WHY IS THERE A LAMP ON THE STOVETOP?! SURELY the oven hood has a LIGHT unless she unscrewed THAT light as part of Big Pov 2: No Lightbulbs Boogaloo
Jack Monroe #524 Not the only or most important voice and presence in this critical area of our life
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Shame we were her Audience
Ruby Tandoh has just published her magnificent guide to ice cream in London on the Vittles substack. It's a real labour of love.
You can read the first of FOUR parts here without a subscription:
Beyond Gelato: A guide to London ice cream
The Vittles Ice Cream Project, by Ruby Tandoh
vittles.substack.com
- Jay Rayner** -- annoying, smug nepo baby, lefty chauvinist, with Monroe-esque thin skin & tendency to snark, to be avoided at parties
- Grace Dent***** -- best for a late-nite gossip sesh, after the punters have gone and the staff take over the dining room for drinks and a spliff
- Jimmy Famurewa**** -- too cool for school guy, probably lovely but seems too multi-talented not to be intimidating at the book signing (https://www.waterstones.com/author/jimi-famurewa/3284258)
- Faye Maschler**** -- intimidating and patrician, only to be admired from across the room while peaking over the top of the menu
- Tom Parker-Bowles*** -- ultimate nepo baby, seems harmless enough in a shaggy labrador kind of way, posh enough to be relatively decent and comfortable in his own skin
- Giles Coren* -- another nepo baby, with obnoxious, misogynistic entitlement and contrarian tendencies for clicks, avoid being in the same postcode if possible
- Jonathan Demario Nunn**** -- geeky food obsessive, might be a fascinating raconteur OR a pub bore who insists on giving the full run-down of every sandwich to be found within a 3-mile radius whether you want it or not
The whole kitchen is a potential death trap (please read this in an exaggerated Lynn Faulds Wood accent). I cannot imagine preparing food in this foul pit.
I've posted this tiny clip of intense irritation before but figured the new Fraus might not have seen it.
The twit can't cook. Everything is performance. She crooks her elbow right up in the air as you would if you were stirring the contents of a deep pot but then performatively tosses the same cooking vessel about as you would if you were toasting seeds in a shallow pan. She just things to try and look cheffy but she fails if you know anything about cooking.
Same with this one here where she tries to look like she knows how to sharpen a knife but is bleeping ruining them
Whaddacunt.
The twit can't cook. Everything is performance. She crooks her elbow right up in the air as you would if you were stirring the contents of a deep pot but then performatively tosses the same cooking vessel about as you would if you were toasting seeds in a shallow pan. She just things to try and look cheffy but she fails if you know anything about cooking.
Same with this one here where she tries to look like she knows how to sharpen a knife but is bleeping ruining them
Whaddacunt.
So she can be strengthened and encouraged by the worshipful offerings of the many fans whose lives she has saved, of course. The bigger question is why she thought that tupperware full of equine ordure was a good choice of foreground.
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The phrase ' My oddball child insisted on 'taking a film of you Mama'. ' is making me angrier than it probably should. Poor, poor SB.
I see Jack hasn't heeded her own advice regarding fire safety. Paper notes stuck to the wall above the open flames of a gas hob. Very safe.
No wonder Jack has seen a lot of fires, not in a call centre, but at home.
She cannot cook. She cannot write. She cannot parent. She cannot hold down a job. She cannot form friendships. She cannot maintain relationships. She cannot manage her finances. She is void. The complete absence of positive qualiities and discernible skils. VOID.
Sorry, I tried to spoiler this post, with proper headlines etc. Apologies peeps.
Ruby Tandoh has just published her magnificent guide to ice cream in London on the Vittles substack. It's a real labour of love.
You can read the first of FOUR parts here without a subscription:
Beyond Gelato: A guide to London ice cream
The Vittles Ice Cream Project, by Ruby Tandoh
EDIT: On London-based food critics:
(*---***** = Tattle's version of the Michelin star ranking method)
- Jay Rayner** -- annoying, smug nepo baby, lefty chauvinist, with Monroe-esque thin skin & tendency to snark, to be avoided at parties
- Grace Dent***** -- best for a late-nite gossip sesh, after the punters have gone and the staff take over the dining room for drinks and a spliff
- Jimmy Famurewa**** -- too cool for school guy, probably lovely but seems too multi-talented not to be intimidating at the book signing (https://www.waterstones.com/author/jimi-famurewa/3284258)
- Faye Maschler**** -- intimidating and patrician, only to be admired from across the room while peaking over the top of the menu
- Tom Parker-Bowles*** -- ultimate nepo baby, seems harmless enough in a shaggy labrador kind of way, posh enough to be relatively decent and comfortable in his own skin
- Giles Coren* -- another nepo baby, with obnoxious, misogynistic entitlement and contrarian tendencies for clicks, avoid being in the same postcode if possible
- Jonathan Demario Nunn**** -- geeky food obsessive, might be a fascinating raconteur OR a pub bore who insists on giving the full run-down of every sandwich to be found within a 3-mile radius whether you want it or not
Why is her kitchen always so messy. I thought the idea was to cook but keep your workspace clean and tidy.
The knife sharpening was the only plausible reason she could find to post a video of her shaking her flat boys ass.
I wouldn’t eat anything prepped in that kitchen
It’s dirty, cluttered, and looks sticky - just makes me
The lamp on the hob
She thinks it’s quirky and adorbs
That is her “shop window”
I’d walk past it holding my breath
That’s genuinely so much worse than I thought, I was giving her way too much credit. Thank you arty fraus that explained it to me!
I said at the time, she must go to some fancy dentists and be aware of some well swish nursing homes, if she thinks this looks 'budget'.
Yes this!! You’re a wonder!
Omg those horror kitchens my current kitchen is from the 70s and it looks nothing like any of Guest's. That's despite doors and drawers falling off. It's still clean and neat. The clutter is making me itchy. How has she not caused a fire. And how can her firefighter father not cringe at this?
my current kitchen is from the 70s and it looks nothing like any of Guest's. That's despite doors and drawers falling off. It's still clean and neat. The clutter is making me itchy. How has she not caused a fire. And how can her firefighter father not cringe at this?
She's always so self conscious when cooking. She was like that on DKL when doing a demonstration. This running from counter to counter grabbing things trying to look professional. I always thought on DKL it was also a method of deflecting having to talk about what she was doing. Just standing still looking at the camera meant having to explain what she was doing, and as we all know she generally had absolutely no clue.
That giggle at the end, like Bae caught me sharpening my knives
. Surprised she didn't do herself an injury.- Status