Jack Monroe #410 If you don’t give me money, the kid gets rickets

[BlendedSlop]

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I'd rather have a statue of the pumble than Jack.

FFS. If Jack got a statue, which face would they go with? Would she periodically rant on Twitter about being covered in bird tit and right-wing pigeons wanting her DEAD?

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Jackie Pan
Can’t wait, this is up there with brewing tea in the slow cooker for me. Like your tea would taste of chicken, your bed would smell of chicken too when you use the old baking trays and pans in your bed to warm it up. Big Boak

Also surely those baking tins would lose heat in a matter of moments (to use a Jack-ism)?

 

[BurgerLaBill]

"Hi I'm not coming back for a while"
A. Rehab?
B. Lurking in the background, watching everything and getting vicariously high on her narc supply?
C. Reputation management, big counter story/defence in the offing?
D. [Alleged] legal tit hitting the fan.
E. Some unholy combination of the above.

 

[AnnRKey]

Jackie Pan
Can’t wait, this is up there with brewing tea in the slow cooker for me. Like your tea would taste of chicken, your bed would smell of chicken too when you use the old baking trays and pans in your bed to warm it up. Big Boak

Next up, she'll be cooking butter soup.

1 litre of water
1 teaspoon of butter

That's all you need to live off to work 100 hours a week, innit

 

[Cookiecookie]

Ooh maybe. I think it might be a) obvious marketing and b) deflection because releasing an overpriced recipe book about saving money during a cost of living crisis when your "niche" is slop for "the poors", is not a good look. You can't criticise her, she very kindly released 30 FREE slop recipes

Baggsy me not volunteering to download it - although someone's going to have to in the name of research!

 

[jenny2603]

Old Lag 1: What you in for, mate?
Old Lag 2: Got a 10 stretch for running a Jack Monroe parody account on Twitter.

 

[5Alive]

Mendacious has entered the chat. I don’t know how the parody account is going to cope with so many irritated pensioners hounding them like this. I guess they could start tweeting about how it’s made their life HELL and ask for PayPal donations for 3 therapists?
Also the lips transformation is mind blowing

Must be nice for people to know that all that tip jar rattling has enabled her to have putty installed in her lips.

 

[BurgerLaBill]

I'm no fan of nasty fuckers like Katie Hopkins, but I swear I'd laugh all of my extremities off if its her behind that parody account.

 

[LavaFlake]

Old Lag 1: What you in for, mate?
Old Lag 2: Got a 10 stretch for running a Jack Monroe parody account on Twitter.

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"D1ckhead" is sending me off

 

[Cookiecookie]

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I'd rather have a statue of the pumble than Jack.

What ever became of that sculpture of Jack's head someone won? That was an odd prize to request.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Guess I picked the right week to take annual leave

Watching the flying monkeys chaosing in real time because they can't find her handle in the report function and thinking it's some kind of conspiracy is glorious. No you sad little suck-ups it's because she had a hissy fit and deactivated for a few hot moments.

This is brilliant
TWITTER TOMFOOLERY

 

[LadyGarden]

FFS. If Jack got a statue, which face would they go with? Would she periodically rant on Twitter about being covered in bird tit and right-wing pigeons wanting her DEAD?

Completed it, mate.

It's even got a lightbulb (unscrewed) as a hat.

 

[Geetbo]

I'm no fan of nasty fuckers like Katie Hopkins, but I swear I'd laugh all of my extremities off if its her behind that parody account.

Either her or Allegra "The Fist" McEvedy.

 

[Whaa?]

What ever became of that sculpture of Jack's head someone won? That was an odd prize to request.

I tried to find it once. It was something to do with a raffle in Saffron Waldron. (unless I am in a fugue state). The prize was a sculpture, and the winner chose Jack.

 

[jenny2603]

"D1ckhead" is sending me off

They're stealing Iqbal's SH1TTER patter.

 

[donutwitch]

I think she's got a nostril timeshare with Daniella Westbrook.

Sorry if this has been asked/answered before, but I’ve seen lots of comments on the issue - is this based on anything specific like people seeing her out locally, or just linked to the way she behaves and the weird hours she spends raging on Twitter? I definitely think it’s v credible, but just wondered if there is any more to it that I’ve maybe missed?

 

[jenny2603]

I tried to find it once. It was something to do with a raffle in Saffron Waldron. (unless I am in a fugue state). The prize was a sculpture, and the winner chose Jack.

 

[Smeghead]

Also surely those baking tins would lose heat in a matter of moments (to use a Jack-ism)?

Maybe she will keep the chicken on the baking tray and cover with foil to retain the heat #jackshacks
#120thingstodowithchicken #householdmanagement

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Hi ninnies - full Patreon update below. Sorry this is so LONG.

The top line summary for October 2022 payday is that she opened with 700 subscribers following a ~24 hour period of losses. Assuming our minimum revenue of £3.50 ps and highest possible platform fees of 12% this would be a min payment of £2,156 sent directly to Jack Monroe and away from charitable causes. I can’t say enough how much I think we’re underestimating her revenue with that minimum payment tbh.

She lost a total of 77 subscribers across the month of September 2022, and realised on October 2022's payday. This combined with +22 subscribers gained throughout September nets off at a loss of 55, or -7.3%. This is the highest level of churn we've seen since our records began, with the next highest at -4.4% pre-Nigella promo (occurring in June, August, and October 2021). We are in a CoL crisis so this high level of cancellation will likely somewhat be attributable to the wider economy, but fingers crossed the increased media scrutiny is impacting her scamming donations for personal gain.

Now for the longer form content that walks u through this project if you're interested, it is largely recycled from last month, but includes tracking going back to Feb 2021.

Spoiler: long af

Methodology

We have a script that captures Jack's Patreon follower count every 10 minutes and saves a timestamp & that subscriber count to a database that lives on my server. This project started Feb 2021, but since then Graphtreon (link: https://graphtreon.com/creator/jackmonroe) has come on the scene, and gives us data to daily grain. I was relieved when comparing our vs their data that it reconciles so this approach works which is gr8 news/a huge relief.

The next stage is just to export this dataset to Excel and do some basic manipulation. So everything underneath 'Subscriber Movements' (header in pink) is known fact and verifiable to an independent source (Graphtreon). Unfortunately Jack hides her Patreon revenue figure so everything underneath 'Patreon Payday' is an estimate of how much she could hypothetically earn with such a subscriber base, using a number of reasoned assumptions. Detail of which is below:

Patreon Payday aka Mithering about FA

Firstly for clarification - "est rev @ £3.50ps" means the estimated revenue when we assume that 100% of subscribers are paying £3.50, we then deduct the worst case scenario of 12% platform fees* to give these net revenue figures.

There is absolutely no way for us to get more detail on the type of subscribers joining or who have been with Jack since she started her Patreon in April 2017, so there will always be a degree of uncertainty re: monthly takings. In detail:

• We don't truly know the % of platform fees Jack is paying.
• There is no way of capturing the split in her subscriber base between annual vs monthly subscriptions, so some months she may take home significantly more but this should net off across a 12 month period.
• On the above - annuals are actually discounted at 15% so we run the risk of over reporting revenue across a 12 month period.
• Jack repeatedly and publicly claims that over half her subscribers are only paying £1 despite a) this being a significantly harder checkout journey with ~30 clicks versus ~5** b) this being advised against by Patreon themselves due to their fee structure.
• There is the option for custom subscriptions, and these default at £5, which is 43% higher than her minimum of £3.50

So to conclude - these revenue figures really are an estimate with a bit of give/take to what they could be. But considering the only people we see speak publicly of subscribing (whether it's on her Patreon comments page or Twitter) are subscribing to the more expensive physical rewards yielding tiers (£7, £10, £24 - heaven forbid lol) that it's improbable to me that her average per subscriber figure is just £3.50.

*When this tracker first began in Feb-21there was very little documentation on Platform fees available either in Patreon's documentation or online, I believe I took the highest rate found on a press release related to a round of investments/their valuation? Since then I believe documentation has been improved but we've stuck with the 12% fee for consistency. I'm not sure if this is something we should review, if anyone is super up on this please reply with the fee structure and I'll restate these net revenue figures. Sorry I don't have time to dig into this myself.
** Whoever calculated this please share exact numbers and I can credit you in this write up, again sorry I didn't dig into this myself.

Results & how to interpret them

Firstly a disclaimer - I've changed the table slightly so you may notice losses have moved down a row. Detail on this in the writing below, but anyway:

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Nonsensically we'll start with the 'Subscriber Movements' side, headed in pink

Using October 2022 as an example - she opened the month with 700 subscribers and was paid for such, with an estimated minimum revenue of £2.2k. We saw 77 subscribers leave (under losses) and 22 join (under gains), this nets at -55 subscribers or -7.3% month on month (MoM%).

Revenue is calculated as: (opening subscriber count * estimated per subscriber revenue) * 0.88. So this is net of her platform fees, but obviously not taxes - not that I imagine she bothers herself with such endeavours.

Playing around with per subscriber (ps) scenarios.

Conscious of our mithering, I'd like to highlight just how much of an understatement our estimated revenue is likely to be. The following table maps out what % of her subscriber base would need to be on each tier to create the average per subscriber scenarios we use in our 'Patreon Payday' section:

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In writing:

• The assumption of an average of £3.50 per subscriber is possible with 100% of subscribers opting into her lowest pre-fabricated, marketed on the landing page ATL (above the line, e.g. you don't need to scroll or click to expand on the page), tier.
• An average of £5.00 ps is possible with a near 50/50 split in her subscriber base to the two lowest tiers.
• The £10.00 ps is a reach just playing amongst the 4 lowest tiers (<=£12 pcm) but is still feasible with this combo weighted towards the £12.00 tier. Please notice the more expensive £24.00 & £44.00 pcm tiers have not at all been considered: we are by no means reaching with our estimates.

Next steps

Jack continues to discredit any attempts to estimate her monthly Patreon revenue but has yet to click the button to show her earnings on Patreon, as recommended by the platform itself. Please empower your donors to make decisions that are right by them & their families as the economy continues to go to tit.

Oot (won’t let me tag u sorry!!) has flagged that there's another number available in platform (amazingly! ty for intel) so I'm gonna take a look at setting another script up that monitors that too, time permitting.

The other figure that appears in the search feature, could that be taking into account all cancellations, so the annual peeps that have cancelled but not yet dropped off are reflected here? Hence lower number?

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Either her or Allegra "The Fist" McEvedy.

I don't think she's got many friends left.