Jack Monroe #540 Meet the new Jack, same as the old Jack.

[HotesTilaire]

Cheers Sideboob. Why couldn’t they make it a good believable lie, like SirMatt told a researcher there was a funny smell, and when they opened one of the set kitchen cupboards, there were plastic bags of poo in there.

 

[MurielSnark]

Oh, I didn't know there'd been a transphobe pile on... I don't follow any accounts on TwiX as I now call it.

I didn't really know there was much of an anti trans movement per se, so much as disparate sets of people saying hmmm not sure about all this from academics to religious types etc but then I'm not really in the loop.

I suppose regardless gusets strange flip flop unstable sense of self and lack of core identity means that she's a terrible proponent for any LGBTQ+ movement as she's quite literally not stuck with any of her gender or sexuality proclamations, which is her right to do so, but she's certainly been offensive and damaging to lesbian girls and women by promoting the concept that lesbian women enjoy dating, having sex and relationships with men - frankly bizarre. Anyway I guess if she's been weaponised by any queer movement, she's not been helpful either.

I don't believe that Jack is being supported by any organised group or movement through her Patreon. Honestly, whichever way your views on trans politics land, she's too much of a lightweight and a flake to be a useful puppet.

It befuddles me that she continues to scam £££ out of her patrons. I wish I could explain it but I really don't think it's due to a bunch of complicit gender activists propping her up. If that were so, there'd be more evidence of people defending her on socials.

I do think she fortuitously burst onto the scene at a time where the gender identity stuff was starting to hit headlines and she just rode the wave. Her ever-changing gender and sexuality pronouncements speak much more to her lack of a core identity than anything else, IMO.

She's not well educated (despite her 4 GCSEs or whatever), not worldly (despite living in amd near London, and an increasingly cosmopolitan and diverse country), doesn't read (despite all the weighty books she photographs for Insta), and doesn't seem open to debating ideas or learning from others or widening her horizons intellectually or culturally. She never seems to go to the theatre (apart from Tina musicals) or read a contemporary or classic novel or visit any sort of cultural or historical sites (in spite of all those trips to Italy with a River Cafe chef). She's not even a decent football fan (in spite of her trying to piggyback on her son's Liverpool passion, shared with his dad).

I happen to believe that you don't have to be middle class or uni educated to engage in lifelong learning -- plenty of working class people are auto didacts or have taken on adult ed to pursue their interests in languages or music or whatever. Britain is brilliant for it; the abundance of opportunities to pursue just about any topic or skill for very little money through colleges, community centres, museums, galleries and libraries etc.

Jack doesn't seem to do any of that and her fundamental lack of curiousity about the world infuriates me, given how many amazing opportunities she's stumbled into. If she wanted to be a serious participant in the public square, she would need to learn a lot about the substantive issues of our age and she shows no sign of doing that.

I also think she's too thick to have plotted out any of this tactically. She simply lucked out; she was quirky enough and non-conforming enough to ride the zeitgeist and, because she also happened to not be a council estate-dwelling, cider-swilling hard 'un, she also appealed to the liberals desperate for a poverty spokesperson.

As a disappointed utopian socialist myself, I can understand the media wanting to tell stories of social issues of importance but also struggling to find helpful sources that don't conform to all the stereotypes. It was a mistake to elevate Monroe to a platform she had not earned but, in hindsight, it's not hard to see how it happened. Which is why representation matters at all levels of the media -- not just the people being interviewed / profiled but also those telling the stories, making the editorial decisions, commissioning the content, and controlling the money.

Anyway, on a happier note, there's been stuff in the press this week about the new Bake Off team and how happy they all are to be working together and how harmonious it is in the tent. So, Alison Hammond is doing the thing as the new host and guest is nowhere in that mix.

Krish-mate is in the Observer today waxing on about Strictly. I happen to find him a bit of a prat but I may enjoy seeing him come a cropper in a tight sequinned suit. As much as guest was angling for a spot, she's nowhere to be seen.

The poverty conversation is evolving again, as winter looms, evictions spiral, Covid comes back and the cost of living bites even deeper. The NGOs and think tanks are finally organising and developing sensible policy proposals for a minimum income standard, timed to hit the politicians hoping to form a new government in a year's time. Jack is deafeninly silent on all of this, still bleating her stupid VBI into the wind.

The massive existential crisis of climate change has never raised even a peep out of her. Instead, her conspicuous consumption of both cheap and high-end tat is totally at odds with what's needed right now. She doesn't seem interested in this and has nothing to contribute.

She is a total irrelevance. Nobody is asking her opinion on anything and she can't even post a random thought bubble on any social media platform without being loudly shouted down. Even her family appear to have distanced themselves from her.

She's floating out to sea on a flimsy inflatable unicorn and she's not tethered to anyone or anything that's going to raise the alarm before the tide takes her out beyond the waves and she sinks without a trace.

PS: Is anyone else having as much fun as I am imagining all those Burning Man wankers sitting in the mud, with their campervan toilets stinking to high heaven and their balsar wood steampunk sculptures falling apart in the rain? (I'm in a very bitter mood today, apologies.)


---

Without myself, when we were using respite care services there were a lot of firemen, prison officers and some very devout Christians who did it in our area.
It used to pay quite well and suited the service people's shift patterns.
We stopped using one (a fireman) when he started bragging and criticising some elements of our parenting that we couldn't do because we were skint at the time.
His wife was lovely but very timid and did most of the care.
When we moved to a different County it was the same type of people who were doing it there too.

Interesting observation @Florid Language. Apropos of nothing, there's a bleak storyline in this new series of Screw on Channel 4 that confirms your analysis -- one of the prison staff also a previous foster carer who then encounters one of their foster kids in jail.

 

[SkippyDoo]

Jack is like every tedious middle class girl from Surrey who winds up living in an “edgier” part of London or the SouthEast and then lectures people less privileged than her about how she’s the really underprivileged one, typically for doing worse at school than her actual social status would suggest would be average. Skipping or messing up your A-levels and choosing to get some tattoos and work in a bar doesn’t really make you working class, in fact.

Of course, actual working class people aren’t obsessed with their own class or education the way the very mediocre children of the middle classes like Jack are.

Saying “I’m unemployed” and then this inviting horror at a dinner party… I don’t believe it because plenty of people with actual money don’t work and live off family money or other cash they didn’t earn and would probably laugh this off as a joke rather than being horrified they had a “benefit claimant” amongst them. Middle-class professionals wouldn’t care either as plenty of them have career breaks. In fact the issue would be saying “unemployed” as though you were down the dole office and were inviting challenge. “Look at me! I don’t have a job!” Okay love.

It’s a nice fantasy for the Surrey “rebellious” lesbian / non-binary / single mother / voice of the people to roll out as part of the narrative though.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Itsy bitsy Kylie Minogue is actually a smol pixie. I doubt we could ever do a Jack as Kylie comparison.

Lads, do it

Spoiler: WARNED

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Some vintage Jacks:

Jockey Jack from thread 80.

Pharmacy Jack (everyone said she was the BEST at it!) from thread 41

Also from thread 41 Jack just being her delightful as always self

Spoiler: 😬 TERRIFYING

(or it would be terrifying if she wasn’t such a pathetic timid little shitting dog IRL)

What. The. Actual. Fuck though?! With that emoji too. Is she doing cosplay Rose West again? This is just

Screenies from @Veronicaaa @MarmiteExtract and @spirals

 

[House of Carbonara]

Van Tulleken's lack of research re guest makes me suspect the rest of what he says. Which is a shame because it sounds like common sense.
Sausage pizza and ice cream for tea today I think.

As it happens, I follow a nutritionist NHS doctor on Twitter (sorry but it will never be X for me), and he's not keen on Van T. Apparently the book is sensationalist, overblown and poorly researched. A diet of *only* UPF is certainly bad, but not all of it is - for example, formula milk is UPF.
The doctor also thinks Van T and his twin brother have a complicated and possibly not healthy relationship with food - that would totally explain him endorsing JM, wouldn't it.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Do we have a list of jobs she’s claimed to have had? It feels like something that might be useful if we don’t.

Yep, the very (very) lengthy list of jobs she’s claimed to have had along with the honorary self-appointments and NOT her actual jobs is on page 5 of the Wiki.

Spoiler: LONG

A list of jobs that Jack has allegedly had, over the years (in her own words / tweets):

Jack’s Jobs
Activist (non-specific)
Accountant
Ambassador for Oxfam (note: separate from ‘Involved with Oxfam’, and ‘Guest Blogger for Oxfam’ which predated Ambassadorship).
Author (non-specific)
Author: bestselling
Baker
Bar tender
Bar worker
Barista
Blogger (non-specific)
Blogger (breadline-specific)
Blogger (Guest: for Oxfam)
Blogger (humble food blogger-specific)
Blogger (political: in public gallery of local council meetings before ever scrawled a recipe)
Body Shop rep
Book reviewer
Brothel worker (may or may not be separate from sex worker (x2))
Burger flipper
Business woman
Call handler- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Campaigner (food and nutrition-specific)
Campaigner (fronting a petition with Unite, The Trussell Trust and The Mirror-specific).
Campaigner (non-specific)
Campaigner (outspoken brand of visceral-specific)
Campaigner (poverty-specific)
Campaigner (transparency-specific)
Checkout operator
Chef
Chip shop worker (weekday-specific, first job)
Cleaner
Clothing warehouse worker
Cocktail waitress
Coffee, local art, folk music and cake shop worker (part time).
Columnist (non-specific)
Columnist (newspaper: non specific)
Commentator on food, politics and current affairs (TV and BBC radio: regular).
Control operator- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Control room worker- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Cook in a department store (Debenhams hotplate)
Craft business owner (Bread and Jam)
Creative director
Creator/Author of Twelve-week course for single mums at children’s centres.
Diarist
Educator
Errand Girl
Featurer in Sainsbury’s television campaign
Firefighter
Food blogger
Food consultant
Food stylist
Food writer
Full-time minimum wage worker (April 4, 2013)
Girls Brigade leader (Christian organisation similar to Girl Guides)
Guest house chambermaid
Guest house sheet-folder and tea-maker (job beforefirst job)
Harvester worker (Griddle-specific: part of job, chicken)
Involved with Oxfam (non-specific)
Journalist (non-specific)
Journalist: local newspaper
Journalist: Political (contributor to Mirror, Independent and Guardian: regular).
Machinist
Marketing woman
Media manager
Nutritionist
“Odd job” worker
Patron of 9 charities
Pharmacy assistant
Photographer
Poet
Political activist
Political commentator
Political writer (non-specific, after The Poverty)
Political writer (in public gallery of local council meetings, before ever scrawled a recipe)
Potwasher
Publicist
PR (own)
PR (volunteer)
Public speaker
Radio show personality
Recipe developer
Reporter
Retail worker (Multiple entry level customer facing retail jobs).
Sales manager
Self-employed
Server on a supermarket cheese and ham counter (NOT a deli counter!)
Sex worker: pre-poverty
Sex worker: 2013
Shot girl at nightclub
Singer
Stand-in for Ruby Rose in the music video for "Lock Down" by Stooshe
Sunday school teacher
TV presenter (non-specific)
TV presenter (occasional hustles on the side-specific)
Waitress
Waitress (fast food industry-specific)
Waitress (Guest house breakfasts-specific)
Waitress (local restaurant owned by family friend-specific, first job-specific)
Wimpy table cleaner (Saturday-specific, also first job-specific)
Wimpy KP(?)
Writer (non-specific)
Writer (budget recipes-specific)
Writer (freelance-specific)
Writer (silly little blog that nobody read-specific)
Writer (some soup recipes-specific)

.....and Mom

Jack’s Very First Job
Waitress (local restaurant owned by family friend-specific) (see jobs: above)
Wimpy table cleaner (Saturday-specific) and at same time Chip shop worker (weekday-specific) (dittoi, above)

Jack’s Jobs Before First Jobs
Guest house sheet-folder and tea-maker (pay: £10) (dittoi dittoi above)

Jack’s Honorary Self-Appointments
Accidental economist
Accidental inflation analyst
Angry Bird
Evidence Giver: Invited. (Parliamentary inquiries, APGs, consultations, reports, investigatons, select committees and debates).
Face of Sainsbury’s (Paid)
In a Publicly Elected Post: Often Describes Self As. (because only here (wherever ‘here’ is) because of readers, commenters, retweeters, sharers).
Kitchen Goddess
Knower of the prices of everyday groceries (“Literally my job”).
Lender of name to causes and campaigns that chime with beliefs.
Lone person it’s down to “to go on national tv and tell a desperate nation I’m sorry, there’s not much else you can do”.
Offerer of band-aid temporary solutions to help people claw through a week here and there with no strings or conditions attached.
Person at the frontline of trying to help tackle food poverty in practical ways for the last ten years.
Sharer of Other People’s Stories (with permission).
THE (capitalized: WARNED) literal expert on budget cooking
The Nation’s Home Economics Teacher (Sort of)
The Nation’s Home Economics Teacher (Actual)
Worker of 80 hours a week
Worker of 100 hours a week
Worker of 100+ hours a week
Worker of 120 hours a week

Jack’s Accidental Jobs
Accidental activist
Accidental economist (see ‘Honorary Self-Appointments’ above)
Accidental: Entire career trajectory (see all jobs since The Poverty)
Accidental inflation analyst (dittoi ‘Honorary Self-Appointments’ above)
Accidental food writer (dredged from desperation, paucity and despair)

Not Jack’s Jobs
Not actually a member of Parliament (although workload similar in places).
Not running for Parliament: though often asked (happy thrusting out petitions, rabble rousing, going on marches etc).
Not a television presenter (too coarse and unusual)
Not a charity, not an organization, no team, no staff (just one person on a freelance writer’s income)
Not a real Guardian columnist (Too Pretty to be one: told this because am woman in the public eye)

 

[TheBarchesterChronicles]

She did indeed say that. In fairness though (and as you know, I rarely say that about Jack), I think Aunty Pat keeps elbowing Jack out of the Ryanair queue and going on holiday in her place. View attachment 2424059View attachment 2424057View attachment 2424098When she’s tantrummed all over the airport for hours to no effect, Jack keeps calling up Big Dave who’s busy down the ‘letters after your name and heavy weaponry’ club, so doesn’t ever pick up his phone Ma Ev, crying down the phone and begging Ev to pick her up from (insert airport at a ridiculous distance and nonsensical time of night here).
View attachment 2424087

*Strangely, the All The Good That She Does Christmas Eve Taxi Driver is NOT available

Spoiler

Fear Not, Jack! @Marmalade Atkins is keeping your £400 hammock poolside sun lounger warm and your towel dry until this interloper can be dealt with once and for all and Poverty Campaigner Jack Of The Recipes can become serious savior of the Povs and Summertime Jack once more!

(with apologies to all fraus in advance)
View attachment 2424111

Jack Monroe #510 Simply The guest

Tweeted by a vicar type. I wonder what he thinks of guests shenanigans. It’s quite a lukewarm take, ‘interesting’. So, aside from this solitary "it was an interesting hour" response, we've heard nothing on the hellsite(*) from anyone who was there. I wonder why Clitfest got so many positive...

tattle.life

Jack Monroe #539 The devil works hard, but portrait mode works harder

tattle.life

I don’t care who you are or what the reason for it is, anyone who takes a photo or video of themselves crying and then posts it online is a prick. No exceptions. Warned.

 

[Cookiecookie]

I was born a couple of years before Jack and also spent my 20s off my tits on MDMA, ketamine, speed, acid, GHB/GBL or whatever was offered. A bit later on was when cocaine became ubiquitous.

She's such a fucking parochial twat. Not that I'm saying drugs are cool, I'm honestly surprised my brain still functions with the chemicals I've thrown at it over the years, but like everything else, her tales of addiction are the thing of fantasy. They're bad fiction based on how she thinks more interesting people live. And to be fair to her, most people are more interesting than she is.

For all her claims to have lived in 497 houses, or whatever, other than the few months she was with Leggy, she's lived in the same town her entire life. She seems to mainly like living in a particular area as well. When she travels, she never ventures further than the main street, always stays in the same place, eats the same food for all she claims to be a gourmand, and shops at the same place and gets very excited when she goes to a different supermarket. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of that, many people are exactly the same, but you can't pretend to be so worldly wise when your entire existence is based on such limited things.

 

[AnnRKey]

Just saw this...brace yourself!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I think anyone who criticises Jack for being “woke” is not paying attention. She’s so not aware of social injustices. And she’s not a “Trans Rights Activist” either, she’s just a Jack‘s Rights Activist.

It’s not for me to say this, but I don’t think she helps the non-binary community in any way. And I don’t even think every LGBT+ person should be an activist of some kind, we should be able to just “be“, the same as anyone else.
It’s just that since she uses (and only ever mentions) her gender identity and sexuality as a shield against criticism, in that case, I think there should be some give and take.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I can understand wanting to be a doctor at 12 and having that ambition. But no-one - absolutely no-one- was predicting she would get 15 A* GCSEs at 12 years old. No-one.

I’m pretty sure the first time “everyone thought 11-12 year old Jack was going to get 15 GCSEs and be a doctor” was when 34 year old Jack made it up and told that to Shattenstone in late December of 2022.

If that was true (and especially as it’s something she could show off about), we’d definitely have heard about it before now. It also completely contradicts that AWFUL highly detailed story about her former teacher where she “crashed” (as she puts it) long before she ever got to 11 years old/grammar school.

Ditto all the other fictional contradictory bullshit she came out with for the very first time in that Shattenstone interview, like this:

Which isn’t what she told the Guardian in Jan 2019 when she cured her alcoholism after a week

And in 2019 she claims she “drunk recklessly” far earlier than her late teens

Spoiler

She’s a complete fucking fantasist, attention seeker, bandwagon jumper, almost everything she says contradicts something she’s claimed before, and there is literally nothing about which she will not lie, especially if/when she’s trying to clap back or (as here) save her own skin.

 

[Emmapism]

My Oprah "aha moment" was the lie about the 8 year old chard plant. Before that, I always found her stories implausible, but I didn't know, if you know what I mean. I just didn't buy her highly improbable tall tales.

When she gurgled about this ficticious 8 year old chard plant I thought, "oh, there it is, there you are". I knew that was 100% a pointless, ridiculous, compulsive lie, zero question about it.

After that, I now assume that every word is a lie, including "and" and "the".

That's really interesting isn't it Clovis. The moment you go from 'she seems like a wrong 'un but maybe everyone here is overreacting' to something that is so egregiously a lie that you can't fathom how you never saw it before.

I can't recall exactly what my moment was but she has wanged on about things I know she has fuck all knowledge of (hello the television commissioning process) but tries to sound like she does.

Even giving her the benefit of the doubt as someone who was briefly engaged to a woman higher up in TV.......it's a nope every time.

My boyfriend has been with me for 7 years and he couldn't tell you much about how it all works from the inside, and certainly wouldn't try to sound like an authority on the matter.

Just realized my actual 'fuck off ya big liar' moment was the 25k steps around the bungalow every day. I mean she could have said 10k and made it sound even a bit believable but no. 25kerife.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Welcome to thread 540!

Congratulations on the thread title go to @FrumpyCat for the words and @Valiofthedolls for the nomination. You each win a book token, yay. But it’s for one of Jack’s books. Choose wisely.

I think Jack remained quiet over the last thread so we mithered over old things.

Newcomers, and people who still think Jack is ok, please read the wiki, pink button up there

For thread title nominations, please keep them to the last half of the thread, with no swearing allowed (even though it would be hilarious)

We have an off topic thread, Food And Drink, for everyone, with all kinds of chat while Jack’s quiet!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Her drunk stories are incredibly pedestrian but she talks like it's the script of The Hangover. She's such a nanna.

“I was shy as a teenager, discovered alcohol made me more outgoing but didn’t know my limits so ended up throwing up everywhere” that story probably applies to at least fifty percent of adults.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Haven't squiggled Barbara as she has a huge following.

ETA - Oh dear, oh dear. In my haste I left out the tea! Please see below. Sorry Canal!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I thought it said do no honk at first. Which would’ve been great advice.

Can i nominate first do no honk as a thread title pls?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

How the hell do you get your boobs to lie on your tummy? I am round of tit and tum, and I'm contorting myself trying to do it!

Maybe if we are really good, @traumatised sideboard will draw us a helpful and beautiful diagram to explain it, like the one explaining how Jack fell UNDER a train with her hips but mercifully her MEDITERRANEAN ARSE saved her from this extended scene of fantasy peril grave predicament.

Jack Monroe #339 David Attenborough lied about walruses

Jack Monroe: Not A Professional Account That's got to be a thread title if ever I saw one!

tattle.life

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Sorry I was taking the proverbial about her “fixing the problem” obviously pharmacies don’t redistribute their employees‘ own prescription drugs! that’s if she got them on prescription or not!

Maybe she was talking about her special job paying the locum (who apparently worked there EVERY SINGLE DAY) cash in hand out of the till…?

ss original: @MarmiteExtract locum: @LavaFlake and below, @Marmalade Atkins putting into context that this Jack was Teen Pharmacist/Money Launderer Jack (with a fucking enormous performative pharmaceuticals stash). Fucking idiot.

Jack: boasts I have purchased almost every single medication available for purchase OTC for literally no reason whatsoever other than my ridiculous spending and acquiring. Also Jack: Boooo hoo help me send me your money I am so broke.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Does anyone else give their pets extra love when the topic of Jack's animals comes up? I'm sitting in bed with my Poo-Bear lying next to me, I keep touching his fur and squeezing his big paws thinking how much fun and love he, Thor and Susan bring to our little home.