Jack Monroe #412 Chiz on Tiz

[StringyMango]

Afternoon Cable,
I have a question for @SweetTransvestite. Sweetie T, what is the purpose of that burger related object? Would it be for (clears throat) stimulation or is it a novelty container for bubble bath?

 

[MavisBeacon]

Apologies for the crappy picture, my room is rather cave like, but wtf have they done to the pasta? It looks far worse than Jack's. I did used to make this semi regularly, not realising until I joined the canal, that I'd been entirely ignoring most of Jack's instructions (turn the pasta down. Wtf?)

Anyway, one grandad was a spy, and I can't to save my life. The other taught welding, and it's safest for everyone that the closest I've ever been to that was the husband, who was a welder/fabricator
View attachment 1632825

YOGHURT IN A CARBONARA? WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING duck?
I guess all dairy is interchangeable. Why not just slop some UHT Milk in there for a delicious creamy taste?

 

[KimByYa]

It’s funny how many people tagging Jack in their food posts say that they ‘adapted’ the recipe

ETA it’s a minor point, but I don’t think I’ve seen ‘value Brie’? I have seen very cheap hard cheese though (eg Creamfields at Tesco) surely hard cheese lasts longer too?

Tesco has a Creamfields brie, though it has bugger all taste and is really firm. Some budget hard Italian cheese, freshly grated, would add more flavour, and there would plenty left to use for other meals.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Surprised to see Jack say her family weren't poor in the Edwina tantrum article. What of the parents having to skip dinner because they couldn't afford food for themselves and most heartbreaking of all Big Dave hitchhiking in his humiliating trousers?

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Big Dave’s humiliating trousers will never not make me laugh.
How long is she going to be LEFT for? I’m on maternity leave, I need chaoses to distract me from looking after my child while I wait for my next one to turn up.

 

[Cookiecookie]

YOGHURT IN A CARBONARA? WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING duck?
I guess all dairy is interchangeable. Why not just slop some UHT Milk in there for a delicious creamy taste?

Yeah, I never used yoghurt!

 

[KimByYa]

This made me snort out loud. It’s in response to the sock account that no longer exists.

The hoop-rinsing bit is funny, but the dead-naming is unpleasant.
A number of people have dead-named her in the comments recently; one of them asked her if her name was Melissa. Her name is Jack, Squig. Don’t be a dick, because then you’re as bad as the FMs with their childish name-calling.

 

[definitelynotvlad]

Afternoon Cable,
I have a question for @SweetTransvestite. Sweetie T, what is the purpose of that burger related object? Would it be for (clears throat) stimulation or is it a novelty container for bubble bath?

I believe it’s a toy from the new “adult happy meal” range at Maccas

 

[jenny2603]

Big Dave’s humiliating trousers will never not make me laugh.
How long is she going to be LEFT for? I’m on maternity leave, I need chaoses to distract me from looking after my child while I wait for my next one to turn up.

Obviously Teemill, Patreon and all the other grifting stuff is important but I really want to see some press attention devoted to the sheer psychedelic oddness of Jack's stories. Surely it's not too much trouble for a journalist to sit Jack down and ask why Dave's trousers were so humiliating.

I'm also getting a bit frustrated with the lack of chaos to the point that I am prepared to use cashos to bribe Jack to make a prick of herself today.

 

[Irena]

Why is the gravy black and haunted by the ghost of a little old man

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Is it prune gravy with extra prunes in it? Complements the nut and prune loaf nicely I’m also guessing the unidentified items are well done vegan chipolatas. Any more bets please?

 

[SpudYouHate]

Not squigged because he's a public figure with 22k followers but Gary Usher is not happy about the parody account, though does acknowledge people want answers about "certain stuff".

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Has he deleted this now?

 

[Tittykitty]

My grandad (DEAD) had a moustache all of his adult life. This is why I now refuse to immac mine. I’m channeling YOU, grandad! Be proud of me

My Grandad used to send my brother and I to the shop on a Saturday to buy a box of Jelly Babies, he would open the box, take out all the black ones for himself then let us share the rest. In memory of him I buy jelly babies, take out a black one, give it a little willy then eat it, that sounds inappropriate now it’s written down

 

[SpudYouHate]

Grand total of people who have ever suggested Jack's tattoos should exclude her from ballet: 0

It certainly never seemed to be an issue for Sergei Polunin.

 

[Spanner]

I'm currently looking for something Grandad of Jack related.
Found an interesting link.

Remembering Grandad: Photography by Jack Monroe.

I took a walk down to Hartington Road this morning, to sit on the wall where he sat most days, passing the time, outside number 18. There were still cigarette butts down the back of the wall, the w…

cookingonabootstrap.com

Also the greengage jam paints a disgustingly vivid picture of the state of his guesthouse.
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It all reads like some GCSE writing project. Actually I remember describing a Formica table in an English piece when I was in year 6 (my parents kept all my schoolwork, I’ve seen it. Evidently I was a child prodigy just like Jack!)

And why was she watching him intently while he rolled a fag? I loved my grandad so much, but I never sat and stared at him, it would’ve been creepy

Also, resentful of the parents much for cutting down the tree! Maybe it all started there

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Bread and Jam was never intended to be an extra income stream though. She quit a job (retail IIRC) to start it - not even testing the waters by doing it on the side for a while first.

2012 employment off the top of my head, although I'm sure I posted the receipts somewhere:

Nov '11: quits fire service
spring '12: gets job in bar/cafe. Quits about a month(?) later
later spring '12: gets another job. Fired after a week
summer '12: no paid employment but lots of volunteering
autumn '12: gets job, I think retail. Quits after 1 - 2 months to become full-time crafter.
around the same time: starts writing weekly column for the Southend Echo (quite poorly paid - she didn't start working there as a full-time reporter until early '13. Then she quit that 6 months later.)

It's amazing how much of the Poverty was just Jack being too lazy to stick to a job.

She was also - and I say this as a sewing frau - trying to sell handmade clothes, while being unable to sew for tit. This is not just a little bad, this is horrendous:

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I actually think her sewing may be worse than her cooking?

PS @Valiofthedolls when you get to the one about how she doesn't need to be on a 10£ budget but she sticks to it because it's so much fun, and she and SB are healthy and chubby etc, you're in for a treat. Those old blogs are a goldmine.

Edit to spoiler so OG fraus and others can skip past 2012-2013 mither if they want

Spoiler

Yeah, I’ve been reading about her volunteering during The Poverty, and found it interesting that despite what she says to the national media in 2013 about quitting the fire service because it’s “inherently wrong to foist your child on someone else” while you work, seems she actually had no such compunction. Or at least none while “volunteering as a PA” to “contribute something back to the community” How is being her dad’s solicitor mate Geoff’s PA (or whoever’s PA it was) “contributing something back to the community”?

Another interesting trip down memory lane. Once again, she’s fine with “foisting” her child so she can work (that must have been a uniquely specific fire service thing), but does anything else sound familiar?!

So not her first downsize to one bedroom, then. FFS, does she say anything whatsoever original these days, or is it just regurgitated overly egged melodramatic trauma filled versions of things that were perfectly perfunctory back then?

 

[jenny2603]

Has he deleted this now?

Yes, see previous comments in thread.

Jack Monroe #412 Chiz on Tiz

Vintage 2012 Horrible Jack alert so skip by if you’re in the mood for frivolity. Edit to put in spoiler for length. Separately but related, though not horrid. Almost comedic because it’s so contradictory. That’s interesting, the Bread and Jam stuff. There’s definitely a market for that kind...

tattle.life

 

[5Alive]

He seems to have deleted everything since Sunday’s roast post. Yesterday’s twatter was a bit of a pickle for him so I think he’s deleted the lot. He did respond to the tweet the article’s below’s about, saying with honesty that he’d been a bit of a head (JACK -- LEARN) and apologising to leopards. Understandably, I think, Manchester has cracking places to eat and this woman needs to get out of her arse and off insta. Anyways.

Apologies for the MEN ads: why Gary Usher has had better Twatter days:

Links to some sites auto removed

There's a couple of sites where links are automatically removed on tattle, explained for each one below. Hidden links - redirection links are removed as it needs to be clear where a user is being sent. Facebook story links - as they doxx the person that shared it. Try to post the photo or...

tattle.life

He does that - he also changes his Twitter handle fairly regularly... and often will just delete every single tweet. And doesn't think twice about admitting when he'd got things wrong.

And talking of Manchester eateries - Mana - one of the single best places I've ever eaten in my life. Sublime.

 

[OwlChampagne]

I bet you a plate of my mother's (dire) roast potatoes that this account will be gone by tomorrow

Yup. I just went to check out the full conversation and the account is deleted. They always are by the time I get around to looking for them. I'm very grateful for all the screenshots people post here so I can enjoy the ridiculousness and not miss out.

 

[binkbonk]

My Grandad used to send my brother and I to the shop on a Saturday to buy a box of Jelly Babies, he would open the box, take out all the black ones for himself then let us share the rest. In memory of him I buy jelly babies, take out a black one, give it a little willy then eat it, that sounds inappropriate now it’s written down

Spoiler: jelly baby willy?

"Give it a little willy then eat it" please elaborate on how/why you give a jelly baby a willy?

 

[Upthisweek]

So she's back on her main Twitter then, her bio is updated.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

So she's back on her main Twitter then, her bio is updated.

Jenny num nums also predicted last night that Jack would be back on her main today.

weekend chaos: incoming

AND “accidental inflation analyst”