Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

[NellieBoo]

Oh it was terrible wasn't it? The fawning, the idiots in there getting excited whenever she posted her badly applied eyeshadow efforts, the pretending that she looked "fab Hun" when most of the time she looked like an errant 11 year old who'd found mum's makeup bag and put EVERYTHING on her face at one time.

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View attachment 1913948
Hang on, in the Gloss group she said it was a perm? It's not like her to lie so I really can't understand this? Maybe she whacked her head on a sink and got temporary amnesia.

Hehe. Yes, it's so TERRIBLE is funny. Made even funnier as it's highly likely she was being an atrocious bleepsomewhere else on SM but she was all sweetness and light there . I particularly enjoy seeing her awful unblended eyeshadow attempts.

 

[Captainmouse]

Do you think she's ever told the truth? About anything?

Absolutely! NOT

 

[Valiofthedolls]

View attachment 1913948
Hang on, in the Gloss group she said it was a perm? It's not like her to lie so I really can't understand this? Maybe she whacked her head on a sink and got temporary amnesia.

Lol I love that she’s always “waiting years” for things. Seven years for sloppy savers, ten years for Content the dog, unspecified YEARS for the upside down fish pie.

She’s a fully grown (if ridiculous) adult who left home at 16, 17, 18, and/or 20 and who has been “in full time employment for 20 years”. Why the duck did she have to “wait 17 years” to get a perm? Did she sign some binding covenant as firstborn daughter and third generation immigrant that she would not get a perm-that’s-not-a-perm until the eighth day of the fifth month in the year of our lord twenty-seventeen, seventeen years after the new millennium? Nob.

 

[Ablemabel]

The Mrs Gloss phase is after that. Mrs Gloss coincides more with her being SO POOR that she can’t afford rent, and starting her tip jar and Patreon begs (April 2017). The peak binders and surgery chat phase was from October 2015 (she came out as nonbinary on 11 Oct and lots of press followed) to the middle of 2016 (that RIDICULOUS red dress and suit Guardian shoot). She was OVER IT by the time the tits and terrible makeup came out to play on Mrs Gloss

That pic’s from May 2017. It does match the time she was just getting together with LJC though (they met in March and got together not long after that), and letting her hair “dry naturally in the sea air”. Yes, this is Jack’s beach outfit.
View attachment 1913919
(Dated SS from dearest @colouredlines) Someone was asking the other day about Jack’s various sobriety timelines. @colouredlines pulled together an AMAZING historical and PAINSTAKINGLY forensic one. The thread title too!

Jack Monroe #228 The winter of our fishcontent

I would definitely wear a Slopbot recipe apron when I’m cooking. Please 🙏🏽 I can't believe I didn't didn't think of an apron!

tattle.life

ETA ALSO SOME HIDEOUS BONUS JACKSLOP. WARNED.

Hell back in 2017/2018 when Jack was only I was only half aware of her, I said to Mr Mabel, she's like one of those nightmare people you had a school, constantly telling tall stories, having the worst ouchies, etc. and I hadn't seen half this stuff then.

I'm looking forward to the nonchalant return to the hellsite post move.

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 1913967

Lol I love that she’s always “waiting years” for things. Seven years for sloppy savers, ten years for Content the dog, unspecified YEARS for the upside down fish pie.

She’s a fully grown (if ridiculous) adult who left home at 16, 17, 18, and/or 20 and who has been “in full time employment for 20 years”. Why the duck did she have to “wait 17 years” to get a perm? Did she sign some binding covenant as firstborn daughter and third generation immigrant that she would not get a perm-that’s-not-a-perm until the eighth day of the fifth month in the year of our lord twenty-seventeen, seventeen years after the new millennium? Nob.

Also, didn't she say when she was wearing that ridiculous long, curly wig that that's what her natural hair's like when she grows it out? Why the need for a perm when it's naturally that curly?

 

[BenignNarcissist]

SB doesn't take these photos of her, she just wants people to think that she hasn't spent the last hour in front of her phone on a tripod, taking 'sexy' shots of herself.

The constant tagging of SB as her photographer is tragic. For someone as Very Online as Jack, are selfies even that bad A Thing?

 

[PoorPatrol]

View attachment 1913967

Lol I love that she’s always “waiting years” for things. Seven years for sloppy savers, ten years for Content the dog, unspecified YEARS for the upside down fish pie.

She’s a fully grown (if ridiculous) adult who left home at 16, 17, 18, and/or 20 and who has been “in full time employment for 20 years”. Why the duck did she have to “wait 17 years” to get a perm? Did she sign some binding covenant as firstborn daughter and third generation immigrant that she would not get a perm-that’s-not-a-perm until the eighth day of the fifth month in the year of our lord twenty-seventeen, seventeen years after the new millennium? Nob.

Please, I beg of you, don’t use the word covenant here I can’t do it again. I’ve waited 3 years for Jack as fish, don’t make me go back to covenant Jack. I can’t do this anymore. Fin (in both senses of the word!)

 

[Veronicaaa]

The constant tagging of SB as her photographer is tragic. For someone as Very Online as Jack, are selfies even that bad A Thing?

Good grief, I almost jumped out of my skin when I clocked your avi

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Also, didn't she say when she was wearing that ridiculous long, curly wig that that's what her natural hair's like when she grows it out? Why the need for a perm when it's naturally that curly?

to lie about actually having one?

 

[TragicSweetPotatoes]

I forgot Vonny also had an eyepatch phase

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[MrsFawlty]

Just popping in to say that I absolutely love the surreal silliness that kicks off here when Jack's flounced off Twitter for a while.
Right, back on topic. Have we left it long enough to start a What Will She Come Back With Bingo card? I'm going with being softly, gently embraced by my many deliciously friends after a catastrophic breakdown last week, and being totally fine now.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I forgot Vonny also had an eyepatch phase

 

[Dobbythehouseelf]

Dear Ninnies,
I don't have a fish but I do have a zebra! View attachment 1913080
What ever the kids did, they didn't deserve this...
Go well pals

It looks like a bowl of wasps. Er, yum?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[Mitzymooface]

View attachment 1913771View attachment 1913772

Favourite so far!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Right, back on topic. Have we left it long enough to start a What Will She Come Back With Bingo card? I'm going with being softly, gently embraced by my many deliciously friends after a catastrophic breakdown last week, and being totally fine now.

DEFINITELY this.
When in reality she’s been moving house, honking in nasally suggestive tones at Gloss Boy, and doing lots and lots of this

 

[Jelly Bean]

Just popping in to say that I absolutely love the surreal silliness that kicks off here when Jack's flounced off Twitter for a while.
Right, back on topic. Have we left it long enough to start a What Will She Come Back With Bingo card? I'm going with being softly, gently embraced by my many deliciously friends after a catastrophic breakdown last week, and being totally fine now.

She can't be too jaunty on her return after leaving many people concerned after her last tweet. You are probably right with family and friends forcing her to go to bed and take time off twitter. But back stronger than ever. Still I Rise.

 

[lilykestrel]

It'd be quite fun to have her on Would I Lie To You? You'd never be quite sure which story out of the three was the true one.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Caroline Farrow has entered the chat