Jack Monroe #359 Hoops I Did It Again

[Smeghead]

Just asked! (She's getting sick of me now Venice yes, and Dordrecht - a chaos there which I'm not allowed to say what happened was the straw that broke the camels back) not sure about the others!

ETA he paid for both trips so they weren't funded by patreon!

The Chaos at Dordrecht: sounds like a good Nancy Drew book title. Was the chaos
1. involving booze
2. Involving Tattle
3. She proposed to him with a ring made from an empty can she found on the floor?
4. Begging for baby

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Spoiler: Off topic doodle dog stuff

Poodle crosses have become far too popular, to the point they’re almost the default first dog people get now. Unfortunately few seem to bother to do research, because if they did they’d find out that poodles and their most popular crosses, Labradors, golden retrievers and cavalier and cocker spaniels are all high energy working breeds, added to which poodles and spaniels tend to be anxious and neurotic dogs. It’s not that they don’t make good family pets, but you have to put the work into training them and they potentially need an awful lot of exercise and mental stimulation. Unfortunately far too many people don’t put in the work and doodle poo dogs are getting an increasingly bad reputation as many of them are allowed to run wild off lead in parks. Those of us who own other breeds are often to be found muttering in corners about all the bloody ill behaved doodles .

 

[Limey]

Hour's worth? Say goodbye to life as you know it

Imagine having to grunk from the beginning? Go well, pal x

 

[Smeghead]

1. Remove the lightbulbs
2. Replace with garden solar lamps
3. Complain, rinse, repeat

View attachment 1487045

That will be the candle in a tin hack

 

[moldwarp]

Genuinely heartbreaking about SB. That poor kid. She’s a monster.

Agree with @moldwarp - extremely funny that she lied about NotHarold’s occupation and explains why she’s been going harder than usual after “capitalist pigs” lately.

It also explains why she’s been showing off about how she can do Big Maffs recently. Yeah she doesn’t have Harold’s (probable) economics degree, accountancy training and years of on the job experience…but she kissed him so she absorbed all the knowledge. Osmosis innit.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I would also give up a non essential organ to know what happened on that trip. Also DID she keep trying to get knocked up?! Lucky escape NotHarold!!! Good on ya!

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Fraus...sorry to derail but I have MAJOR gossip (though I can't share too much sadly, she said I could share some but gotta redact a bit due to potential 🔺️) Am in the office today and was just having my morning grunk, one of my colleagues came over and said 'oh are you on tattle? I don't have an account but stalk a few essex based threads like Lauren Goodger...who do you look at?' Told her Jack and also to join us in F&D...her response - oh my **** knows her ex's brother well! Asked which ex....it's only Harold! His name is not in fact Harold which I was highly disappointed about. They met during the eyeshadow thirst trap period but not in AA, although he is teetotal. He is apparently a lovely but very naive man in his personal life (and she confirmed he is very tall) and was totally taken in by her, he is indeed not on social media and had no idea who she was before meeting. He does not work in a shop like she claimed, he works in the city in a rather high powered job and comes from a £££ family. He ended things with her as she was pure drama (no surprise there) and became overly reliant on him - apparently he is a simple man who wants a peaceful personal life as his work is so stressful. She continues to bombard him with abuse to the point he is considering changing his phone number. She told me more but alas it is too 🔺️ so I can't share. But basically she was lovely at first but when revealed her true colours he scarpered.

@Jay-cloth Cow what a bombshell revelation! Am glad this is coming from you and not another taxi account. All sounds 100% likely. Thank you for your forensic gossip. 10/10

 

[ChastityDingle]

Hour's worth? Say goodbye to life as you know it

I can vouch for that.
I sometimes wonder what my life was before tattle ... and these particular threads are killing me

 

[Veronicaaa]

Well, Harold sounds like a bit of a catch, eh . Can you pass on my number @Jay-cloth Cow? Wouldn't it make her head explode if he got together with one of the Fraus

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

It also explains why she’s been showing off about how she can do Big Maffs recently. Yeah she doesn’t have Harold’s (probable) economics degree, accountancy training and years of on the job experience…but she kissed him so she absorbed all the knowledge. Osmosis innit.

how she absorbed Harold's knowledge doesn't bear thinking about. It's like a bleeping Hammer Horror episode.

 

[lulu von bucket]

I agree with you re potential internal conflict growing up BUT, she has such a profound superiority complex, that kind of thing surely has to start in childhood. I actually think she got smoke blown up her arse a lot as a child: she was very pretty, did ballet etc etc. of course that could have turned into serious mental health struggles as a teen, and there’s evidence for that, she herself talks about being a perfect high achieving child and turning into a hollow husk of a teen and her grades (compared with what was doubtless expected) would seem to back that up. But then we get this profound superiority complex and main character syndrome. Where does that come from? And all the lying? Is it all or something else?

I dunno it’s all to complicated for me and such speculation on my part is kinda baseless anyway. For me, it’s about the damage she is doing now. And the lolz, of course

If she spent more time reading the literature and working on her recovery than she does on Twitter, she would be familiar with the concept of grandiosity as part of alcoholism/ addiction and would be working on it rather than barking it out for all the world to see. An alcoholic can be described as "an egomaniac with an inferiority complex."

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

@Jay-cloth Cow tea and perfect questioning.

The worst thing about tea-spillers is when they deliver tea and then piss off without staying around to answer more questions.

We need all of the tea. All of the time.

Top marks.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I’d sell a kidney to know what happened in Dordrecht.

Me too! Poor Harold, all this just adds to the suspicion that it was him who arranged the welfare check.

 

[Lauradianalou]

I am hardcore grunking and don’t know if anyone else saw this but if any of our dear herren und frauen would benefit from real and delicious recipes :
I can vouch for many of them.

I tried one of her recipes last night from an article in the Daily mail, and it was delicious. I have asked for her new book as a Christmas present

 

[EllaEm87]

There will be some scenes in the crappy bungalow today.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Can't stop thinking about this. A squig, in one sentence, demonstrates more understanding and writing ability than Jack has ever done.

Can we thread title nominate “she presents the poor as a passive mass and she’s their savior”

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Me too! Poor Harold, all this just adds to the suspicion that it was him who arranged the welfare check.

What’s the betting she told him she was going to hurt herself? My worst ex told me he was going to go out and kill people!!. Needless to say that did not happen.

 

[SpamNugget]

"Crab and coconut bisque". It's going to be crab paste, isn't it..?

Crab Paste and a Bounty Bar with the chocolate grated off to make dessert ...nomnomnom

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

I'm afraid I can't say what the chaos was...wish I could but gotta respect the boundaries my colleague put in place, I'm happy she let me share what she has really! Told her she should become a frau but it's too close to home for her - she might get an account to join us in F&D though!

 

[Limey]

Ooh my days, just catching up and found the tea about poor Harold. SCORCHING.

Harold if you're out there, we feel for you, man.