Jack Monroe #558 I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! Look at my duvet!

[Falkor]

Thread title by @Valiofthedolls and nominated by @Hold my beans - had to be slightly edited down from the original, which was:

I sent my shopping to the wrong address! I’ve got a rucksack! I’ve got a shopping trolley! I’ve got a skip! I’ve bought MUGS! I made a candle! I made bath salts! I’ve designed a kitchen! I collect orange peel! I’m tidying my kitchen! I’m going to the shops! Ive got a sofa! I’ve got new trainers! I’ve got a bed! Look at my eyeshadow! Look at my NEW HAIR! I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! I Look at my duvet! I’ve got lots of tea! ! I’ve got lots of spices! I’ve got a girlfriend! Look at all my forks! I’m in my garden! I’m on a train! I’m on a bus! Look at these cushions! I’m eating chips! I fell off a bike! I drew a picture! I like fruit pastilles! Here is my dining table! Here are all my forks! I’ve got new dishes! I found a mattress! Look at my hat! I am in Croydon! I am in Edinburgh! I am in London! I was on the beach! I’m in the park! I’m in the coffee shop dog groomer!! I’m playing crazy golf! I bought some mushrooms! I’m in a dress! I’m on a gun! I bought some ham! I broke a kettle! I bought old books! I’ve got a garden! It has a tree! I found a scarf! I’m on a dancefloor! I’ve got a BOYFRIEND! I like my pens! I like my notebooks! I like lists! I’m polishing a kettle! I’m decorating my shed! I’m tidying under the stairs! I am in Asda! I went to Tesco! I ate gelato! I laughed at stones! I watch Eastenders! I am at Pontins! I decorated a Christmas tree! I’m taking photos! I’m in my porch! Look at my bag! I went to a concert! I went to a day rave! I’m at my parents’! So is the dog! I’ve got (another) hat! I have GCSEs! I’m on the toilet! I’m on a log! I’m making boxes! I’m wrapping mini eggs! I bought spoons off eBay! I’ve got a bag! My jacket comes from Tesco! I’m in bed eating! I make semifreddo! I’ve got some wall art! I’m playing the piano! I’m growing strawberries! I’m in my bedroom! I’m dying my clothes! I’m wearing loafers! I tidied the attic! Look at my boilersuit! Look at all my crockery! I bought new curtains! I’m in my hammock!

GOODNIGHT!

Congratulations both of you, you win some year-old defrosted eels for your Christmas lunch on Monday.

Jack has gone silent again after a brief appearance on Times Radio. Patreon sent out an email which appeared to confirm that her account was hacked.

Wiki is the pink button up top, carry on everyone.

 

[MurielSnark]

Re-posting this here as I just wrote this on the last thread:

There's something very sad about the thought that she's sitting alone in the bungamansion, reading through her old blog posts and social media and deleting things, one by one, presumably after reading them and deciding that is not the story she wants to preserve. It must be a lonely existence.

What, after all, does she have to look forward to next year and what can she celebrate from this one?

She's been kept afloat by funds obtained through misrepresentation but the ship is sinking and she's been cut adrift by all the media and celebrity luvvies she thought were her mates. She has a kid who's growing up fast and (hopefully) learning to put boundaries in place around his awful mother. Her family seem cool towards her, if not actually estranged. She's still living in the small, parochial enclave she grew up in and nobody there seems to like her much. She has few skills and a CV composed of lies.

In the spirit of the festive season, I hope this is a period of honest self-reflection for her, not just a panicky attempt to cover up her misdeeds and lies.

It's never too late, Jack, to make things right.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

And they say nurses have it tough….

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

View attachment 2647085


And they say nurses have it tough….

But, but, but... why?

 

[Lazarus]

But, but, but... why?

Because this is WHAT POOR PEOPLE DO.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Because this is WHAT POOR PEOPLE DO.

I don't understand why sorting mixed veg into single veg equals more variety... What have I missed? This may be, to go back to canal past, my aneurysm.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

View attachment 2647085


And they say nurses have it tough….

That is definitely something fun to do while whizzing off your tits. Just saying.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Re-posting this here as I just wrote this on the last thread:

There's something very sad about the thought that she's sitting alone in the bungamansion, reading through her old blog posts and social media and deleting things, one by one, presumably after reading them and deciding that is not the story she wants to preserve. It must be a lonely existence.

What, after all, does she have to look forward to next year and what can she celebrate from this one?

She's been kept afloat by funds obtained through misrepresentation but the ship is sinking and she's been cut adrift by all the media and celebrity luvvies she thought were her mates. She has a kid who's growing up fast and (hopefully) learning to put boundaries in place around his awful mother. Her family seem cool towards her, if not actually estranged. She's still living in the small, parochial enclave she grew up in and nobody there seems to like her much. She has few skills and a CV composed of lies.

In the spirit of the festive season, I hope this is a period of honest self-reflection for her, not just a panicky attempt to cover up her misdeeds and lies.

It's never too late, Jack, to make things right.

I’d actually ss your post, Muriel to repost here so it didn’t get lost at the end of the last thread. Hear hear to all of that.

Pretty positive it’s about cover up rather than self-reflection, because not sure she’s even capable of the latter, but like you say she has the opportunity to put things right and can choose to take it.

Over a decade of the damage you’ve done (and your attempts to obfuscate it) is probably quite sufficient, Jack.

 

[hiyaaaacath]

But, but, but... why?

Because she’s the undisputed kween of doing pointless, unimportant tit? Ultimate procrastination. Avoidance of having an actual job for what 10…maybe 12 years? Constantly moaning about being too poor to afford X Y or Z because she can’t get an actual job because erm…categorising frozen veg is vital work in the fight against poverty?

Jack is that lazy person at work that never actually gets a job done, instead using every opportunity to push back, with silly questions or objections

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I don't understand why sorting mixed veg into single veg equals more variety... What have I missed? This may be, to go back to canal past, my aneurysm.

Pointless busy work, she has nothing else to do.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

View attachment 2647085


And they say nurses have it tough….

OH MY GOD what a pathetic waste of time and energy.

 

[Copacapybara]

I keep wondering somewhat what she could/should do in this situation. She’s pretty much burned through any media opportunities and doesn’t really have a niche anymore, plus I imagine she spent most of what she earned. At first I thought maybe coming clean would give her a chance to do something new, but that was part of the point of the Guardian article and it didn’t end up with any constructive outcome.

I guess part of the problem is that she would need a solid skill to enact a comeback, which wasn’t really the case with the cooking…and to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s kind of a sad situation although I agree she deserved to be called out on the dishonest grifting.

I guess she could go the confessional route, it worked for Elizabeth Wurtzel I hope she doesn’t go into ADHD advocacy because that's the last thing we need lol

 

[Lobster Johnson]

She's got carrot in with her cauliflower. Classic Jack

 

[Copacapybara]

She's got carrot in with her cauliflower. Classic Jack

Be thankful it isn’t something more exotic, like toothpaste and hundreds and thousands

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

I think she may still be active on Xitter…

 

[Reagent]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

View attachment 2647085


And they say nurses have it tough….

What in the name of freezer burn is this pointless task supposed to achieve? It's like one of ridiculous games that would have been carried out against the clock on the Generation Game.

 

[Copacapybara]

Because she’s the undisputed kween of doing pointless, unimportant tit? Ultimate procrastination. Avoidance of having an actual job for what 10…maybe 12 years? Constantly moaning about being too poor to afford X Y or Z because she can’t get an actual job because erm…categorising frozen veg is vital work in the fight against poverty?

Jack is that lazy person at work that never actually gets a job done, instead using every opportunity to push back, with silly questions or objections

It reminds me of this guy at my dad’s old workplace. He had his own office and some vague title like ‘community cohesion officer’ but nobody had a clue what he actually did or was meant to do as he was a relic from a previous reshuffle and had no manager. At once point the whole office was taking bets on it. I mean he did come into work for the 9-5 and seemed to be doing something, but there was no discernable outcome. It was impossible to ask him, first as it was far too late to do so and because he actively avoided any form of communication.

When he left after years and years my father looked in his office and found the most amazingly cross referenced and subcategorised filing cabinet he’d ever seen. He said it was the most exquisitely designed system ever made but just seemed to be a product of the various memos and letters floating around the social services department It was the most elaborate form of evasion he’d ever seen and it might well have been actually easier to just do the bloody job (whatever that might have been).

I also vaguely knew a guy who worked for a missile communications company but who largely invested his interest in the Warcraft figurines he stored in his office. (Away from his wife who seemingly lost patience after he accumulated the first few boxes)

These people are doubtless lurking in cupboards in vast quantities across the world with their categorised freezer veg and magic beans

 

[Yer_wha?!]

There was a post on Facebook and one of the comments was from a woman called Sue Lee. Imagine Jack's face if she was ever introduced to her

 

[moldwarp]

I keep wondering somewhat what she could/should do in this situation. She’s pretty much burned through any media opportunities and doesn’t really have a niche anymore, plus I imagine she spent most of what she earned. At first I thought maybe coming clean would give her a chance to do something new, but that was part of the point of the Guardian article and it didn’t end up with any constructive outcome.

I guess part of the problem is that she would need a solid skill to enact a comeback, which wasn’t really the case with the cooking…and to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s kind of a sad situation although I agree she deserved to be called out on the dishonest grifting.

I guess she could go the confessional route, it worked for Elizabeth Wurtzel I hope she doesn’t go into ADHD advocacy because that's the last thing we need lol

Nah she can’t go the misery memoir route. Not only has she topped out on false shock narratives about having needles stuck in her by abusive partners, but post the James Frey debacle, publishers now want to see proof that the life stories in a misery memoir are actually, ya know, true.

@Valiofthedolls I think you should bring that photoshoot to this thread so we can give it the discussion it deserves!! I mean wtaf? Why is it so badly lit? Why is she so puffy? Where are the much vaunted razor sharp cheekbones of starvation lore? And finally WHAT THE ACTUAL is going on in that photo you spoilered? Why is she larping as a ships prow? And where are her ARMS???

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Because she’s the undisputed kween of doing pointless, unimportant tit? Ultimate procrastination. Avoidance of having an actual job for what 10…maybe 12 years?

Was thinking about this again the other day. I’ll be able to post/have ss and links for evidence of all the below.

Since she went off on maternity leave in early 2010 she’s worked:

1. Less than 6 weeks for Essex Fire Service in Sept-Nov 2011 (came back from maternity leave, packed it in 6 weeks later but was already “signed off sick with stress” before packing it in)

2. In 2012
a) about one month part time in a pub (quit)
b) five whole days part time in a coffee shop (sacked because…Jack), and
c) about a month or so part time in a shop (quit to become self employed at her craft business, the “Bread and Jam Charitable Foundation”)

3.In 2013
Trainee Journalist job at her beloved pompous-letters-and-columns THE NEWSPAPER. Packed that in about 6 months later to “go freelance” because the national media were calling, but was barely (if ever) there from May onwards because of all the “radio stuff” and “interviews” she had to do and the book she had to write.

Private Site

So since April 2010
4 weeks, tops at fire service + 4ish weeks (part time) + 5 days (part time) + 5ish weeks (part time) + 2 1/2 (being very generous there) months while she was actually showing up at THE NEWSPAPER

No wonder she’s still EXHAUSTED over a decade later.