Jack Monroe #409 Send product or refund or admit you're a blatant rip off

[Orphan_Black]

What on earth is going on with the first ones? They look covered in white stuff.

It's MSG, she weighs it out on scales bought from the drug paraphernalia shop, but they're only for herbs and MSG. You can check with Celeb Squad at Essex Police for FACTS.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Just had a roast and bottled it, made dauphinois instead of roasties
All potatoes are interchangeable, right?

Already tried it pal. I found the ancient handwritten recipe in a leather bound copy of Keats that I keep by my bedside. Go well.

Disclaimer: Even though I wrote that as a jolly jape Jack style, it still made all my bones hurt to actually be so blunt, rude and dismissive even as a joke. I’m pretty sure it’s more or less word for word one of her responses to a kindly squig stupidly offering her a top tip and getting a slap down.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Another update and another £4k of STUFF
I'll keep this on the backburner and update next weekend or something
I find it very entertaining that this was all kicked off by Jack posting a drawer full of nobs and then spudgate
Thanks to the many #forensic fraus, many eyes make light work

Spoiler: thankyou stocktakers x

Done a bit more digging and think this is a newer model of the Hopkins Spite Sofa, it's just missing the second row of buttons.

Florence | Designers Guild

Inspired by a 20th century design with a curvaceous back and subtle sloping arm detail, the Florence 2 Seater Sofa is the perfect piece for any home.

www.designersguild.com

She’s got about 3 wigs that would total £100 or more.

With wigs, they vary from about a tenner for something that looks like you knitted it yourself up to several hundred quid for a decent human hair lace front. The NHS wig vouchers you get are £75.71 and that gets you something very clearly wiggish but it does the job. This blonde one, I’d guess about a hundred quid.
source: brain tumour treatment cost me my hair for a year, but the real aficionados are women with alopecia and drag queens. Any fraus of those descriptions?

I’m not experienced, but I know that despite their appearance (obviously synthetic, mass produced) they aren’t from Shein or Smiffys fancy dress
The sister wife stunt hair stennies are easily £50-100 she has brown straight, and curly blonde highlighted brown

Wigs… I could only find two photos of her wearing one, and I was a big customer/active community member of Lush Wigs prior to the original owner changing the name (was Geisha Wigs) and selling up. If anyone has any more, I can find them easily, even if they’re no longer sold.

Spoiler: Wigs

View attachment 1617527View attachment 1617529

Pretty sure that’s an all saints leather jacket to add to the maybe list. At least £250.
Grey gums are giving me the bokes.

So how does a soap boiling urchin who RENTS afford approximately £75-100+ a month for the fortnightly grooming?

Nice bike in the background though.... Didn't it get stolen in the great garage theft of 2021?

I wish I could ‘like’ your post a thousand times.
Also, slightly off topic and not sure if this has been mentioned before but in her latest selfie her teeth seem whiter than in Instagram pics from last December – can anyone confirm if she’s had her teeth whitened? That can be very spenny if you get it done professionally. #forensic

Solved the mystery of the dog groomer who works in a cafe. There's a dog spa & cafe within a five minute walk of her house. Can well believe she's spunking money in the cafe three times a week but has she bollocks had that dog groomed recently. The poor cafe staff will have told her what a cute puppy she has and she's twisted it into "I SEE MY LITERAL DOG EXPERT GROOMER THREE TIMES A WEEK AND SHE SAYS CONTENT IS PERFECT NOW LEAVE ME ALONE"

Spoiler: big spenny

£428 fancy knobs
£250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
£315 (assuming there are only 7 but I think it’s more) on snake charmer kitchen baskets
£95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
£72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
(+£432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well)
£25 wooden calculator (unused)
£100 pigskin hat
£35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
£339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
£155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-245)
£1,550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
£150 DM boots (other ones, not the willow ones mentioned upthread)
£104 rusty eBay spoons
£110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£780 At least two Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
£110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
£800 77 Lipsticks
£200 14 Foundations
£250 40 Eyeliners
£500 misc makeup
£320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)
£1,200 8x kendal dining chairs
£425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
£65 test tube vases
£35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
£10 squid game guard mask from the market
£44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
£300 kitchen aid
£20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
£499 Dyson fan
£65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
£60 squatty potty
£535 custom captain's chair
£110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
£400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
£229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
£799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
£849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
£399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
£2,396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
£1,529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
£299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
£800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
£499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
£599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
£699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
£800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
£730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
£300 suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot
£300 dyson hairdryer
£1199 water rower
£400 John Lewis hammock
£400 John Lewis egg chair
£400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
£290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
£30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
£20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
£300 sentient mirror
£360 2x nike trainers (exc. orange ones)
£120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
£2,500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
£300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
£75 Sweaty Betty leggings
£170 Lumie alarm clock
£200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
£199 Airpods
£249 Airpods pro
£199 Apple Watch (assume series 3)
£250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
£309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
£170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
£700 Vets bills
£20 Sad Asda shop
£80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
£400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
£60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
£12 2x dylon machine dye
£180 12x moleskin notebooks
~£1,000 unread books (estimate)
£100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
£640 6x DAB radios
£60 Lego flower bouquet
£60 Rock tumbler
£2,200 content
£600 Emin
£15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
£1,790 Burberry classic trench coat
£5,000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
£350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
£60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
£1,000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
£10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
£525 35x moleskin notebooks
£119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
£56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
£479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
£199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
£66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
£485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
£249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
£245 'Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
£245 'Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
£245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
£146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
£960 8x Ikea billy bookcase wide white
£444 3x Ikea billy bookcase wide wood effect
£336 3x Ikea billy bookcase narrow wood effect
£140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
£72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
£324 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
£92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
£19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
£136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
~£200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion tit (see instagram)
£294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
~£2,000 438x baubles
£2,000 cooker
£80 Nokia 3310
£1050 3x chest freezers
£70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
£28 John Lewis llama doorstop
£40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
£18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
~£180 10x other gold candlesticks (estimated)
£49 Ted Baker pyjamas
£100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
£116 Instagram look
~£420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
~£1,000 fillers (estimate, £250/ml x 2ml per year x 2 years)
~£900 botox (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
~£1,056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
~£3,000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
£150 wire racking (kept outside)
£30 flamingo neon light
£60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
£384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
£144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
£60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
£80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit

Spoiler: new/updated

£1,350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
£300 3x wigs
£543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
£250 all saints leather jacket
~£400 bike (estimate)
~£400 bike given to someone's who was stolen (estimate)
£360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
£50 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 2mo)
£45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
£45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
£100 magnum boots
£130 Finn watch
£150 Garmin watch
£120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
£120 Dr Martens red boots
£60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils

Total: £61,092 £65,305

Spoiler: TBC - forensic ninnies apply within

The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
“£5” denim cargo trousers from Primark
Multiple phones
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
bikes
tents
Ten (at least) outdoor chairs for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
wallpaper backgrounds
desktop Mac type set up
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets
countertop oven
leather armchairs
calvin klein sportswear
nike pro sportswear
smeg fridge (small, broken?)
more ray ban sunglasses
drinking glasses (content approved)
high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
over 400 cookbooks (2016)
louboutins

Instagram zone

fancy crockery (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)

'limited edition' vest -

foodism awards red suit -

bedroom of lies -

dog cushions -

Spoiler: stocktake T&Cs

Anything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Have fun.
Now duck off x

ETA just a side note, if some of this stuff was gifted from wealthy partners it just confirms HH2 was bollocks either way

"I'm just going to sit out in the sun to eat this while you wash up, Jack darling..." [throws contents of bowl over neighbour's fence]

Neighbour looks into their garden "that must have been a massive seagull..."

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

It is haha. Also looks like she’s wearing a very spenny watch in that one.

Just seen that pic. Big Dave has all four of his kids in the photo which is lovely, very parenty thing to do. Looks to be around the time Jackie was with old Harold maybe? Going by the awful hat that is. Interesting to see that in Big Dave's MBE pics, only his bio kids are in them. I'm sure the other two were adopted by then. However maybe they were still very young and needed their ID protected at the time. Jack's brother looks nicer than Jack so maybe she is jealous of him for that too.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

ETA just a side note, if some of this stuff was gifted from wealthy partners it just confirms HH2 was bollocks either way

Yeah the ‘it was a gift, can’t I BREATHE!’ just doesn’t work for me. If a load of gifts were standing in between me and my obsessively desired own home/ending my lightbulbless nightmare they’d be somebody else’s gifts pronto. Especially, as I have previously mithered about, if that stash included some Tiffany and an Emin et al.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

Another update and another £4k of STUFF
I'll keep this on the backburner and update next weekend or something
I find it very entertaining that this was all kicked off by Jack posting a drawer full of nobs and then spudgate
Thanks to the many #forensic fraus, many eyes make light work

Spoiler: big spenny

£428 fancy knobs
£250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
£315 (assuming there are only 7 but I think it’s more) on snake charmer kitchen baskets
£95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
£72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
(+£432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well)
£25 wooden calculator (unused)
£100 pigskin hat
£35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
£339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
£155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-245)
£1,550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
£150 DM boots (other ones, not the willow ones mentioned upthread)
£104 rusty eBay spoons
£110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£780 At least two Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
£110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
£800 77 Lipsticks
£200 14 Foundations
£250 40 Eyeliners
£500 misc makeup
£320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)
£1,200 8x kendal dining chairs
£425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
£65 test tube vases
£35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
£10 squid game guard mask from the market
£44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
£300 kitchen aid
£20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
£499 Dyson fan
£65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
£60 squatty potty
£535 custom captain's chair
£110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
£400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
£229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
£799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
£849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
£399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
£2,396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
£1,529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
£299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
£800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
£499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
£599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
£699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
£800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
£730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
£300 suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot
£300 dyson hairdryer
£1199 water rower
£400 John Lewis hammock
£400 John Lewis egg chair
£400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
£290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
£30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
£20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
£300 sentient mirror
£360 2x nike trainers (exc. orange ones)
£120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
£2,500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
£300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
£75 Sweaty Betty leggings
£170 Lumie alarm clock
£200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
£199 Airpods
£249 Airpods pro
£199 Apple Watch (assume series 3)
£250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
£309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
£170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
£700 Vets bills
£20 Sad Asda shop
£80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
£400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
£60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
£12 2x dylon machine dye
£180 12x moleskin notebooks
~£1,000 unread books (estimate)
£100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
£640 6x DAB radios
£60 Lego flower bouquet
£60 Rock tumbler
£2,200 content
£600 Emin
£15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
£1,790 Burberry classic trench coat
£5,000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
£350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
£60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
£1,000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
£10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
£525 35x moleskin notebooks
£119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
£56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
£479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
£199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
£66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
£485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
£249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
£245 'Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
£245 'Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
£245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
£146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
£960 8x Ikea billy bookcase wide white
£444 3x Ikea billy bookcase wide wood effect
£336 3x Ikea billy bookcase narrow wood effect
£140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
£72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
£324 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
£92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
£19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
£136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
~£200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion tit (see instagram)
£294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
~£2,000 438x baubles
£2,000 cooker
£80 Nokia 3310
£1050 3x chest freezers
£70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
£28 John Lewis llama doorstop
£40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
£18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
~£180 10x other gold candlesticks (estimated)
£49 Ted Baker pyjamas
£100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
£116 Instagram look
~£420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
~£1,000 fillers (estimate, £250/ml x 2ml per year x 2 years)
~£900 botox (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
~£1,056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
~£3,000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
£150 wire racking (kept outside)
£30 flamingo neon light
£60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
£384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
£144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
£60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
£80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit

Spoiler: new/updated

£1,350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
£300 3x wigs
£543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
£250 all saints leather jacket
~£400 bike (estimate)
~£400 bike given to someone's who was stolen (estimate)
£360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
£50 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 2mo)
£45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
£45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
£100 magnum boots
£130 Finn watch
£150 Garmin watch
£120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
£120 Dr Martens red boots
£60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils

Total: £61,092 £65,305

Spoiler: TBC - forensic ninnies apply within

The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
“£5” denim cargo trousers from Primark
Multiple phones
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
bikes
tents
Ten (at least) outdoor chairs for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
wallpaper backgrounds
desktop Mac type set up
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets
countertop oven
leather armchairs
calvin klein sportswear
nike pro sportswear
smeg fridge (small, broken?)
more ray ban sunglasses
drinking glasses (content approved)
high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
over 400 cookbooks (2016)
louboutins

Instagram zone

fancy crockery (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)

'limited edition' vest -

foodism awards red suit -

bedroom of lies -

dog cushions -

Spoiler: stocktake T&Cs

Anything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Have fun.
Now duck off x

ETA just a side note, if some of this stuff was gifted from wealthy partners it just confirms HH2 was bollocks either way


Neighbour looks into their garden "that must have been a massive seagull..."

This is outstanding work. Well done everyone involved.

It's Sunday today.
First my Sundays were Bullseye, Howards Way and a bath for school.
Then it were trying to pause my recording before the DJ spoke.
Then it were dreading going to work Monday.
Then it were dreading the Monday school run.

Now.. it's trawling social media for potatoes and laughing if someone's mentioned The Jacksy one.

Evolution, it is a mystery..

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Jack is such a Monroaster *smh*

 

[Nonah]

Another update and another £4k of STUFF
I'll keep this on the backburner and update next weekend or something
I find it very entertaining that this was all kicked off by Jack posting a drawer full of nobs and then spudgate
Thanks to the many #forensic fraus, many eyes make light work

Spoiler: big spenny

£428 fancy knobs
£250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
£315 (assuming there are only 7 but I think it’s more) on snake charmer kitchen baskets
£95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
£72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
(+£432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well)
£25 wooden calculator (unused)
£100 pigskin hat
£35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
£339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
£155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-245)
£1,550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
£150 DM boots (other ones, not the willow ones mentioned upthread)
£104 rusty eBay spoons
£110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£780 At least two Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
£110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
£800 77 Lipsticks
£200 14 Foundations
£250 40 Eyeliners
£500 misc makeup
£320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)
£1,200 8x kendal dining chairs
£425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
£65 test tube vases
£35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
£10 squid game guard mask from the market
£44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
£300 kitchen aid
£20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
£499 Dyson fan
£65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
£60 squatty potty
£535 custom captain's chair
£110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
£400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
£229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
£799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
£849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
£399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
£2,396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
£1,529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
£299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
£800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
£499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
£599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
£699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
£800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
£730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
£300 suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot
£300 dyson hairdryer
£1199 water rower
£400 John Lewis hammock
£400 John Lewis egg chair
£400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
£290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
£30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
£20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
£300 sentient mirror
£360 2x nike trainers (exc. orange ones)
£120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
£2,500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
£300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
£75 Sweaty Betty leggings
£170 Lumie alarm clock
£200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
£199 Airpods
£249 Airpods pro
£199 Apple Watch (assume series 3)
£250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
£309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
£170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
£700 Vets bills
£20 Sad Asda shop
£80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
£400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
£60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
£12 2x dylon machine dye
£180 12x moleskin notebooks
~£1,000 unread books (estimate)
£100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
£640 6x DAB radios
£60 Lego flower bouquet
£60 Rock tumbler
£2,200 content
£600 Emin
£15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
£1,790 Burberry classic trench coat
£5,000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
£350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
£60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
£1,000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
£10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
£525 35x moleskin notebooks
£119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
£56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
£479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
£199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
£66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
£485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
£249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
£245 'Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
£245 'Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
£245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
£146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
£960 8x Ikea billy bookcase wide white
£444 3x Ikea billy bookcase wide wood effect
£336 3x Ikea billy bookcase narrow wood effect
£140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
£72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
£324 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
£92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
£19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
£136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
~£200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion tit (see instagram)
£294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
~£2,000 438x baubles
£2,000 cooker
£80 Nokia 3310
£1050 3x chest freezers
£70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
£28 John Lewis llama doorstop
£40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
£18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
~£180 10x other gold candlesticks (estimated)
£49 Ted Baker pyjamas
£100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
£116 Instagram look
~£420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
~£1,000 fillers (estimate, £250/ml x 2ml per year x 2 years)
~£900 botox (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
~£1,056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
~£3,000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
£150 wire racking (kept outside)
£30 flamingo neon light
£60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
£384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
£144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
£60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
£80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit

Spoiler: new/updated

£1,350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
£300 3x wigs
£543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
£250 all saints leather jacket
~£400 bike (estimate)
~£400 bike given to someone's who was stolen (estimate)
£360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
£50 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 2mo)
£45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
£45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
£100 magnum boots
£130 Finn watch
£150 Garmin watch
£120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
£120 Dr Martens red boots
£60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils

Total: £61,092 £65,305

Spoiler: TBC - forensic ninnies apply within

The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
“£5” denim cargo trousers from Primark
Multiple phones
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
bikes
tents
Ten (at least) outdoor chairs for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
wallpaper backgrounds
desktop Mac type set up
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets
countertop oven
leather armchairs
calvin klein sportswear
nike pro sportswear
smeg fridge (small, broken?)
more ray ban sunglasses
drinking glasses (content approved)
high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
over 400 cookbooks (2016)
louboutins

Instagram zone

fancy crockery (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)

'limited edition' vest -

foodism awards red suit -

bedroom of lies -

dog cushions -

Spoiler: stocktake T&Cs

Anything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Have fun.
Now duck off x

ETA just a side note, if some of this stuff was gifted from wealthy partners it just confirms HH2 was bollocks either way.

FIIIIIIIVE (three) GOO-OLD RINGS

 

[Walkdengirl]

Just seen that pic. Big Dave has all four of his kids in the photo which is lovely, very parenty thing to do. Looks to be around the time Jackie was with old Harold maybe? Going by the awful hat that is. Interesting to see that in Big Dave's MBE pics, only his bio kids are in them. I'm sure the other two were adopted by then. However maybe they were still very young and needed their ID protected at the time. Jack's brother looks nicer than Jack so maybe she is jealous of him for that too.

Maybe jack's mum and dad didn't want them on to protect their privacy, something our jack doesn't seem to understand. Maybe it was due to the adoption process that they didn't want them on.

 

[NellieBoo]

It's MSG, she weighs it out on scales bought from the drug paraphernalia shop, but they're only for herbs and MSG. You can check with Celeb Squad at Essex Police for FACTS.

That little tale of Jack's will always make me laugh like Mutley . Weighing out MSG in 1g amounts for a ketchup recipe indeed. Ffs .

 

[Helena Handbasket]

FIIIIIIIVE (three) GOO-OLD RINGS

On the first day of Christmas my Pumble gave to me…
A cut down Eucalyptus tree

 

[Mr Krabs]

Another update and another £4k of STUFF
I'll keep this on the backburner and update next weekend or something
I find it very entertaining that this was all kicked off by Jack posting a drawer full of nobs and then spudgate
Thanks to the many #forensic fraus, many eyes make light work

Spoiler: big spenny

£428 fancy knobs
£250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
£315 (assuming there are only 7 but I think it’s more) on snake charmer kitchen baskets
£95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
£72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
(+£432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well)
£25 wooden calculator (unused)
£100 pigskin hat
£35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
£339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
£155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-245)
£1,550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
£150 DM boots (other ones, not the willow ones mentioned upthread)
£104 rusty eBay spoons
£110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
£80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
£780 At least two Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
£110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
£800 77 Lipsticks
£200 14 Foundations
£250 40 Eyeliners
£500 misc makeup
£320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)
£1,200 8x kendal dining chairs
£425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
£65 test tube vases
£35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
£10 squid game guard mask from the market
£44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
£300 kitchen aid
£20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
£499 Dyson fan
£65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
£60 squatty potty
£535 custom captain's chair
£110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
£400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
£229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
£799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
£849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
£399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
£2,396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
£1,529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
£299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
£800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
£499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
£599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
£699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
£800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
£730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
£300 suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot
£300 dyson hairdryer
£1199 water rower
£400 John Lewis hammock
£400 John Lewis egg chair
£400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
£290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
£30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
£20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
£300 sentient mirror
£360 2x nike trainers (exc. orange ones)
£120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
£2,500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
£300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
£75 Sweaty Betty leggings
£170 Lumie alarm clock
£200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
£199 Airpods
£249 Airpods pro
£199 Apple Watch (assume series 3)
£250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
£309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
£170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
£700 Vets bills
£20 Sad Asda shop
£80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
£400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
£60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
£12 2x dylon machine dye
£180 12x moleskin notebooks
~£1,000 unread books (estimate)
£100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
£640 6x DAB radios
£60 Lego flower bouquet
£60 Rock tumbler
£2,200 content
£600 Emin
£15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
£1,790 Burberry classic trench coat
£5,000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
£350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
£60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
£1,000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
£10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
£525 35x moleskin notebooks
£119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
£56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
£479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
£199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
£66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
£485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
£249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
£245 'Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
£245 'Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
£245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
£146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
£960 8x Ikea billy bookcase wide white
£444 3x Ikea billy bookcase wide wood effect
£336 3x Ikea billy bookcase narrow wood effect
£140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
£72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
£324 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
£92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
£19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
£136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
~£200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion tit (see instagram)
£294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
~£2,000 438x baubles
£2,000 cooker
£80 Nokia 3310
£1050 3x chest freezers
£70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
£28 John Lewis llama doorstop
£40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
£18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
~£180 10x other gold candlesticks (estimated)
£49 Ted Baker pyjamas
£100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
£116 Instagram look
~£420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
~£1,000 fillers (estimate, £250/ml x 2ml per year x 2 years)
~£900 botox (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
~£1,056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
~£3,000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
£150 wire racking (kept outside)
£30 flamingo neon light
£60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
£384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
£144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
£60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
£80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit

Spoiler: new/updated

£1,350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
£300 3x wigs
£543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
£250 all saints leather jacket
~£400 bike (estimate)
~£400 bike given to someone's who was stolen (estimate)
£360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
£50 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 2mo)
£45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
£45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
£100 magnum boots
£130 Finn watch
£150 Garmin watch
£120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
£120 Dr Martens red boots
£60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils

Total: £61,092 £65,305

Spoiler: TBC - forensic ninnies apply within

The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
“£5” denim cargo trousers from Primark
Multiple phones
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
bikes
tents
Ten (at least) outdoor chairs for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
wallpaper backgrounds
desktop Mac type set up
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets
countertop oven
leather armchairs
calvin klein sportswear
nike pro sportswear
smeg fridge (small, broken?)
more ray ban sunglasses
drinking glasses (content approved)
high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
over 400 cookbooks (2016)
louboutins

Instagram zone

fancy crockery (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)

'limited edition' vest -

foodism awards red suit -

bedroom of lies -

dog cushions -

Spoiler: stocktake T&Cs

Anything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Have fun.
Now duck off x

ETA just a side note, if some of this stuff was gifted from wealthy partners it just confirms HH2 was bollocks either way


Neighbour looks into their garden "that must have been a massive seagull..."

I always get a chorus of Hey Big Spender in my head when we have the cashos update.

Hey big spender… come spend your Patreon money.

 

[Hollaaa]

Just seen that pic. Big Dave has all four of his kids in the photo which is lovely, very parenty thing to do. Looks to be around the time Jackie was with old Harold maybe? Going by the awful hat that is. Interesting to see that in Big Dave's MBE pics, only his bio kids are in them. I'm sure the other two were adopted by then. However maybe they were still very young and needed their ID protected at the time. Jack's brother looks nicer than Jack so maybe she is jealous of him for that too.

I did a quick search to see if the outfit was the same one she wore astride the gun but abandoned my search when this came back:

Looks like Pinterest could be an unmined treasure trove of Who Dats.

 

[moldwarp]

FFS thanks for that @moldwarp I'm trying to be good and not get drawn into late night takeaway orders frkm the banging Indian up the road

Buy the saag aloo. Rinse off the spinach. Roast the potatoes badly, post them on Twitter, get roasted. Use the spinach to wash your hair, write a self pitying blog about it. Post Patreon link on blog, use proceeds to pay for saag aloo and lots of . Hey presto! You have no dinner, but you do have a nascent career as Britains most beloved budget cook.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

I always get a chorus of Hey Big Spender in my head when we have the cashos update.

Hey big spender… come spend your Patreon money.

And does she! I bet the concession ladies in Debenhams bloody love Jack.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

While Jack is quiet -

I see a lot of people repeating the claim that Louisa paid for the dayhab. I'm pretty sure this is just canal lore with no proof. Jack disappeared from Twitter for a bit, then posted a selfie in a "happy place" around the time dayhab started. Some Frauen assumed it was Louisa's flat (they had broken up at this time). I don't think we ever had any evidence for that, though - if I'm wrong, correct me.

Not a huge deal in the great scheme of things, but the dayhab could just as well have been paid for by Jack's parents...or, indeed, by Jack herself, using all that money she earned in 2020 from the BBC, Hellmann's, etc.

Thanks @colouredlines and I take full responsibility and appreciate the circumspect nudge, as I really think it might have just been me. TOTALLY agree that it’s important to keep it to facts, rather than conjecture becoming facts. Sorry all. The rest of what I posted by just including the atrocious mess of Jack’s own words still stands though.

 

[Hollaaa]

And does she! I bet the concession ladies in Debenhams bloody love Jack.

Debenhams is DEAD!

 

[moldwarp]

I did a quick search to see if the outfit was the same one she wore astride the gun but abandoned my search when this came back:
View attachment 1621540
Looks like Pinterest could be an unmined treasure trove of Who Dats.

What in the everloving feck is she trying to say with this pic??? I’m a sexy butch and I’ll leaf blow the feck out of your garden??? Wuttt!!!

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Team, wtf. I’ve only just noticed how many bloody times roast potatoes actually appear on JMs insta. And each one more anaemic than the last. Who could have predicted that these barsterds would be her downfall. What a mad world we live in

Only the Aunt Bessie's look edible.

 

[Hollaaa]

What in the everloving feck is she trying to say with this pic??? I’m a sexy butch and I’ll leaf blow the feck out of your garden??? Wuttt!!!

Ironically those are very clean nails for someone doing yard work. Make it make sense!