Jack Monroe #414 Catch Me If You (Tin) Can

[SnowyCal]

Why is she always lying?! I have one “nice” handbag, it’s a Marc Jacobs one I’ve had for about 10 years and used to use daily until small cu

Thought that pic was meant to be porridge, felt v upset. Realised it’s actually vegetable peeling stuffing / roast or something and feel even more upset. Cheers, kids crying.

I use mine to cook lasagne. Decent lasagne not slop

 

[Snotbuster]

I found this yesterday from 2015, which makes much the same point and had the measure of her back then. It’s an interesting read, and demonstrates she has neither grown nor changed since then.

“I have been campaigning for the living wage for as long as I have been campaigning” says Monroe but her campaigning amounts to her talking about being a campaigner. This awareness raising, her, following her, becomes an end in itself

Follow Jack Monroe Fight Poverty

Jack Monroe has removed the words “social justice warrior” from her twitter profile. Cooking on gas in never never land you’ve got to wonder, was she ever? Jack Monroe is up for B…

talesfromthesouthbank.wordpress.com

Wow. That blog is something. Sounds like JM pissed off her neighbors a long time ago. And not because she wore a bathrobe to take out the trash. (Dressing gown to take out the rubbish bin. In English, I think?)

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I think youvte hit the nail on the head here.
she been brought up believing she's entitled to the good life, the easy life with no effort or hard work. That's for the Jeremy Kyle types. That's why having to go on benefits was such a trauma and she actually believes she's had it worse than anyone else, ever. She said herself, it isn't supposed to happen to the likes of her. The millions of others who have to struggle, Irrelevant. She sees herself as the star of a blockbuster tearjerker of glory of trauma.

It’s infuriating because it’s such a dick move. There was no reason she couldn’t have had the simple story: I got myself in trouble, had a bad patch, now I want to help other people who find themselves in that horrible situation. But she just couldn’t do it. It’s all about her, so her “experiences” had to get worse and worse. Instead of focusing on growing a brilliant career, it’s all about the Jack Monroe Misery Porn.

 

[Captainmouse]

She doesn't have more than one arse does she? Good God, she's vile.



To be fair to the kid, he was probably sick of his shoes getting dirty every time he walked on the floor.

Probably terrified the rug of doom was going to consume him

 

[That Forensic Man]

The whole independent restaurants thing then going to Five Guys and Dishoom. Like you there were many many signs but that was just such an obvious lie and contradiction.

That plus then going out of her way to argue Dishoom wasn't a chain retaurant, and then the google reviews show she's been to at least two of them

 

[Captainmouse]

GET OUTTA JACKS NICHE!

Baked bean pie

 

[definitelynotvlad]

It doesn’t matter if she puts her grotty feet or Mediterranean arse on her kitchen counters, she told us all she deep cleans her kitchen 12 times a day and we all know she’s incapable of lying!

 

[Hope&Glory]

Yet again it reads more like something Jack would look at someone else and think, rather than something someone said to her. See also, “should have kept your legs closed”. She gives herself away so very often.

Here’s a charming (bullshit, fictional) moment in a pub beer garden among the great unwashed that Jack felt the need to share. Again, very transparently her true viewpoint and attitude is on display without her even realizing it. Thanks to @HotesTilaire for the screenie- and I’d really recommend going and reading about this in the thread too, as there’s more detail (including her obnoxious follow up comments) there. Link below

View attachment 1645562
Starts here.

Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

Gosh a lot of weird, unlikely events happen in Jack's life don't they.

tattle.life

OMG, well done for finding this - this is outrageous! It totally shows what she is really like & foretells her ridiculously litigious future!

 

[Captainmouse]

Found her next book

 

[Hope&Glory]

I've only seen Francesca Martinez on Very British Problems. But she was amazing. So, JM appropriated her voice and words? Jesus what a pathetic little beast.

Fran Martinez is amazing & never is self pitying either. She describes herself as being 'a bit wobbly'. Unlike the constant self labelling JM does about disability. I'm disabled myself but hate that kind of stuff!

 

[Pavlova]

For the newbie ninnies, you may or may not have seen this...I'm still having a dig around to 🔺️ some of her stuff for the epic list c/o @That Forensic Man
Enjoy and I'll be back in a bit xxx hopefully with some goodies x

 

[Sketchy]

Fran Martinez is amazing & never is self pitying either. She describes herself as being 'a bit wobbly'. Unlike the constant self labelling JM does about disability. I'm disabled myself but hate that kind of stuff!

And she's something JM will never be; naturally funny & interesting. Monroe has mentioned before that some people told her she should do stand-up comedy. No, she really shouldn't.

 

[Walkdengirl]

STOCK TAKE
It's been a while, or it feels like it. Last update was 2nd October, 10 days ago.

Spoiler: big spenny list

£428 fancy knobs
£250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
£95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
£72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
£432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well
£25 wooden calculator (unused)
£35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
£339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
£155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-245)
£1,550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
£150 DM boots (other ones, not the willow ones mentioned upthread)
£104 rusty eBay spoons
£110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£780 At least two Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
£110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
£800 77 Lipsticks
£200 14 Foundations
£250 40 Eyeliners
£500 misc makeup
£320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)
£1,200 8x kendal dining chairs
£425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
£65 test tube vases
£35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
£10 squid game guard mask from the market
£44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
£300 kitchen aid
£20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
£499 Dyson fan
£65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
£60 squatty potty
£535 custom captain's chair
£110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
£400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
£229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
£799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
£849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
£399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
£2,396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
£1,529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
£299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
£800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
£499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
£599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
£699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
£800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
£730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
£300 suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot
£300 dyson hairdryer
£1199 water rower
£400 John Lewis hammock
£400 John Lewis egg chair
£400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
£290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
£30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
£20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
£300 sentient mirror
£360 2x nike trainers (exc. orange ones)
£120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
£2,500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
£300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
£75 Sweaty Betty leggings
£200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
£199 Airpods
£249 Airpods pro
£199 Apple Watch (assume series 3)
£250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
£309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
£170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
£700 Vets bills
£20 Sad Asda shop
£80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
£400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
£60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
£12 2x dylon machine dye
~£1,000 unread books (estimate)
£100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
£640 6x DAB radios
£60 Lego flower bouquet
£60 Rock tumbler
£2,200 content
£15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
£1,790 Burberry classic trench coat
£5,000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
£350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
£60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
£1,000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
£10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
£525 35x moleskin notebooks
£119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
£56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
£479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
£199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
£66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
£485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
£249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
£245 'Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
£245 'Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
£245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
£146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
£140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
£72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
£324 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
£92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
£19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
£136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
~£200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion tit (see instagram)
£294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
~£2,000 438x baubles
£2,000 cooker
£80 Nokia 3310
£1050 3x chest freezers
£70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
£28 John Lewis llama doorstop
£40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
£18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
49 Ted Baker pyjamas
£100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
£116 Instagram look
~£420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
~£900 botox (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
~£1,056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
~£3,000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
£150 wire racking (kept outside)
£30 flamingo neon light
£60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
£384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
£144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
£60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
£80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit
£1,350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
£300 3x wigs
£543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
£250 all saints leather jacket
~£400 bike (estimate)
~£400 bike given to someone who's was stolen (estimate)
£360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
£150 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 6mo)
£45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
£45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
£100 magnum boots
£130 Finn watch
£150 Garmin watch
£120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
£120 Dr Martens red boots
£60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils

Spoiler: new/updated

£600 omega seamaster watch (replica?)
£85 leather converse
£135 Global Classic knife
£300 Blok knife (Observer Food Award)
£300 Mcusta Zanmai supreme ripple knife
£75 magnolia tree
£750 Christian Louboutin Audrey Strappy Glitter Sandal (fake?)
£12 'limited edition' vest
£3 Asda Cream Gratitude Slogan Sweatshirt (kids)
~£2,000 400 cookbooks as of 2016 (estimate, 400 x £5 average each)
“£5” denim cargo trousers from Primark
£100 countertop oven
£300 2x more ray ban sunglasses
£1,700 smeg fridge (small, broken?)
£70 nutribullet 600
£295 Pandora bracelet with at least 7 charms (£55 bracelet + 8x £30)
~£2,000 fillers (estimate, £250/ml x 2ml per year x 4 years - since at least 2018)

Total: £65,405 £72,889

Spoiler: TBC - forensic ninnies apply within

The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
Multiple phones
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
tents
Ten (at least) outdoor chairs for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
wallpaper backgrounds
desktop Mac type set up
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets, baskets everywhere
leather armchairs
calvin klein sportswear
nike pro sportswear
drinking glasses (content approved)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
fancy crockery (shitloads)
high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)
double monk shoes black
blue heels (mesh design?)
viv clobber
mulberry bag
THAT BLOODY LAMP
watch with flowery strap
watch with chunky silver strap

Instagram zone

foodism awards red suit -

bedroom of lies -

dog cushions -

Spoiler: stocktake T&Cs

Anything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Have fun.
Now duck off x

Mulberry bag? Which one was this?

P.S. she's up to a round 571k now

I've got the same charm as that purple one, I think it was £55 if I remember correctly.

 

[matchakitkat]

For the newbie ninnies, you may or may not have seen this...I'm still having a dig around to 🔺️ some of her stuff for the epic list c/o @That Forensic Man
Enjoy and I'll be back in a bit xxx hopefully with some goodies x

SoOoOo awkward

 

[Geetbo]

His next message was shall I bring it back and give it a rinse

I would get on with this man.

 

[Snotbuster]

Well that part at least is easily refutable bullshit. All in her very own words too.

Spoiler: Spoiler for length

When she was with Leggy in 2015 she dropped between £6,500-£7,000 on two Burberry coats; a beige trench coat and a leather jacket. The leather jacket is a pretty well known piece and was around a lot at the time; Britney Spears had one too. It was a Burberry Brit and cost about £5k. The trench coats cost over £1,500, even back then. This is the average trench coat/mac price today.

View attachment 1645364The resale value of those trench coats is pretty consistent and there’s always demand for them. As for the leather jacket, even now, the resale value of her leather jacket WORN is over £1,500 and there is still demand for them. This is a high end legit designer resale website and is this year.

View attachment 1645340

All that to say, that’s quite the pair of investment pieces. Except she did not sell them when in 2017 she ‘came out as still skint’, had a massive rattle of the can, turning on her tip jar and starting her Patreon (this from the Wiki)
View attachment 1645384

At that point, the investment piece leather jacket had not even been worn. How do I know this? Because in Feb 2020 Jack told us a long (bullshit filled) self absorbed story about buying it and the trench coat back in 2015 and that the leather had never been worn. Credit to @PineappleQueen19 who originally found this.

View attachment 1645345View attachment 1645347View attachment 1645348View attachment 1645349View attachment 1645350View attachment 1645351View attachment 1645352View attachment 1645354
She in fact had a rattle rattle beg the month before this
View attachment 1645404She also had another MASSIVE rattle of the can very shortly after this article was written in Feb 2020, very early in the pandemic when all her work dried up. (Thanks to Jenny numbers for this one)View attachment 1645409
(except it didn’t- DKL, Hellman’s etc etc anyone?!). Anyway, point being this was all when she was still sitting on a couple of grand’s worth of ‘Burberry investment’ to sell in lean times.

It’s an assumption, but she may well even still be sitting on that ‘lean times Burberry investment’, including when she was boiling soap in July 2022. And going a little too far with the rattling and begging… Never kind Jack, you can always sell the investments!

The whole "I'm a newspaper editor and I have a room full of Burberry coats that I can just give away" is a little suspicious. I understand that there are plenty in the press who get freebies. But I have known a lot of reporters, editors, etc. in mid- to small-sized papers. And they do not have jack to give away. Anna Wintour--sure. Bob Shemansky, western Massachusetts features editor--not really. My aneurysm is her "investment" in pawnable clothing. Just bleeping unbelievable.

 

[jenny2603]

And she's something JM will never be; naturally funny & interesting. Monroe has mentioned before that some people told her she should do stand-up comedy. No, she really shouldn't.

Oh she really should. It would be hilarious albeit not in the way Jack imagines.

 

[Snotbuster]

Yet again it reads more like something Jack would look at someone else and think, rather than something someone said to her. See also, “should have kept your legs closed”. She gives herself away so very often.

Here’s a charming (bullshit, fictional) moment in a pub beer garden among the great unwashed that Jack felt the need to share. Again, very transparently her true viewpoint and attitude is on display without her even realizing it. Thanks to @HotesTilaire for the screenie- and I’d really recommend going and reading about this in the thread too, as there’s more detail (including her obnoxious follow up comments) there. Link below

View attachment 1645562
Starts here.

Jack Monroe #194 She only came back cos we were about to put out an album

Gosh a lot of weird, unlikely events happen in Jack's life don't they.

tattle.life

JM has gifted us with a character sketch of a Poor in their native environment. Jack is a treasure. And a crappy writer who has no real understanding or empathy for the characters she creates. Trite, cliched.

 

[SusieTCones]

It’s infuriating because it’s such a dick move. There was no reason she couldn’t have had the simple story: I got myself in trouble, had a bad patch, now I want to help other people who find themselves in that horrible situation. But she just couldn’t do it. It’s all about her, so her “experiences” had to get worse and worse. Instead of focusing on growing a brilliant career, it’s all about the Jack Monroe Misery Porn.

This is perfectly stated. Jack doesn't know HOW to help. All she knows how to do is center herself in every situation, to seek attention and admiration.

 

[Mr Krabs]

And she's something JM will never be; naturally funny & interesting. Monroe has mentioned before that some people told her she should do stand-up comedy. No, she really shouldn't.

To be fair she might fit into the current stand up trend which is just spouting boring recycled hot takes about the tories while your audience agrees with you.