Going by the Jack method of time I have been furloughed quite literally FOREVER
Jack Monroe #37 Don't f*** with cats.
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I've got it, turn your ( insert various expletives) phone off. Perhaps get your landline out for a few weeks. Or turn your phone WiFi off. Or log out of your emails social media and etc. Ugh... Just ugh!
IT's just a glorified puff piece isn't it, i hate articles like this you can just tell that the journalist doesn't give a tit. Also I wouldn't describe any of those recipes as 'soothing'....
Yes, absolutely xAM NEVER KNOWINGLY OFF DUTY.
*Edit to change gifit is okay to die of laughter at your own gif right?
sorry but WHAT 
I think Hellman's HQ would beg to differ...
I think Hellman's HQ would beg to differ...
I’m in this position and consider myself a single mum, mumming doesn’t stop when they’re away, although I do completely agree I benefit from a lot of alone time and am in awe of those who don’t get any break
because she’s the ONLY person it affects
And I've been working FOREVER.
Well, if that was her doing her absolute best, I can't imagine what phoning it in would look like.
Honestly imagine if the WiFi in her area went down. I think she would have the mother of all meltdowns. I like being able to be on my phone but I could live without it. It's odd that she is so reliant on them.
I’m struggling to stay in real time and feel bad not being able to dish out enough appreciation likes on all the commentary 
If only my days had as many hours in them as Jack’s...
The holiday comments remind me of this when she posted a selfie in hiking gear with “To the Lakes I go” (I promise I just grabbed a few screenshots the other day when trying to locate Harriet and Miliband)
If only my days had as many hours in them as Jack’s...The holiday comments remind me of this when she posted a selfie in hiking gear with “To the Lakes I go” (I promise I just grabbed a few screenshots the other day when trying to locate Harriet and Miliband)
It's the poor little rich girl again.
Childhood holidays - 1 week aged 3 at Camber Sands, 1 week aged 15 in a caravan in the Cotswolds.
Adult holidays - one week in a caravan in Devon in 2001, 2 nights in Paris in 2012. The nearest thing I've had to a holiday in the last eight years is working at festivals for about 4 days a time or teching/crew for Mr Dragon's old band, both of which are bleeping hard, physical work.
Not bad for nearly half a century on the planet, is it? When I actually qualified for paid holiday for the first time (not often, as you know, poor people and their contracts don't allow for it), I temped full time for the week instead.
Childhood holidays - 1 week aged 3 at Camber Sands, 1 week aged 15 in a caravan in the Cotswolds.
Adult holidays - one week in a caravan in Devon in 2001, 2 nights in Paris in 2012. The nearest thing I've had to a holiday in the last eight years is working at festivals for about 4 days a time or teching/crew for Mr Dragon's old band, both of which are bleeping hard, physical work.
Not bad for nearly half a century on the planet, is it? When I actually qualified for paid holiday for the first time (not often, as you know, poor people and their contracts don't allow for it), I temped full time for the week instead.
OMFG. on 26 June she was the fittest she's ever been, Madam says, and circa 30 June she's triggering her fans about her poor health. Right, I'm off to read a book. May the odds be ever in your favour.
PS: it's my reckoning the kitten is going to be okay, and that Madam will get it right for once, I'm almost sure. Here's my feline companions!
Attachments
SAME, Babe. Same. Let me know, yeah??
“In the first period of lockdown, I lost the equivalent of a year’s salary in the space of two days,” Jack explains.
Does she also have Monroe maths method? This doesn't make sense to me? She lost an entire year's salary that would have been booked up at festivals or whatever over the next 8 months but what about the salary she'd already accrued previously in the year? Did that not count towards it? And then what about the book etc. she knew was coming out and the relative sales?
I'm not great with maths so I don't know if I'm being thick but this makes no sense to me?
I still wear body shop perfume. And the body sprays you get in Aldi just now are very close copies of impulse ones.
Rimmel twighlight teaser was the in lipstick when I was around 14. Everyone was wearing it.
(Showing my age now).
I never identified as anything particularly when I was growing up. I wasn’t a goth and my style of make up wasn’t modelled on anyone in particular but I have to say that I do like black eye shadow and black nail varnish.
My eyeshadow colour of choice hasn’t really changed in decades either. Very much like lilac and purples
(Kind of obsessed with the colour purple. My bedroom is purple and my hall is lilac).
Yellow is the opppsite colour to purple on a colour chart and I’ve never liked the colour yellow.
Rimmel twighlight teaser was the in lipstick when I was around 14. Everyone was wearing it.
(Showing my age now).
I never identified as anything particularly when I was growing up. I wasn’t a goth and my style of make up wasn’t modelled on anyone in particular but I have to say that I do like black eye shadow and black nail varnish.
My eyeshadow colour of choice hasn’t really changed in decades either. Very much like lilac and purples
(Kind of obsessed with the colour purple. My bedroom is purple and my hall is lilac).
Yellow is the opppsite colour to purple on a colour chart and I’ve never liked the colour yellow.
Her dad has, according to wiki.
When she went to Las Vegas for a week and went to the Celine Dion concert? That wasn't a holiday, it was a field research trip to evaluate chickpea availability in the foyer.
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s Jack Monroe hour of ‘It’s all about ME ME ME’, where she will write a ludicrously selfish and short-sightedly ignorant post about how nothing and no-one matters but HER.
Suggest a remedy, offer advice, give reasoned answers to her predicament. But, I warn you! Do so At Your Peril!
She will answer you if You are the bleeping head, not her!
And away we go!
Suggest a remedy, offer advice, give reasoned answers to her predicament. But, I warn you! Do so At Your Peril!
She will answer you if You are the bleeping head, not her!
And away we go!
Dragon, I would love to sit and enjoy a flagon with you and just listen to you talk
Adding Naf Naf jumpers to the list and Benetton drawstring bags, oh and if you were a girl of between the age of 11 and 14 at my high school and didn't own a pair of Kickers boat shoes you were basically a social pariah.OMG THE NOSTALGIA IN THIS THREAD. I'm gonna do a nineties girl checklist...
There's gotta be more..
- Collection 2000 royal blue mascara
- The ill-advised venture into putting the hair version of the above through your locks, rendering them crispy and a bit like a paint palette where all the colours are mixed together
- Rubbing Claire's Accessories glittery lipstick over your eyes as eyeshadow, scraping the poor delicate mites into ribbons as you do so (just me?)
- MAKE A STATEMENT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD (I legit ordered some Exclamation! from Allbeauty a few weeks ago. Actually pretty sophisticated!)
- Small (often transparent) rucksacks that you could display your Natural Collection body spritzes in
- Can I get an 'AMEN' for hiding your boobs in a Sweater Shop...er, sweater
- Moving into the millennium with two tone garms
- Wanting a pair of Buffalo trainers but my parents wouldn't let me so floral wedges from Faith it was!
- Rocking gloopy lipgloss you got free from Just 17 (or the pineapple roll-on stuff from Miss Selfridge if you were fancy)
- Bindis
- Spectacular nail polish (see also: Miners)
- Sperm eyebrows (went at mine with my Dad's Mach 3; God knows how I've got anything left)
- The year 11 girls wearing Rimmel 'Hide the Blemish' as lipstick
- Dream Matte Mousse for that really undead look
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