Jack Monroe #332 A doctor, a teacher and a ceramicist walk into a bar

[Five hundred dogs]

Don’t put shampoo in your washing machine, it foams up far too much, the foam backs up and comes out of the detergent drawer and goes all over the place. Source: the time a bottle of shampoo leaked in my suitcase and I threw all my clothes straight into the washing machine.

 

[Emlo]

Top tip— Shower fully dressed and you can wash your body and clothes at the same time.

You can thank me later, Jack

 

[Shimmering]

 

[Orphan_Black]

In memory of Dane, he was a faithful charge. Asda and back in ten minutes, pal. Master Sniffer Outer of a yellow sticker bargain. Wonder Woof.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I just watched it again, she says people should buy the cheap shampoo but if you don't like it you can just swap back to your usual brand in your next shop. Jack, that's not how poverty works, you should know that because the price of jam went up 4p and you couldn't stretch your budget to afford it. If you are skint you use the whole bottle, you don't waste it.

 

[Shimmering]

The before and after pics are enraging.

Spoiler - short me-rail plus alcoholism and death reference

After two and a bit years of WFH, I look like her burglar bill photo (without hat) most days. I'm not an alcoholic. In fact I barely drink as I don't have the time.

My cousin, who was an alcoholic, and who sadly passed away due to her illness, was always immaculately turned out.

Guess what Jack, appearance doesn't equal sobriety status, you utter dimwit.

Congrats on your year though. I do mean that.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I’m mortified for her that she wrote “pre-fame life”.

pre-fame life - nice clothes, luxury flat, disposable income
post-fame life - sackcloth and ashes, for some reason

 

[Polly Morphus]

I mean, they were absolute shit bloody tips, from someone who couldn't be bothered looking up hints online.

Buy own brand and do something potentially harming to your washing machine, great Jack

Even something like, "Before you throw out tubes, cut them open as there is always a few days of product left behind," is a better idea, and doesn't rely on offensive stereotypes like poor people are dirty, filthy and greasy.

As a former genunely hard-up person - I do have a tip which works and it's this:
Halve all cleaning products - break dishwasher tablets in half, use half the "recommended" amount of laundry detergent and conditioner.
Shampoo is a perfectly good body wash, but body wash is crap on your hair. So if it's a choice, always buy cheap but nice smelling shampoo and use it all over. Don't use it in the washing machine (Jack you're an idiot), but it's fine for a bit of handwashing.

 

[CatsWhiskers]

I clearly remember reading her telling of The Poverty (probably in her blog) and how she was very careful to keep herself, SB and her home clean and tidy all the time, using budget brands of things like washing powder (which made her itch) so that no one would realize there was a problem and take SB away from her. No way she's suddenly applying for jobs with greasy hair and skin and dirty clothes. Love how her story changes to suit the moment. I'd look for the evidence of what I read but I can't be arsed (sorry).

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Omg Jack, who cares how many toys Content has? My dog won't play with anything but a tennis ball, but she does sleep with her emotional support flip flop.

 

[jenny2603]

I swear to fuck I spotted Harold in Aldi car park earlier. I actually stopped and stared!

Get you, checking out Harold now he's back on the market.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Two different faces on the same day #nofilter #nofacetune

 

[Geetbo]

I do always love it when Burglar Bill makes a welcome appearance.

 

[instacharlie]

View attachment 1382843

Her bedroom is now the warmest part of the house? The bedroom where the wind comes through the windows, there's no insulation, and the loft hatch pops out at the slightest waft? Huh.

 

[colouredlines]

Every time she mentions Dane, this magical, mega sized dog no one has ever heard or seen of, I'm just imaging her riding the fucker like a pony. Hi Ho Dane, to fight the good fight and get people fed! Toot Toot.

The thing about the Great Dane...

We know for a fact that Jack did not have a dog in 2012. It was never mentioned on her blog. She lived in a flat that would have been completely unsuitable for a large dog. Then she moved and acquired two kittens, and never said anything about a canine.

So we have two options:

a) Jack had the dog as her own pet and it died before 2012...when she was late teens/early 20s, working 3 jobs with mad shift patterns, constantly moving to flee a stalker, getting pregnant, picking up fiancée 1, etc etc. Seems unlikely.

b) It was a family pet that lived with Jack's parents.

This seems far more likely. But we should also remember that Great Danes, like most giant breeds, have a very short life expectancy, just 8 - 10 years. We also know that Jack left home at 16. Assuming the dog lived an average lifespan, Jack would have spent hardly any time with it before moving out.

So either the first version of events is true and she is the worst dog owner ever, as she took on a dog at a time when she was not even remotely settled; or the second is true, and she can't pretend that she's some genius experienced dog owner.

 

[Amanda Lin]

I watched the start of Lorraine and the ridiculous Jack segment.

At the start of the show Lorraine was discussing people who were producing fake versions of Dame Deborah’s Rebellious Hope T-shirt “Hard to believe what sort of a person would do that” said Lorraine “stealing from a charity as well”

Indeed Lorraine, Indeed.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Pretty grotesque a “poverty campaigner” is sharing this image of a dog destroying £159 shoes

 

[Limey]

Am now kicking myself that I didn’t suggest The Cook, The Thief, Her Wife and A Ceramicist as the thread title

#culturalreference

 

[Phillipa78]

Coffee was spat out over this one. Chapeau!! Toot toot!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Calling @traumatised sideboard

How did you know I was about to leap on this with the fury of a thousand wool suns immediately, dear heart? However, I don't have to turn up to every argument I'm invited to. Have a nice day pal.