Jack Monroe #37 Don't f*** with cats.

[PennyLoafer]

Sorry, this is totally off-topic but I just wanted to share as an antidote to Monroe's nefarious antics. I am moving house tomorrow so I just called in on my vendors to say hi (my buyers did the same and I appreciated the friendliness). Anyway, they were the nicest people. They've been in the house for 45 years so it's emotional for them but they are really excited about their new place. They're leaving me house plants, a bag of coal and a good luck money tree, plus a Christmas cactus that has been in the house for as long as they have. They gave me the lowdown on all the neighbours and talked me around the back garden. I've got bloody fruit trees, how fancy am I?

When I first viewed the place, my first impression was that it had been really loved, and a place of love; I made an offer on the spot. I told them that, and we all got a bit emotional. Swapped numbers, talked about people we know in common, offered to help each other out in future.

I've been getting so strung out about moving but now I'm excited and so heartened to be on the receiving end of real kindness.

Sorry for the gushing. I'm a bit giddy!

 

[EnglishRoseIrishRover]

I reckon Sue Perkins will be watching her back as well!

coming out of newbie lurkerdom- will she call her next cat “Sue Purrkins”?

 

[FrumpyCat]

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For the love of god, woman.

Use

Paragraphs.

Believe me, paragraphs don't make it any better.

She has absolutely no fucking idea.

Jack, in case you are not aware, chemo can totally fuck with your tastebuds. So food you previously thought was yummy has all the appeal of wall paper paste. And of course there is the nausea and the constipation or diarrhoea. It's not just going 'ooh ouchy mouth' like you're a fucking five year old.

You twat.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

So.... after lurking for maybe.... 36 threads I have finally built up the courage to set up an account and post, the holiday lies being the final straw! .. You are all fabulous and have got me through leaving my teaching career and suffering a case of “general meh ” . I cannot add to anything that hasn’t already been said.
However, I would like to add that on a short walk into town this morning, I bumped into my hairdresser and on on me commenting on how challenging lockdown had been for everyone, simply said, have you seen how far the bootstrap cook has fallen?

 

[Froggies]

First post as I’m a lurker normally. Hello

JM has crossed the line in my opinion. As Raker said, she moans about THAT MAN but she’s doing exactly the same to Ryan Riley now. I’m fairly sure they follow each other on Instagram so she’s aware this is his niche.
There are long list of foods you cannot eat on certain chemotherapies; she isn’t going to have a clue about that.

Spoiler: TW: end stage cancer

my inlaws both passed away from cancer last year. Neither one of them wanted slop in a bowl at any point. My mother in law had no appetite and ate what she fancied when she could - afternoon tea always went down well as she could pick at what she wanted. When on chemo, she mainly had high calorie drinks as her mouth was so sore. At the very end, her mouth was so split open, even sips of water were too painful for her. My father in law carried on eating what he wanted right up until the day he was sedated, but only very small portions. She has enraged me and reduced me to tears this week over her stupid, stupid spoutings.

I suffer from mouth ulcers. I get them on my lips, gums, tongue and back of my throat. There is rarely a day I don’t have at least 1 ulcer but quite often I’ll have multiple ulcers. Do you know what I do? I get on with it. I rinse with salt water, I take painkillers before I eat. When they’re so bad that I can’t talk, I don’t take phone calls at work. I cry through the pain sometimes but even when they’ve been at their worst, I’ve never needed to mash a bloody sandwich up. Oh and a full face of make up?! When my mouth is that painful, it can take all the effort just to get dressed.

Anyway, you all seem like a lovely bunch of trolls. I am loving the 90s chat, I’ve gone down memory lane! Impulse, Charlie, Exclamation!...ah those were the days!

 

[Fraggle]

I feel shady, but.....

so tempted to tag RM to one of the Lack of book tweets to see where that rabbit hole goes....



I have a rescue cat with an amputated limb. We‘ve made the home as accessable as possible with easy access to areas for her to explore without complicated climbing as she’s clumsy & falls sometimes. we got her from a charity who do house inspections & ask a lot of questions as some of the pets are abandoned (Like our little lady) and/or abused
I for one would not be putting a cat with pronounced physical difficulties in a position which could cause injury (ie, on a shoulder where they could fall and land awkwardly). Also (have veterinary experience), don’t try to manipulate the kittens limbs until they have been seen & have a structured physio plan as that could be causing more harm than good, especially in a developing animal.

Plus, the other cat. Established cats generally do not like others in their environment unless family or gradually introduced due to territory Issues . The older cat will need a lot of time to get used to a new addition. Is that really fair on everyone in that house human or not?

Another excuse to show off the lovely girl

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

"the radical act of trying to make delicious food"

 

[Silver Linings]

As some of us literally appear to have been living the same life in different parts of the country within a few years I feel confident that these will also tickle your fancy.

Also these sticky phallic buggers

Tenuous link to Jack as she’s a similar age.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Totally off topic and sorry for doing a JM and making it about me! Been going through a really shitty few days (for a positive reason though, my doctor has reduced the dosage on my antidepressants so my brain chemistry is a bit screwed)...just had a delivery and these arrived!! Mr LF wanted to cheer me up and knows how much I love highland cows, I'm now sending overly excited pics to everyone about my amoosing feet!

 

[blurstoftimes]

The year is 2002.
Christina Aguilera has just released the music video for ‘Dirrty’ featuring Redman
Blurstoftimes is sulking in her bedroom because her mum has just put her foot down saying NO, she cannot buy leather assless chaps off eBay

 

[HarderFaster]

I think she does this A LOT. She is purposely vague, uses language with very specific connotations but is careful to not make overt claims (lies) so people jump to conclusions, and then she can jump down their throats that she NEVER SAID THAT FFS if challenged. The upshot is that most people aren't that perceptive and cynical (unlike this evil cabal) and so go around believing and repeating what she insinuates. She's been doing this a long time and is VERY good at it.

This. I'm very interested in the spread of people who use Tattle, you can tell from grammar, syntax, humour etc as well as message content that there's such a huge range of class, age, education and taste here. I think it's really fascinating how many people on the Jack thread a) have direct experience of the claims she makes and b) are very evidently either highly educated, very successful in their careers or just fucking smart as hell. It's probably the highest concentration of critical thinkers I've come across in a non-academic setting. And man, does she HATE us for it.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Guys I’m replying to work emails with “yes, absolutely” and laughing to myself cos no one else understands

I'm supposed to be preparing some info to hand over to my boss at 11am, including a plea to have another member of staff added to my current team.

"Yes, you've hit the Jimmy Nail on the head there boss. I've Grunkad and I've Lunkad but it just all seems like chickenless lingreenie at this point. We need a Maverick approach, it's time to get down from the sideboard and pour the béchamel. We only have one cat NOW but if we work 60 hours a day, the world is our oyster (grab an epipen)."

 

[MancBee]

I am one of her supposed target audience. I have little money, only basic cooking experience (can make stews casseroles full roast, but don't have much imagination) and receive foodbank stuff from time to time.

When my foodbank box arrives and there's something in it that don't know how use, couscous for instance, I turn to Google. I Google "item" plus "easy recipe". I can categorically state that never has one of her recipes come up to assist. Though many, many others do. I actually find BBC the best resource.

I know some cannot afford internet, so Google is not always available, so a book can be useful, though she's already covered that. Though there are many, many better budget cookbooks out there.

The four bedsits on my landing (studio apartments they are called on my agreement) share 1 internet connection between us. The router is just outside my neighbours door (it's her connection) and we all chip in each month. We have found our own way to overcome at least that difficulty. I had better warn next door, JM triangulation skills will lead to her, so she had better watch her back.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Please DO NOT get sucked in to her drama lovelies. I hope you’re all ok.

Twitter is not essential to her job. Being on twitter 24/7 and sharing more than is appropriate is especially not her job. She could quite easily set some boundaries if she was really not ok.

i have a little theory. It always starts with some form of over the top attention seeking, (see evidence: her DIY photo shoots). She revels in the positive comments from her sycophantic fans, she’s even #kind to them whilst flirting with blue tickers, her endorphin levels are high. Then there’s the come down. she gets irritated, she gets snappy. She gets cross with herself because she knows she’s crossed the line of what’s acceptable, again. Then there’s the sympathy seeking, no one has it as hard as her. She focuses on all the negatives and gets herself into a hole again, the only way out is to flounce, obviously not right away, throws in a few threats first, I’m going, I’m really going this time, I’m going now...in a minute.

then it all starts again.

 

[Mycuppatea]

Dear Hearts, I have to admit a terrible secret. Tonight I was preparing an emergency risotto and obviously have been spending too much time Jack Monroe adjacent, so I rinsed a can of chicken curry free of curry sauce and added the chicken to the risotto.

I feel deep shame.

I'm also somewhat distressed that my children thought it was the yummiest risotto I'd ever made.

 

[MrsOgre]

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[no-no]

I’m struggling to stay in real time and feel bad not being able to dish out enough appreciation likes on all the commentary If only my days had as many hours in them as Jack’s...

The holiday comments remind me of this when she posted a selfie in hiking gear with “To the Lakes I go” (I promise I just grabbed a few screenshots the other day when trying to locate Harriet and Miliband)

 

[moglits]

OMG THE NOSTALGIA IN THIS THREAD. I'm gonna do a nineties girl checklist...

1. Collection 2000 royal blue mascara
2. The ill-advised venture into putting the hair version of the above through your locks, rendering them crispy and a bit like a paint palette where all the colours are mixed together
3. Rubbing Claire's Accessories glittery lipstick over your eyes as eyeshadow, scraping the poor delicate mites into ribbons as you do so (just me?)
4. MAKE A STATEMENT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD (I legit ordered some Exclamation! from Allbeauty a few weeks ago. Actually pretty sophisticated!)
5. Small (often transparent) rucksacks that you could display your Natural Collection body spritzes in
6. Can I get an 'AMEN' for hiding your boobs in a Sweater Shop...er, sweater
7. Moving into the millennium with two tone garms
8. Wanting a pair of Buffalo trainers but my parents wouldn't let me so floral wedges from Faith it was!
9. Rocking gloopy lipgloss you got free from Just 17 (or the pineapple roll-on stuff from Miss Selfridge if you were fancy)
10. Bindis
11. Spectacular nail polish (see also: Miners)
12. Sperm eyebrows (went at mine with my Dad's Mach 3; God knows how I've got anything left)
13. The year 11 girls wearing Rimmel 'Hide the Blemish' as lipstick
14. Dream Matte Mousse for that really undead look

There's gotta be more..

 

[ChickenPorridge]

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Oh do fuck off. Nobody gives a shit about your pets. You. Told. Us.

Soz I forgot the spoiler. She’s tweeeeeeting fraus. Settle in.

"Been in touch with a vet" (hasn't taken her)
"Everything I do gets pulled apart on social media" (not everyone believes my bullshit unfortunately and I have to be careful what lies I tell)