Jack Monroe #540 Meet the new Jack, same as the old Jack.

[Claret]

I believe @Claret and @Lucy Aeroplane are our Southend correspondents? So look for their posts

Just to clarify, I knew Monroe briefly, she used to be a malingerer in a group of people I knew (know) that often drank in the Railway hotel. She was insufferable even then. Most people that knew her tolerated her. She had few friends and fell away quite quickly

Lots of people of that era that knew her know she's a charlatan, she's a false and manipulative person, nothing was ever about anyone else, it was always about her.

I could easily water melon myself but later knew big D and Ev much better. Monroe is like them in many ways. They are completely money and status orientated (especially big D, status is important to him, evidenced by his insistence of including his honour letters after his name).....note the similarity with Dr Dr Monroe

Ev has even more ailments than Monroe herself, and loves to tell the world about all of them, again note the similarity with Monroe

Big D and Ev are embarrassed about Monroe's antics but only in so much as they think it reflects badly on their status as saints and all round good eggs. They are neither, Monroe learned much from them. In many respects she is a chip off the old block

There are quite alot of people who would love to spill some beans, but were scared of the flying monkeys response and legal threats. Monroe weaponised both to good effect. As the potency of these threats has diminished I expect more stories to emerge, and there are a few. She always used to use people for her own ends. This was obvious from the start, and no matter what facade she adopts I doubt she has the capacity to change

Her demise will be a slow one of a thousand cuts though, she's too much of a little and ever diminishing fish for a big take down. She'll just fade into obscurity and she'll keep on collecting the dregs of her I'll gained income from the gullible

Talking of her Patreon pay pigs, she'll be laughing at them. She has contempt for people she considers beneath her, which is almost everybody. She really is toxic

 

[Never would have guest]

Can I just say, the "4 days sober" glow up pic really gets to me. My brother is a recovering alcoholic. It's been absolutely heartbreaking. He ended up at crisis point in a residential institute.
After 4 days he was not glowing and heading off to the big city. He was suffering alcohol withdrawal. Lack of sleep, severe shakes and mood swings, sickness and other gastro issues to name just a few.
This is why I struggle to believe any of her "recovery" bullshit.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Hi everyone, please see below for September 2023's Patreon update! Behind a cut as always xo

Spoiler: ✂️✂️✂️✂️

As of September 2023 Jack Monroe had 360 paying Patreon subscribers. Jack has actively chosen to hide her revenue so we're not able to accurately report on this, but using Olia Hercules' average per subscriber revenue of £14.12 sans worst case scenario 12% platform fees, this means Jack Monroe took home £4.5k in revenue this month from just her Patreon page alone.

She was down 5% MoM - whilst this is excitingly her 12th consecutive month of losses, she is still up 50% on pre-Nigella's promotion. And she's still up from our 'when-records-began' subscriber count of 346 (apols earlier had said I think she's now in line with that, that'll be next month!). In terms of movements nothing out of the ordinary - gained 4 subscribers in month, lost 23, so netted out as down 19 subs month on month. Someone made a really interesting comment (sorry I can't remember ur @ but thank you bb) of what's the monetary value of those 19: it'd be an estimated £237 down the drain.

Finally before I drop the monster table: as you can tell by the first 12 rows of this table, it's a LONG slog to see any real impact upon her lifestyle/grift. From Feb 21 to Jan 22 (just before dumb dumb Nigella got involved) Jack went from 346 paying subscribers down to 244, that's -29.5% which sounds promising, but really when you look at the estimated revenue that's still from £4.3k to £3.0k, it's still a decent grift and a very nice passive income! This shit is gonna take years to go away unless/until Patreon de-platform her, and this monthly report is gonna get (even more?) seriously dull. Like the next vaguely exciting one will be the annual round up and then Feb 2023 in case we see another mega annual churn event. God help us.

 

[BlendedSlop]

LADS I have some scalding hot (I think that might actually be coffee? Whatever, all hot beverages are interchangeable.)

So anyway, I'm currently having my drive repaved (I have one even though I CAN'T DRIVE) and the fella doing it had to nip to B&Q for some more materials. While he was there he bumped into an old tradie mate of his who he hadn't seen since before Covid. They got talking and the conversation somehow got onto guset. Turns out tradie mate did Delia Smith's gutters last year and apparently Delia told him she invited guset round for tea one night as thanks for guset succeeding her as the nation's cookery teacher and allowing her to have a much-needed rest. All was going well until Delia discovered guset had blocked her toilet with a massive pruney log, had replaced her dining room lightbulbs with cheap solar lanterns and was trying to dig up an established hydrangea from her garden. When she confronted her guset apparently went postal, started flinging bowls of slop around Delia's gaff and had to be removed by the police. This is what led to the "malicious welfare check" she was whinging about a while back.

If this doesn't make it onto Twitter and get repeated as fact, I'll be very cross.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I think my Frau origin story was "She did WHAT with the lightbulbs?!"

I swear to god she gets most of her ridiculous fictional backstory ideas from watching 1980s POP BANGER videos

 

[enhanced forest]

Article in the guardian by the ultra processed food author. Repeats his recommendation of Jacks cookbooks as good for non UPF recipes. Imagine someone innocent reading that article, deciding to try and improve their diet & buying one of jacks books that uses bollock sausages and other horrors.

https://www.theguardian.com/food/20...ed-foods-the-19-things-everyone-needs-to-know

"Van Tulleken recommends buying or borrowing a good budget cookbook with quick and easy recipes – he likes those by Jack Monroe and Allegra McEvedy."

i commented something along the lines of 'i'm sure van tulleken knows lots about ultra-processed foods, but he can't know much about nutrition if he recommends a jack monroe book'.

first time i've had a comment removed in the 12 years i've had a guardian account.

 

[Lucy Aeroplane]

Oh dear. In her desperation to victim stance herself into minority status she actually mainstreamed herself.

What gets me is when she was building up all this grift, why didn't local young women who surely went to school with her or are mates with her brother or know the family etc call it all out?

Why wasn't there a raft of people from SArfend saying that Melissa is a fkn joke, her parents are well off, she's with the bloke who's the father and she's sorted. Why weren't there hundreds of young women who live locally saying hang on I've got three kids under the age of four and I'm living in a one room hostel place or am forced into a squalid private rented and she's whining about nothing, she's got tons of support, and she's even purposely kicked her job in?

I don't get it. I wonder how many people did email the Guardian and ring the TV channels and say she's a fake?

I’m slacking on thread participation lately because of real life being frustrating/busy, and I’ve had to deal with some seriously infuriating bullshitters for a while now via work (dodgy public sector managers lying about stuff and then lying about their lies on top, and seemingly getting away with it, because accountability isn’t actually possible in this country any more).

anyway the answer I have to your query above is in multiple parts:

1. for most people it’s because we didn’t give a shit about her. Like, she was a mild irritant if we saw her in the pub, but other than not wanting her to glom on to our groups and throw off the dynamics of a night out, I just don’t think many people really ever thought about her much at all.

2. for some people it’s because they’d had some close involvement with her, and had been subjected to lies and manipulation and suicide threats and abusive messages and all that jazz.

3. she is extremely vindictive and capable of being really vile to people - including stuff in point 2. there - and most of us boring normal people just don’t want to have to deal with that sort of shite intruding on our own lives. Life’s hard enough already without attracting drama llamas like Jack. It’s similar to why nobody wants to work with her, too much hassle. People who genuinely live the life she’s cosplayed don’t, as a general rule, have the mental energy spare or the social capital to kick off about someone the press were painting in such a favourable light. Too busy doing other things just to get from one day to the next.

4. even if we had written to the Guardian or whatever, about the fact they’d spent so much time platforming a compulsive liar who’s horrible to people, it wouldn’t have made a difference - the media classes would either have refused to believe us or would have just not cared.

5. going back to 1., I seriously cannot emphasise enough how much of a non-entity she is locally. Despite her desperate efforts to paint herself as local politics genius, or local creative, local food bank activist. or whatever, most people just don’t know who she is - and don’t care even if they do.

 

[Hold my beans]

Sorry, I don't know how to shrink Kylie's head

 

[bitsabob]

Hello. Long time lurker, first time poster, and coming from the past so this may all have been noted by now. Also, I may mess up the technicalities of this…

@Valiofthedolls post with the images of noodle slop: I lived in Japan for a while and speak a bit of Japanese. Oh and have looked at the Wagamama menu at least once .

Jack Monroe #539 The devil works hard, but portrait mode works harder

further proof that she wanted to be famous, plain and simple. no great big plan to save the poor from themselves. she just got lucky after trying her hand at countless other things. i'm surprised she never went on big brother. If she did apply she wouldn't have gotten on because she's a...

tattle.life

Leaving aside the fact that the unspeakable bowl of diarreal filth is most likely to cause a diplomatic incident: please add yakitori to the list of words Jack doesn't understand (and can't be arsed to google as she makes things up as she goes along).

As you would expect, yakitori is chicken on skewers. the word is literally fried bird. Seven spice chilli powder is called either shichimi or nanami togarashi. It’s the red powder you sprinkle on noodles and I see no evidence of it there.

Add to this the words ramen, soba, Japan, Japanese, and food.

It can’t be ramen broth as she’s using soba noodles. Ramen is the name of the noodles.

I could go on. It’s about as Japanese as a packet of super noodles. Just not as appetising . It makes me irritable angry.

 

[Foxvint]

Sadly (or mercifully) it’s in her locked down Twitter, so unless someone archived it at some point, we have to wait for her RELAUNCH as a cruise ship entertainer (sort of like a reverse Jayne McDonald on a cruise ship for masochists)

I am, however, delighted to be able to answer your question from the very end of the last thread:
“Jesus Christ what has she come as?”

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Poor Ol’ still working through her TEENAGE REBELLION Jack rearing HER CHILD BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK
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Spoiler

She’s gone full on
View attachment 2420059To sing with (if the accent’s anything to go by) Danny Fuckin’ Dyer, Oi Oi!

Am pretty sure the stats show most babies in this country are now 'born out of wedlock' which doesn't mean the mothers are partnerless, supportless or about to be packed off to the workhouse to pick oakum. She's long loved to announce the most ordinary things with a lip wobble and a tin rattle. It really tells on her conservative with a small c upbringing the sort of things she thinks are noteworthy and about to have everyone reaching for the smelling salts.

Spoiler: Off topic influencer mither. TW

Did everyone see the news of that parenting influencer arrested for child abuse? Even BBC covered it. Poor kid was malnourished and had been restrained with duct tape. This is a woman who sits in her ivory tower online trying to tell the rest of us how to parent. The demise of these unregulated bastards who dare to slosh their unqualified shite around online for ££ cannot come quick enough.

---

Can I just say, the "4 days sober" glow up pic really gets to me. My brother is a recovering alcoholic. It's been absolutely heartbreaking. He ended up at crisis point in a residential institute.
After 4 days he was not glowing and heading off to the big city. He was suffering alcohol withdrawal. Lack of sleep, severe shakes and mood swings, sickness and other gastro issues to name just a few.
This is why I struggle to believe any of her "recovery" bullshit.

Exactly this and big up your bro for addressing his demon. Even a binge drinker (and let's face it, we're a nation of them) will likely experience mental struggles and maybe physical symptoms when knocking it on the head after nailing it on the regular for years. For those of us who came of age in the late 90s with ladette culture believing it was our feminist duty to get as smashed as the boys, it can be a rough ride stopping. I'm trying myself, for all sorts of reasons- money, health, hormonal issues. Her glib completed-it-mate article was dangerous at worst, a joke at best.

 

[Foxvint]

She really has claimed every single one of those things in her list of jobs and not jobs. Such a fucking berk.
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Spoiler: Mither

From that same article ar top. I find the way she talks about Leggy’s daughter (and her son’s half-siblings for that matter) incredibly inappropriate and actually quite troubling.

Her and Leggy had been together BARELY three months at the point she wrote this. They got together very late Feb, she wrote this the day after being on Question Time, so 24th May 2014.
View attachment 2421630View attachment 2421631
I know it’s the same thing as her forcing intimacy and that relationships are far more than they are- see also claiming Harold’s parents are in-laws and saying her “wife” had left her when Louisa LEFT but writing like this about your girlfriend of just three months’ very young child who’s NOT YOUR CHILD. I mean, FFS.

'My children' the boundary trampling twat. Single mums rightly know to run a mile from men who quickly ramp up intimacy and insinuate themselves too quickly into the family. It shows a controlling character concerned with ownership. No shade to any families who are happy to give the honour of calling the step parent mum/dad after a suitable length of time and commitment shown (ie. the opposite of Jacks situation in the above) but I find it distasteful and appropriating myself. My husbands kids are his and his ex wifes. It'd be massively cheeky for me to steam in bestowing on myself the word mum when I've had none of the financial and emotional labour of raising them.

And why does she have a thing about blond children? Why is their 'flaxen haired' fairness always a point of pride as if she's running a Southend chapter of Hitler Youth? Creepy bastard.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Lol this stupid shit from disgruntled girlfriends’s incredibly chatty Deep Throat partner on a rail replacement bus service is blowing my mind.

A reenactment of the THIEVING.

“Oh I’m sooooo bored and EXHAUSTED by not being the center of attention during this tedious and stupid global pandemic. I can barely even stand up straight after setting the selfie timer with my tongue (in these pre-Celery days)!

But wait!!! A BBC series you say! To mitigate the stupid tantrum I had about THAT JOLLOF RICE MAN you say?! Attention you say! Lots and lots of it?!!! AND I can act like an unprofessional incompetent rude dipshit?!!!

Spoiler: I’m IN!!

I am SOOOO IN!!!

Jump many scenes here, like engagement ring seeking Jack:

Oh Hi, Matt! I’m so late going home from work I literally just stupid typed into my phone “Jack Monroe bed” and Chapeau whoever did this, cos this came up may have to sleep at yours!

Later at Matt’s

Later still…

Even later…

Jack harrumphs around the place because neither Matt nor Mrs Matt seem moved

But then she remembers! She overheard Matt talking about his priceless collection of extremely generic Preston from the Ordinary Boys/early One Direction lookalike outfits!

She decides to SPITE Matt and Mrs Matt. She pops on her best Burglar outfit (she always carries one with her just in case middle class perverts want her to do her best Jezza Kyle-watching scumbag sexy cosplay but can’t quite face the hardcore “Tracksuit Experience”)

She slides into Matt’s wardrobe and steals his best ‘Louis Tomlinson’s friend from junior school circa 2005’ top and jeans then softly gently forensically and ephemerally slips into them.

Unfortunately she becomes distracted by her own reflection and spends the night at the Matt household before climbing out of the window in the middle of the night SOBER tangled in her own raucously giggly limbs.

The first that Matt and Mrs Matt knew about this was today, when they discovered that THIEF Jack stole Matt’s skinny jeans and the fake Paul Weller Fred Perry Matt bought off eBay for £7.49 cos he thought it made his forearms look nice.

Needless to say, Mrs Matt had the last laugh.

 

[robinhiggs]

I'd never heard of this person before but saw their threads on the homepage and was shocked at how many threads Read the whole wiki and ohhh my gosh I'm hooked

 

[Loozaaaa]

Can I just say, the "4 days sober" glow up pic really gets to me. My brother is a recovering alcoholic. It's been absolutely heartbreaking. He ended up at crisis point in a residential institute.
After 4 days he was not glowing and heading off to the big city. He was suffering alcohol withdrawal. Lack of sleep, severe shakes and mood swings, sickness and other gastro issues to name just a few.
This is why I struggle to believe any of her "recovery" bullshit.

i Am a loooooong time lurker on Jack posts (commented a few times maybe) I have also been sober for 12.5 years and the way she talks about sobriety pisses me off so much hope ur brother is doing well it’s a hard but very worthwhile road to travel

 

[Hollaaa]

Just came upon this story about Mahnoor Cheema who has achieved 34 (34!) GCSEs with A stars in every single one, a new record.

On top of that, she was lauded by Malala Yousafzai who said: " I dream that girls all over the world get a chance to obtain an education, and it fills my heart with joy when I see girls like Mahnoor doing so well and working hard. I wish that girls around the world can flourish and move up the charts in education, and Mahnoor is inspiring other girls with the message that you can achieve anything in life as long as you work hard."

Guess what Mahnoor hopes to study? Medicine. At Oxford.

Puts Jack's incredibly modest achievements into perspective, don't you think? #Elevenrifed

Malala Yousafzai lauds Mahnoor Cheema who scored a record 34 GCSEs

LONDON: Nobel Peace Prize winner and education activist Malala Yousafzai has praised the remarkable achievement of fellow Pakistani Mahnoor Cheema, who scored 34 GCSEs with A-stars, making a new UK and...

www.geo.tv

I'm a bit disappointed in Malala for this kind of messaging.

No-one needs 34 GCSEs. GCSEs are a means to an end, get what you need to progress to the next step, that's all. Maybe hoover up a few more when you are older and want to learn more about different subjects in a structured environment, but not as a teenager. That level of pressure and commitment is not something I'd want for the young people in my life.

Not everyone has the money to pay for the fees on 34 qualifications - at my (high) school you could do something like 11 max on their budget, then you had to pay the awarding body directly for anything over and above.

'Work hard and you can achieve anything' is toxic positivity and actively harms women in particular.

It's attitudes like this that make Jack feel inadequate for her 4.5 GCSEs and look where we are.

Congratulations to this teenager on breaking a record, though, and her enthusiasm for learning is absolutely to be commended.

 

[Shimmering]

Spoiler: Sort of OT

I'm really emotional at the minute for various reasons so easily moved to tears and overwhelmed, but my 11 yr old asked me the other day if he could subscribe to the patreon of a person he knows from online gaming. He would be their first subscriber as the patreon was just set up, and he would get extra perks in a game, etc.

We discussed it as I wasn't too comfortable with patreon taking their whack of his pocket money, but he told me he wanted to support his friend and so I said ok, go ahead. It was £4.50 plus VAT.

Anyway, this morning he told me that his friend had refunded him the patreon money as he felt bad taking it!

If only everyone was as concerned about doing the right thing when taking money from other people

 

[BlendedSlop]

Ahahaha what the fuck. Why would Mr Forearms have even needed to "put her up for the night"?

Though I am HOOTING at the thought of guset the next day, honking "Thank you very Matt much Matt" as she scampers down his drive, a big sack marked SWAG slung over her non-ouchy shoulder.

 

[BeardyBap]

There's a great little exchange on Elon's Xsite this evening. A Jackfan is hailing Depressipes For Bad Days as "tasty food", "her recipes are ace".
Their go at the Hot Nicoise has substituted the tinned spuds for fresh, and upgraded the tinned tuna to a "4 Euro from Faro" can. They've wisely went for the boiled eggs rather than the 'slopping fried eggs on top of your salad' option.
Isn't it amazing just how tasty Jack's recipes are when you don't follow them?

 

[Mel Donte]

Guy I've just made a Monroe level slop.

My Old Haroldette messaged me earlier to say she's having a shit shift at work and could we please have a fry up for dinner. I thought I'd get a head start on the beans because I like to let them cook for a while. When I gave them a taste test I realised that I'd added too much chilli. I tried to fix it by adding frozen spinach but we only have the rubbish chopped frozen spinach, not whole leaf. It created a foul brownish-green slop. The colour and texture is making me feel a bit ill.

She's home soon. I'm worried she'll pull a Louisa. Pray for me.

Spoiler: Slop

 

[Lady1980]

So she worked in a pharmacy (we call them chemists here, no?) and helped solve problems? Like what? Where is the nit shampoo? Are the chupa chups on offer? Why can't I buy more than 2 bottles of codeine?
I myself had a job in a chemists in the 90s. No one asked anyone but the trained pharmacist for anything not covered by the above.
The only thing she has dispensed is fucking awful recipes.