Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[Captainmouse]

I think you ALL need to take a step back and think about what your doing. Have you all forgotten? She has no lightbulbs! She NEEDS to make danger lights to be able to see in the dark evenings so she can continue to scam people on the internet!

And for those asking about Cooper....well, how do you think she powers her internet?

Exhibit A



Shame on you fraus, shame on you!

Now now tenderstem, cooper is no ordinary cat and all her tech takes much power

Mind you these are loud, not good in a flat

 

[SarcasticEllis]

I see she is still behaving. Good girl pet. You never know that man might let you have a goat playing kitchens for him soon. You might get to shred the lettuce with serated sissors to make it fancy.

I wish I was good at photoshop as I’d love to see a goat playing kitchens

 

[Django]

That was an epic point for your spacebar to decide to have a day off, tenderstem.

I was going to say this but I quite fancy Jack as an annoying little goat, there is a donkey near us called Dave who sounds like Jack on a bad day.

 

[AlwightDallin]

It's all so bleeping staged, isn't it? She's obviously closed the curtains in daylight and as for the records in the old suitcase I'd sell a kidney to see Jack's eBay search history.

Jack seems to be the type to sell an item for £5, not be arsed to post it any time soon but buoyed by her ‘profit’ goes on to spend £50 on assorted crap.

Today I bought a lovely dress from the charity shop for £5. So tomorrow the dress I least like in my wardrobe goes to the charity shop. This is to stop myself keeping things I don’t need and won’t wear and it stops my husband from moaning he has no space in the wardrobe for his stuff. Jack does not have this by way of self control or anyone to limit her extravagances so she ends up with multiples of things and piles of just stuff.

Anyone else hate it when she puts so much crap in front of windows you can’t see out of them? Much claustrophobia. If I saw her home (pre packing for the biggest move) on through the keyhole I would never think it was the home of someone in their 30s with a pre teen son.

 

[GigglePops]

Little did you know how prescient you were given that you’re now a valued frau on a complete Caca Phoney’s Tattle thread.
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Spoiler: More candle chat. WARNED.

She thinks this is very clever so she’s said it a lot.
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ETA I will never understand why she’s got a wonky Venetian blind next to a different sized Venetian blind tattooed on her arm. Was she at one point trying to marry a wealthy B&Q area manager?

She wanted to indicate to the world that she was Hillary's and branding was a step too far.

 

[Captainmouse]

What the duck in the autocarrot was going on there?! Remnants dear, remnants! duck knows what remembants are bit they sound chirpy

Sorry, not quite myself today

 

[GigglePops]

That image on the lower part of her left arm (the right side of the photo) looks like part of this Crowded House album cover image:
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She's such a basic witch

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I wish I was good at photoshop as I’d love to see a goat playing kitchens

The goat kitchens are much cleaner than Jack’s

And even better…

Spoiler

 

[Ablemabel]

View attachment 2013717
And her poor son ended up with that rank greasy old chest of drawers in his bedroom last year when Jack did the “makeover” and posted it to everyone online.
View attachment 2013719Luckily it’s blatantly not really his bedroom and she was lying, so Jack has the rank greasy old chest of drawers in HER bedroom. Fortunately, she’s been sleeping on the sofa of her giant house for the past 6 + months to “practise” sleeping on the sofa in the hydrangea-bedecked forever home, so she’s far, far away from the rank greasy old chest of drawers. Or not.
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Those two bloody pictures in the bedroom, travel around the house quite a lot too .

 

[Yer_wha?!]

I've found Jack on a book group on FB

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Never mind the heckin great declutter. I wonder if she’s started the heckin great hole (a sort of well) polyfilla-ing and painting yet. Or is she still too busy turning tins into fire hazards?

 

[Django]

I've found Jack on a book group on FB

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Oh oh oh, I know who this is, she's a serial poster on the advice threads who has trained her phone to write an instead of and

 

[LadyGarden]

Is this the sledge that she claimed to have found in (i.e. stole from) someone's front garden?

Looks pretty antique, not something I imagine SB would be out on during the current snow.

Maybe Jack 'Two Sledges' Monroe was talking about another one. So dificult to keep track of all the 'stuff' she has acumulated.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Is this the sledge that she claimed to have found in (i.e. stole from) someone's front garden?

Looks pretty antique, not something I imagine SB would be out on during the current snow.

Maybe Jack 'Two Sledges' Monroe was talking about another one. So dificult to keep track of all the 'stuff' she has acumulated.


View attachment 2013996

It makes a lovely stand for that power bar.

And I'm sure more than one person has caught their toe in those rails when the lights were out. I hope Burger Boy was able to escape unscathed.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Or edible.

I don't think Our Jack has even been accused of producing edible food now, has she?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“My 100% success rate” (early outing)

 

[lilykestrel]

It makes a lovely stand for that power bar.

And I'm sure more than one person has caught their toe in those rails when the lights were out. I hope Burger Boy was able to escape unscathed.

Get caught in the sledge and stumble face first into the dead bird collection (I know they're not real birds, but the way some of them are hanging upside down off the bottom, they are the deadest-looking fake birds I've ever seen)

 

[Hold my beans]

Those two bloody pictures in the bedroom, travel around the house quite a lot too .

But what nearly teenage boy wouldn't ask mamapapa for those prints for his new room

 

[Valiofthedolls]

It makes a lovely stand for that power bar.

And I'm sure more than one person has caught their toe in those rails when the lights were out. I hope Burger Boy was able to escape unscathed.

She’d moved rooms by then so he’d probably have been more concerned about the honk emanating from the crap-filled bookcases and the not particularly clean bedding.

Oh, and the stormtroopers and Sith Lords raining down upon him as he indulged in his six hour burgerthon. Or the teddy becoming sentient and grabbing that bottle of lube next to it for NEFARIOUS PURPOSES.

(@That Forensic Man is there an Ikea MALM bed on the stocktake? Cos that sure looks like one)

 

[hoopdedoo]

Jack’s entire kitchen is already a complete fire hazard/safety nightmare though, so the candle tins are really just the cherry pilchard on top of the trifle.
View attachment 2013366(@Captainmouse immortalizing the sentient rug)
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PS check out the date on this bottom one. 4th Feb.

Actual photo of "recipe testing and development day" at Jack's house