Jack Monroe #291 What about the price of hummus?

[Dogmuck]

Constituent: what are your plans for protecting the green belt?
Jack: I took this photo of a tree, it will be available framed on my website soon.

 

[Charitas]

@Charitas

Jack working in care??
(Ex care home Frau)

As a current care home frau I would hate to manage her I have some mentoring responsibilities and can only imagine that getting her to hand in and sign off the sixteen different aspects of care would be like getting homework off Vicky Pollard. However, I have worked in places that employed anyone who turned up for an interview. Well they did until the new starter helpfully moved several TV sets into their car and drive off

 

[BananaSmith]

View attachment 1211435

Locking comments for the night!

You do that Jack, you don't want any of those not paying your taxes comments while you're sleeping!

Gotta keep a tight lid on that pesky truth!

 

[trueblue222]

Why won’t she be an MP? She would lose. I don’t think any of the main parties would touch her. She wouldn’t pass vetting.

She would need to be accountable in theory. She would need to get off her arse and do some work and she would get nowhere if she stood as an independent as I said earlier.

 

[Ostapbender]

Constituent: I've got an issue with my neighbour-
Jack: Put it in a curry
Constituent: Um?
Jack: Oh right. Neighbour? I will look into your question SOON - busy! sorry I can't be SUPERWOMAN x

 

[Five hundred dogs]

The big tell that she is a narcissist is her comment to squig that it'll blow over by the morning. It's how they operate. They cause absolute bleeping chaos and when they are over it, they expect everyone else to be too. One day she will be responsible for pushing someone over the edge.

This has really bothered me. If I’d been that poor man my anxiety level would have gone through the roof and it would probably take me until next week to feel normal again. It’s very likely he’s struggling today after last night, even if the flying monkeys move on the damage is still done.

 

[trueblue222]

She’s the clown shoe that thinks grating cheese onto spaghetti hoops is a meal

 

[Cucumberthunder]

The big tell that she is a narcissist is her comment to squig that it'll blow over by the morning. It's how they operate. They cause absolute bleeping chaos and when they are over it, they expect everyone else to be too. One day she will be responsible for pushing someone over the edge.

That minimising made the whole thing worse in my eyes - she gnashes and claws for days after people question her on anything, yet here some poor bloke ended up being piled on and he's expected to just move on...

 

[TraceyJacks]

Local resident: there’s been a spate of vandalism and the play park is a bit of a mess.
Jack: have you tried rinsing it? And bung it in the slow cooker ooft that’ll do!!
Local resident: ????

 

[Thank(space)you]

Constituent: I've been underpaid and my boss isn't rectifying it.
Jack: I work 100 hours a day FOR FREE *rattles tip jar*

 

[Captainmouse]

This has really bothered me. If I’d been that poor man my anxiety level would have gone through the roof and it would probably take me until next week to feel normal again. It’s very likely he’s struggling today after last night, even if the flying monkeys move on the damage is still done.

Did anybody report this? Do twitter care?
did anybody get a response from twitter about her appalling tweets from the other day?

 

[Amanda Lin]

Constituent: I’m really unhappy with what you have done about local issues ie: nothing
Right hon Jack: LEAVE ME ALONE, I’ve got bad mentals
Constituent: I’m not criticising you personally, but something has to be done, what’s your plan?
Right hon Jack: I’ve got ears, I know what you said. I once couldn’t afford jam and now this? Why don’t you just slop off

 

[Boyo]

Paxman: Thanks for joining us, Jack. Can you start by telling us your priorities?
Jack: I do a LOT of charity work, quietly, softly behind the scenes, UNPAID!
Paxman: But you’re paid as an MP? A base salary of…£81,932? How is that unpaid?
Jack: A worked myself into the ground for 10 YEARS, after ‘The Poverty’, helping others, offering free recipes, giv…..
Paxman: If I may, I have one of your recipes here. Salad bag pesto. Did you find a lot of struggling people had a surplus of pre-bagged salad?
Jack: You’re missing the point. The main aim was to lower food waste by using a personal example.
Paxman: But in early 2022, you went food shopping, whilst having huge amounts of food in your store cupboards. How is that reflective of the struggles of people in poverty?
Jack: *whimpers* I am the saviour of the povs.
Paxman: No, Jack. I’m afraid not. Now, let’s talk tax…

 

[Ostapbender]

Constituent: Jack my ceiling's falling down because of the mould
Jack: Oof yeah I know the feeling. Bloody Tories

 

[ednaturnblad]

Constituent: My benefits were frozen. I have no money.

Jack: Have you tried selling your Burberry trench and suede baker boy hat...what do you mean you don’t have those things?

 

[br2491]

Constituent: My fridge has broken and I’m just wondering if there’s any community initiatives to help with low cost white goods
Jack: Just use your other fridges and wait til a friend gets rid of a Smeg. MP life completed mate

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Constituent: I don’t feel like my child is getting adequate SEN support at school.

Jack: I have ADHD, ASD, was diagnosed gifted, had a reading age of 50 in reception, had the best 11 plus score ever (and everyone clapped ) and have four and a half GCSEs despite being expelled from grammar school.

 

[ednaturnblad]

Constituent: I can’t afford to heat my home.

Jack: Right, you simply need one toilet roll tube, some dryer lint and the dregs from your hairbrush....

 

[LavaFlake]

Constituent: I'm a single mother and the father is withholding support payments. What can I do?

Jack: How DARE you compare me to JK Rowling. Please leave me alone I'm at breaking point. Thankyou and have a nice day!

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Fictional Cabal Jack is so much funnier than real Jack