Jack Monroe #343 A heavy dose of chickpea and loathing

[auntylil]

I know someone who lives in a small village and the town was rocked by some woman demanding a local rooster minding it's own business on a farm be destroyed because her daughter was terrified of it.

That is just awful! If there's one thing I can't stand it's over-protected, over-privileged spoilt brats!

Spoiler: Off topic, but also, on topic, cock talk...

Not sure where this will land as I'm still grunking, but we had hens and a cockerel (named Hooter) when we were growing up. Neighbours were more than happy to take our fresh surplus eggs - as was the case back in those days, we were all skint (real working class poverty not the tend middle class kind) and all helped each other out. Home-made cakes, bread, pies were graciously delivered to those in need; kids were taken in and given their supper/tea/dinner because little Susan told mammy that her friend hadn't had a meal that day (I'm sorry, that makes it sound like I'm telling a Jack tale - except mine is true); cuttings and plants handed around - you get the picture, I'm sure many here will have experienced the same. Anyway, one of our neighbours complained about our cockerel doing what cocks do naturally, and waking her up around 6am each day. I know that could be annoying, but the same woman regularly took eggs, vegetables my dad had grown, etc from us. She eventually complained to the council and in the end, because we "hadn't stopped him making a noise" WTF, we had to get rid of old Hooter. My dad was so upset at the time! Needless to say, said neighbour still expected free eggs...she didn't get them!

 

[MooBelle]

be warned of mentions of teeth. but I've read it and I really, really hate teeth and now I'm queasy

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She broke a tooth eating kale? Christ her teeth must be I a worse state than we thought.

 

[Captainmouse]

She broke a tooth eating kale? Christ her teeth must be I a worse state than we thought.

She’s spent so long in the slop they can’t cope with proper food, I.e. texture

 

[auntylil]

Apologies for being a.... Scottish dick... but her spelling of whiskey makes it American, like Jack Daniels. So she's not bingeing on sainsbos own brand Scotch Whisky. Nob

This! Irish, too! Has anyone ever pulled her up on her spelling of whiskey/whisky? Does she only drink "whiskey" as a nod to her Irish Northern Irish mammy, or can she really not spell whisky from Scotland? It may be a small thing (small things to tend to grind my gears haha) BUT it's important to the makers! And it was always very, very important to my grandad, God bless him!

 

[Mr Krabs]

I always imagine Jack has a big wheel of fortune type spinner in her house which helps her decide which chaos to milk for attention next. It’s labelled with subjects like ‘teeth’, ‘stairs’, ‘hair loss’, ‘shoulder’ etc and she spins it every morning to help her decide what to post about that day.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I always imagine Jack has a big wheel of fortune type spinner in her house which helps her decide which chaos to milk for attention next. It’s labelled with subjects like ‘teeth’, ‘stairs’, ‘hair loss’, ‘shoulder’ etc and she spins it every morning to help her decide what to post about that day.

I like to imagine her as a Sim. Endlessly posing in the mirror to up her charisma points, burning the kitchen down when opening the fridge, not working out how doorways work and pissing herself on the spot.

If only she would use the 'Rosebud' cheat, you could get the orangery, Jack!

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I always imagine Jack has a big wheel of fortune type spinner in her house which helps her decide which chaos to milk for attention next. It’s labelled with subjects like ‘teeth’, ‘stairs’, ‘hair loss’, ‘shoulder’ etc and she spins it every morning to help her decide what to post about that day.

"Cat, dog, depression, Tories, burglars"
I think you could be on to something there

 

[Boogs]

Jack preparing to open some bread rolls.

 

[MooBelle]

Hope big Dave gets older than Methuselah and Jack never gets her mitts on any of his houses .

Big D will last forever!
Seriously though, I read an article once about the things that the oldest people in the world have in common. It varied but they made a tick list and Big D seems to have most of them.
In no particular order it included having grandchildren, owning pets, eating a Mediterranean diet and keeping active. There was more to it than that but Big D has all of those in buckets.
Plus the fact that the empire has to be split 4 ways.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Sorry, what?
She's been wandering around for how long with a DEAD TOOTH crumbling away in her head?!
Now I'm not a dentistry frau, but would that not absolutely stink and make everything taste utterly disgusting?
I genuinely feel quite gippy at this revelation.

And that's just ONE of the many many problems in her festering piehole. Harold must have lost his sense of smell and taste and sight and hearing because the thought of her leaning in close and breathing "I'm going to hubby you right up" in his face is almost bringing my breakfast back up.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

WHY DOES SHE NEVER CONTENT WARN THIS tit?

Sorry, excuse the caps, but I'm sick to the back teeth (no pun intended) of her wantonly chucking suicide into any random tweet like it's a bleeping punctuation mark.

She sounds like she needs more dairy in her diet. My mum hates milk and her teeth are nice and white with healthy gums, yet they break due to a life long milk aversion.

 

[StringyMango]

@BlendedSlop
Jeez did you have to? Breakfast is down but meds have to follow!

 

[Mokie]

I’m grunking and this may have already been said/land awkwardly but the teeth and constantly claims of them crumbling/breaking. She’s going to have a full set of Turkey teefs/new veneers soon isn’t she? Wonder if she’ll claim she found them in a puddle or they were gifted by a generous friend?

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

I’m grunking and this may have already been said/land awkwardly but the teeth and constantly claims of them crumbling/breaking. She’s going to have a full set of Turkey teefs/new veneers soon isn’t she? Wonder if she’ll claim she found them in a puddle or they were gifted by a generous friend?

She's after implants I reckon.

 

[Bell'un]

It's becoming so obvious that she's not committed to a career in food. It was only ever a vehicle. Her skills and knowledge have deteriorated. She's astoundingly poorly read, she's uninterested in the work of her peers, and she's unable to develop. It's pitiful.

I sound so mean but yes I agree her food skills have deteriorated as her interest in other things has grown/waned/grown/waned. I genuinely liked (& still use - confession!) some of her early recipes and enjoyed bring taught cheap alternatives to over precious culinary rules. However. I also completely fell for the JM of Girl Called Jack so every new iteration of her character or persona confused me more until I started to draw parallels with behaviour from people around me in real life. This has been, and continues to be, 'a journey', as they say. And although I own (sorry!) 4 of her books the only one I've ever really used is the first. Apologies for long confused post! X

 

[jenny2603]

She sounds like she needs more dairy in her diet. My mum hates milk and her teeth are nice and white with healthy gums, yet they break due to a life long milk aversion.

It's just yet another example of Jack being handed a good thing in life and destroying it out of pure spite. Grows up in a lovely home in a nice area, runs it down with invented tales of childhood poverty. Handed a good quality education that the overwhelming majority of children will never get anywhere near, throws it away. Gets handed amazing opportunities to make a career in the media/food/campaigning, ducks that up at every opportunity. Has a healthy, if slightly alarming set of teeth, sits back and watches them rot out her head for attention on Twitter.

She's the most spoiled, stupid, ungrateful person I can think of. She really needs to do something funny soon because she's boiling my pumble.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Big D will last forever!
Seriously though, I read an article once about the things that the oldest people in the world have in common. It varied but they made a tick list and Big D seems to have most of them.
In no particular order it included having grandchildren, owning pets, eating a Mediterranean diet and keeping active. There was more to it than that but Big D has all of those in buckets.
Plus the fact that the empire has to be split 4 ways.

Even with a big property empire, there’s absolutely no guarantee any of it will reach Jack’s pockets. People have decades long retirements now. It’s not like the old days where you’d leave work at 60 and keel over a couple of years later. My grandma is in her mid 90s and although she and my grandad were well off, there’s unlikely to be any cash left when she dies because of care costs. I’m not complaining about that at all. I think people should pay their own way, and it’s the only real solution to funding the care of the ageing population. But the days of getting a big chunk of inheritance/houses being passed down, are long gone.

I’m grunking and this may have already been said/land awkwardly but the teeth and constantly claims of them crumbling/breaking. She’s going to have a full set of Turkey teefs/new veneers soon isn’t she? Wonder if she’ll claim she found them in a puddle or they were gifted by a generous friend?

I’ve often expected that she’s leading up to this. She’ll probably claim she needed them because of her presenting career or something.

 

[frankychester]

Big D

Mummy, daddy, look at me,
I went to school and I 'got a degree'

ETA - apologies for any earworms.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Even with a big property empire, there’s absolutely no guarantee any of it will reach Jack’s pockets. People have decades long retirements now. It’s not like the old days where you’d leave work at 60 and keel over a couple of years later. My grandma is in her mid 90s and although she and my grandad were well off, there’s unlikely to be any cash left when she dies because of care costs. I’m not complaining about that at all. I think people should pay their own way, and it’s the only real solution to funding the care of the ageing population. But the days of getting a big chunk of inheritance/houses being passed down, are long gone.



I’ve often expected that she’s leading up to this. She’ll probably claim she needed them because of her presenting career or something.

Her parents have four kids and various grandchildren too. Jack isn't the only person that would get something. Be funny if they donated the lot to the bloody Trussell Trust though.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]