Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[lilykestrel]

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I don't think I've been reminded of this photo since the Guardian article came out, and now seeing all those sideboards alongside each other ... bloody hell.

It looks like a private room in one of those higgledy-piggledy packed to the rafters with vintage/repro tit cafes.

Also I never noticed the lampshade before. Has she wrapped moss round it? I hope it's imitation moss.

Also as I typed this I noticed the trailing extension cords (?) on the right hand side? Lovely trip hazard.

Feel like I'm redoing my mandatory-every-couple-of-years H&S training at work where they show you things and ask you to pick what cardinal sin is being committed.

 

[TrolleyParton]

PS “Two hour discussion about steampunk and retrofuturistic fashions” is never ever not WTAF

I'd love to see Steampunk Jack. She'd be wearing two empty tuna cans fashioned into goggles.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Also I never noticed the lampshade before. Has she wrapped moss round it? I hope it's imitation moss

It's a shorter version of this monstrosity seen in Jack's (then) bedroom:

 

[DinosaurSenior]

It's like some kind of ghastly bird-catching net. I hate it

 

[houseofhoop]

As dearest @HotesTilaire pondered many moons ago back in the mists of late 2021

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That was after @Marmalade Atkins had immortalized yet another massive moving “project” involving seventysomething boxes and Jack humping sideboards (this time thankfully NOT in a manky sports bra and support underwear “sexy” way. In a world’s strongest smol pixie way).
View attachment 2013489View attachment 2013490She recently claimed to have given this dining table away too (while lying about how big it actually is and pretending it sits 14). And implying SHE bought it outright.
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Contradicting what she’d said before. I wonder if she had to “snap it in half clean down the middle” like the old one so she could give Louisa back her half before it “trotted off”.
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(@Marmalade Atkins for the screenies and @HotesTilaire for the musings )
PS “Two hour discussion about steampunk and retrofuturistic fashions” is never ever not WTAF

I thought she goes to friends houses to watch Netflix here she says she goes into her snug to watch Netflix.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

I think it’s ok as long as you don’t put the candle tins in the microwave.

Spoiler: WARNED.

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@Flivver Jack pretending that her electric kettle was a hob kettle. While rubbing her flue on the counter again, pretending to be sober after a week and forgetting to move the base for the electric kettle before the Guardian snapped the pic.
View attachment 2013346Dipshit.

I got an inexplicable whiff of used sanny pad scrolling past that

 

[Whatisgoingonlol]

It's a shorter version of this monstrosity seen in Jack's (then) bedroom:

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Loves a fire hazard

 

[ChastityDingle]

Popped into town today, 1st time since Christmas and tenderstems, I made a beeline for Waterstones.
There it was, the same, singular, solitary copy that my sister has been keeping her eye on. It's apparently sat there since it shit the shelves. Surrounded by delicious, creative tomes full of enticement and promise, like a pair of Adidas 4 stripes, it just looked wrong.
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Unfortunately, I was spotted doing this
But to my surprise, everyone in the store turned around and slowly started clapping. It got louder and louder, until I was gently scooped up, tenderly held aloft onto the shoulders of the other customers until the manager came over, quietly wiping a tear away and whispered, "thankyou thankyou thankyou"

BIB - I love this, true dedication to the cause

Love the photo and the ending to the story

 

[Valiofthedolls]

'Scant' is one of Nigella's favourite words, just google Nigella + scant and you'll get pages of results.

It’s also where Jack gets her fat cloves of garlic and her “gluts”

 

[That Forensic Man]

Did we have £75 for the toaster that didn’t exist @That Forensic Man ??
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*checks notes* Yes, absolutely x

£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£25 cream toaster

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Oops! Someone’s posted the other CCJs.

ETA different squig. She’s toast on Twitter

 

[ForgettyBetty]

What the duck in the autocarrot was going on there?! Remnants dear, remnants! duck knows what remembants are bit they sound chirpy

I imagine it as memorabilia-of-leftovers. Like "See that box of crumbs? That's from the digestive biscuits at the Big House, when I walked straight past security on account of my tattoos"

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Popped into town today, 1st time since Christmas and tenderstems, I made a beeline for Waterstones.
There it was, the same, singular, solitary copy that my sister has been keeping her eye on. It's sat there since it shit the shelves. Surrounded by delicious, creative tomes full of enticement and promise, like a pair of Adidas 4 stripes, it just didn't fit-in.

Old Dead she died
And every single dealer in the district cried
An empty bottle of Sainsburys Basics whisky laying by her side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue (due to her Greek Cypriot heritage),
They could never be blue (due to her Greek Cypriot heritage)... etc etc

If you're ready Jackanory, that was of course a joke. I don't want you to STOP BREATHING. You actually might stop breathing once you've put those death-trap Frankencandles on the end of the bath and it starts melting. Gawd, she's such a...

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Although, in Jackie's case, it's all done in the worst possible taste.

Ahhh, Comté Stunt God bless her x

 

[Country Bumpkin]

It's a shorter version of this monstrosity seen in Jack's (then) bedroom:

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What the ever living duck is that??!!

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Jack’s entire kitchen is already a complete fire hazard/safety nightmare though, so the candle tins are really just the cherry pilchard on top of the trifle.
View attachment 2013366(@Captainmouse immortalizing the sentient rug)
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PS check out the date on this bottom one. 4th Feb.

Spoiler

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A mere 3 weeks after this “peaceful and serene” decluttered kitchen, the very same corner (and the rest of it) rammed with tit. WHAT. A. TIT. I feel soooooo sorry for that landlady.

That kitchen has had more changes than Jack's clothes.

 

[TheCat'sMother]

What the ever living duck is that??!!

It is the stuff of nightmares Dearheart.

 

[Snotbuster]

I genuinely think she just says stuff for the likes/dopamine hit at the time and thinks nothing of actually following up on doing it or how she's going to prove it. The blog posts are a prime example of that. I'm stunned that the candle tins were a new post - I sped-grunked and thought they were from the last time she showed the crappy, 3rd-degree-burn-level-hot looking things. She truly has nothing to do which is mind blowing considering she's apparently (still) mid-move!! And has SO MUCH STUFF!! Who the hell is making morrrrre random tit when you're trying to pack up and move? Something is very fishy, and it isn't just the week old crab paste lodged in her fingernails

I agree. The dopamine hit from saying she's going to do something is greater than the dopamine hit from actually doing something (because we have to subtract the stress of planning, work, etc. ).

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

It's a shorter version of this monstrosity seen in Jack's (then) bedroom:

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Fire safety The Wankee would be proud.
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It’s also where Jack gets her fat cloves of garlic and her “gluts”

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Glut of lies and fat lines of coke (or wads of cash).

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

It's a shorter version of this monstrosity seen in Jack's (then) bedroom:

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This is something I’ll never understand about Jack - she’s a real volume over quality buyer. Like this is obvs her take on this bird cage lamp, and whilst £395 is obviously expensive in the grand scheme of £160k+ it’s nothing? So why not just buy it? It’s like her Cotswolds tally, for the amount she’s bought she could have bought some really interesting quality timeless furniture that would have at the very least had resell value if not could possibly have appreciated? Instead she’s got a ton of wood veneer chipboard she’ll have to pay someone to take to the dump for her.

 

[Django]

This is something I’ll never understand about Jack - she’s a real volume over quality buyer. Like this is obvs her take on this bird cage lamp, and whilst £395 is obviously expensive in the grand scheme of £160k+ it’s nothing? So why not just buy it? It’s like her Cotswolds tally, for the amount she’s bought she could have bought some really interesting quality timeless furniture that would have at the very least had resell value if not could possibly have appreciated? Instead she’s got a ton of wood veneer chipboard she’ll have to pay someone to take to the dump for her.

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Just wait, tender stem, Jack will be chopping up an old oil drum and sticking random feathers 🪶 on it.
#jackshacks