Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[Livia Fantasy]

Went to type 'pumble' on my phone earlier in a reply. First time it to "purple", the second time "pube less", then the phone rang and I was tying to explain to my eldest why I was sniggering. Can't even remember what I was going to reply to/with now.

 

[stunrw]

Went to type 'pumble' on my phone earlier in a reply. First time it to "purple", the second time "pube less", then the phone rang and I was tying to explain to my eldest why I was sniggering. Can't even remember what I was going to reply to/with now.

You would hope her pumble would be pube less but lets face it, with her “cooking” you never know

 

[Everytown]

Sorry, I realise all that stuff is really popular but why do you need stupid bits of obviousluy fake scrap wood with home written on them to tell you where you are? It reminds me of what I was house hunting and someone had stencilled the word "Bath" above the bath. I suppose it would stop confused farmers leading a flock of sheep in for a drink but it upsets me.

It's a sub-set of what Mrs Everytown and I refer to as "inspirational tit on the wall." Homes Under the Hammer is good for cringey examples, but Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away always had some irony-tinged classics.

 

[Django]

Went to type 'pumble' on my phone earlier in a reply. First time it to "purple", the second time "pube less", then the phone rang and I was tying to explain to my eldest why I was sniggering. Can't even remember what I was going to reply to/with now.

I'm worried as my phone autocorrects to sh1tter now. Jack knows that everything on here ends up back on the hellsite so I can't imagine what idiotic dim excuse she’s struggling to come up with now. Perhaps we'll get to see the terrible scar?

 

[Nurseali]

It's a sub-set of what Mrs Everytown and I refer to as "inspirational tit on the wall." Homes Under the Hammer is good for cringey examples, but Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away always had some irony-tinged classics.

Nothing is as bad as those Live , Laugh Love signs.
Apart from asking people to dance like nobody is watching.
My neighbour is always watching. She is old and bored bless her.

 

[phoebuscartel]

Clagnut it’s been a while since I heard that. Describes her to a

We used to call them dingleberries.

my Harold put a sign on our downstairs toilet door which says “Toilet” and I always want to tell visitors

 

[Django]

Oh no, this article gives advice about food shopping, household cleaning and a lot of other thrifty 'hacks' but no mention of their favourite smol pov.

Live your best (and cheapest) life: 11 top tips from money-saving influencers

Experts share ideas for saving money and the planet, from batch cooking to DIY hacks - and how to blag an upgrade

www.theguardian.com

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'm worried as my phone autocorrects to sh1tter now. Jack knows that everything on here ends up back on the hellsite so I can't imagine what idiotic dim excuse she’s struggling to come up with now. Perhaps we'll get to see the terrible scar?
View attachment 2018446

The way she describes things is stomach churning. As thick as her thumb and as dark as her morning coffee. Talking about the scab I take it? Urgh, vile NOBODY asked but more detail = definitely true, right?

 

[Livia Fantasy]

but more detail = definitely true, right?

My eldest (sorry, DS1 ) had a habit of this. “Oscar, have you finished your homework already?”

“Yeah but what happened is Mrs Green was off so we had that substitute teacher remember the one from Maths last year on the day where Dan’s mum had that car crash when the bloke in the green Polo reversed into her at Sainsbury’s well that substitute teacher was in and didn’t know what page we were up to in that textbook you bought for me in September the one I lost when I stayed round Michael’s for his birthday and we played FIFA all night well I won the tournament that night and we went to the trampoline park on the Sunday well anyway so like we went over the last two pages again and then they said don’t worry you can all hand it in next week instead”

<sigh>

“Just say ‘no’, Oscar. Get off the bleeping Xbox”

 

[Hollaaa]

FIRST. MORNING. COFFEE.

 

[Captainmouse]

She's talking tit. I grew up in substandard housing. We had single glazing, no central heating and mould crawling up the walls. There was also a fire one year and smoke damage following that. Our flat was in an urban shithole and surrounded by constant traffic. By rights we ought to have severe respiratory issues (well my brother has asthma). My siblings and I don't sound like Honk. My sister has a deviated septum and she doesn't sound like Honk and that inclydes pre surgery. I have a child with chronic lung disease who doesn't sound like that. My friends children with CF don't sound like that. My uncle with enlarged tonsils doesn't sound like. I also know someone with a broken nose and they don't sound like that, their nose has a big kink in it though from the break. They all sound normal. I know that is all anecdotal but the only time I've ever heard anyone sound remotely like Honk is when they have a heavy cold.

We had no bathroom and an outside toilet, no clue, no clue at all

 

[Hold my beans]

I've never seen a 'first morning coffee' coloured scar. Maybe something to add to her list of ailments and injuries

 

[Livia Fantasy]

The first coffee of the morning usually makes me want to have a tit, and if I’ve had a glass of red wine with dinner like usual, then… I can guess the colour.

 

[imBUSY]

Weight Loss Jack is gonna be amazing.

Like Famine in Good Omens.
---

Jack should go back to the USA and market her slop for those in the penal system. Her food would scare the prisoners straight.

We have prohibitions against cruel and unusual punishment here.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Ugh, those literary festivals bookings are so depressing. They just wheel out the same old same old, even proven liars with a bombed and discredited book

So many of these events are just a bunch of well-off lefties patting themselves on the back about how socially aware they are and how they're making the world better by giving space to marginalized voices. And I say that as a leftie
myself.

 

[I'm not actually here]

So many of these events are just a bunch of well-off lefties patting themselves on the back about how socially aware they are and how they're making the world better by giving space to marginalized voices. And I say that as a leftie
myself.

I've a few such folk in my family. Obvs, we are NC these days!

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Joining from the past to suggest Jack's memoir title. A reflection on her life, most recent craft creations and past works.

Tin can dull

(get it? Tin candle, tin can cook? No. OK... Off I go away again then)

 

[Charitas]

Mithering like a proper ninnie here if Atomic Shrimp on that there utube has put his pound a day food challenge up to £1.37 after failing on £1 and working out the food inflation % will Jack's £20.00 shop now be £27.40 a week .
I know it's always £20.00 ( see her previous answers).

 

[frostily]

New grunk earworm, thanks, I love it.
View attachment 2018331

I like that Madonna is also distressed about the inexplicability of the eggs

 

[Phillipa78]

It's a sub-set of what Mrs Everytown and I refer to as "inspirational tit on the wall." Homes Under the Hammer is good for cringey examples, but Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away always had some irony-tinged classics.

May I introduce you to Jack's (probably not gifted) neon sign... "Let's hang something cool here"?