Jack Monroe #410 If you don’t give me money, the kid gets rickets

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As bad as the bowl of romantic doggy inspired puke is I find the response worse
"Can't wait to wife you right up"
🤮🤮
Worse than holibobs and platty joobs. 😩
That's made me more nauseated than any of her cookery and that is saying something.
 
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I'm not sure what time she deleted it, I think it was mid-late afternoon. After the account went from 274 followers when she tweeted to a current total of 1114. Another absolute banger from the Bootstrap Crook.
Genuinely the first time I have seen her promote someone else's work 😂😂
Except for Tom obvs 😂
 
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That's made me more nauseated than any of her cookery and that is saying something.
It's the stuff of night terrors. Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night. You notice a terrible eggy smell in the room with base notes of rotting fish, then a voice in the darkness says "I'm going to wife you, right up". That's worse than a full on pumble attack.
 
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Not sure - but whoever photoshopped that pic remembered to make her right side a size 8 whilst forgetting to shrink the left down from [looks at self in mirror wearing a big shirt] about a 16.


ETA: God, I've just realised - the chin and jawline on that looks like it's been done with a 30/60 square - it's PYTHAGORAS!!!
TBH the pic honestly just makes her look bigger than she really is because of the awkward pose and angle combined with the unflattering outfit. What really makes it uncanny valley is whatever she’s done to her head. I still don’t understand what made her look at that pic and go, Yup, jobs a good ‘un.

I normally refrain from commenting on womens bodies at all, because god knows we all get enough of it IRL and online. Jack is the only person I make an exception for because her history ofED/skinny baiting and body checking is so unforgivable. Thankfully I’m well recovered now but she’s def triggered me in the past and I know she’s triggered others on these threads too.

So on that subject, this particular pic of her real self says pure hangover / ❄ bloat to me. This is what I used to see in the mirror on a Monday morning.

1664822835040.jpeg
 
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I'm not sure what time she deleted it, I think it was mid-late afternoon. After the account went from 274 followers when she tweeted to a current total of 1114. Another absolute banger from the Bootstrap Crook.
Another own goal by the bootstrapcrook
 
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I probably don’t want to know the answer to this, but what happened to Cooper?
 
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The squigs ('REPORTED!') are so utterly over invested in white knighting her that it's almost like watching a chaos by proxy.

I listen to the Americast podcast and they have a segment at the end where they have four profiles of people split demographically as a sort of social experiment into who gets what on their social media feeds - basically who gets picked for the really right-wing, populist stuff in the algorithm. Anyway it ✨made me think✨ about Jack's demographic and I think the core personalities of the most loyal, ferocious squigs are generally divisible into three main groups:

1) cringey FBPE types who are probably middle class in the majority and enjoy Jack as a sanitised, conventionally attractive mouthpiece for poverty who assuages their own guilt at the same time as allowing them to punch down on actual poor people ("she's helping people FEED THEIR FAMILIES!!!" Editor's note: is she duck).

2) horny people - mostly men - who equate her being terminally online with a higher likelihood of getting a single crumb of attention thrown their way. Unfortunately this group of thirsty squigs do not seem to have stood down even despite multiple shrunken head pics and one of not her fanny.

3) people - often women - who say things like "cockwomble" and "wankbadger" who think Jack's tough girl energy (think 'you start chatting absolute pony about budget meal planning' is aspirational and use lots of nauseating adverbs (think 'softly, gently'). Jack is relatable to them because she also sounds like an exhausting self-aggrandising bleep.
Also nice, but not overly-blessed in the brain department, mostly older, NOT rich people- of both sexes- who seem to see her like an aspirational granddaughter-type figure and want to protect her from criticism at all costs.
 
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As bad as the bowl of romantic doggy inspired puke is I find the response worse
"Can't wait to wife you right up"
🤮🤮
Worse than holibobs and platty joobs. 😩
She probably didn’t abbreviate to ‘statey funes’ in case Big Dave combusted.
 
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I probably don’t want to know the answer to this, but what happened to Cooper?
Still around as far as we know. I honestly think he'll be ok, he's probably just deciding which local cat lady to move in with full time.
 
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Yes she did. In fact she insists on demoting the dog. It took me a few reads to make sense of it-it’s really convoluted and stilting and weird. The whole ‘I’ll never walk to heel’ thing. Gross, yak, horrid. I bet Leggy’s friends were screaming ‘Run!!!!’
More red flags than a Leninist army parade, comrade
 
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Haha thought that was the Take on me video by Aha..
I was going for more of a Scooby Do look but Aha works too since that always reminds me of Alan Partridge of which our Jack is direct spawn
 
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Did she seriously compare her position in her fiancee's heart to that of a childhood pet??? I'm sure in her head that sounded so heartwarming and twee, but what the fffff
Well apparently she was correct cos it took death to part her from the dog. Jack on the other hand....
 
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