Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[BananaSmith]

Nervous face... Why does she buy jackets that are too small.

 

[shugabug23]

The more I think about it, I'm surprised she made the wick out of string and didn't handspin tumbledryer fluff into cord.

Also, I'm now thinking what the bloody hell does dregs of candles various melted together smell like? The olfactory equivalent of when one mashed all the primary school poster paints together, with no knowledge of colour theory, and created that lovely murky brown colour?

It would smell like walking past a LUSH shop

 

[Foxvint]

Have you noticed how most of the comments club are called Alan, Susan, Gordon etc? She's some sort of retiree little After 8 mint.

 

[Cady1954]

Send coffinos, that's fabulously inappropriate! Jack and her ridiculous use of the wrong word can't be blamed on . Peripatetic

Spoiler: OT email disasters

Once upon a time a colleague sent an email to the whole department and signed off with...

R e t a r d s instead of regards.

(it wouldn't let me type it! I'm not insulting anyone mods, honest!)

Took a while for them to live that down. The replies were priceless.

I sent one years ago and I signed off with 'sorry for the incontinence ' instead of 'inconvenience!

 

[stunrw]

I sent one years ago and I signed off with 'sorry for the incontinence ' instead of 'inconvenience!

Just nearly coughed up a lung laughing

 

[reCAPTCHA]

At the risk of doing a Jack and elevenerifing that……I managed to call my (German) boss a nazi in a email because the changed “nos”

So instead of the email reading: These nos (numbers) will kill us, it changed it to These nazis will kill us

I love stuff like this. One of my staff once sent a text to hundreds of our parents

”Remember to bring your willies to forest school tomorrow.”

My email box was rammed the next day; I was quite heartened at the overwhelmingly positive response Our best text ever apparently……

 

[Deeznutslol]

duck me, how bored our of your mind must u be to be sat in the house drilling holes in cans to make ‘lanterns’??? For the love of god, just get a job ffs

 

[House of Carbonara]

I have a dedicated ice drawer…. But it’s full of actual ice to pop in my wine because I’m a wineaholic a normal human! I mean, wtf wants frozen spaghetti hoops?! I despise the world sometimes honestly.

Sorry what now?? Latest ridiculous fad? Srsly.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“Carefully” poured in.

I love the way she always emphasizes you should do things “carefully”.

Spoiler: Do it CAREFULLY. WARNED.

Does she think the rest of just fling stuff around our kitchens like we’re Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail?

 

[jenny2603]

“Carefully” poured in.

I love the way she always emphasizes you should do things “carefully”.

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Spoiler: Do it CAREFULLY. WARNED.

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Does she think the rest of just fling stuff around our kitchens like we’re Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail?
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I prefer to do things painstakingly myself.

 

[WhyYouCry?]

duck me, how bored our of your mind must u be to be sat in the house drilling holes in cans to make ‘lanterns’??? For the love of god, just get a job ffs

Or send out some bleeping Patreon rewards!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I prefer to do things painstakingly myself.

What, even when you “saute (soften)”?

 

[jenny2603]

What, even when you “saute (soften)”?

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Oh no I tend to saute (soften) gently.

 

[mince]

What, even when you “saute (soften)”?

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Oh duck off and fall into a well (a sort of hole), you condescending twunt. (Not you, Vali.)

 

[ItchOfTheWestCoast]

I think Jack Hacks are meant to be evidence of an enthusiastic Polyanna brain brimming over with creativity when what they actually are is a sad sack Old Maid trying to fill her lonely days.

Savage!

 

[shugabug23]

“Carefully” poured in.

I love the way she always emphasizes you should do things “carefully”.

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Spoiler: Do it CAREFULLY. WARNED.

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Does she think the rest of just fling stuff around our kitchens like we’re Bryan Brown and Tom Cruise in Cocktail?
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God damnit I love Bryan Brown in that movie *off to stream Cocktail*

I’ve been mithering about mixed candle smells from earlier. My house is like a church on a blackout of a Friday when I treat myself to a I buy a 6 pack of melts and light them through the house coz I’m nice like that. But lads, once… I mixed up the green Xmas melts and lit both pine and mint at the same time. On entering the home, I had to offer goggles to visitors for days!

 

[House of Carbonara]

While Rome burns .....


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Sorry what now times #2?? What is wrong with her? No comments regarding what's happening in Parliament? No comments about the very likely energy price hike in April? Nothing of any use to man or beast on her tl to share with her adoring followers? The country may be in trouble, but here you go - Jack the Campaigner and Protector of the Povs is going to show you how to make fugly, useless, unsafe tin can lanterns. I am truly lost for words.

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Sorry what now times #2?? What is wrong with her? No comments regarding what's happening in Parliament? No comments about the very likely energy price hike in April? Nothing of any use to man or beast on her tl to share with her adoring followers? The country may be in trouble, but here you go - Jack the Campaigner and Protector of the Povs is going to show you how to make fugly, useless, unsafe tin can lanterns. I am truly lost for words.

I'm not. This is just what she now does. I'm sure it's on purpose to get a rise out of people

 

[mince]

Sorry what now times #2?? What is wrong with her? No comments regarding what's happening in Parliament? No comments about the very likely energy price hike in April? Nothing of any use to man or beast on her tl to share with her adoring followers? The country may be in trouble, but here you go - Jack the Campaigner and Protector of the Povs is going to show you how to make fugly, useless, unsafe tin can lanterns. I am truly lost for words.

You just don’t get it. Take the Jumblies, right? They looked foreign, and they went to sea in a *sieve*, which is basically a leaky small boat. Always now, always on the ball, our Jackie has no need to make social comment, she is social comment. Edgy campaigner relevance? Rinsed it, mate.

(No, that didn’t make sense even to me. She’s done me in and I’m off for a candleless shower and an early night. Go well, sweet tenderstems.)

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Did Jack write the ice article?