot a plum

She's not even the most famous "Jack Monroe".

 

[BeardyBap]

I picture her trudging past shoppers on the High Street chanting under her breath, "Did you hear the girl on the radio?"
No, guest. Chances are they didn't.

 

[Lazarus]

In defence of the BM jams, they have a good social backstory and don’t have glucose fructose syrup. I rarely buy jam but this is the one. I do only buy it on offer though

their hazelnut spread is

 

[RandomFishOils]

I love how she’s turned all of the lipsticks around so that you can see and/or read the colour on the bottom, as you would. Apart from the three from Chanel, of course. I’ve got to let you know that I own three lipsticks which cost £37-46 each. Yes, ignore that rattling noise. It’s nothing.

 

[griftalo]

Agree but in my experience a lot of narcs and emotional manipulators are like this. The one main narc in my life never failed to be astonished and outraged that I had information about them which they hadn't carefully packaged and filtered for me - they couldn't believe that I would dare to, ya know, have conversations with other members of my family without their permission.

Narcs get very upset when the flies in their web dare to talk to each other and exchange info, they want to be the ones controlling the flow of info at all times. It's the only way they can keep their lies and manipulations going. We can see this trait clearly in Jack from the amount of time she used to spend on Twitter in the replies, blocking, deleting, socking, pile on-ing and generally desperately seeking to control the flow of info to how she wanted it.

On the blue eyeshadow pic - I don't wear make up except for weddings and funerals but the younger moldwarpettes suggest to me that palettes of eyeshadow are expensive as feck, especially huge ones like that from a big brand name (which I presume Revolution is). How many people have the available cash to buy one from a train station (further mark up there) on a whim? We're talking like £40, surely?

On the fried egg pic, I surely have no patience with the way she goes to great lengths to pretend that half of her pics have been taken entirely unexpectedly and candidly by her obvs adoring legions of family/friends/carers, when it's quite clear to me that they're all selfies which she has spent some time preparing and making up for, before getting the lighting exactly right and adopting her horribly self-conscious "I'm a gorgeous pixie elf" expression.

Love to all you Fraus! I hope you all had an enjoyable, decent or at least bearable Xmas depending on individual circumstances at the time in question

Narcs get very upset when the flies in their web dare to talk to each other and exchange info, they want to be the ones controlling the flow of info at all times. It's the only way they can keep their lies and manipulations going. We can see this trait clearly in Jack from the amount of time she used to spend on Twitter in the replies, blocking, deleting, socking, pile on-ing and generally desperately seeking to control the flow of info to how she wanted it.
This is perfection.

 

[rage naan]

Well she’d already used “spangling” so why not go all the way?

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Christ. "trim away rough edges with a large pair of scissors"??? well holy tit no wonder I've never been able to cut paper before, I've been using an old yoghurt pot and a rusty spoon. Once I tried a small pair of scissors but that didn't work either! guest is the emoji made flesh

As for the bleach thing, oh my god. I thought table salt instead of epsom salts was bad but this is absolutely insane. What next? If you can't find a pencil, simply go to a church, remove part of the lead from the roof and write with that?

 

[Soup or Noodle]

In defence of the BM jams, they have a good social backstory and don’t have glucose fructose syrup. I rarely buy jam but this is the one. I do only buy it on offer though

That's good to know. I don't often buy jam either, as only eat it occasionally and have so many raspberries and blackcurrants on my allotment I usually have to make some jam to use them up, but I do quite like a marmalade cake and can't always be arsed making marmalade.

Disclaimer: I'm not salty allotment Carly Burd