Jack Monroe #334 Wafting around Asda like a Smartprice Ghost

[Jelly Bean]

No big newspaper is going to do an expose because despite her half a million followers not enough people care.

I can't believe I had already forgotten her pleas to the national press not to report on....the tree in her rented garden being chopped down. Well not actually chopped down. Pruned.
That reminds me didn't she warn everyone there were going to be some shocking photos in the Mail of her laughing with a Tory? After her appearance at that parliamentary committee thing?
Maybe they sensibly respected her wishes for privacy again and pulled the story at the last minute.

 

[Cookiecookie]

I would be astounded if Jack Monroe gets exposed for her fraud. Unlike similar online fraudsters with a fake backstory, Jack has been fully entrenched in the mainstream media from the word go; she is actually part of the mainstream media.

She will not be officially "exposed" unless the mainstream media choose to expose her. Which they won’t, because in order to do that, they would have to admit that at the very least they don't bother fact checking, or were knowingly publishing lies. And they were actually complicit in her fraud.

It would make them look so bad to admit they've been publishing a humongous falsehood for the past decade, and allowed that unqualified scammer to join their ranks and become one of them. A begging charlatan who has scammed hundreds of thousands of pounds of other people’s money as a result of the media publishing her lies, and endlessly promoting her as a credible campaigner.

The media won’t ever expose her because it would expose themselves as extremely untrustworthy.

Our only hope would be for something like GB News or Spiked to take a significant interest in her.

That's so true. They've played a huge part in creating this monster, and to expose her would expose their own stupidity.

I guess, we can only be grateful that she really isn't as well known as she likes to think. Outside of twitter, none of her media appearances with Joe Public (the very people she claims to represent) have actually gone down well at all. They really dislike her, and I think if she were more well known, the dislikes would outweigh the likes. She's safe on twitter and in the Guardian because it's full of wankers just like her.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

If I bought myself flowers I wouldn’t keep them in a locked room.

A locked room with a slowly decaying bouquet of flowers is a bit gothic horror/Edgar Allen Poe tales. Hopefully not The Tell Tale Heart. Careful, Old Harold! Don’t go round there tomorrow!

 

[Mrs Peel]

A locked room with a slowly decaying bouquet of flowers just gives off gothic horror Edgar Allen Poe tale vibes to me. Hopefully not The Tell Tale Heart. Careful, Old Harold! Don’t go round there tomorrow!

Makes me think of Miss Havisham...

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Makes me think of Miss Havisham...

Oh god, what a mental image. I can only imagine what she’ll be wearing when he shows up there tomorrow. Luckily she has three one she prepared earlier.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

A few times now I've thought, 'This is it! Finally, she'll be exposed as the lying, shitebag that she is..'
It never happens and I've given up waiting for it.
I stick around because of you funny fuckers but I struggle to comment because I'm just saying the same things over and over.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

It's OK Jack, just sit very very still and be very very quiet and no one will notice what happened.
Shifty Tit!
Must be time for a new slopping list?

Harold's braving it out in style. We're rooting for you, pal! Go well...be safe.

 

[lilamay]

Hahaha I am cringing for her

 

[Onestorytoomany]

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Hahaha I am cringing for her

Isn't it odd how her pitches never seem to make it almost like they are stupid, unwanted ideas.

Also the biggest waste of time I ever did see was the poop pudding at Christmas. My kid had a cake competition a few weeks back at his school that got more SM presence.

 

[Wooh]

I don't understand why Jack would need to lock a door to keep a cat out, when closing the door would suffice

View attachment 1390253

"Mother, may I enter the dining room/studio?"

"No, Small Boy, you may not. It is kept locked unless I am in it."

 

[Jelly Bean]

"Mother, may I enter the dining room/studio?"

"No, Small Boy, you may not. It is kept locked unless I am in it."

What an odd individual she is. Keeping studios in her own home locked. All a bit Bluebeard's wives. What is in that dining room of doom? Decaying sentient pumbles? Nightmeat in poo bags? The completed version of the Vimes Boot Index.

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

Oh same, squig, same...

Although if you really think it over... it makes no sense and so it isn't really a compliment. The people you're supposed to be kind to in this situation are not the ones you already like and agree with.

 

[NeoCortex]

added the broccoli breakfast pasta, pythagoras is in there somewhere

wtf is she on about now?

also, she's yet again retweeted the sober pics

View attachment 1390287

Maybe she thinks being sober doesn't include the finest Colombian marching powder so its legit in her eyes. My arse hasn't she been drinking though, even 0.5% alcohol is still alcohol

 

[StatusWoe]

Those stupid ones have started to become very irritating, haven’t they? And it’s always the same type of person using them, thinking they’re bleeping hilarious.

What are you saying, you big floob nubbler? The stupid insults are the best. Pumblenudger, waffle flagon, chardgoblin...the possibilities are endless.

Just kidding, of course. I am not Marina Hyde and you are not a big floob nubbler...whatever that is.

What an odd individual she is. Keeping studios in her own home locked. All a bit Bluebeard's wives. What is in that dining room of doom? Decaying sentient pumbles? Nightmeat in poo bags? The completed version of the Vimes Boot Index.

I think it must be stacked jars of nightmeat that she feeds to the pumble. Why else would she walk to the supermarket at night, if not to covertly acquire meat for the big pumble and its spawn? The door is locked so it can't escape and do chaoses on the wisteria-lined, mock Tudor streets of crappy bungalow-ville.

 

[Captainmouse]

I disagree, she definitely holds some measure of responsibility because she has encouraged this behaviour in the past.

Hence DKL, she delights in their behaviour as she knows people won’t risk speaking up.

 

[StatusWoe]

Other things she could be keeping in the locked room:

• Old Harold
• Wigs – one for each of the Jacks.
• Actual Chard (not Imposter Chard).
• Brambly Mice and/or full Beatrix Potter village of uncanny, clothed animals.
• Boo Radley
• Katie Hopkins trial ephemera. This would be JM’s equivalent of collecting serial killer memorabilia.
• Legal disclaimer: Katie Hopkins is not a serial killer and I am not suggesting any such thing. If lawyers are reading this and they wish to do some mithering, could you please have a piss and a sandwich instead? Thank you. #bekind

It also occurred to me that the locked room might be harbouring Owen Jones Who Is Not a Murderer's evil twin brother, Owen Jones Who Is Probably a Murderer. Think about it: why else would The Grauniad continue to give Jack column space? It's because she's hiding OJ-Not-a-Murderer's secret twin, OJ-Probably-a-Murderer, in her bungalow. Another question: if the fox hasn't been eating the not-chard, who has been eating the not-chard? Yup, it's OJ-Probs a Murderer. The pumble is fond of him. They play card games while Jack is fetching the nightmeat and flowers. This is my conspiracy theory & I will accept no others.

 

[Captainmouse]

This is the one I find vereeeee interesting though... reposting to make it easier to read. My, oh my.
View attachment 1389721

And those that sent money, in response to her begging request for money to fix it, on more than one occasion, need to speak up!

 

[moldwarp]

View attachment 1390382

Hahaha I am cringing for her

Haha! Caught in an outright lie!!

I agree with @Cack Conroe she will not get ‘exposed’ because she is fully intertwined with the self satisfied nepotistic circle that makes up the mainstream media movers and shakers. She got there thru Allegra and LJC. So they can’t expose her because that lot tend to protect their own - it’s a good illustration of how the UK media is staked full of the generationally wealthy and connected who say all the right woke things, safe in the knowledge that their cosy lifestyle will never be affected. BUT I do believe she will crumble slowly and organically under her own incompetence , like the Roman Empire. I mean it’s already happening isn’t it, she’s not had her own TV slot since DKL and she’s not likely to get one again after DKL.

 

[Captainmouse]

There's 32 minutes left of the day and the recipe she promised was coming 'tomorrow' yesterday has yet to materialise.

You sound surprised

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

More late night tweets.

My advice Jack, is to stop looking at the past through rise-tinted glasses and to concentrate on doing the things on Kach’s list before starting other (tit) projects.

ETA-some of these squigs may be the same but I really can’t do this at all and it is much more fun selecting colours from that palette thing.