Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[instacharlie]

Well it must be all bullshit because she never gets a takeaway when she's has SB there!
I've had so many dream homes fall through too........I just keep looking on Rightmove at stuff I can't afford and don't get to view, then it gets sold Life truly sucks!

 

[Clapster1]

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That's Umbrella Academy on Netflix that requires the subscription that she cancelled.

 

[NobblyBobbly]

She had a gander on Rightmove, that's not a house purchase falling through. What planet is she on?

 

[Bobtheknob]

Especially with her tax record. There's no way she could apply for a mortgage.

So it's either another lie (a very nonsensical one for a professional poverty performer), or someone else is paying for it.

She’s probably a cash buyer, her Patreon is paying handsomely.

 

[usefullyuseless]

OH is back. She's deffo reading here.

Also apparently security is one feature she was looking for...I wonder what was in spaces squigs box?!

It was a soothsayer pumble. Jack's seen the future and it's SCARY.

 

[Smeghead]

live footage from crappy bungalow of phenomenal fall

 

[Sideboard Bob]

 

[FlirtyThirty]

OH is back. She's deffo reading here.

Also apparently security is one feature she was looking for...I wonder what was in spaces squigs box?!

I expect her to start wanging on about the stalker again imminently about how she just 'had' to break contract and move and is paying double rent and mortgage poor little manic pixie *rattle rattle*

 

[Cucumberthunder]

I think this one - lift, security, ~quirky~ interior that would appeal to smol pixies.

289 Properties for sale in Westcliff-on-Sea - Zoopla

Find properties for sale in Westcliff-on-Sea with the UK's largest data-driven property portal. Discover flats and houses for sale from the top estate agents and developers.

www.zoopla.co.uk

If she's not a cash buyer she's going to be in for a shock with interest rates increasing. She'll need quite the deposit to ring it under her rent (£1500 p/m?)

 

[Dogmuck]

Pretty much everything she has written in the last 24/48 hours is for us. She’s trolling us. I LOVE IT Jack , can’t wait for the gotcha aneurism

 

[FrumpyCat]

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So here we learn Jack's son is with her, and snuggling like a toddler, she still has an OH, presumably she is using his netflix password, and she is a poorly little urchin, but Chinese takeaways are under £19 in Thorpe Bay.

Hands up who predicted a jackcident.

 

[Ostapbender]

Wow, quite a turn of finances in just 21 days!

Why you cry?
Boasted online and got evil eye

that was re: the house falling through (why you blue etc), it's all made up but if anyone's going to attract the evil eye, Jack is overdue

 

[Sideboard Bob]

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

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Oh hun you just wait for that service charge ! Lifts regularly break down so you’ll still have to climb stairs

And whilst we’re at it, porters aren’t 24/7 security hun. They’re uncles who’ll tell you off for forgetting ur fob again and getting too many parcels, they’re defs not here to do close protection on Twitter’s most active accounts.

 

[MeeShellMahBell]

OH doesn't mean Other Half like on Mumsnet..

She's being haunted by this fella:

And it's a nother fine mess he's gotten her into..


(For the kids.. that's Oliver Hardy.. )

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Lymph node infection, toothache and a dodgy ankle! It’s like Top Trumps!
Compulsive liars are never actually good at it!

She's doesn't remember what she says from hour to hour some days.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Just like the famous black eye, pictures or it never happened Jack.

Does she have munchausens or is just a total compulsive lying narcissist?

Why isn’t anyone questioning her terrible lies and contradictions? I’ve came to the r conclusion the squigs are thick as duck and blind to her grift. It’s the only scenario.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Aaaand the other shoe drops. Publisher has given her a "hard" 7 day deadline to finally get her sodding book finished (I assume the previous 4 deadlines were just soft ones), so there's been a conveniently timed Jaccident.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Absolute cheeky witch.

estate agents are actually professionals and could lose their jobs by breaching confidentiality.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

OH MENTION TOOT TOOT!!!