Jack Monroe #477 I wish all millionaires cared about others like you do

[ChaosCEO]

I was burning my aubergine

I cannot be the only one who thought this was a euphemism

 

[Smeghead]

I also don’t believe Jack is any good at chess. I think you need to be capable of planning a few moves ahead and preempting how your moves will be used against you etc whereas Jack can’t even open her mouth without immediately contradicting herself in the next sentence. She doesn’t even know what she’s going to do next, let alone anyone else. It’s just a stereotypical hobby that a big brain smarty pants genius would be into which is why she lies about it. In my humble pumble opinion.

Why isn’t Jack Monroe good at chess? She takes nine months to move.
Why did Allegra dump chess pieces on Jack’s head? She wanted to see the rook on her face.
That’s all I’ve got for now.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Let's be honest now... Jack thinks yoghurt is mouldy milk, she probably thinks Chess is played with 2 dice and involves plastic hotels...
Straight to Jail, Do not pass GO, Do not collect your Patreon.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

I hate that I disbelieve Jack about the childhood trauma stuff, like, I hope it didn't happen to her but I also hope she wouldn't like about something like that...

 

[stunrw]

I cannot be the only one who thought this was a euphemism

I can assure you that you werent

 

[ChaosCEO]

Why isn’t Jack Monroe good at chess? She takes nine months to move.

Thread title nomination

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Jack clearly missing press opportunities with her amazing content

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

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oh shat ap

Does this squig mean the threads? Or the wiki? Or Limegoss or wtf?

 

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Number One!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

"Investigation has been underway for some time" o rly well thus far it's been 2+ years

I don't see Jack's address, contact details, or any other personal information on the wiki that she hasn't made public herself? Dear innocent squiglet

 

[Belgian Bun]

I was told (by someone who had a go on him) he doesn’t believe in using deodorant, so there might be some truth in what you say.

I knew it. Definite armpit smeller vibes about him. He would also declare himself to be the second coming at the point of climax, and possibly lob in a hare krishna for good measure.

 

[Lazarus]

Jack clearly missing press opportunities with her amazing content

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to think the 1994-96 me had a poster of him on my ceiling above my pillow.
Maybe it’s because it’s a photograph of a newspaper and maybe the prints gone funny but he looks a bit like a Crimewatch photofit now.

 

[Foxvint]

Grandmaster Cash.

An who's counting the weekend as half term???

 

[lilykestrel]

Does this squig mean the threads? Or the wiki? Or Limegoss or wtf?

I've been trying to think what the legal rationale would be. How would it go?

"Your honour! A bunch of Frauen and Herren have been compiling screenshots of things I've posted on open social media and laughing at me. They said my dog was a miner! They call my Dad Big Dave!"
"What a bunch of libellous tit ninnies" *bangs gavel* "Send them to jail, for life!" (The Judge is Limmy)

 

[Nurseali]

I knew it. Definite armpit smeller vibes about him. He would also declare himself to be the second coming at the point of climax, and possibly lob in a hare krishna for good measure.

You just know sex would have to involve a well positioned mirror somewhere

 

[coconutcookie]

So now she’s been a Sunday school teacher, bible preacher, and Christian girl guide expert? I’m bleeping hooting lads.
YEH YEH COMPLETED IT MATE.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

to think the 1994-96 me had a poster of him on my ceiling above my pillow.
Maybe it’s because it’s a photograph of a newspaper and maybe the prints gone funny but he looks a bit like a Crimewatch photofit now.

I mean I would never want to fat shame, or advocate for class A use, but he was a good looking man when he was young and subsisting on coke not cheese

 

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

Can’t just play chess - has to bloody well play for the county.

I’m waiting for the comparison to that cool woman in ‘The Queens Gambit’

 

[NellieBoo]

I still haven't recovered from yesterday's confusion about who the hell was sticking pins in Jack. And now we have Preacher Jack/Chess Master Jack ? Plus I went and looked at the rugby player video, didn't I? Will I ever learn? No. No I won't.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

Sunday school teacher in Googling Bullying quotes shocker.

Pretty obvious none of that came from her own extensive knowledge of the Bible!

One moment, please...

ETA: linky to said Bible quotes above

Jack has an incredibly inconvenient memory. She can literally knows everything, but her ADHD keeps stepping in to make her look like a bullshitting lazy grifter.

Come on now, @MancBee be fair.

Who on earth at 24 years old would subject themselves to a “swarm” of “scantily clad” young people having a blast, some of whom are INTOXICATED

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When they can go instead to “a pleasant, safe, family affair” AND (Brace yourselves, all!) have “an exciting drive past Stonehenge” on the way?

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Jack Monroe's Glastonbury diary: I can't believe I sang with Billy Bragg

The chef and campaigner had gone to discuss food banks in the Left Field tent, but it was singing in front of the crowd that proved to be her stand-out memory

www.theguardian.com

How does Jack manage to make a trip to Glastonbury sound like she is escaping a war? It's the least offensive festival I've ever been to and I worked at Latitude twice.

I'm sure all poly relationships aren't like this, but most of the ones I've known about seem to be along the lines of "I'm not married but my wife is." As in, one person wants to have other partners but they would lose their sh*t if any of their partners had other partners of their own. Maybe that is how Jack thinks polyamory works....

One of the best suited couples I know are poly and had quite a few poly couples at their wedding. I didn't actually realise any of this until me and my partner were getting drunk with the couple we were sharing a room with the night before and it came up (we had to sh*g them out of politeness). I can't imagine Jack in any of their stories of partners in multiple countries and pumping in lifts.

OT but also found out that a surprising number of people have had sex in museums - how?!