Jack Monroe #332 A doctor, a teacher and a ceramicist walk into a bar

[Orphan_Black]

In memory of Dane, he was a faithful charge. Asda and back in ten minutes, pal. Master Sniffer Outer of a yellow sticker bargain. Wonder Woof.

 

[Ostapbender]

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In memory of Dane, he was a faithful charge. Asda and back in ten minutes, pal. Master Sniffer Outer of a yellow sticker bargain. Wonder Woof.

this is killing me, chapeau

 

[KebabGirl]

Apologies if this lands in a weird place, but I used to love a foam party back in the day. It would ruin clothes, but I was in a polyester/ lurex phase back then, so it didn't bother me.

On an eternal catchup today. But. This is an example of why you cannot read Tattle in public. And why I love it here.

Seen the later tweets so good to see Jack keeps up with us. Hiya love! Looking forward to seeing the commentary on it all.

 

[Orphan_Black]

this is killing me, chapeau

Every time she mentions Dane, this magical, mega sized dog no one has ever heard or seen of, I'm just imaging her riding the fucker like a pony. Hi Ho Dane, to fight the good fight and get people fed! Toot Toot.

 

[ClaretFairy]

I’m convinced she’s facetuning Content now, just to get the likes up.

Our dogs have tens of toys, we don’t list what they are to prove a point as we’re not a pompous point scoring twit.

Mine have a shopping basket full of tennis balls as they find them up the field almost daily.

Managed to find enough tennis balls to start a keep my previous school in good supply of balls.

Maybe I should post about this on twitter

 

[katycat]

Coming from the past but imagine having the sheer balls , when told you've misunderstood a term, not to admit you're wrong but to say the words and language are wrong. Absolutely extraordinary scenes.

The incarnation of Humpty Dumpty. "When I use a word", says Jack, "it means just what I choose it to mean - no more, no less."

 

[Ostapbender]

Every time she mentions Dane, this magical, mega sized dog no one has ever heard or seen of, I'm just imaging her riding the fucker like a pony. Hi Ho Dane, to fight the good fight and get people fed! Toot Toot.

He's actually in all the old photos, he's just so big that he takes up the entire background. Toot toot

 

[Elthi86]

Given her general shaking like a , I am truly envisioning GreatDaneJack as basically Jim from Friday Night Dinners being terrified of Wilson, and that's why she won't take her shoes off in front of Content.

Also, Jack, the "my kids my rules" people? Awful. Soz.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

think I've triangulated the teddy in the cooper pic. I could just see that the ribbon has the hamleys logo.

it's currently in the sale at £27.99. original price is struck through below

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Sorry if this is rude or comes across as snobby but Hamleys is pretty grim so I’m amazed anyone would drop £50 on a branded teddy from there.

 

[usefullyuseless]

Oh Vlad, you mendacious ninny

 

[colouredlines]

Every time she mentions Dane, this magical, mega sized dog no one has ever heard or seen of, I'm just imaging her riding the fucker like a pony. Hi Ho Dane, to fight the good fight and get people fed! Toot Toot.

The thing about the Great Dane...

We know for a fact that Jack did not have a dog in 2012. It was never mentioned on her blog. She lived in a flat that would have been completely unsuitable for a large dog. Then she moved and acquired two kittens, and never said anything about a canine.

So we have two options:

a) Jack had the dog as her own pet and it died before 2012...when she was late teens/early 20s, working 3 jobs with mad shift patterns, constantly moving to flee a stalker, getting pregnant, picking up fiancée 1, etc etc. Seems unlikely.

b) It was a family pet that lived with Jack's parents.

This seems far more likely. But we should also remember that Great Danes, like most giant breeds, have a very short life expectancy, just 8 - 10 years. We also know that Jack left home at 16. Assuming the dog lived an average lifespan, Jack would have spent hardly any time with it before moving out.

So either the first version of events is true and she is the worst dog owner ever, as she took on a dog at a time when she was not even remotely settled; or the second is true, and she can't pretend that she's some genius experienced dog owner.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Hahaha she hatessss when something she thinks is a sure 'like' grabber attracts unwanted advice. The squigs paid for those boots (and the doggy, actually) and now they have to watch them get shredded. Ah sure she can buy another pair or five, next Patreon payday will be soon

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

The thing about the Great Dane...

We know for a fact that Jack did not have a dog in 2012. It was never mentioned on her blog. She lived in a flat that would have been completely unsuitable for a large dog. Then she moved and acquired two kittens, and never said anything about a canine.

So we have two options:

a) Jack had the dog as her own pet and it died before 2012...when she was late teens/early 20s, working 3 jobs with mad shift patterns, constantly moving to flee a stalker, getting pregnant, picking up fiancée 1, etc etc. Seems unlikely.

b) It was a family pet that lived with Jack's parents.

This seems far more likely. But we should also remember that Great Danes, like most giant breeds, have a very short life expectancy, just 8 - 10 years. We also know that Jack left home at 16. Assuming the dog lived an average lifespan, Jack would have spent hardly any time with it before moving out.

So either the first version of events is true and she is the worst dog owner ever, as she took on a dog at a time when she was not even remotely settled; or the second is true, and she can't pretend that she's some genius experienced dog owner.

Or...there was no Dane.

 

[MancBee]

Yeah my pup has many toys but he prefers to sleep with an old slipper.

The one I'm looking after has many toys but he prefers to sleep with an old slapper.

You got it, he sleeps on my bed

 

[proshootz]

Coming from way behind again for the Grunk is eternal but kudos to @moldwarp. I did not expect a reference to The Lysistrata in this thread though Jack may well be down with Aristophanes given his acknowledgement of dildo love.

The Tinder stuff is giving me the willies. I briefly dipped my toe in the online dating world years ago and was simultaneously bored and horrified. Crap men (in my case) doing small talk badly and wanting to show you their penis. Yawn!

 

[TbilisiPeach]

The thing about the Great Dane...

We know for a fact that Jack did not have a dog in 2012. It was never mentioned on her blog. She lived in a flat that would have been completely unsuitable for a large dog. Then she moved and acquired two kittens, and never said anything about a canine.

So we have two options:

a) Jack had the dog as her own pet and it died before 2012...when she was late teens/early 20s, working 3 jobs with mad shift patterns, constantly moving to flee a stalker, getting pregnant, picking up fiancée 1, etc etc. Seems unlikely.

b) It was a family pet that lived with Jack's parents.

This seems far more likely. But we should also remember that Great Danes, like most giant breeds, have a very short life expectancy, just 8 - 10 years. We also know that Jack left home at 16. Assuming the dog lived an average lifespan, Jack would have spent hardly any time with it before moving out.

So either the first version of events is true and she is the worst dog owner ever, as she took on a dog at a time when she was not even remotely settled; or the second is true, and she can't pretend that she's some genius experienced dog owner.

I love nothing more than a good timeline debunking with #facts. Thankyou, dear heart.

 

[NellieBoo]

I wonder of her switchboard will light up tomorrow with hundreds of callers complaining they broke their washing machine and flooded the kitchen with foam.

Won't someone please think of the pumble?

Hooting and Fizzing at Switchboard . Many, many years ago when the world was sepia toned we'd have to take turns to answer entire departments phones during lunch breaks and staff 'training'. This was in a large city local government offices. It was mint .

 

[Pavlova]

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Sorry but she has posted this self-same picture before. I know cos I bloody screenshotted it! And one of us has a similar cushion, because we were talking about it. She's a bloody liar.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I’m about 16 pages behind but I’ve just seen the video of Content chewing Jack’s boot, and I’m convinced now that she is a genuine sociopath. Who wears shoes (slippers aside) in their living room, let alone boots?… only sociopaths.

Perhaps she’s concerned about the guys from Wikifeet sneaking around the brambly hedges to get a photo of her bunions.

 

[SlopAmbsase]

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