Completed it mate.
Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking
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Why is she explaining that? Are we all stupid?
Up for an award sponsored by a specialist foodstuff, so she proceeds to tweet about how cheap asda leavings-cheese is just the same.
What a prat.
Ok WTF.
Firstly if you don’t have any candles because you’ve used all your candles why not repurpose a used candle rather than a tin can because that’s literally their purpose.
But you don’t need a candle because there’s LITERALLY A CANDLE BEHIND THE DANGER TINS. Use that you plum.
If you put them on the worktop or bath, congratulations! You will have a burned and melted surface. You might even burn down the bungamansion, luckily with your years of service as a firefighter you can battle the blaze with a repurposed squirty cream can and a copy of London’s Burning on VHS.
If you hang them by string from trees, good news! You no longer need to pay a gardener because your garden will have had a lovely ash treatment so the next tenant can plant roses. Also your shed will be gone. Hope you’re not hoarding another SMEG in it!
Also (and ignoring the Philips head screwdriver you’ve ruined, and the great risk to your flappy smoker hands), HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE TO WASTE DOING THIS don’t you have a son? A home? A dog? Eleven meetings a day? Eighty hour work weeks? Sponsorship to do? The food bank? Blogging? You’re making crap from cans, though I suppose this is a step up from every single recipe in TCC soooooooo
Firstly if you don’t have any candles because you’ve used all your candles why not repurpose a used candle rather than a tin can because that’s literally their purpose.
But you don’t need a candle because there’s LITERALLY A CANDLE BEHIND THE DANGER TINS. Use that you plum.
If you put them on the worktop or bath, congratulations! You will have a burned and melted surface. You might even burn down the bungamansion, luckily with your years of service as a firefighter you can battle the blaze with a repurposed squirty cream can and a copy of London’s Burning on VHS.
If you hang them by string from trees, good news! You no longer need to pay a gardener because your garden will have had a lovely ash treatment so the next tenant can plant roses. Also your shed will be gone. Hope you’re not hoarding another SMEG in it!
Also (and ignoring the Philips head screwdriver you’ve ruined, and the great risk to your flappy smoker hands), HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE TO WASTE DOING THIS don’t you have a son? A home? A dog? Eleven meetings a day? Eighty hour work weeks? Sponsorship to do? The food bank? Blogging? You’re making crap from cans, though I suppose this is a step up from every single recipe in TCC soooooooo
Just had the thought of the other residents at the new place taking rubbish down to the bin shed to be accosted by their new neighbour as she hangs a load of tin can-dles off the trees in the communal green space; "THEY'RE LIKE FIREFLIES ON A DUSKY EVENING"
really makes u cringe
< me turning inside out eyes first
I've just belatedly caught up with a Jamie from last night. How did the other guy do?
We’ve had Kirstie Allslop Jack before, it was tragic then and still is.
Funny how her "fire service training" didn't make her like a "hawk" when she piled stacks of books around her fireplace. As you were.
But since we're on the topic of making things.....speaking as someone who has actually made candles at home:
(a) you don't need to plait string to make a wick, just use a single strand of string (and then only in a pinch if you can't get actual cotton wick, which can easily be ordered online and doesn't take up a lot of space in your house
)
(b) you don't need to attach the wick to a recycled ring pull or any such nonsense, just put it in the container, hold it taut and pour wax around it
(c) you would have to save wax scrapings from about eleventy billion used candles to fill tins that size, which doesn't seem like a good use of your time
(d) you don't melt wax in a saucepan, because you'll never get it all out of the saucepan - you use a bowl which you place over a gently boiling saucepan of water
(e) what other fraus have said about the tin cans being lined with epoxy resin and not damaging a screwdriver by using it to punch holes
But since we're on the topic of making things.....speaking as someone who has actually made candles at home:
(a) you don't need to plait string to make a wick, just use a single strand of string (and then only in a pinch if you can't get actual cotton wick, which can easily be ordered online and doesn't take up a lot of space in your house
)(b) you don't need to attach the wick to a recycled ring pull or any such nonsense, just put it in the container, hold it taut and pour wax around it
(c) you would have to save wax scrapings from about eleventy billion used candles to fill tins that size, which doesn't seem like a good use of your time
(d) you don't melt wax in a saucepan, because you'll never get it all out of the saucepan - you use a bowl which you place over a gently boiling saucepan of water
(e) what other fraus have said about the tin cans being lined with epoxy resin and not damaging a screwdriver by using it to punch holes
Excuse you! Last time she came out with this bollox she gave the tin can a nice coat of paint! This is progress, it’s only dangerous and bleeping stupid, not bleeping dangerous and bleeping stupid.
I've just watched the hazardterns video again and could hear BREATHING!
10/10 Jack for the super neat holes made with your hammer and screwdriver
10/10 Jack for the super neat holes made with your hammer and screwdriver
I can't wait for the Health & Safety crew to clap their eyes on Jack's Tin Can tweet. She''ll get crucified.
Expect a rapid delete sometime later.
Expect a rapid delete sometime later.
Large yankee candle about 20 quid. Or maybe a gift from cwhh
Remember when you were a kid and would make 'perfume' with a few pilfered flower petals chucked in a bucket of water? Coming soon in Jack Hacks.
Her 'oh' genre of reply is so smug and smart arse. At least she actually acknowledged that squigs experience instead of replying about the time she suffered 95% 3rd degree burns but healed with cups of tea from dear friends and a kidney and melon casserole.
Her 'oh' genre of reply is so smug and smart arse. At least she actually acknowledged that squigs experience instead of replying about the time she suffered 95% 3rd degree burns but healed with cups of tea from dear friends and a kidney and melon casserole.
Why in the name of god hasn’t she been snapped up by ‘top tips’ page of a crappy magazine yet?! Surely the perfect fit. One piece of work a month (I know, more than she’s used to), terrible writing and providing wholly impractical tips..,,
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And a flounce. And some degree of snark.
Of course!
Just watching Midland 
news and one poor lady who was interviewed using a food bank was saying she hasn't used her oven in over a year. Guess what she uses to cook pals? Yep, slow cooker and an air fryer.
news and one poor lady who was interviewed using a food bank was saying she hasn't used her oven in over a year. Guess what she uses to cook pals? Yep, slow cooker and an air fryer.
It was because IIRC it was in the middle of a particularly unhinged Twitter period and half the squigs consequently assumed she meant it.
Hey at least Kirk had a bed and wasn’t forced to sleep on the sofa because ?????
Cos they already stole all her best ideas.
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